Part XVI – Reformat
Leia was the first to descend down the stairs and into the catacombs, holding a torch and flanked on either side by slightly decayed but heavily armed zombies. The stone corridors of the catacombs were cold and damp, with claw marks etching the stone here and there and a definite cat smell tainting the air. Luke followed close behind, hands held tensely at his sides like those of a gunslinger, ready to grab either lightsaber or sword as the occasion warranted. Fett and Phillipa, each carrying a blaster, came in next, followed by Jenny, who had borrowed a vibroblade from Fett. Anakin and Mentia were last, the former holding his lightsaber loosely in one hand, the latter shifting rapidly between various forms in an effort to decide which would be best for fighting the Horsemen's army.
"Which way?" asked Luke. The catacombs were a labyrinth of stone corridors, and already they were presented with a choice of five possible routes.
"Sammy," instructed Leia, "find the Crypt Keeper."
Sammy meowed and set off at a lope, taking the third doorway and leading their party through the twisting halls. Luke ignited his saber and dragged it along the wall, leaving a trail for the army to follow once they were summoned. It was agreed that, once they located the Crypt Keeper and his army, Fett would summon the imps, who would alert the rest of their waiting forces on the way down to the catacombs.
Leia took a deep breath as she pressed forward, focusing her thoughts. This was just another battle against evil, she told herself, even if that evil took on the form of a cat army and the Four Horsemen rather than the Empire. She was used to these struggles by now. This one might be waged between stranger creatures, but underneath it was no different from every other fight she had been involved in. Except for one distinct difference – she had no need to fear death this time, only a swift return to her world.
And more importantly, she had allies. Luke fought by her side, and Jenny, Phillipa, and Mentia, new allies and friends. Fett, once someone to be feared, had become an unlikely collaborator, and Anakin…
She had to accept the fact that he was her father. She may not like it, but it wasn't as if she could change it, any more than she could change her skin. If Luke, who had also suffered a great deal at the hands of Vader, could forgive and accept him, then perhaps it was time she did the same. And it was high time she spoke with him, as she had promised Luke she would do.
After the battle, of course. There wasn't time now.
Sammy stopped in his tracks and hissed. His back arched, his fur stiffened and spiked, and his lips curled back to reveal wicked fangs.
"What is it, Sammy?" asked Jenny.
He gave a low growl… as another cat stepped from the shadows, black with white paws and a white patch on its chest. The second cat hissed and tensed, ready to spring.
"Oh no," Jenny gasped. "Sammy, don't fight it! It's a…"
Too late. Sammy and the other cat locked in battle, spitting and howling savagely, claws and teeth flashing. Luke reached down to separate them, but Anakin held him back.
The battle ended quickly. Sammy dropped onto his side and was still. The other cat shook itself vigorously, licked at its wounded front leg, and limped away.
"Sammy!" Jenny bent down and scooped up her cat, searching everywhere for injury. Aside from a deep bite to the shoulder, he was unmarked, but he didn't respond to her cry.
"It was a catatonia," Anakin explained. "Its bite makes its victims catatonic. Sammy cannot help us until he recovers – by which time it may be too late."
Leia closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her forehead. Could things never be easy?
"Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast, Anakin?" demanded Mentia, who was currently in roc form. "You have the Simurgh's feather!"
"Can it cure the bite of a catatonia?" asked Phillipa.
"There's only one way to find out," Luke replied.
Anakin handed over the feather, and Luke touched its tip to Sammy's shoulder. The bite marks closed, and the cat opened his eyes. Jenny lowered him to the floor, and he stretched, gave his fur a few preliminary licks, and trotted off to find the Crypt Keeper again.
Jenny threw her arms around first Luke, then Anakin. "Thank you so much!"
"Hey, I suggested it!" shrieked Mentia, now in goblin form.
"And thank you too, Mentia," Jenny replied, hugging the demoness even as she shifted from goblin shape to ogress shape.
"Ah, forget the mushy stuff," Mentia grumbled, shaking the girl off. "Let's move it before we lose the cat."
They moved on. Two more turns, down a short flight of stairs…
And they entered what looked like someone's sleeping quarters, albeit sleeping quarters as large as the average person's apartment. A very messy bed was shoved in one corner, and a desk with a miniature version of Com Pewter on it occupied another. Clothes, books, food wrappers, and crumpled pieces of paper littered the floor, and taped to the stone walls were posters depicting – of all things – people of the Star Wars galaxy. She was startled to recognize herself, Luke, and Fett among the pictures, as well as a younger version of General Kenobi, a fearsome tattooed warrior labeled as "MAUL," and a lightsaber-bearing droid she recognized from a holofile of the Clone Wars, one General Grievous.
