Part XI – Inversion
The train of thought's path was by no means straight – it looped and curved and meandered over hills and through valleys, across rivers and through gorges. For a time it even wandered through the Gap Chasm, passing a dozing, highly disinterested Gap Dragon on the way. Luke wondered if the beast would recognize him if he faced it, though he wasn't about to take the chance.
Leia was asleep in the seat beside him, her head pillowed on his shoulder. He smiled gently. When awake, she was a fierce warrior and untiring diplomat, but now, relaxed and dreaming, her features were almost angelic. Small wonder both he and Han had been attracted to her in the beginning – though her sassy attitude and almost total independence had also been a big draw.
He let his gaze drift back out the window, silent and thoughtful. He hoped that, the next time Leia and Anakin met, they could work a few things out. Anakin had worked long and hard to shed his dark past, and if they could just get Leia to forgive and forget, it would sever the final tie to his life as Darth Vader.
The train slid to a halt with a whine of brakes, and several creatures boarded – a troop of surly-looking goblins en route to another siege point, a centaur woman carrying a basket of dried thyme (at least she looked like a centaur woman – she moved so fast, on account of the thyme, he couldn't be sure), a chair-man garbed in a coat of arms that waved genially at Luke, and a young human man leading a bright pink horse on a halter.
/Well, there's a horse of a different color/ Luke thought amusedly. He was really going to miss Xanth when he finally had to leave. The quirky world had certainly grown on him.
"All boarding for Xanth's North Village," announced the conductor, a gaunt man who fizzled and crackled with energy. "There will be a two-hour layover at the North Village, after which this train will proceed to Centaur Isle. All those traveling to Ogre-fen Ogre-fen will be asked to transfer to a different train upon arriving at the North Village."
Leia roused at the announcement. "I suppose that means we'll be parting company for now."
"We have until we get to the North Village, though," Luke replied.
She looked out the window as they passed a great field of merry-gold flowers, which danced and glittered in the breeze. "I know you haven't been to Centaur Isle, but do you know something about it? I have no idea what to expect there."
"I've met centaurs before," Luke replied. "They're half-human, half-horse creatures. They're very intelligent and know a lot about Xanth's history, but they're not very tolerant of crossbreeds or of magic talents among their own kind. The two centaurs I've met had been exiled from Centaur Isle for being born with talents."
"That's cruel."
"Yeah, but it's been their way for years. I don't think it can be changed in one visit."
She smiled slightly. "You know me too well, Luke."
He laughed. "I know you've fought for freedom and equality for years. Of course you'd want to teach the centaurs tolerance. But believe me, for all their stubbornness, you'll have an easier time dealing with them than with ogres."
She raised an eyebrow. "They're that bad, are they?"
"Oh yeah. They're the ugliest creatures in Xanth – and proud of it, too – and they eat anything they can get their hands on. Don't worry; they're not that hard to outsmart. I've handled them before, so I'll be fine."
"Just stay out of trouble," she encouraged. "You don't have your Companion to pull you out of a mess this time."
"Neither do you, so stay out of trouble yourself, Leia."
"Yes sir!" she barked, giving a mock salute.
He punched her shoulder playfully, laughing.
The train slithered to a halt once again.
"We have now reached the North Village," the conductor announced. "All passengers heading for Ogre-fen Ogre-fen will now disembark and board…"
The entire train shuddered abruptly as something huge impacted outside. Everyone rushed to the windows and crowded around for a good look, pressing faces and snouts to the glass. Luke and Leia pulled down their own window to get a better look.
"What was that?" demanded a goblin.
"Something big, that's all I know," replied the chair-man.
Outside the motionless train lay the relatively quiet North Village. Between the village's train-of-thought station and the tracks gaped a deep crater, still smoking slightly. The object that had smashed into the ground was just barely visible at the bottom of the hollow, glowing with heat.
"What is it?" asked Leia.
"I don't know," Luke confessed. "I haven't seen anything like it…"
A voice issued up from the depths of the crater, a pleasant male voice that began rattling off a lengthy, rather unnecessarily technical monologue:
"…we can expect a lot of moisture thanks to the low-pressure front coming in off the coast, and over the North Village there's going to be an inversion, so those citizens will do well to keep burning to a minimum… expect highs in the upper nineties-low hundreds for the weekend…"
Luke and Leia exchanged a look of understanding, putting two and two together. The pun clicked in both minds simultaneously, and they burst out laughing.
