Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
A/N: So, I got a new job, yay! The only thing that is sad about it is I have much less time to write. But now, if you are in my neighborhood, I might be the one serving you fresh organic food and tips for healthy living. YAY!
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"What the fuck are you talking about, Kiba?"
"Use the Mangekyou and show me why vengeance is so important to you. I need to see what is worth throwing away everything good in your life."
"Dobe, I don't have that power. Only Itachi does. It is how he keeps beating me."
"I don't think he wants to keep beating you…I think he wants you to win."
Sasuke's eyes were wide with disbelief. What was Kiba even talking about? Of course Itachi wanted to win!
"My brother has only spared me because he likes to torture me."
Kiba lay a hand on Sasuke's cheek, stroking it.
"My love…while that may be true, it is also obvious that Itachi believes you are the only one who can beat him. If he prides himself on being the best, perhaps he needs to kill you when you are better so he can rest assured he is the top ninja."
He let his words sink in. Sasuke's face made it obvious he was debating this new theory, trying to piece things together.
"Ok…maybe. But I don't have the mangekyou!"
"What does it take to achieve the new Sharingan?"
"I have to kill my best friend."
"And who is your best friend now?"
"…you."
"And you have already—"
"killed you."
Kiba could see the light of understanding in Sasuke's face. The boy had put the pieces together.
Sasuke spoke, his voice trembling. "He wouldn't have left you alive. There was no reason to. Unless he knew you and I were close…and then, he put the reality distorting jutsu on me…I couldn't tell who I was hurting. I fought and killed him, but it was really you, and he knew I would discover it was you, and…"
Kiba finished for him. "And so, after discovering you had killed your best friend, your Mangekyou was activated."
Placing his forehead into his hands, Sasuke shuddered. He whispered through his fingers. "But why would Itachi do that?"
"To give you power, make you an equal. He wants a real fight."
The black-haired boy's shoulders began to shake. If Kiba hadn't known him better, he would have thought Sasuke was crying. Instead, Kiba saw that his love was shaking with emotion, trying to suppress his rage and hurt. Wrapping two arms around the smaller boy, Kiba just waited.
Eventually the shaking calmed and Sasuke sat up.
"I can't use the Sharingan on you, Kiba."
This pissed Kiba off. For every two steps he and Sasuke took forward, Sasuke always managed to leap a million steps behind.
"Goddamnit, why not!"
If the Uchiha was surprised at Kiba's outburst, he didn't show it.
"Kiba—it isn't safe. I didn't even realize I had it. I don't know how to use it or control it, and there is no one to practice on. Without the practice, I might hurt you—critically—and I am not willing to take that risk."
"Fuck you, Sasuke!"
"Why?"
"You really will never let me get close! You are so wrapped up in 'protecting' me that you end up pushing me away! If you really believed in me, if you knew me at all, you'd know how strong I am! I am prepared to take the risk so I can try to learn how to be with you! That is how much I love you! And you…you must not really love me because you aren't willing to risk anything."
"Oh Kiba…"
" 'Oh Kiba' what?"
Dark, pleading eyes looked to Kiba's own eyes. Both were filled with pain. Both boys wanted to help the other but they couldn't get on the same page. Sasuke could see the tears forming in Kiba's eyes. He knew Kiba was just trying to help, was trying to understand him. Part of him, deep inside, craved the other boy's understanding so much it hurt. That part wanted someone to talk to, someone who could comfort him, could know what it had been like to be so alone all these years. He knew that of anyone, Kiba was the one he could trust the most with this. But it was so dangerous, and uncontrolled. He hadn't been lying—he hadn't even recognized the change in his own Sharingan. Sasuke knew Kiba wasn't going to like his answer, but he couldn't see any other way.
"Kiba…I'm sorry. I can't."
He watched as his lover's eyes grew cold and distant.
"You must not love me the way I love you." Kiba stood up. "I'm sorry for wasting my time, Sasuke." He started getting dressed quickly, yanking clothes on. "Next time I need to be more careful who I give my heart—and my life—to." He watched Sasuke wince. "This is hard for me, Sasu, but it is obviously what you've wanted for so long. You couldn't have it happen fast enough." Kiba was putting on his sandals and looking around for anything he might be forgetting. "You are a bastard, and if you enjoy being alone so much, just warn the other person next time."
Kiba went to the door. When he opened it, Akamaru was waiting, obviously confused.
"I'm going to need some time to get over this, so please don't call or come by to see me."
"Kiba, wait."
But the boy was fueled by hurt and his failure to break down Sasuke's walls.
"No. I've been waiting this whole time, and I am tired of it. If you aren't going to let me in, then it is time I started moving on."
"No—Kiba, please—" Their eyes met. Sasuke was frozen in place, unable to comprehend what was happening.
"Goodbye, Sasu." His parting words were whispered, Kiba's voice so choked up with tears he could barely spit the words out.