Hunched over the computer, tapping furiously away as if his life depended on it, was a scrawny young man in faded jeans and a black T-shirt.
"Hey, Crypt Keeper!" shouted Mentia, now a harpy.
The man whirled.
He was not what Leia had expected. No cunning warrior or brilliant strategist here – this was a man barely out of his teenage years, his skin still flawed with acne. Pale from years of solitude in the catacombs, he had red-brown hair that stuck out in all directions, old-fashioned corrective lenses with ugly black plastic frames, a gaunt bony face like a young Grand Moff Tarkin's, and ears that stuck out like banners. His shirt bore the image of a battle-ready Darth Vader, and on a chain around his neck hung a cheap pendant of a dragon.
"What-do-you-want?" he demanded in a nervous rush.
"Are you the Crypt Keeper?" Luke inquired, raising his saber.
"Yeah," the young man said unsurely. "What's it to you?"
"You're destroying our world," Phillipa snarled, her now-human lips curled back. "We're here to stop you."
He shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm HELPING Xanth!"
"Ha!" barked Mentia, now in dragon form.
"I'm serious!" he insisted. "I mean, sure, Xanth is great, but it could be better, y'know? If we just opened up the Interface, Xanthians could have access to everything Mundanians enjoy. Wouldn't Xanth benefit from such things as the Internet, or radio, or television, or cell phones? Sure, they have magic that takes care of communication needs, but sometimes magic isn't enough, or for some reason it doesn't work. And if another Time of No Magic hits Xanth… wouldn't Mundanian technology help the people continue to function?"
"Xanth and Mundania aren't supposed to mix," Jenny retorted. "Yes, people can come to Xanth a few at a time to mix with the people here, and people from Xanth can occasionally visit Mundania. But the Interface was put up for a reason – to protect the worlds from a full-scale exposure. Xanth and Mundania are so different that if the Interface comes down, they'll destroy each other."
"You think that because you haven't been told any different," the Crypt Keeper replied in a rational tone. "Everyone is scared of what they don't understand. Mundanians are just as frightened of magic as Xanthians are frightened of technology. But give it a little while, and you'll soon see. The Four Horsemen, for example – they were pretty spooked by my technical gadgets at first, but now they're so excited about my plan…"
"The Horsemen have deluded you," Anakin said sternly. "The only reason they are interested in your plot is because it fits their own agenda of destruction."
"They've generously offered to help me!" the Crypt Keeper shot back.
"Their only objective is to destroy Xanth!" Luke shouted. "That's why they're helping you! They know bringing the Interface down will destroy Xanth!"
The Crypt Keeper shook his head emphatically. "No, it won't. You'll see. Xanth survived the Waves. It survived the Time of No Magic. It survived the plotting of Darius and the World Demons. No, not only survived – thrived! It's grown stronger after every challenge. And it will be strengthened by this." He turned back to the computer and kept tapping away.
So their foe had no malicious intent at all – he was only misguided. Not that it made much difference. A fool was every bit as dangerous as an actively evil enemy, especially a fool who was also a pawn for greater evil…
"Get away from the computer, Crypt Keeper," Mentia snarled. She looked like a rabid unicorn now. "GET AWAY!"
The man acted as if he hadn't heard her. "One more password…" he muttered.
"Mentia, his name!" hissed Jenny. "Call him by his real name! He'll have to listen to you then!"
She hesitated, shifting to werewolf form in the process, then took her advice.
"Get away from the computer… Supernova."
Dead silence. The Crypt Keeper turned slowly around to stare, bewildered, at the demoness. Leia couldn't help but stare at her as well. She had to be joking. Who in their right mind would name their child…
"Supernova?" repeated Luke. "What kind of name is that?"
Fett snorted in laughter.
"What… did you… call me?" the Crypt Keeper demanded quietly.
"I called you Supernova," Mentia replied triumphantly, now in naga form. "Isn't that your name, pal?"
"No!" he shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears. "Don't call me that, it's not my name!"
Mentia didn't know when to quit. She kept repeating the name over and over in a singsong tone, altering her voice every now and again just for kicks. All the while the Crypt Keeper's shouts of denial kept getting louder and louder, which only egged the demoness on.
"All right!" he screamed. "All right, you've had your fun! Now just… go away and let me finish this!"
