Bittersweet

By Bonekhan

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"You know what?" Raven said to the darkness, sitting in her room in the middle of the night. "If I ended it now, no one would care." She smiled disgustedly. 'Cyborg and Beast Boy have their precious video games, and Robin and Starfire have each other. Actually, it's amazing the two of them aren't together already, I mean it's so friggin obvious that they're like totally in love with each other. Yeah, so anyways, nobody would give a fuckin shit if I killed myself right now.' She thought to herself, breaking one of the mirrors in her room with her fist. She picked up a large shard and looked at her reflection. "No one would ever like me the way Robin likes Star." She said dismally. "I mean look at me! I have probably the palest skin ever, ridiculous lavender hair, purple eyes; all in all, I'm just plain ugly. But that won't matter in just a few minutes, nothing will." She picked up a smaller piece of the glass and held it in her hands, staring at it.

Raven then pulled off her gloves and just looked at her hands. 'Hmmm…I'm bleeding already, now would you look at that.' she thought to herself, seeing how her knuckles got bloodied from punching the mirror. She finally realized there were tears streaking down her cheeks. She had been silently crying this whole time, now that she thought about it. She just sat there on the floor in the middle of her room, debating whether or not she should do this. It wasn't that she was afraid to die, but she had heard that suicide was the coward's way out. She didn't really want to live, but she didn't want to be a coward either.

Meanwhile…

Beast Boy was tossing and turning in bed. He looked at the clock beside his bed. 1:57. He groaned. "It's almost 2 in the morning, and I'm still awake!" he said only slightly sleepy and very annoyed. "Geez, usually it's impossible to keep me from going to sleep at this time. I'll just go get some water, maybe that'll help," he said to himself hopefully.

He shrunk to a small tabby cat and stalked to the kitchen. Getting there, he transformed back, grabbed a large glass, and filled it. "Great! Now that I'm actually up, I'm even less tired!" he said, irritated and glaring at nothing in particular. He sighed. "Oh well, there's nothing I can do about that now is there?"

He decided to take a long way to his room. He passed by Starfire's, Robin's, and Cyborg's room, and everything was quiet aside from their soft snoring and other sleep noises. When he got to Raven's room, he stopped. For a while, he just stood there staring at the door, thinking about the occupant of the room behind it. Although he had never told anyone, he had a huge crush on Raven. Hell, actually, he was almost positive that he loved her, even though he kinda didn't want to and tried to deny it. 'I can't help it, I'm kinda scared to love her. The last person I loved played me like she felt the same then betrayed me and the others.' Beast Boy sighed again. She'd never feel the same way about him though, and he didn't blame her. 'Who could love an ugly monster like me. I'm green all over, with green eyes, green hair, and green skin, she thinks I'm annoying, and likes being alone rather than being in my company.'

He turned away, ready to go back to his room. Then he realized something wasn't…"right" here. He listened closely. Instead of hearing soft snoring like he had hoped, he heard wet sniffling. He cautiously took a sniff, not liking what he smelt; the salty scent of tears and the metallic tang of blood.

Worried, and scared of what he might find, Beast Boy knocked hesitantly on the door. "Raven? Please let me in." He said, a little panicky. When she didn't, he set down his glass of water on the floor in the hall and changed to a large gorilla. He hit the door and it swung back on its hinges, breaking the lock. He transformed back and looked around the room. There Raven was, sitting in the middle of the floor, amid shards of glass from a broken mirror. She dropped the piece of glass she had been holding above the soft, vulnerable skin of her wrist, ready to end it all. Beast Boy watched it fall to the ground.

"Rae, are you ok?" Beast Boy asked tentatively.

Raven pulled down the hood of the cape that she hadn't bothered taking off earlier, revealing her tearstained and pained face. "Do I look ok to you?" She said, sobbing now and holding up her bloody hand for emphasis.

"Rae…please, talk to me." Beast Boy pleaded, tears spilling down his own cheeks. Silence followed his plea. His ears drooped. "Well please, talk to someone. I understand that you wouldn't pick me as the ideal person to talk to, seeing as how I'm just an annoying, ugly, green loser, but please don't carry whatever burden it is that you have by yourself." He was still crying, but he swallowed the lump in his throat the best he could and continued. "Look, before I go, there are a few things that I need to tell you. If you ever need someone to listen to you, to talk to, to trust," he paused then continued softly, "to take care of you, I don't know about everyone else, but I for one would do anything for you, help you with anything, if you would just let me. And…I…I care too much about you to let you die this way, so please, don't do it." If he had looked up since he started his little speech, he would have seen Raven staring up at him, her expression, still slightly pained, but not near as much as before, but with tears still coursing down her beautiful face.

"I'll go now." Beast Boy whispered, turning away and heading out, his face still down turned.

"Beast Boy! Please, wait." Raven cried out. He stopped and turned to face her. She gasped. "You…you're crying!" He looked at her. "Why?" she asked softly.

"Because you are Raven. Seeing you so depressed and in this much pain…it hurts me Rae. And there's also the fact that I came dangerously close to losing the girl I l- uhhh… a friend." he said, blushing through his tears.

"And everything you said? Was it all true?" Raven asked, anxiously.

"I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't." he replied gently.

"Even the part about…about you caring so much, about me?" she inquired tentatively.