"Meteor-ologist," Luke chuckled.
"I think I'm beginning to enjoy this place," Leia laughed. "Puns and all."
"I thought you would."
"I will repeat, anyone bound for the Ogre-fen Ogre-fen should transfer to the other train immediately," the conductor announced.
"That would be me." Luke stood and picked up his pack. "Stay safe, Leia."
"You too, Luke." She embraced him. "May the Force be with you."
"And with you."
No one else accompanied Luke as he left the train and boarded another. Few enough dared venture into the Ogre-fen, and for good reason. Ogres were incredibly dangerous in spite of (or even because of) their enormous stupidity. He would have to trust that his experience gleaned from his last jaunt into their territory would be enough.
As his train pulled out of the station, he wondered why he was bound for the Ogre-fen in the first place. Would he actually be trying to recruit the ogres in a battle against the Four Horsemen and the Crypt Keeper? Or would there be someone else there, a magician or warrior, who could help them? Perhaps the three Mundanians they had met on their first journey would be there; he was certain they could be of help…
Hours later, the train lurched to a halt, jolting Luke out of a foggy reverie.
"Now arriving at Centaur Isle," the conductor announced. "Last stop, everyone off."
He rubbed his eyes and shook his head vigorously, confused. Centaur Isle?
"Off the train, kid," the conductor ordered. "This is the last stop on the line."
"Um… I thought this train was going to the Ogre-fen…"
"Does this look like the Ogre-fen to you?" the conductor inquired. "Look, I'm not getting paid to stand around and watch you make stupid remarks. Off the train."
Bewildered, he looked out the window. The disorderly jungle that surrounded the Ogre-fen was absent, replaced by rows of neat, tidy stables and clean streets filled with the strange-looking centaurs. Something was seriously wrong… this wasn't where he was supposed to be… he should be at the Ogre-fen, but somehow he had ended up here instead of Leia…
Terror gripped his stomach. If he was here in Leia's place, did that mean Leia was at the Ogre-fen in his place?
"Hey you!"
Luke whirled, lightsaber in hand. Two centaurs had boarded the train and now faced him, arrows notched in his direction.
"This gentleman refuses to get off the train," the conductor explained. "Keeps insisting he was supposed to get off at the Ogre-fen."
"Perhaps he boarded the wrong train," suggested one centaur.
"Not likely," the second centaur countered. "Your departure point was the North Village, you say? Hmm. They're experiencing an inversion now. That might factor into this…"
"An inversion?" asked Luke.
"An inversion occurs when meteorological conditions keep a layer of hot air trapped next to the ground," the first centaur explained. "This prevents air pollution such as smoke from rising and dissipating harmlessly into the atmosphere as it should. Inversions can prove especially dangerous if, for example, someone has been burning reverse wood. The airborne particles of reversing magic the burning wood releases can cause dangerous inversions in magic talents, pathways, and even personalities."
"Oh brother," Luke groaned. "So there was an inversion in the train routes. The train bound for the Ogre-fen ended up here, and the train bound for Centaur Isle…"
"Ended up in the Ogre-fen," the centaur finished.
Fear gripped Luke's gut. "My sister's on that train! If she ends up in the Ogre-fen…"
"At ease," the first centaur assured him. "The conductors of the trains of thought know how to handle such situations. They will see to it that your sister is safe. In the meantime, you will accompany us. It is customary for the elders of Centaur Isle to interview all visitors."
Luke hesitated, then nodded and put his saber away. At the moment he had no other choice than to comply with the centaur's wishes. He could resist, of course, but that would do no good. If he was stuck in Centaur Isle for the time being, he might as well make the best of the situation.
The two centaurs escorted him off the train and to a stable constructed of red-and-white marble, where a group of stately centaurs stood and gazed expectantly upon him.
"Your name, human," the lead centaur, a deep-chested sorrel, ordered.
"Luke Skywalker," Luke replied. "Jedi Knight. I'm here to request the centaur's aid in a mission to save Xanth."
The elders whispered amongst themselves. Luke wondered if he had been too bold. Leia should have been the one to handle this, he realized – her diplomacy skills far surpassed his.
"And how exactly is Xanth in danger?" inquired a rather fat but still dignified palomino.
