Chapter 9

"They're kissing," I whisper, still in awe at my luck.

"I can see that. I doubt they want an audience. Stop staring at them."

"But… they're kissing... each other." Can't she see this?

"That's often what two people who are dating do when they see each other." Right about this time, they stop kissing and look over at Donna hitting me in the arm. My eyes bug out and I jerk my head away from them and back to Donna.

"Donna! They were kissing. I think they're gay!" I'm doing a whisper scream so they can't hear me. You know… a whisper scream.

"Rather astute observation."

"I'm serious!"

"Josh, I told you they were partners on Sunday."

No she didn't, she said they were… oh. "I thought you meant business partners."

She shakes her head at me. "Mark's a lawyer."

"You knew about this?"

She's looking at me like I'm a complete idiot. Am I a complete idiot? "Yes."

"So they aren't hitting on you?" Please tell me I didn't say that out loud.

She rolls her eyes. "Not all men hit on me, Josh."

"Yes they do! That's what CJ said." I said that out loud too?

She stares at me like she might hit me. She stares at me like that a lot actually. "Is that what this is all about? You've been helping me to make sure Jeff and Mark don't hit on me?"

"No. Absolutely not. No." I shake my head back and forth really fast and several times, but I don't think she's buying it.

"It is," she says loudly, hitting me on the arm again. It hurts when she does that. I can take it, I am a man. I'm just saying, she's pretty strong… for a girl.

"No. I'm just trying to help."

"Joshua. Telling me the truth now will help you. It might even prolong your life," she says through gritted teeth. My life's in danger? I glance over at Jeff and Mark silently begging them to help. "They're not going to help you. They think you're a lunatic. Spill Lyman."

They think I'm a lunatic? "I'm… Jeff and Mark are waiting on us."

"Jeff and Mark? Not Jeff the gym guy and beefcake #2?"

Oh shit. "I… um… I'm trying not to piss you off anymore than necessary?"

"Meaning, they're no longer the enemy, so you don't feel the need to berate them."

Exactly. "I never thought they were the enemy; they're just…growing on me."

"Bull shit." Well, alrighty then.

"They're waiting Donna. Let's talk about this later." Please don't make me admit my Neanderthal behavior and undying love in front of them. Please…

She looks at me again for several seconds before slowly saying, "I think that's a good idea." Then she walks past me and towards Jeff and Mark.

I stand there a second and then jog to catch up to her. Just as I get there, I hear Donna tell them I'm leaving. "Josh has a work emergency. He has to go."

"I can stay."

She smiles at them before turning back to me and giving me the glare-smile. You know the one. "That's ok. I'm fine here with these two. You go back and take care of that problem. We wouldn't want anyone getting hurt." The way she says the end of the sentence lets me know that I'm the one who might be getting hurt.

"Ok," I say solemnly. "You'll come back to the office when you're done here and help me with the problem?"

She smiles eerily. "You bet."

So as to not get myself killed, I shake Mark and Jeff's hand. "I'm sorry I can't stay. It was nice seeing you both."

"You too," says Jeff. They turn around and head into the townhouse while I hail a cab.

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Ok, so… that went… well, not at all good. Bad would be a term associated with what happened back there. Very bad, even.

This is all her fault really. If she hadn't tried to deviate from the plan, none of this would be happening. If she had just stuck with the End of the Administration plan, this wouldn't be an issue. And let's think about this for a minute. Are you and I really supposed to believe that she doesn't know about the End of the Administration plan? Really? This is Donnatella Moss, the reader of minds. This is the woman who knows me better than anyone ever has. Most of the time, she knows what I'm thinking before I know it, and yes, I'm well aware that means she may very well be planting those thoughts in my head, but I've come to grips with it. I'm just saying, if she can read my mind, then she knows about the End of the Administration plan.

And here's the proof. Let's review that conversation she and I just had. Obviously she knows I don't want another man touching her. She said I looked at Jeff and Mark as the enemy. She accused me of coming with her so they couldn't hit on her, which, by the way, is only half the truth. And if she knows I don't want her to date other men, then she must know why, and if she knows why, then she must be aware of the plan. Right?