"Supernova, if you touch that computer, you face our wrath," Phillipa said in a threatening tone that was spoiled by an amused chuckle.
He winced at hearing his name again. Slowly, he held both hands in the air and backed away from the computer… then lunged for the keyboard.
"No!" Leia shouted, bolting forward. But before she could stop him, he had struck the keys, and a thunder of hooves rang from the stone walls.
Anakin shouted something that made the Grievous poster burst into flames. "He's summoned his friends! Fett, call the army!"
Fett plunged his hands into his pack and withdrew the flute. But he hesitated.
"Fett, what are you waiting for?" demanded Luke.
"He has helmet issues!" Phillipa shouted back, grabbing the flute from him. "Here, let me!" And she piped a swift trilling tune.
Before the final note could die away, an enormous form burst from the doorway and skidded to a stop in the center of the room – a shining rider on a white horse. Encased in gleaming steel armor from head to toe, the visor of his gold-crowned helmet was up to reveal fiery eyes and a scarred visage, and in his gauntleted hands he clutched a heavy bow set with a wickedly barbed arrow. His steed, a handsome stallion, snorted and pawed, impatient to wade into the thick of battle and carry his rider on some fearsome campaign.
"War," gasped Jenny.
A second horse clattered into the room, this one red – not the shade of brown that zoologists often called red, but a deep bloody red. It was a miracle this beast could even carry a rider, for it was little more than a skeleton wrapped in hide, its bones jutting cruelly through the skin. The rider, dressed in tattered wine-red robes, had a gaunt starved look but was nowhere near as bad off as his mount, and a heavy scarf obscured all but his flashing, desperate eyes. In one bony hand he clutched a tarnished but sharp sword.
"Famine," Luke murmured.
The third horse, so black it seemed to reflect no light at all, followed, staggering and limping, eyes glazed and skin covered with parasites and oozing sores. Every breath wheezed from its nostrils, and when it came to a halt beside its brethren it dropped its head as if its neck were too weak to lift it. The being upon its back was wrapped in black rags like a leper or mummy, only his bloodshot eyes visible, and he coughed violently and shook with pain. Something metallic hung from one arm, and it took Leia a moment to recognize it as an antique set of scales.
"Pestilence," Mentia gaped.
The last horse entered regally, not at a dead run like the others, but almost prancing, as if it were a show horse. The ivory-colored beast was a flawless specimen of its kind, perfectly proportioned and blindingly beautiful. And its rider… not a skeleton, as most people pictured him, but a man, clad in a flowing robe black as Pestilence's horse, his face open to the world. He was as painfully handsome as his steed, yet there was a deep and unsettling aura about him, as if he were a Sith Lord.
"Death," Anakin breathed.
War turned to face Supernova. "What's going on here?" he demanded in a harsh voice, like clashing blades or an exploding thermal detonator. "Who are these people?"
"We're here to stop your plot!" Jenny told him, mustering as much courage as she could, though her voice sounded weak and frightened compared to War's.
Famine laughed, a high eerie sound like a child's sobs. "Elf girl, do you truly think that the seven of you are sufficient to keep our plan from going forward?"
"Stop talking and get them out of here!" Supernova demanded in a frazzled tone. "I haven't finished with the Interface, and I can't concentrate…"
"Oh, we'll get them out of here soon enough," rasped Pestilence, coughing and gasping between words. "We wouldn't want you to be distracted from your mission, would we?"
Death smiled. Apparently the fourth Horseman was as silent as his Mundanian counterpart. But the meaning of that chilling grin was perfectly clear.
"Before you kill us, can we just say one thing?" asked Luke.
War, Famine, and Pestilence laughed all the harder, and Death's smile widened. "Make it quick," snarled War.
"Duck!" he advised, pulling Leia backward.
And an enormous, calloused, broken-nailed, stinking foot crashed through the ceiling, followed by an immense hairy leg. From the gaping rift in the ceiling poured centaurs, imps, and crossbreeds in a seemingly never-ending stream, descending upon the Four Horsemen like a tidal wave. Startled, the Horsemen's mounts skittered and whinnied, and they had to fight to control the beasts.
A terrible bellow, and the entire north wall of the Crypt Keeper's sleeping quarters was smashed in with a flick of a cat-apult's tail. Hisses, yowls, and roars joined the twang of bows, howl of ogres, and crack of blast-its as the feline army of the Four Horsemen clashed with their ragtag forces. Fur, arrows, and bolts of fire flew with reckless abandon.
