Update ready for your inspection. I told a little lie last time... you'll have another chapter after this one, and then an epilogue, which should round off the story nicely, me thinks. 30 chapters... bloody hell! Anyway, enjoy.

Chapter 27

Everything seemed to have stopped, including my heart. My outburst seemed to be the herald for the end of the world to begin. Breathing suddenly became the hardest thing in the world as I realised I had risked everything with this revelation… placing myself, and Richard, entirely in the hands of Erik and his reaction. All I could hope was that, whatever this reaction might be, it would not be one of anger. Maybe it was too much to hope for… that he would respond reasonably… but part of me still hoped.

Inside my head, I ticked over so many scenarios I began to feel ill. Erik just stood there, seemingly paralysed for the moment by my words. I wondered what he would do. Would he simply snap and kill Richard and me? And… worst of all… what if he simply laughed? My god… what if this whole thing had been planned by him from the start? Was this pregnancy merely a way to entrap me and keep me with him?

I waited… fearful of the outcome. But Erik was still frozen. My eyes left him only for a moment, to look at Richard, and a surge of guilt went sweeping through me. His face, already pale and glistening with sweat, was twisted into a look of the utmost shock. When he saw that I was looking at him, his expression changed just slightly, imploring me to tell him that it wasn't true… that it was all some desperate ruse to get out of this alive. But I couldn't lie to him, and answered with the barest shaking of my head, and a look of deepest apology. It must have crushed him inside… but as much as I wished to explain myself to him… tell him how sorry I was to hurt him in this way, I couldn't. Not now.

I turned back to Erik.

But there was still no reaction from him. The silence stretched on, and I began to feel compelled to speak. This silence would not lead us anywhere, and I could not handle being stuck in this limbo state. It was like awaiting an execution. So, gathering my courage, I took a step forward.

To my complete shock, Erik took a step back, shying away as if I had just told him I was infected with the plague rather than pregnant with his child.

"Erik…"

Now there was movement. He shook his head at me, disbelieving.

"No…" His voice… the voice that was usually so calm and collected, suddenly sounded like it belonged to a frightened child's.

"Erik…" I tried again, taking another, more cautious step closer. This strange, almost terrified attitude of his was frightening in its own way. Far from being motionless now, his whole body seemed to be animated by his disbelief, and I was afraid of his lashing out, aware of the danger… especially if he knocked Richard off balance.

"No!" he almost shouted. "You're lying. You're lying to me… again." Suddenly his fear and that child-like tone had vanished, to be replaced by the same anger I had been dreading. The hand that held the torch began to shake with it, his whole body tensing, ready to explode with his outrage. Oh god… I could feel his disbelief radiating from him, and I could see where it would lead us. In my head I saw a terrifying image of his underground home, lying in ruins after his angry rampage. Somehow I had to avoid such an outcome.

"Erik, I'm not lying," I said desperately.

But he wasn't even listening anymore, I realised. As I watched, I had the frightening notion that I had driven him completely over the edge with this news, even if he didn't believe it. "How could you… how can you be so cruel? What kind of heartless woman would lie like that? All you want to do is make me feel sorry for you. Take pity on you!" At this, his voice became a roar of outrage. "Well, no one took pity on me! Why should I pity anyone?"

"Erik… I'm not lying… why would I lie about something like this?" I shouted, frantic now at seeing him this way. It reminded me so horribly of when I had removed his mask I was half-tempted to turn and run for my life. "I didn't want this," I went on, pushing such thoughts away… concentrating on the present situation instead.

"No, of course you didn't," he retorted bitterly. "Who in their right mind would want to risk having a child by me? God only knows what the pitiful creature might look like."

"Erik, for god's sake," I shouted in reply, hardly able to believe the pettiness of Erik's words. However justified his worry might be; why did he immediately assume that this was why I didn't want a baby by him? "This isn't about what it would look like," I told him forcefully. "This is about what it's going to do to my life…"

"Ruin it?" Erik spat angrily. "Just like I have? Or just like I ruined my mother's?"

The comparison shocked me, taking me completely by surprise until I realised that Erik knew what I had been doing, and understood how much I knew of his past. Realising this I began to feel angry as I remembered exactly what Erik's mother had done… the cruel responsibility she had laid on him when he was only a baby. But I wasn't angry at his mother this time… it was Erik's comparison that enraged me. I was furious that he could even imagine that I was like her.

"I am not your mother, Erik!" I snapped, my anger matching his for once. "Don't you ever say anything like that again! I would never do that to you!"

"No…" he responded with bitter sarcasm. "You would just run away from me. But how is that different?"

