Truthsome, Part V: Freedom

Mal was different after the time in solitary, Zoe could see. She supposed she was too. She'd always been regarded as the stone cold one of the two, while Mal had taken insidious delight in the dangers they faced, meeting them all with good cheer and unswerving faith--faith that it would all work out well, faith that they'd win, faith in God... Now he never smiled and that darkly murderous expression crossed his face every time he looked at one of the Alliance guards.

When some of the other prisoners held a prayer meeting or reading, they both pointedly moved off toward the farthest corners of the prison. She hadn't seen Mal pray since the last battle at Serenity Valley, and while she'd never been as devote as he was, she'd given it up too during the eighty-seven days he'd been locked away in the dark. God had abandoned them on all fronts. He was still a believer--she knew that--but now he rejected God. It was just the two of them now.

Zoe didn't tell that part of the story aloud. Neither did Mal. It was still a thing that was just theirs--hers and Mal's alone, shared but unspoken between the two of them.

With Wash kneading her hand comfortingly, or perhaps possessively, Zoe watched her other man, Mal. He'd achieved a sufficient level of intoxication, and appeared to realize it. He nudged the bottle away with an inch still in the bottom.

"After that the Alliance started in on our 'education'," Zoe said. Mal looked up at her and grinned. It was a vaguely frightening grin.

"Yeah. Still using their teachings."

"I'm not following you," Simon said, then appeared to achieve a revelation. "Oh. I understand. Alliance reeducation."

"They were reeducating us, all right, just not like you're thinking." Mal smiled at him. "Crime, doctor. The Feds are the ones who learned us crime."

Zoe nodded. "All the tricks of the trade right there in that prison. Learned how to open locks, spoof security systems, bypass electronics, sneak about, take anything that wasn't nailed down, lie with a straight face... the works. "

"Huh," Simon was working on that. "I guess I'd always just figured you'd been... I mean, before the war, that you both had... that you had a history of that sort of thing... that... that..."

Goodness, but he could stumble his way into a trap quickly, Zoe thought. She chuckled. "Hell, no, doctor. Cap'n was a church-goin' choir boy back the..." She chopped the sentence off abruptly. Too far. She refused to look over at Mal though she could feel his eyes burning into her. Ai ya good stumble of her own. Maybe she'd had too much to drink.

Every head at the table turned toward Mal. He stared downward at the table, ignoring them, contemplating finishing off that last inch of whiskey. He could feel the gorram preacher's interest throttle into full burn.

"Well..." Book drew out the word. "We'll be riding on back to that little comment one of these days."

Mal gave him a black look. "Don't bet on it."

He sat up and leaned back. "But, yeah. It was the Alliance who learned us our wicked and nefarious ways. Then gave us cause to use the learning when they finally released us."

"It was on U Day we were released," Zoe said. "Supposed to be some sort of good will gesture or some such. Make us love 'em. Mostly they were just tired of feeding us. The fun had worn out of hitting us, and they hadn't quite managed to work their way up to mass executions, so they let us go."

"We could have got out sooner," Mal said. "But we'd'a had to swear to some tamada oaths pledging our undying loyalty to the all mighty Alliance. Say in writing that we were wrong to ever have been Independents in the first place, and that we'd never take up arms against the Alliance again. Don't guess I need to say we didn't do that."

Zoe nodded. "So they put us out with nothing but the clothes on our backs and a long list of jobs we weren't allowed to take, places we weren't allowed to go, things we weren't allowed to do."

"Only the most piss-poor jobs allowed us. Not that anyone would hire an Independent, even if the job was on the allowed list."

"And we had to check in every week, and register our address, if we ever got one, and on and on and on. "

"Under their gorram heel."

"What did you do? How did you live?" Simon asked.

"Oh, we had some money," Zoe said.

"But I thought you said..."

Mal interrupted. "I lifted the commandant's wallet on the way out."

Laughter rippled around the table.

Glad, and more than a mite relieved, that the conversation had taken a lighter turn, Zoe said, "First thing I wanted to do was find a nice, comfortable place where we could have some real food--they'd fed us the same damn thing every day for two straight years--and a long, hot bath. But, Mal wanted to stop off at a bar and have a quiet drink first."