And then Sasuke was alone, and the apartment felt very, very quiet.
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"You did WHAT!"
But Sakura didn't wait for answer. She hit Sasuke over the head, hard. Watching him rub the bump forming on his skull, she realized it was the first time she could ever remember hitting him. Still, she didn't feel bad about it.
And hour before, Sasuke had shown up at her doorstep, shaking and looking the most depressed she had ever seen him. Although it still made her twinge a little with jealousy to know Kiba caused Sasuke to get so upset (what was it about that boy that was so appealing?), she was honored that the normally private Uchiha had come to talk to her.
And so he had been talking to her until his voice grew thin, telling her about Kiba, about his love, his need for revenge and the Mangekyou. She got the suspicion that he had wanted her to reaffirm the decision that Avenging was the most important thing and that the breaking up was an unfortunate bi-product.
The sore knob on his head let him know she felt otherwise.
"I let him walk out the door."
She hit him again. "SASUKE-KUN! You DOBE!"
"Sakura, please stop hitting me."
"I can't help it. I just… after all you've been through—"
"Exactly. After all I have been through, I can't settle down with a boyfriend when I haven't fulfilled my destiny."
Sakura glared at the Uchiha. "What I was going to say is that, after all you have been through, how can you be so fucking stupid as to—yet again, I might add—let the…the best thing that has every happened to you walk out the door. You are so…selfish!"
"How am I being selfish? I am trying to make sure he stays safe!"
"Sasuke, Kiba is a ninja. He is never safe. If anything, you may have had more of a chance to protect him. He is still going to go on dangerous missions, he is still going to put his life on the line every day and you shutting him out of your life isn't going to change that!"
"But he can't fight Itachi."
"He never asked you to fight Itachi. He just wanted to understand, which is something we have all wanted to do. All he wanted was to be let in, but you were too block-headed to figure that out."
"He wanted me to use the Mangekyou."
"So what? Can't you see how far he was willing to go for you? How can you just throw that away?"
"I'm not throwing it away! I just—"
"You are just too much selfish to let someone help you."
Sasuke sat back in his chair, silent. He wasn't going to win this battle, he knew. Secretly, he didn't want to win anymore. He wasn't sure whether or not she was right, but there wasn't enough time. When he had recounted the story, he could hear how many times he had been cruel to Kiba. He had pushed the boy and crushed him and even killed him and Kiba had kept coming back.
"Sasuke-kun." Sakura's soft voice pulled him back from his thoughts. He looked at her, face tired and drawn. "You will never find someone as loving and loyal to you as Kiba. You know that, right?"
Yes, he knew. Like Akamaru and all their nin-dogs, the members of the Inuzuka clan were fiercely loyal. Once they latched on to someone, it took a lot took a lot, a whole lot, to break that emotional tie. In his heart, Sasuke worried that maybe this past time had pushed Kiba too far. After all, the boy had left him this time.
"Sakura, I have to go."
"Ok. But think about whether or not you are really ready to lose Kiba. I think if you let him go this time, there will not be another chance."
"I know."
"If…if you want to try the Mangekyou, I will help you. I will keep him from dying."
"Tsunade would never allow that."
"Then we wouldn't tell her."
This startled Sasuke. He stared at his teammate. For years now, she had been training with Tsunade. This was a girl who never broke the rules, who always tried to impress her superiors.
"Sakura, I won't ask you to do that."
"I know, Sasuke."
"Then why…why are you offering to do this?"
"Because I love you. Still. More as a friend but it is still there, and I'll be damned if I watch you destroy the one thing…the one person who can bring you happiness."
There was no reply, so Sasuke nodded and left.
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Sasuke walked through the village. He knew what he needed to do but he was scared. After all, he had written the list—he had tangible proof that ultimately he and Kiba would never work out, no matter how much he may want it. So it must be better to leave it now, leave it like this. He reminded himself over and over of the reasons. No children. Risk of hurting Kiba. Revenge, revenge, revenge. In the past, a mantra of revenge had always helped him get focused when he needed it. This time however, it was doing little to soothe him.
After all, love is not something he had ever had to suppress before. Love was not something he had dealt with. Now it was a giant barrier, keeping him from his destiny. And the worst part about it was that he wasn't sure he wanted to remove that barrier. For every memory of Itachi, there was one of Kiba holding him while he slept. For every memory of his parents, he had one of Kiba caressing his skin. And when he remembered Kiba's body after he had beaten the life out of it, he also remembered the forgiveness in the Inuzuka's face, and the way the boy had felt inside of him.
No matter what he tried, nothing could get Kiba out of his mind. In fact, Sasuke realized that for the past month, he had though more about Kiba than he had about revenge.
With that realization, Sasuke began to run.
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"I'm sorry Sasuke, he doesn't wish to see you." Shino stood with his back straight and his face resolute.