"A Mundanian man called the Crypt Keeper has allied with the Four Horsemen," Luke explained. "They seek to bring down the Interface."
More murmuring, and a female centaur with a chestnut body and black hair and tail stepped forward to address him.
"Jedi Knight, this is a serious claim. If we find that this has been any sort of joke…"
"I'm telling the truth!" he said firmly. "Why would I joke about something like this?"
"Those not native to Xanth seem more than happy to joke about it," complained a rather young-looking centaur, one with a gray-dappled body and a face that looked oddly familiar.
"Believe me, I've been in Xanth before," Luke replied. "I wouldn't joke about this."
The sorrel sighed deeply. "Perhaps you should start at the beginning, Jedi Knight."
So Luke found himself relating the details of his mission again, pausing here and there to answer questions, which he answered to the best of his ability. The centaurs maintained respectful expressions and nodded at appropriate intervals, but Luke got the feeling they were pretty disinterested in whatever he had to say. Only the young gray centaur looked concerned.
"This shall be discussed," the palomino said at last. "Chas?"
The gray stepped forward.
"Our junior elder will escort you to a guest stable, where you may rest and refresh yourself. A servant will bring you food and drink. We will send for you when a decision has been reached."
Luke bowed, happy that they didn't reject him outright but doubtful that anything would come of their discussion. "Thank you, elders. May the Force be with you."
Chas Centaur led Luke just out of earshot before turning. "You've been in Xanth twice?"
"Yes, why?"
"And you've seen the Good Magician?"
"Twice… no, three times. Why do you ask?"
"Tell me…" His expression became desperately hopeful. "Did you encounter a gray centaur named Chang while at the Good Magician's castle?"
Luke nodded. "Yeah, I remember Chang. He helped my father and I on a quest our first time here. The last time I saw him, he was engaged and living happily at Lake Eerie."
Chas smiled. "I'm glad he has found happiness. You see, Chang Centaur is my father."
Luke snapped his fingers. "Of course! I thought you looked familiar! And he did mention he had two sons…"
"Yes… but neither my mother nor my older brother claim him as a father anymore. If questioned, they say our father passed away." He pawed the ground anxiously. "But I dearly miss him. I wish I could see him again."
"If the elders send forces to help us fight the Horsemen, maybe you can ask to accompany them," Luke suggested. "Forces from Lake Eerie will hopefully join us. Perhaps your father will be with them."
"Perhaps… but I shan't get my hopes up." He gestured to a stall. "I know humans are not accustomed to our style of quarters, but it's the best we can do."
"It's just fine," Luke assured him.
"Good. Someone will be along with refreshment soon." He turned to go, then shot Luke a knowing look. "I'm young, and thus my voice doesn't carry much weight with the elders, but I will see what I can do to sway the vote your way."
"That would be appreciated."
Chas nodded and trotted off.
Some minutes later, a female centaur appeared with a tray of fruit and drink. Luke helped himself to a starfruit and a milkweed pod and nodded politely as the girl bore the tray away. He wondered how Leia was faring. Hopefully she was safe. He wished he could be there with her, but at the moment he had issues of his own to be worrying about.
He was somewhat surprised when the sorrel centaur appeared in the doorway of the stall some time later, a resigned expression on his face.
"We have conferred," he said haughtily, "and we have decided to send a small force of centaur soldiers to Castle Zombie to do battle with the Horsemen and their army. Chas Centaur will lead a company of fifty archers, and you will depart with them."
"Thank you for your aid, sir," Luke replied with a measure of relief. He had been worried that the centaurs, proud creatures that they tended to be, wouldn't lower themselves to help.
"Good luck," the sorrel wished him. "You shall need it. The Four Horsemen are not to be underestimated."
Break…
"Now arriving at Ogre-fen Ogre-fen," announced the conductor. "Last stop, everyone off."
Leia glanced up, startled, from the game of Lines and Boxes she was playing with a young goblin boy. The Ogre-fen? What in the galaxy were they doing here?
"Hey, wait a minute!" bellowed a cranky troll. "This train was supposed to go to Centaur Isle!"
"We apologize for the inconvenience," the conductor replied. "We will refund tickets…"
Shouts of fear and anger filled the train. Leia glanced out the window, bewildered. She had no idea what to expect of Centaur Isle, but surely this thick jungle, torn here and there from the passing of some huge creature, couldn't be it. What had just happened? Why was she here instead of…
A pair of enormous legs emerged from the jungle.