Leia hastily dodged an ogre's foot, wishing she'd thought to bring a weapon into Xanth.
"Leia, here!" Jenny shouted, handing her a canteen. "I'll scatter seeds, and you water them!"
"Good idea," she replied. "But wait a moment. Let's concentrate on where the fighting's the roughest."
It didn't take long to find an opportunity. Two enormous feline beasts, as transparent as crystal and striped with every color imaginable, were twined in combat with an apparent dragon-hippogriff crossbreed, and the crossbreed was definitely on the losing end of the battle. And to make matters worse, War was quickly approaching, an arrow pointed directly at the dragon-hippogriff's heart. Jenny flung a handful of the seeds, and Leia followed up with a quick slosh of water.
The plants sprouted and matured, snapping viciously at the ankles of the glass tigers. The beasts roared in pain, but they found the cat nip plants irresistible and turned their attentions to them. The crossbreed, scratched and bleeding, disentangled himself from the fighting just in time to dodge the arrow. War snarled at being denied his rightful prey and turned on Leia, aiming.
She didn't stop to think but heaved the canteen, drenching the Horseman and his steed.
"Um, was that smart?" asked Jenny. "Demons and night mares are immortal, and he's both… they can't really age…"
"All things age," Leia countered, though in retrospect she had to wonder if she had acted prudently. What effects would water from an age spring have on an immortal?
They didn't have to wait long to find out. War dropped his bow and wiped angrily at his face and arms as if to brush the water away. But it was no use – the liquid clung to him, and even as the two women watched he began to fade.
"No!" he snarled. "What's happening?"
Leia smiled with realization. "What happens to all supposedly immortal gods and deities – they are forgotten with time. And when they're forgotten, they cease to exist."
War screamed, a sound like blaster fire, as he and his mount vanished.
"Good job!" Jenny cheered. "Let's see if we can try that on the others!"
Break…
Fett and Phillipa stood back-to-back, blast-hers pumping furiously. Due to the quirks of Xanth, their weapons could only shoot females, but seeing as the Horsemen's army seemed to be an even mix of both genders, they made considerable progress against the enemy. And the imps and centaurs quickly picked off any male foes that came after them.
"For a beginner, you're not that bad a shot," Fett congratulated, pulling the trigger and dropping an oncoming griffon.
"Thanks," she replied, shooting at a paper tiger and setting its backside on fire. "I suppose from you, that's as high of praise as I can expect to get."
He laughed as he plugged the catatonia that had attacked Sammy earlier. "I could get used to you, Phillipa."
"And I guess I could get used to you, Fett," she retorted, firing upon an ant lioness.
A clatter of hooves, and Famine charged them, sword raised, bloodlust in his eyes.
Fett smiled grimly under his mask, then shrugged off his pack. He'd intended to use the cherry bombs one at a time, but if the Horsemen were truly as terrible as Mentia would have them, it might take more than a handful…
Famine's horse skidded to a frantic halt and shrieked in pure terror as Fett let the entire pack fly, and the Horseman raised his arms in a futile gesture. The resulting blast shook the entire castle and caused several more walls to collapse from the shock wave.
Phillipa staggered to regain her balance. "Not smart, Fett! Demons can't be killed in the conventional ways! Blowing him up won't do anything…"
"Not true," Mentia piped up, appearing at their side in the form of a wyvern. "Not when that much firepower is used. If he'd just thrown one bomb, or even a handful, Famine would have gone to pieces, but he could have pulled himself back together again. But with that much of a blast… he's practically been reduced to molecules. No demon has ever managed to reconstruct himself from that brutal a blast."
"So Famine is gone?" asked Fett.
"Gone," Mentia replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have business to be tending to." And she vanished, but not before assuming the form of a griffon. Apparently her "business" had something to do with the stork. Some things didn't change.
A snarl attracted their attention, and they turned to see a sphinx tensing to spring. Seeing this particular specimen was male, Fett holstered his blaster and fired a rocket at the beast. The war was far from over.
Break…
Luke drew his lightsaber as Pestilence charged, unsure whether the blade would even affect a demon-night mare but determined to try. As the Horseman bore down on him, he leaped to the side and slashed, aiming for the horse's neck. Unsurprisingly, the blade passed through the beast as if it were a hologram.
"Good try, Jedi boy," wheezed Pestilence. "But not good enough." He spun his mount around and charged again.
Luke extinguished the blade and instead drew his sword. Where was Anakin? He knew a lot more about Xanth than Luke; why wasn't he here to help him?