"Shino, I need to talk to Kiba, just tell me how I can find him." Sasuke had never given the Aburame much thought, but now that the boy was in front of him, eyes hidden by sunglasses, Sasuke felt uneasy. He had heard stories about the kikai and Shino's uncanny ability to think several steps ahead of his enemy. The boy might even rival Shikamaru in cleverness.
"Go home, Sasuke."
The Uchiha shifted uncomfortably. He was used to people giving him what he wanted. Most of the ninja his age in the village wouldn't stand up to him like this. And although he had been the number one rookie, he wasn't sure how well a fight with Shino would go. With bugs so tiny and in such large quantities, how would he use his Sharingan as a defense?
"Shino… I am about to lose him." It was minute, but Sasuke sensed a drop in the Aburame's guard.
"You didn't lose him, Uchiha. You threw him away."
The words were meant to sting, and they did. But instead of trying to hide his pain form the insult, Sasuke stepped out on a ledge and showed Shino his pain. He realized that this was a boy just as stoic as he was. The only way he had a chance—and it was a minute chance—at convincing the boy was to show how serious he was. He had to let his own guard down and wear his heart on his sleeve. It was a very uncomfortable thing for the Uchiha.
"I know I did. Several times. And each time Kiba stayed and he accepted me. Each time Kiba worked hard to help me, and I…spit in his face with my actions. To be honest, I am not sure I can even be in a relationship with Kiba, even now. I don't know what the future holds. But I cannot move forward knowing I have hurt him this much. I…need to right this."
Shino didn't move, and the two boys stared at each other long and hard. Well, Shino stared and Sasuke just looked at the sunglasses and prayed that somehow Shino could see how serious he was. Sasuke was so involved with the staring match he failed to hear a small thud as someone dropped to the ground behind him. But he registered the person's presence when there was a kunai at his neck. A familiar aroma surrounded him and Sasuke knew who held him at knife point.
"Kiba."
A voice, choked with sobs, answered him. "W-why…did you come here? I told you to leave me alone?"
The kunai wavered at Kiba fought to hold in his tears, and it lightly bit into Sasuke's neck, drawing blood. But the Uchiha didn't move or complain.
Kiba spoke again. "I just…I don't understand how you can expect me to listen to you at all. How much more do you want from me? I've…I've given you all of me and it wasn't enough, so why the hell are you here?"
There was no answer, but Sasuke closed his eyes in pain. With his eyes shut, he couldn't see Shino vanishing, but he felt the Aburame's presence leave. Still, he was sure the boy was somewhere, watching and protecting his teammate.
"Kiba, I am sorry."
"That isn't enough."
"It is all that I have."
"Then I'm sorry, Sasu."
Ignoring the kunai, Sasuke turned around. His skin was cut as he turned, causing his neck to bleed. The kunai blade hadn't had a lot of pressure, so it only hurt but didn't cut anything vital. He felt the weapon fall as he turned, and the holder of it sink as well. The Uchiha caught his love, sinking gently to the ground with his crying love in his arms.
"Kiba." It was just a name, but when he said it, it was filled with every emotion he had felt—love, turmoil, sorrow and need.
"P-please, Sasu…I don't think I can d-do it again. I can't go through this again."
"You won't have to, my love."
Two feral eyes, filled with streaming tears, looked up. Limp in his arms, Kiba felt almost small, and Sasuke found he liked that. For once, he felt like the adult. This whole time, Kiba had been taking care of him. But broken down and defeated, lying in the road, Kiba, his Kiba, needed him now. It reminded him of how he met Kiba, how their relationship had started. He remembered carrying the boy home after their fight, the Inuzuka passed out from exhaustion. This was like this but so, so much better. Warmth passed through him as he realized this is what his lover had been feeling for him all along. This knowledge, knowing he could care for Kiba, he could protect the boy…it was what he had been missing.
"B-but you j-just said you weren't sure if we could—"
"I was wrong. I know now. We can make this work."
Kiba's face filled with a guarded hope. He never tries to hide who he is, what he is feeling, Sasuke thought. His arms pulled Kiba in closer, moving the boy's face into his chest. He could feel tears soaking through his shirt but he didn't care. The shudders gently wracking through his boyfriend's shoulders calmed him. He was sure now. This was the only way it could be.
"Kiba, I promise you. This is…this is my promise of a lifetime." He felt Kiba shake with something he could only assume was laughter at him using one of Naruto's beloved phrases. "I promise to never put you through this again."
Two weak, shaky arms circled around his waist.
Whispering, more to himself than to the boy he was comforting, Sasuke finally admitted the truth.
"I can't live without you."
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A/N. Awwwwwww. You have to admit, it is cute as hell. What? You are worried it is done? Almost, but not quite. But there won't be anymore "I love you but we can never be together!" Storyline. That is resolved. YAY! As always, please leave me some reviews. Pointers always welcome!