Chapter 5

Jeff the gym guy's on the phone with the seller's realtor while Donna and I continue walking around the house. It's nice. Small, but cute. Very cozy. It could feel like home. It could feel like home? What's happening to me?

"We could put an office in here, maybe with a double desk," I say, following Donna into the smallest of the bed… wait a minute. Did I say that out loud? No. Way. I did not say that out loud. Right? Please tell me I didn't say that out loud. I look over at Donna. Oh yeah, I said that out loud.

"What?" she asks with huge eyes.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. This isn't happening. I'm having a nightmare. "Uh…"

"Bad news kids," Jeff the gym guy says, walking in to the room. I could hug him. Right here, right now, I could hug the man. I literally have to hold myself back.

"What?" Donna asks, dragging her eyes away from me and looking at him.

"Someone made an offer last night and it was accepted this morning."

"For this house?" she asks, clearly heart broken. I'm a bit taken back too. I was picturing the double desk and playing catch with Jake in the back yard. Jake? I just named my son? I need fresh air.

"I'm afraid so. I told the realtor to put us on as first back-up, in case the contract falls through."

Oh no. She's pouting. Her bottom lip has jutted out and it's quivering just a bit. "But…" she whispers. "This was the one."

My heart is literally breaking watching her. "Can't we overbid them?" I ask him.

"No. Not once the contract's in motion."

"Can we find out who made the bid? If we can, I can make a few phone calls and…"

"Joshua…" Donna says, cutting me off.

I look over at her and speak quietly. "I can take care of this."

She tugs on my arm and pulls me to the other side of the small room. "You are not going to sick the IRS on some poor guy who's only mistake was finding this house before me."

"Why not?" I ask, all the while, screaming to myself that her not getting this house is a good thing.

"Because it's not fair."

I shrug. "It's fair to you." The sub-plan, Josh. The sub-plan. What the hell are you doing?

"It's not fair to him."

"I don't care about him."

She looks at me for a few seconds, then hugs me. I hold her a little closer and a little longer than I need to or probably should, but I don't really care. "Thank you," she whispers a minute later, pulling away slightly, "but no."

Without really meaning to, I pull her close to me again. We're just quiet for a few seconds, which is nice. Finally I whisper, "We'll find another one."

She kind of tucks her head into my chest and leans her weight on me. I like that a lot more than I should. "Yeah, I just like this one."

"We'll find a great one. We just have to be patient. We don't' have to buy one today." We? What am I doing?

"Ok," she says, not sounding totally convinced, but ready to give it another go. Maybe she didn't' notice all the 'we's.' But one glance at Jeff the gym guy tells me he did.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So, we're on our way to the next place and Donna's noticeably quiet. She was in love with that house. I, however, am getting back in the game. I'm sub-planning and planning and all that other stuff I came along for. One good thing is I think I've advertently taken care of the Jeff the gym guy situation. If he was unsure before, he's not now.

The thing is, now I look like a loser. I look like my girlfriend's buying a house and I'm going to move into it and sponge off of her. Basically, I look like Freeride. And you may not know this about me, but there's a very small part of me that is arrogant and even a bit egotistical. It's a miniscule part really. But right now that part of me wants to set the record straight, and it's hard to fight it.

We pull up to house number five, knowing it has no hopes of even being in the running. Unless it's Buckingham Palace, it won't compare to the last place. With this in mind, I start talking this one up a little. Not a lot, just enough to throw her off the scent. "It has a nice porch," I say, cheerfully.

"Yeah," she says in a defeated voice, getting out of the sexmobile.

"This one's a little smaller," says Jeff the gym guy as he unlocks the door. "But it's in a better neighborhood."

We walk in to a small house with carpet and plain white walls. Even I admit that it's not comparing well to the other one. "It's got a big kitchen," I say, walking from the living room to the kitchen.

She sighs. "Yeah, but it's eat in." Apparently that's bad. I don't know why. I guess a separate dining room's important for some reason. Good thing I have one at my place.

I look out the door to the back yard. It's… how do I put this? Small. It's small. Very small. "Not gonna be able to play catch out there," I say quietly to myself. I'm losing my grip with reality. Thank goodness Donna's in the other room.

"Catch?" Jeff the gym guy asks. Crap!

"Uh… yeah. At the fourth of July party she wants to have." He nods at me like he doesn't believe me.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The rest of the day goes pretty much the same. She doesn't see anything she likes after the fourth place, so I don't have to do much trash talking. That night, I take her to the Hawk and Dove for pity drinks where she proceeds to get smashed out of her gourd. Have you ever heard that term? My dad used to say it. I don't know if it was him or if it's a real term, but I don't get the whole gourd reference. Anyway…

I take her drunk ass home, I'm sure you've heard that term before, and have to all but carry her up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. "If I got my house, this would be easier," she slurs out about half way up. She's been calling it her house all night.

"Or if you weren't drunk."

"I'm not drunk. I'm…disorganized," she says in a very serious voice. "Anyway, I'd still have stairs if I were sober. They were here this morning."

"Yes, but… never mind."

"Kay," she says with a smile. She's very relaxed right now. Disorganized, I don't know about. I bet if I quizzed her over what's on my desk right now, she'd be able to tell me. She might fall down if I let go of her, but she's not disorganized.

"Did you know my house has hardwood floors?" she asks a minute later. She's asked me that about ten times tonight.

I nod and use my key to let us in her apartment. "I remember."

When we walk in, she huffs. "This isn't my house," she says sadly.

I take her coat from her and hang it up on the coat rack by her door. She almost falls backwards as I pull it from her shoulders. "This is your apartment."

"It doesn't have hardwood floors," she says sadly.

"Nope."

"My house has hardwood floors."

"We're going to find you a different house, remember?" I push her lightly back towards her bedroom. "You can take it from here, I gather." To be honest, I'm not sure she can, but putting my assistant in pajamas most definitely is not in my job description. At least not for eleven months and twenty-one days.

"You gather what?" She's so far gone.

"I gather… nothing. Is something wrong with your eyes." She's squinting and closing her eyes tightly and then opening them back up.

"My contacts are dry They're sticking to my eyes."

"Oh. Well, do you need help…"

"You want to take out my contacts?" she asks.

"Gross. No."

Her mouth drops open and she glares at me. "That's not very nice. I always help you when you're dru… disorganized."

"Yes, but I'm always disorganized."

She nods. "I know."

I sigh. "Do you need help taking out your contacts?" Please say no.

"No. That's gross," she says with a scrunched up face.

Didn't I just get in trouble for saying that? "Alright…do you need help with anything else before I go?"

"Umm…" She looks around. "My light bulb went out in the living room." What the hell? Do I look like Bob Villa?

"No, we just didn't turn the lights on in there."

"Oh. I should be ok then."

"Alright. I'm gonna…." I hook my thumb over my shoulder.

"Kay, night."

"Lock yourself in after I leave." She stumbles with me to the door. "You sure you're ok?"

"Yes," she says nodding. "Josh?"

"Yes?" I ask as I open the door and walk out.

"When we find another house, can we still have an office with a double desk?" she asks quietly with just the beginnings of a pout.

My eyes bug out and I can't help staring at her. And then this warm thought occurs to me. If she wants the double desk and the office, does that mean she wants Jake too? "Sure."

"Kay!" she says happily, shutting the door behind me.

"Kay," I say to the empty hallway. And now I can't wipe this grin off my face.