A pain-wracked roar answered his question. Anakin was in dragon form, locked in deadly combat with the cat-apult. Even as Luke watched, the cat-apult sank deadly fangs into Anakin's shoulder, teeth grinding against the bone.
"Father, no!"
Pestilence gave a gurgling laugh, and Luke barely dodged the charge in time. The Horseman jerked a wickedly curved knife from his body wrappings and leaned down to swipe at him.
"Luke, move!"
Leia! He didn't hesitate but flung himself aside as a sudden spray of water soaked Pestilence to the skin. He stared at Leia with an expression of utmost horror as he faded away.
Luke didn't bother to question what had just happened but grabbed Leia by the arm. "We have to help Anakin! He's in trouble!"
"Luke, we have to leave him!" Leia retorted. "The Crypt Keeper's getting away!"
Luke followed her gaze. The Crypt Keeper had stuffed his computer under one arm and was hauling himself onto the back of Death's horse. Evidently things were getting way too noisy here for the Crypt Keeper to concentrate on the Interface.
Luke looked his sister in the eye. "You go after him. Do what you can to keep him from opening the Interface. I'll get Father. He's the only one with the code to fix the damage."
She embraced him. "Be careful."
"I will," he vowed.
Chas Centaur halted next to them, and Leia mounted him and urged him after the fleeing Horseman.
Luke turned back to the cat-apult. He was too far away to help, and a great seething mass of fighting beasts stood between them. If he was to defeat the cat-apult, he had to use other means…
He clutched the imps' sword. /Imp-eror, forgive me my disrespect of your gift, but I think it's more disposable than my lightsaber./ And with that, he drew on the Force and let it fly.
The cat-apult released its grip on Anakin and screamed in agony as the blade sank to the hilt between its ribs. The dragon jerked away and staggered toward Luke as the giant cat slumped to the stone floor.
"Father, where's the Simurgh's feather?" demanded Luke.
The dragon sank to his belly and tilted his great head, and the feather drifted down from behind his horns. Luke picked it up and hurriedly circled Anakin, stroking the bleeding shoulder and any other wounds he could find. Once he was sure his father was out of danger, he tucked the feather back into his belt where the sword had once gone.
Anakin resumed human form, looking exhausted but unhurt. "Thank you, my son."
"C'mon!" Luke urged. "Leia's chasing the Crypt Keeper! We have to stop him!"
"Luke…" began Anakin, but he grimaced as if in pain. "Lead the way."
Luke stared at him. Had he missed an injury?
"Go, Luke!" Anakin ordered. "He could be ripping the barrier already!"
"Sammy!" Luke shouted over the din. "Find the Crypt Keeper!"
The cat streaked toward them, dodging feet and hooves and claws, and bolted down a passageway. The two Jedi followed.
An amazing sight met their eyes. Leia had the Crypt Keeper backed into a dead-end corridor, a canteen of water at the ready. Supernova was crouched in a corner, arms up as if to fend off a blow, whimpering, Chas keeping an arrow trained at him. Of Death there was no sign, though the floor was soaked.
"So the aging water affects demons after all?" inquired Anakin.
"Yes," Leia replied. "But I wasn't able to get him before Supernova here finished breaking the code."
"You're kidding," Luke shot back, stunned.
She shook her head. "Whatever the Simurgh told you, Anakin, now's the time to put it to use."
The ground beneath their feet shuddered, and the air filled with a stench like ozone. From outside Castle Zombie came a great rending sound as the Interface began pulling apart. The Crypt Keeper wore a satisfied expression.
"Father, the password!" Luke shouted.
Anakin winced again. "I cannot repair the Interface. I am a Companion. Only a Player can repair the Interface."
"Then I'll do it!" Luke knelt before the Crypt Keeper's computer.
"Don't!" came the shriek. "You'll undo years of careful planning…"
"Oh, stuff it, Supernova," Luke replied impatiently. "Father, tell me the code!"
"Luke…" A grunt of pain.
"Father, the code!"
Silence. When Luke turned toward Anakin, he was stunned to see a serene expression on his face.
"Luke, Leia, I love you both very much," he said warmly. "Never, ever forget that."
"Father!" Luke shouted. Why was he stalling? Every moment they delayed, the less chance they had of repairing the damage.
"Interface. Shutdown. Reformat. Recompile."
Luke turned back to the computer and began typing. INTERFACE. SHUTDOWN. REFORMAT. RECOMPILE.
The ground shook again. The rending became an ominous sucking sound.
Anakin screamed.