"Ogre!" screeched a goblin. "We're all gonna die!"
"Settle down, everyone," the conductor encouraged. "We're prepared for emergencies like this. If everyone stays in the train, they should be safe…"
The floor underneath Leia lurched, and everyone tumbled out of their seats and to the floor. Hysterical screaming drowned out all other sounds. Leia shoved a harpy off her lap, disentangled herself from the flailing legs of a centaur, and got to her feet.
She froze. Peering through the window was an enormous bloodshot eye.
"See she!" a thunderous voice declared.
More screams met that statement.
"How neat," the ogre went on, and a hideous grinning mouth that dripped with spit came into view. "A treat." The mouth opened wide, revealing a disgusting wet cavern of yellowed, broken teeth and remnants of last week's meal. Leia's stomach lurched from both fear and revulsion. Never mind that death in Xanth wouldn't mean death in reality; the thought of being devoured by an ogre was still too horrific to consider…
A great scarlet circle appeared on the ceiling of the train, then dropped to the floor. Leia blinked, startled. Where there had been empty space a moment before, there now stood a tall man in rough brown robes, a baggy hood totally obscuring his face. In his deathly pale hands he carried a wooden board on which a message had been painted, and this he held up to the window.
PUT THE TRAIN DOWN.
The ogre's mouth snapped shut. "I eat! Now beat!"
The hooded being flipped the board over. To Leia's amazement, he began tracing words onto the board with his finger, words that were formed of a thin white paint that dripped and bled slightly.
IF YOU DO NOT PUT THE TRAIN DOWN, I WILL TELL THE GOOD MAGICIAN YOU HAVE BEEN UNJUSTLY HARASSING A GAME PLAYER.
The ogre said something that wilted the jungle all around, but carefully set the train back down on its tracks anyway.
The hooded man – if he was a man – set the board down, knelt on the floor of the train, and began writing another message.
YOU CAN GET OFF THE TRAIN HERE, PRINCESS. AS LONG AS YOU ARE WITH ME, THEY WILL NOT HURT YOU.
"Who are you?" asked Leia.
The creature shook his head and motioned for her to follow him. He picked up the red ring and hobbled off the train, leaning on the ring like a queerly shaped crutch.
As they left the train, Leia got a good look at the Ogre-fen Ogre-fen. There were few trees that hadn't been broken off halfway up, tied into knots or pretzel shapes, or otherwise mutilated. Vegetation had been squashed in foot-shaped swaths, and bits and pieces of bone and other matter whose origins she tried hard not to consider littered the ground. All around her ogres of all shapes and sizes lounged, eating, snoring, scratching themselves, or toying with a rock or tree until they worried it to pieces. All the ogres were at least five meters tall, though most were larger. And all of them were hideous enough to make Emperor Palpatine look like a beauty pageant contestant in comparison.
The hooded being led her past the reclining form of a hairy, snoring ogress and to a large flat rock that rippled slightly like a banner caught in the breeze – a flagstone, she thought amusedly. He laid down the ring, lifted one hand, and began writing upon the wall.
I AM KNOWN AS THE HOODED ONE, THOUGH MY FRIENDS CALL ME HOOD.
"Can I call myself your friend?" asked Leia.
Hood nodded. FEEL FREE TO CALL ME HOOD.
"Can you speak?" asked Leia.
NO. I AM NOT AT LIBERTY TO DIVULGE MY PAST, PRINCESS, THOUGH I WILL TELL YOU THAT I AM NOT A NATIVE TO XANTH. I AM HERE ONLY TO ACQUIRE AID FROM THE GOOD MAGICIAN FOR MY OWN PERSONAL QUEST. AS MY YEAR OF SERVICE, I WAS SENT HERE TO MEET LUKE SKYWALKER AND HELP HIM MAKE A DEAL WITH THE OGRES. I WAS NOT EXPECTING HIS SISTER.
"There was an error of some sort," Leia replied. "I'm not sure what."
He shrugged. ONE SKYWALKER IS AS GOOD AS ANOTHER, he wrote. IF LUKE IS NOT HERE, I WILL HELP HIS SISTER.
"Thank you," Leia replied.