A hoot burst from Kaylee. She clamped her hand to her mouth but couldn't stifle the laughter. "On an Alliance world? On U Day?"

Suddenly Wash got it too. "Getting my wife into trouble right away."

Mal sputtered. "She wasn't your wife. And she didn't get in no trouble."

Zoe laughed softly. "No, I didn't. But our first night of freedom in over two years Mal spent in jail."

"I didn't start it," he said sullenly. "Anyhow, after that it was beg, borrow, or steal to stay alive. We wouldn't beg and couldn't borrow. So..." He looked pointedly at Inara. "Petty theft, at first. Pick pocketing and the like. Living in the lowest backwater slums of the 'verse, among some real choice people. Fellas like Badger looked kinda highfalutin by comparison. First big job we ever pulled was an Alliance payroll meant for the prison guards' unit. That was shiny."

Mal leaned back and sighed, feeling sort of contented, though he wasn't sure why. "So here we are. And I think I'm 'bout done in for the night." He stood and headed toward the passageway to the Bridge, giving Kaylee's hair a gently tousle on the way by.

Zoe followed a moment later, positioning herself in the passageway, pleasantly wishing a good night to the others as they headed for the stairs. Mostly she aimed to head off any who might be wanting a private word with the captain. She wasn't going to allow it.

Sure enough, Shepherd Book headed her way. "Good night, preacher," she said firmly, her feet spread wide, hands on her hips. Not many dared tackle her when she stood in that pose, armed or unarmed.

"I just thought I might..." he said, gesturing toward the Bridge.

"Not tonight," she said in her brooks-no-argument voice. She deflected Inara the same way. The rest headed to their bunks quietly, except Jayne who snatched up the whiskey bottle and headed for the cargo bay.

Her husband passed by her, running his hand over her bottom quizzically. She smiled gently at him. "I'll be down in a few minutes, dear," she said. He understood, she knew, she needed a few minutes with Mal.

When the ship had settled into stillness, Zoe stepped quietly onto the Bridge. Mal stood, as she expected, gazing out into the Black. It was the place of freedom for him, and for her too, for that matter. Mal didn't look around as she came to stand beside him, near but not touching.

"You know," he said, still looking out at the stars, "I don't dwell on all that stuff we were talking about. Don't lay in the dark and worry at it or nothing like that."

"I know."

"It's just... uh... sometimes the damnedest thing will call it to mind, just out of the clear blue."

Zoe nodded. "Sometimes for me it's a sound or a smell..."

He laughed with a hint of bitterness. "Oh, this was a whole lot more specific. It was them sumbitches gonna shove me in that cell with my hands still cuffed behind me." He glanced over at her and twitched a smile. "I really hate the Feds."

With a chuckle, Zoe said, "So I've suspected."

He studied her face. "Sometimes I think you hate them more."

"Sometimes I do. There was a certain eighty-seven days when I don't think a soul in the 'verse could have hated them more--including you. But then I'm with Wash and I just don't feel the need to hate 'em quite so much. Can't explain it. He just makes me feel... shiny."

"Yeah? Maybe I should start sleeping with Wash too. You tell him we worked that out. Best for everyone all the way around," Mal said.

"Oh, I don't wanna go opening that whole can of worms again. Start him fretting on all this 'burning sexual tension'. For a guy with the terminal funnies, he's sometimes lacking in a sense of humor." They both chuckled.

After a moment, Mal asked, "You told Simon about Serenity Valley?"

"I did. Long time ago, when he first came on board."

"How come?"

Zoe looked at Mal and grinned. "I wanted him to stop saying stupid things so you'd stop hitting him."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Huh. Well, at least I've stopped hitting him."

Mal and Zoe both turned back to the stars, to the unhindered, unrestricted Black. Zoe reached up and rested her hand on Mal's shoulder. He glanced over at her, slipped his arm around her waist and drew her closer. A rare moment.

"Still flyin'?" she asked.

"Still flyin'," he said.