Again, I despaired of ever making him understand the reality of how I felt. The most frustrating thing was that I had made so much effort myself to try and understand Erik… trying to put myself in his shoes. It hurt terribly to think that he might not care enough about my feelings to do the same. Somehow I had to make him see the way things were… wake him up from his illusion that everything came down to the way he looked, and his belief that no one would ever accept him after seeing his face.

"Erik… stop it!" I cried out, close to angry sobs now.

"Stop what? You're the one spinning out lies." My god, how could he say such things to me? "I never thought you would stoop so low, Christine… I didn't realise you could be so selfish… and that would lie about something like that…"

The insults… they were more than I could stand. The silence that was meant by Erik to increase my feelings of guilt, even make me confess my supposed lies, only succeeded in filling me with such bitter anger I felt a straining sensation somewhere in my chest. Not saying a word, I pulled from my pocket the little plastic strip… the pregnancy test, and held it up to the light issuing from the torch Erik held.

"You…" I said to Erik, slowly and in as controlled a voice as I could muster, "can believe whatever you want. But this doesn't lie." And I threw the thing at him, as if it could actually hurt him, and by doing so make him see I wasn't lying. He watched it fall to the ground at his feet, and I expected him to reach down and pick it up. I hoped that he would… and see the result and finally realise that I was telling the truth. But he didn't. Instead he glared at it disdainfully.

"Why should I believe it?" he snapped, looking up at me. "After everything… all the lies… the little façade you put on for me… you think I'm going to believe a little sign on a piece of plastic."

"Erik… I'm not saying this just to win you over. I wish I could make you see that," I said, meaning it with all my heart. "And I didn't want this either, okay? And no…" I said forcefully before he could interrupt me. "It's not because I'm scared the baby will look like you. For God's sake… don't you even realise what'll happen to me if I have this baby? I'll have to leave school… I'll have to forget all about going to university and performing on stage. I'd have to give up on my dream! Did you even think about that?"

Clearly he hadn't, because he stood and stared at me, and I was filled with an unnerving sensation. It was as though he were looking at me for the first time… like he finally realised something that had been hidden from him all this time. For one hopeful moment I thought I had beaten my way through to him… that he understood, at last, my reasons for everything…

My eyes went wide. Suddenly Erik was upon me, closing the distance between us in a few quick strides, giving me no time to react before he leapt at me like some prowling jungle cat. My back was pushed up roughly against a tree, rubbing painfully against the bark, and Erik's eyes, burning with murderous anger, were inches from mine as he bent down close to me. His grip on my arms made me cry out in pain, and I was afraid of him once more… afraid to feel that grip around my neck and not be able to breathe again…

"How dare you," he snarled at me like an animal, his grip seeming to grow tighter every second. "How dare you play with my emotions like I'm some kind of toy? What are you trying to do? Make me believe you still love me?"

"Erik… I - " I was cut off by what I had been so afraid of. His hand was on my throat, and I fell silent instantly as I nearly choked on my voice. I gulped air while I still could.

"You don't love me," he said, in a voice so mournful I almost burst into tears. "Even if you did before… there's nothing now. You left me no choice but to do this… I hope you know that. I loved you… and I'd do anything… anything…" He trailed off, his sadness overwhelming him. His head lowered from mine, and his grip loosened as his hands began to tremble and shake. My god… he was crying…

With my one free hand, trembling almost as much as Erik, I reached up and touched his mask, feeling the hardness of it sculpted to his face. In the shadows of the eye sockets, I swore I could see the glistening of his fallen tears. He didn't respond in any way to my touch, and I took this as a sign to speak.

"Erik… you never gave me a chance to explain. All you ever did was hurt me… hurt me and make assumptions… but you never actually asked what it was I felt. Even when I told you, you didn't believe me. Do you even remember what you did to me? You think this is all about your face… it isn't. I loved you… and I trusted you. But then you turned on me. I'm only human, Erik… I don't want to die. And you nearly killed me. Do you even realise that?"

Perhaps he hadn't. It was horrible to think how that whole episode had been out of both our control, like there was something inside him, controlling him. Maybe I would never know exactly what had gone on in his head back then… just like I wasn't sure now. I wasn't even certain if he was listening to me, with his head hanging down… his eyes hidden from me. What I wanted more than anything now was to remove his mask and see his face… anything to begin to understand what he was feeling… convince myself that there was something inside him that I could hold onto… use to bring him back to me.

And that made me realise why I had been so desperate to find out about his past. It hadn't just been about learning more about who he was and why he thought the way he did. It was about finding an explanation for his actions… the one he had never felt able to give me, for one reason or another. Because there had to be an explanation… there must be a reason. I simply refused to believe otherwise.

All along, I had been looking for a reason to forgive him.