I mean, she might not be completely set on the exact details of the plan. She might not know that I've picked out the ring. She might not know about the down on one knee in the bullpen thing, she might not know that I've booked the moving company, but she knows the general gist of the plan. You know damn well she knows we're not making it to the bed the first time we have sex. You think she isn't counting the days just as much as I am. How do you think I even found out the date we leave office? She had it on her calendar in red ink circled several times.

So, now that we know she knows the plan, let's talk about this house nonsense. Why is she buying a house? Is she trying to get me to show my hand? Is this all some ploy to get me to admit the plan? Is this a sub-plan of its own, making my sub-plan a sub-sub-plan? Is she too impatient to wait for the down on one knee in the bullpen?

And speaking of that, can we go off topic for just a few seconds? Is it lame to propose to her in the bullpen? I just thought it would be sweet to propose the very second I could. To do it right there so the men would hoop and holler, it's a term, and the women would ooh and ahh, also a term, over the ring. But if you think it's lame… no, never mind. I like it. Donna'll like it. It's a statement. I don't care what you think.

Ok, back to topic. Is this house hunting a way to get me to admit the plan? Or… is this her way of telling me she's changed her mind? She no longer loves me; she no longer wants to build a life with me. She's not interested in the plan, and she wants me to know it before I make a fool of myself in the bullpen? Could that be it? Please say that's not it.

Or, could it be that she's never wanted the plan? That I've been misinterpreting her intentions from the beginning? And again, she's trying to point that out before I drop to one knee and propose to her in front of everyone we know. No. That's not it. Right?

"I think it sounds like a sweet way to propose."

I jerk my head up from the strip club advertisement on the back of the seat in front of me and look at the cab driver. "What?"

"I don't understand your plan or whatever. To tell the truth, you're not making any sense at all when it comes to that. But…I think the proposal sounds nice, and I've heard the whooping and hollering term before. Are you gonna have flowers?"

My eyes bug out of my head and I stare dumbfounded at him. I said all that out loud?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A half hour later, Toby walks into my office. "I'm bored. How is it that I have nothing to do?"

"I'm losing my grip on realty."

"That could be entertaining," he says, sitting in a chair in my office and looking at me as though he actually expects to see it happening. I have the urge to ask if he wants popcorn.

"I doubt it. It was never a strong grip."

"True. What else have you got?"

"Donna'll be here in a little bit to yell at me." His eyebrows peak in excitement. "But not for anything you haven't heard before."

"About the house sabotaging?"

"No, about prohibiting gay men from hitting on her."

"Gay men? You can't let her have any fun at all?"

"I didn't know they….wait a minute." I get up and shut the door, then sit back down in my chair. "How did you know about the sub-plan?"

"The sub-plan?"

"The sub-plan to protect the plan."

"The plan being… marrying Donna the second we leave office?"

"Yes, although now I'm wondering how you know about that plan too."

"Everyone knows about that plan. There's talk that you might drop to a knee in the bullpen. Of course, there's also talk that you might have sex there," he says pointing to my desk. Yes! Desk sex.

"Don't think I haven't considered it."

"I'm sure you have. Spare me the details."

"How do you know about the sub-plan?"

"The sub-plan to protect the plan?"

"How many sub-plans to you think I have?"

He shakes his head. "I couldn't begin to guess."

"Are you going to answer the question?"

"You had no choice. Of course you were sabotaging the house hunt. You're marrying her in a little under a year."

Finally, someone on my side! "So I'm right!"

"No."

"No?"

"No. You had no choice. There's a difference."

"What do I do now?"

He shrugs. "She doesn't know about it, keep it up."

"She wouldn't let me go with her today because of the gay realtor thing."

"Ahh..."

"How am I supposed to sabotage what I can't see?"

"You need help."

"Yes! You go with her." He's brilliant!

"No."

"No?"

"No. The gay realtor. He's your help."

"What?"

"You've got to get the realtor to help."

"How?"

"I have no idea, but I'd guess it's going to include begging."