Hey There Numerous fans of mine! Okay, Few who found this story and are reading it to find out how bad I can write.
Anywho, here's chapter 3 hope it's not too dull!
Snape: How can it be bad? I'm your inspiration right? So it must be good!
Me: Am I gonna have to deflate your head again?
Snape: No! Anything but the pin!
Me: Fine well you just shrink that planet sized ego of yours, okay?
Snape: Grumble Fine...
Chapter 3 : O GOD THE MONKEYYYSSS! (or Ricky Martin Evil)
Dumbledore sighed; the alarm in his office was humming gently at the waves of hysteria and distress that covered his school. Harry, Ron and Hermione were already rushing up to his office under Harry's invisibility cloak.
"Do you think he's been replaced with an evil Dumbledore robot, hell bent on strangling us with a microphone cord?"
"Ron, where in bloody hell do you get these ideas?" Hermione asked in desperation.
"Hold on Herms, I think he may have something there!" Harry commented seriously.
"Oh my gods, we have to hurry!" Hermione started to sprint away from her two now crazy friends.
A few moments later, she ran smack dab into Professor Severus Snape.
He looked down as she fell to the floor, hard, "I suppose this midnight romp is in honor of the headmaster's evil plan?" he asked with mingled disgust and contempt.
"Yes sir, we were trying to get to professor Dumbledore, to stop this madness!" Hermione helped herself up off the ground as Harry and Ron came panting into the corridor.
He looked at the trio with was passed for surprise on his emotionless features.
"What, you're not overjoyed at the idea of showing off in front of the whole wizarding world?"
At that moment Harry began to look queasy, Ron began to violently gag and Hermione's face gave an involuntary twitch. They all replied in unison, "No!" and continued running to the headmaster's office, Snape decided to follow. He surmised that it would be extremely amusing to see their reactions to a normal, resolute Dumbledore. Maybe Weasley or Potter would be sick and Granger would have a fit!
As the trio entered the office (Hermione bribed the gargoyle with some fine granite) Dumbledore looked up from his desk and the paintings waved hello.
"Ah my three favorite students!" he frowned "Don't tell the others I said that."
"Headmaster, we really ought to talk…"
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS DAMMIT!"
"I won't do it! I'll hold my breath if you try and make me!" Ron then proceeded to look like a frightened puffer fish.
Snape had a very rare smile on his sallow face.
"Why whatever is the matter children?"
Harry looked at the same time crazed and incredulous (which is quite hard and makes you look like Voldemort after Mexican night).
"What's the matter? What's the matter? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE MATTER IS!"
"Harry, sit down and shut up!" Hermione shoved Harry forcibly into an armchair and chucked a lemon drop into his open mouth.
Snape was shocked at Hermione's behavior; she was usually very mild-mannered in class. Dumbledore only smiled and Ron stopped holding his breath, Hermione in one of her moods usually went after him next.
"Now, headmaster, we really should talk about this horrendous idea of yours." Hermione smoothed her bristling hair down and seated herself next to the now silent Harry.
"How did you find out about my flying cow theory my dear?"
"No, sir, the singing contest idea, that's even more horrid than flying cows." Ron shuddered.
"Why, I think it's a splendid idea, as does Severus."
The three students turned to look at their much-feared potions master.
"I said no such thing, headmaster." growled Snape.
"No? I suppose I was just my whimsy then." Dumbledore passed the bowl of lemon drops around again and Hermione shoved another one into Harry's mouth, who was looking like he was going to talk again.
"Alright back on topic, this singing contest idea of yours is ludicrous! You can't seriously think anyone will willingly join into this endeavor!"
"No, of course not! People are much too modest for that, that's why I made it mandatory!"
There was a collective groan, for everyone in the room except Dumbledore. Hermione conjured up a large bottle of ibuprofen and downed two.
"Sir, this plan will cause dissent! People have gone over to Voldemort for much less than this. You may unwittingly cause his ranks to grow with young people resentful of you making them sing!"
"My dear, I believe the excitement has caused you to be uncharacteristically irrational, here let me help." Dumbledore cast a charm and Hermione's head glowed green for a few seconds before she breathed deeply and looked up at the headmaster.