"All I ever wanted to do was understand you," I sobbed, unable to staunch my tears any longer. I began to cry softly over Erik's bent head, waiting desperately to hear some reaction. Inside my head, over and over again, my desperate thoughts pleaded with him to understand.

When he raised his head, it was slowly, and I watched his eyes with blurred vision. They seemed empty in the darkness, devoid of emotion, even anger. Maybe he, like me, was tired of everything… of this horrible tragedy that was playing out between us. Who knew… maybe he didn't want to believe me. Perhaps he simply wanted to make me the enemy and justify himself in that way. I couldn't be sure… and so I waited.

"Understand me?" he asked, impassively. "Why would you want to?"

Another sob escaped my throat. "Because I loved you."

"Really?" he asked, his voice still carrying just a hint of disbelief, overshadowed now by some other emotion. "So it wasn't just to get away from me. Isn't that what you were doing snooping through my past? Looking for another reason to leave so you wouldn't feel so bad about it?"

His bitterness, growing with each word, was heart-breaking, but strangely, I felt it rebound off me as if there was a strong wall around my heart that would no longer let it inside. No… I wasn't going to let bitterness and anger ruin things… not this time. I was going to tell the truth and this time I was going to make myself heard. Reaching up once again, I very carefully closed my fingers over the mask and lifted it away from his face, dropping it on the ground without even a second thought or glance. Confronted with his face, I didn't flinch. I didn't even need to suppress the urge to. There was nothing in my heart or head except a deep understanding that filled me up with warmth.

"Actually…" I whispered a little sadly, "I think I was looking for a reason to stay with you."

This time I saw the effect of my words. I saw the wave of sudden understanding hit the poor man before me, and it seemed to shake him all the way to the core. His mouth hung open as he looked at me and, without even thinking about it, I smiled. It hurt… as if I hadn't smiled in years, even though it was only the slightest of smiles. But it felt real and, confronted with it, Erik seemed to lose sight of his anger. His trembling increased as he fought to speak through his crying. I waited… feeling more patient than I had ever felt.

"I'm so sorry…"

Those were the words I had been waiting to hear. Ever since I had removed his mask, and been confronted with that horrific anger of his… I had been anxiously waiting… worried that I would never hear an apology from him. It seemed like such a simple thing… and maybe it didn't change what had happened between us. But, to me, it was the first step towards mending things… to absolution.

And, most importantly, I believed him. Looking at him, his tear-stained face… in no way could I doubt him.

"I know," I whispered to the crying man. "I'm sorry too…it's okay."

I felt the change. It happened all around us… and inside us both. Maybe Erik had been waiting all his life to be forgiven for all the things he believed were his fault, even if they weren't. How hard must it have been, after putting up all those defences around himself, to say he was sorry… admit that he was in the wrong. And he was… but I could understand why he had done all this. And saying 'sorry' made such a difference to me.

Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against his. His skin was cold, and mine was clammy with sweat, but it didn't matter. I just felt the need to be close to him without experiencing that fear which had been haunting me. He was shaking so badly that this simple contact sent tremors up through my body. But I didn't pull away. I felt the beginning of such relief… but there was still so much more I wanted to say to him…

There was a sudden loud snap behind Erik… the sound of a twig breaking under someone's show. Even in his state he reacted like a wild animal and turned. I felt the scream of protest rise up in my throat as I saw Richard's shape. I had almost forgotten his presence here, and neither me nor Erik had noticed him slip out of the noose. But I saw him now… saw the quick, sharp, sweeping motion as he swung something at the two of us. It missed me, but I heard a sickening sound as it connected with the side of Erik's head. My back pressed painfully against the tree as I watched Erik fall to one side.

I was about to reach out to help him up, terrified that he was badly hurt… that he might die from some serious head wound, but my arms were seized by Richard, who had now dropped the tree branch. Desperately he tried to drag me off into the woods.

"Come on!" he shouted frantically, pulling at my arms and finally wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, let's go!"

But I barely heard him. I was looking over my shoulder, trying to make out Erik's form in the darkness as we ran, leaving him far behind and plunging deeper into the woods.

Ah... I can imagine people hating Richard for this. Please don't though, he had his reasons. I wouldn't want to be strung up in a woods somewhere either. And as for Erik, well, I just hope I handled his reaction in a believable way. In fact... I hope I handled the entire chapter in a believable way. I didn't want to drift into cliches (although I probably did in places) but I'll leave it up to you guys to tell me if I went wrong... so please do. It is a bit of a cliffie again... yes I am evil for doing it AGAIN, but it is the last few chapters. There's a lot of drama... so cliffies are kind of unavoidable. See you again soon!