What do you do when suddenly, the same things aren't enough anymore. They don't provide the same happiness they used to, they don't fill the empty void, the empty space. What do you do when you can no longer provide the will the carry on? What do you do when all you do is pretend there is something keeping you here? How do you turn your life around, and what if you can't. What if living, is not something you agree with. What do you do?

No, I am not living. I am merely existing.

It's not like I have anything to complain about, I used to love who I am, who I was, what I represented. And there is no one to blame, except myself. I carry on with my days, like nothing bothers me, like I'm OK. But is there a point where we all meet our ends, where, pretending doesn't seem like the safest option anymore because your sanity is held by a thin string. Your days grow wearier, and all of a sudden, you can't sleep anymore, you don't see things as clearly. The same things that bring you joy, no longer hold that feeling of safety.

So what do I do? This situation does not bring the best answers, because in the end, someone's always going to get hurt, or blame themselves, when all you wanted to do in the first place was make sure they knew the blame was on yourself. You, yourself can only make yourself happy.

I once heard that only you have the choice of deciding whether or not you can be happy. How does that work when you don't even understand the things you do, the way you react. Whose hands does the blame lay then.

Maybe, maybe we shouldn't be blaming. Blaming is the easy way to make sure the heat isn't on you. But that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to find myself, in a way. Because I think I did lose myself, unintentionally. So, I guess what I'm wondering is where do I start to look?

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

My eyes crack into a thin line, causing my forehead to crease, the sun is too strong. I turn over to avoid the light and let out my breath. My eyes open a little more and I turn off the alarm. Slowly bringing myself into a semi-sleeping position. The day, can only go downhill from here.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal and sit at the table. I slouch over the bowl and rest my hand on my forehead, using my spoon to play with the gooey slop. I raise the spoon and force myself to eat it. Normally I'm so chipper in the mornings, and for awhile, I've been able to fake it, putting on that face, the one where the face is normal but the eyes are hollow. Most people look past it. Don't question things. Because that way, things don't have to change.

I walk outside with my backpack slung over my shoulders and walk slowly to the bus stop. It's a bit earlier than I head out for, but I don't really feel like seeing my parents. I guess I should explain myself a bit. I'm 16 now, a sophomore at Sky High. My hair is still as red as ever but it falls to the small of my back. I still have my powers, the same life, the same friends. I guess I'm the one that's changed.

As the time goes on, I reach the bus stop and sit on the curb, watching some people pass me. 40 year old mothers gossiping loudly as they speed walk throughout town. Business fathers tripping over bicycles and roller skates as they balance their coffee's and briefcases, walking to their volvo's. It's all the same, it's enough to make one pine for change.

I guess I pined in the wrong way.

"Hey." I hear. I glance to the left of me and see my best friend. Will Stronghold, he holds my strong feelings for him alright. Yeah, I know, bad joke. It's early.

I close my eyes, breathe out my nose, run my fingers through my hair and brace myself.

I smile widely, though it hurts, and turn to him.

"Hey!" On the inside I cringe, partly because it's chipper and loud, partly because I have to force myself to be the person I used to love being. The person I can't help but kind of hate. In a typical way of course.

"Are you excited for school?" I ask. He sits down on the curb and smiles, that smile that makes it even harder. The smile that's reserved for Layla. What if I'm not Layla anymore?

"Yeah, I'm as excited as I was yesterday, and the day before, and not to mention the couple of weeks before that." He grins at me once more and adds "You're so silly Layla."

I chuckle and turn my head to the side. Trying to blink away those tears that I have no idea as to why they're surfacing. Did I mention it's the middle of October?

I look out of the bus and stare at the clouds we pass by. I hear my friends and common classmates talking, chattering, telling about their weekends, or how their powers helped in on a prank on the neighbors, or on their parents and siblings. I smile inwardly at the fond memories of when I used to say those things. It hurts me to think of how bitter I've become.

When I've no reason to be bitter at all.