IT WILL NOT BE EASY, Hood continued. THE OGRES MAY NOT BE INTELLIGENT, BUT THEY HAVE THEIR OWN CODE OF HONOR. AND YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WIN THEIR AID AGAINST THE FOUR HORSEMEN UNLESS YOU CAN WIN A CONTEST AGAINST THEIR LEADER.
"What sort of contest?" she asked nervously.
A CONTEST OF FEAR. HE WILL ATTEMPT TO FRIGHTEN YOU. IF YOU SHOW FEAR, HE WILL EAT YOU. IF YOU SUCCEED IN SHOWING NO FEAR, YOU WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO FRIGHTEN HIM. IF YOU SUCCEED, YOU GAIN THE OGRES' ASSISTANCE. IF YOU FAIL TO SCARE HIM, YOU GAIN NOTHING, BUT ARE ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE OGRE-FEN UNSCATHED.
She took another look at the ogres. Just looking at them was enough to make the hair on her neck stand up. But if this was what it took to gain allies…
"Very well. I accept the challenge."
He nodded. I WILL FETCH THE LEADER. HAND ME THE BENDER RING, PLEASE?
She realized he was referring to the red ring, and she handed it to him. "What is this?"
THE BENDER RING. IT LETS ME TRAVEL ANYWHERE IN AN INSTANT. IF YOU LIKE, CALL IT MY TALENT. He lifted the ring over his head, then let it fall. It passed over his body, making him vanish as if it were erasing him from view. It landed upon the ground, then disappeared. There was no trace of the Hooded One, save his white writing on the flagstone.
Leia smiled. At least she couldn't claim that Xanth was boring.
A ghastly roar ripped through the forest, and the ogres perked up at the sound. That bellow was followed by another, like the explosion of a detonator, and ground-shaking footsteps thudded closer. From the trees burst an ogre far more hideous than any of the others, screaming fit to wake the dead, fists raised and clenched, face a mask of drooling rage.
Leia forced back her first urge – the urge to scream and run – and faced the ogre. /Remember/ she told herself/you've faced worse./ Even this monster couldn't compete with the terror of the Emperor, Darth Vader, Jabba, the destruction of Alderaan, Han's freezing…
The ogre kept up the bellowing for a full five minutes before it realized it was having no effect. With a defeated sigh he flopped down, causing a minor earthquake as he sat.
"No fair, no scare," he grumbled.
A flash of red ring, and Hood appeared at her side. He gave her an expectant look – or as expectant a look as one can give through a hood.
Now was the time to put Luke's description of ogres to the test. Leia motioned for the ogre to put its head closer to hers. The giant got down on his hands and knees and placed a cavernous, wax-filled ear near her.
"The Horsemen are gaining strength," she murmured. "They seek to destroy the boundary between Xanth and Mundania. Soon Mundanian humans will come pouring into Xanth."
The ogre sniffed, unimpressed. "We meet, we eat. Ogres tall, Mundanians small…"
"But I know something about Mundanians that you don't."
The ogre rolled his eyes.
Leia was taking a wild stab in the dark here, but she trusted that Mundanians were as obsessed with outward appearances as people of her galaxy were. "You know, Mundanians are constantly doing things to make themselves beautiful – makeup, plastic surgery, implants… and who knows? They may be so full of chemicals and cosmetics that anyone who eats them will become beautiful themselves."
The ogre's eyes went wide. A look of horror came over his face. He gave an incredible yelp and jumped to his feet. The resulting quake nearly knocked Leia and Hood off their feet.
"We fight! Tonight!" The ogre leader turned to his brethren and pumped a broken-nailed fist in the air. "Horsemen die! Mundanians goodbye!"
All the ogres bellowed agreement, the idea of an invasion of humans they couldn't even devour without becoming repulsively beautiful too horrible to bear.
Hood found a blank spot on the flagstone and wrote a little more. WONDERFUL JOB, PRINCESS. THE OGRES WILL TAKE YOU TO CASTLE ZOMBIE. I'M SORRY THAT I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW, BUT YOU HAVE NO MORE NEED OF ME.
"Will we meet again?" Leia asked. She had only known Hood a few minutes, but she was still going to miss the strange but helpful being.
MAYBE SOMEDAY. He hesitated, then continued writing. BEWARE, LEIA. ALL IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS IN YOUR FIGHT. BE CAREFUL.
Before she could ask Hood what he had meant, he raised the Bender Ring over his head, dropped it, and was gone.