Disclaimer:

This submission is by far one of my most potentially offensive, so please keep in mind that I don't agree with anything Mika's about to bitch about (except the male pregnancy thing). So please don't take this the wrong way. I mean, if you've read any of my Best Story Ever Written chapters, you should know how hypocritical and insane my Michael muse is... :D

Oh, and for the record, I love LuciferxMichael. Mika's in denial and you know it. 8)

Read and review!

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Because of the ASTOUNDING POPULARITY of my last kickass series, The Best Story Ever Written, I've decided to write something else because I fucking rock. This isn't a story, though. It's a list of shit that pisses me off. I give you...

THE LIST OF THINGS THAT REALLY PISS MICHAEL OFF

10.) Hippies.

Oh god, I fucking HATE these tofu-eating bastards, not because they eat tofu but because of the whole 'meehh peace is awesome' thing. PAHHH. I'm the angel of war, you little twits; are you trying to put me out of BUSINESS? Yeah, that's what I thought. Fuck you guys.

9.) Lucifer fangirls.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you on crack or something? He's an emotionless INSECT in tight leather PANTS! If anything, those pants are taunting you with the allure of something you'll NEVER have! So lay off of him! And - and I know your filthy little yaoiwhore minds are probably saying, "Oooh, Michael's being protective because he wants to boink his brother and loves him deep down in his squishy little angel heart", but guess what? You're... you're WRONG. I have no heart. I am as heartless as.. as... a DEAD CORPSE that's had its heart cut out! So put that in your pipe and smoke it, you asshats!

8.) Spam.

What is it? Is it BEEF or is it FISH? Is it made out of BABIES or CATS? What the hell kind of name is 'Spam' anyway? It tastes like friggin' catfood. Ugh. You humans and your disgusting, edible inventions.

7.) Raphael.

Jerk.

6.) The French language.

I FUCKING HA... wait. Um.

Yeah, uh..

I donno, I guess I'll get back to you on this one.

5.) Whoever ran against Teddy Roosevelt in 1904

How DARE you be so audacious as to assume you, a pitiful, disgusting mortal, whatever your name is, could stand a chance against Michael-sama's best friend in the UNIVERSE, the amazing Teddy Roosevelt? Fool. I spit on your grave. PTOOH.

4.) People who write MichaelxLucifer fanfiction.

Okay, let me just get one thing clear to you guys:

I HATE LUCIFER.

AND NO, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO DISGUISE A THINLY VEILED LONGING FOR AFFECTION, APPROVAL, AND MORNING-AFTER CUDDLING.

3.) People who write male pregnancy fiction involving ME.

You guys are sick. If I EVER started getting fat, it'd be because I ate too many goddamn twinkies, not because I got knocked up with some asshole's MANCHILD. Ugh.

2.) Setsuna Mudou.

"Weeeaah, I don't wanna help save Heaven because I just wanna go live with my sister and have hot, sticky, gross heterosexual smecks with her! Booohooo, I have no balls because Sara cut them off and carries them around in her purse to keep me from getting too manly!"

Little bitch.

1.) Everything in the entire butt-fucking universe.

Yeah, you heard me. FUCK YOU UNIVERSE.

Well that's all for today. Tune in next time when I come up with MORE things that piss me off. In the meantime, start packing up your stuff right now and telling your family goodbye, cause I'm plannin' on starting a cult real soon. It'll be AWESOME. That's what I think I'll call it: The Cult of Awesome.

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A/N: Oh, dear.

I donno where this came from. Sorry, you guys. XD I admit, this was probably one of the more offensive fics I've done - but PLEASE keep in mind that I don't really share any of Michael's opinions.

Read and review, darlings. :D Update for The Best Story Ever Written and Attack of the Fanfiction Cliches COMING SOON.