I suppose I'll just stick with the reason that I've lost myself. Confused is all.

Yeah, confused.

I feel someone touch my shoulder, a soft hand resting. I turn my head and look at Will. His eyes are curious and he has a slight frown.

"Are you OK Layla?" He asks.

I smile as best as I can.

"I'm tired, I'll be awake as soon as school starts." He looks at me disbelievingly, I touch his hand briefly.

"Really. I'm OK." As long as you're here.

He nods, smiles lightly, and turns back to his friends.

I feel somewhat better, Will will always be somewhat of a necessity for me. A part of my life, my existence. It makes sense he can bring some of it back together. At least enough to hold me up throughout the day, providing that extra courage to keep pretending.

It's almost ironic really, pretending to be myself is courageous, when all I'm scared is to let people see the real me.

But, maybe I don't want to believe that this is the real me. I won't believe it. A life that isn't living, isn't a life at all. I shouldn't settle for this. I should strive for more. But all I wonder is if I have the will to build it.

I stagger through the day, providing enough courage to make sure people don't question my attitude too much, but not enough to make myself exhausted from all the pretending.

In the end though, I'm usually exhausted by lunch.

I take a bite of my peanut butter sandwich and chew it slowly. Anything else will make me puke. I feel nauseous. A little dizzy, but I shake it out my head and take a gulp of water. I put down my sandwich and lean my head back a little, trying to get any air that passes my way.

"You should eat more." I look to Will and 'smile' while shaking my head.

"I don't know why, but I'm so tired today, I didn't sleep very well last night. I'm sure I'll get a better night's sleep tonight."

It's the way I work best. Acting clueless and making empty promises that the next day or night will always be better.

"You haven't been eating much lately, not this past week. I'm worried."

He is worried. His face shows it, that soft frown that I hate to see him own. That should be for me, I hate the fact I make him this way.

"I'm sorry. I'll eat more, I'll force it if I have to." I take his hand briefly and smile, showing teeth like the good little actress I am. Forcing myself to block out the feeling of his warm hand in my own. How it tingles and how safe I feel.

He smiles a little and places his other hand on top of my own. "I don't want you to force it."

I sigh, and turn my face to my lap, where his fingers are covering my own. I take a moment to relish in it, how good it looks, feels. I turn back to him and smile once more, as best as I can.

"Tomorrow will be better." Will squeezes my hand before letting go. I can't help but think that the sentence was more to convince myself than to him.

I step on the bus wearily and walk unsteadily down the path. Utter exhaustion is all I feel. I see Will waving slightly to me, beckoning me to sit with him. I go over and put my bag down and sit down heavily.

"My god, I can't wait to sleep." I chuckle and he smiles at me.

"I know what you mean, even I'm tired. These classes are finally catching up to me."

I remember smiling a little. And putting my head back against the seat. After that, I think I feel asleep.

When I awoke, we were close to our stop. But that's when I noticed it, I had fallen asleep on Will's shoulder. I move up slowly and look at Will. He's looking at me oddly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"It's okay" He says "I didn't mind." And he looks quickly to the window.

This is what I fear. Getting too close for my liking. I don't want to bring him down, have to explain myself.

"Do you want to come over today?" Will asks, turning his head back to me.

"Will, umm, I would love to, but I'm so tired. Listen, tomorrow is Saturday, why don't you come over at like 12 or something."

He smiles, and I can't help but smile back. I would feel bad, leaving Will out. He's been worried, he's got a right to be worried. I shouldn't give him a reason to be even more worried.

"Okay." He says.

I shouldn't be the one taking him down.

A/N: Okay, this is my first Sky High FanFic. I've never actually seen Sky High, I've just read the fanfiction so bear with me. I know for a fact that Layla isn't this super depressed, but this is the only category(angst) that I'm good at. Please no flames, I don't take to them well, I often stop stories after I get flames. I'm thinking this will be a two-chapter bit. I would like more than a couple of reviews if possible please.

Thanks.

Alexa.