"Thank you sir, that was very helpful. I suppose there's no way we can dissuade you from this plan?"
"No my heart is quite set on this I'm afraid." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled like a star on crack.
"Alright then, sir, we'll leave you to your work. Goodnight." Hermione got up and gave the boys a specific look before heading out the door.
The boys were too stunned with horror to notice said look, so Hermione and Snape were forced to grab them and haul them down the staircase.
"Hermione! Why'd you give up so easily? We can't allow this to happen!"
"What's wrong with you Hermione? Have you turned to the dark side! Why must you lie to me!"
"Harry! Calm-the-HELL Down! You obviously failed to notice that he was perfectly sane and in no way stopping his plan. The only logical source of action is to get this over and done with!"
At this, Harry grabbed Ron and they both slumped dejectedly towards Gryffindor tower.
"Are they always that imbecilic?" Snape asked, speaking for the first time since the beginning of the discussion.
"Yes, unfortunately." Hermione began to rub her temples, but stopped and looked up at the man towering over her.
"Sir, I'm curious, do you know any muggle music?"
"No, happily not. Which provides a problem; I have no idea what to sing."
"I could help you find something suitably venomous and hate-filled?"
"That would be very useful, but if it ever got out that a Gryffindor know-it-all like you was helping me sing, I would have to cut your tongue out, of course."
Hermione only smiled, "Of course, Sir."
"So, what Muggle Music do you know?…."
The general dismay at the turn of events slowly turned to curiosity and then to excitement over the next few days.
Meanwhile, in Gryffindor tower and the Potions Master's Dungeons, many were preparing for their turn at the mike.
"Harry?"
"Yeah, Ron?"
"What do I sing? I don't know any Muggle music."
"Why does it have to be Muggle music? The wizarding world has music you can sing to right?"
"Not really, our music is more instrumental than lyrical. Not very good either. The Weird Sisters are more twenty years ago, than recent."
"Oh, okay. Well, I can help you to find a song, we could get permission from Dumbledore to go into muggle London and find a few good ones!"
Just then, the voice of Professor McGonagall came wafting through Gryffindor tower.
"Attention Gryffindor house! As of tomorrow, the library will be holding an extensive collection of Muggle music from the last 50 years. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT push or shove other students, there's plenty of songs to go around. Curfew at seven-thirty, Goodnight all!"
"Well that solves that problem eh?"
"I suppose, but won't all the good songs be taken before dawn?"
"We'll just have to get there before anyone else, right? We'll go tonight after midnight, with Hermione to pick ours out."
"I'm sorry guys I can't come with you!"
"Why in bloody hell not?"
"Because I have to pick out Snape's song for him and then pick mine!"
"I suppose he could come with us, it would make it easier to have a teacher with us, right?"
"Ron are you off you knocker?" Harry was again with the crazed and incredulous look.
"No but, it would make sense, wouldn't it?"
"Ron! I'm so proud of you! You actually took my side for once!" Hermione grabbed Ron and started to squeeze the life out of him.
"Fine he can come, but don't tell him we're all going, otherwise he'll never agree."
"Righto!" and Hermione skipped off to speak to Snape.
(A/N: see if you can find the mistake in this line! I'll award you with your very own singing Snape plushy!)
"But, Sir! If we don't go tonight all the suitable songs will be taken!"
"And why is that, Miss Granger?"
"Teenagers love to sing songs about pain, hate and anger they don't feel, if we don't get their first, all the ones you could sing will be gone!"
"What's the alternative to tonight's little outing?"
"You could be singing this; it's called 'Livin' La Vida Loca' by Enrique Iglesias, listen." Hermione started to play it on her disc-man handing the headphones to her Professor.
Two minutes later;
"Can you please slow down? I'm getting a stitch in my side!" Hermione cried at the receding figure of Severus Snape, who was rushing towards the library as if Voldemort himself were after him.
"No, keep up you silly girl, we must find a song!"
"Oy, What have I done?" Hermione grumbled as she leaned up against the castle wall.