"Especially that. Raven, I care about you far more than you know. Maybe you'd realize that if you quit pushing me away so much." Now Beast Boy was the one with the pained expression.

Raven cast her eyes downward. "I'm sorry Beast Boy. I just…I guess I just kinda panic when you try to get close to me. I'm just not very trusting if you haven't noticed."

"Well, you can trust me Raven." He walked over to her and held out his hand. Raven just stared at it. "What? I just want to help you up." "Oh, yeah, right" was Raven's oh-so-intelligent answer.

The tears had finally stopped and Beast Boy smiled lightly at Raven. Her breath hitched in her throat. She realized that Beast Boy was only in his black boxers.

She slipped her hand into his and let him pull her up. She was a bit dizzy when she stood up, and almost fell over but Beast Boy steadied her, his hands gripping her waist. She rested her hands on his upper arms to further support herself, and realized that his arms were actually quite muscular. And his chest was wonderfully chiseled and he had some nice abs. 'My God! How had I not noticed this before!' she inquired to herself silently. 'I guess it's because I've only seen him in his regular clothes, which cover practically his whole body. Hmmm…slim but strong. Muscular, but not beefy. No matter what he thinks of himself, he's far from ugly. Wait, did I just think that, about Beast Boy! Uh oh.'

This all went through her head in about 5 seconds, and by then she was all right again, no longer dizzy. His hands lingered on her waist a moment more then were gone. All of a sudden, she missed the warmth of his hands on her body.

"Well you probably don't want me here any longer, so I'll go now." he said, somewhat dismally.

He had almost made it to the door again when Raven called him back once more. "Um Beast Boy?" "Yeah?" "Um…uh…well, would you please stay with me here tonight?" she asked, blushing.

"Are you sure? I don't want you feeling uncomfortable or anything with me in you room." he said sincerely.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I would actually feel more comfortable, safe, and altogether just plain better if you would stay here with me. So will you do it? Please?" she asked, feeling almost desperate to keep him here.

"Of course I will. I said I'd be there whenever you need me and I meant it. And I'd love to spend time with you, just the two of us." Beast Boy smiled charmingly.

Raven's heart skipped a beat. Seeing his fangs when he smiled, that got her thinking. 'His fangs, his pointy ears, tousled, wild hair, God, they just make him look even sexier.' Raven's eyes widened. 'Oh shit! I did NOT just think that. Beast boy? Sexy?' Then she looked him over again. 'Ok, so maybe he's kinda cute…hott…sexy. Oh! It's true, I do think he's sexy.'

"Raven are you sure you're ok?" Beast Boy asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just thought of something." she said blushing slightly. She took a step towards her bed, and her legs collapsed from under her.

Beast Boy's arms shot out and snaked around her waist, catching her and pulling her up before she hit the ground. He raised an eyebrow. "So this is what you call fine? Geez, I'd hate to see you when you aren't feeling ok." he said smirking. But despite his nonchalant act, he was worried about her.

Raven glowered at him. "Well princess, it looks as if I'll have to carry you to your bed." he said, relieved she was glowering like normal. He swept her up in his arms bridal style, and cradled her gently against his chest.

"You know better than to call me 'princess' Beast Boy. Don't do it again." Raven warned from her place I his arms, but not protesting against his carrying her.

Beast Boy smiled down at her. "Yes ma'am." He then turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction. "Where are you going? In case you haven't noticed, the bed is that way." Raven informed him sarcastically.

"I know, but I'd like to get my water which is in the hall and close the door if you don't mind. Besides, I don't mind carrying you." For once he was glad his skin was green, because unless he was blushing really bad, no one could tell.

Raven on the other hand was blushing full force. Oh well, it wasn't as if she didn't enjoy it. She loved the feel of his arms wrapped around her protectively, and she could fell his steady heartbeat thumping in his chest, which was comforting.

Beast Boy was having similar thoughts. He loved the way she fit in his arms perfectly and the warmth of her body so close to his own.

"Uh, Rae?"

"Hmm?" she wondered.

"Well my arms and hands are kinda full…so, could you grab my water for me please?"

"Sure, bend down so I can reach it." Raven didn't mind at all.

"Ok, thanks." Beast Boy said as he knelt down. Soon, Raven was practically sitting in his lap. She grabbed the glass and he slowly straightened up and walked into her room. He kicked the door closed; glad he didn't break it off its hinges earlier.

They finally got to the bed and Beast Boy laid Raven down gently. They both immediately missed the lost warmth, but neither said anything about it.

'Ok, well she probably does NOT want me in her bed with her, so I'll just sit here and keep an eye on her.' Beast Boy thought, settling down on the floor beside the bed, sitting cross-legged.

"Beast Boy?" Raven inquired softly.

"Yeah?"

"If you don't mind, could you come lay here with me and keep me company? I don't wanna be alone tonight," she said faintly, looking down.

"Well heck, I'd love to, but are you sure you'll be ok with me that close to you."

"Yes, now get your ass up here." 'Oh no, I do NOT need to be thinking about his ass, even though it is a very nice one. NO! Quit it! Bad Raven!' she thought, mentally slapping herself.

He got up and walked over to the bed, a bit nervous. I mean it's not every night that he gets to spend the night not only in his crush's room, but also in her bed, with her in it!

Raven was laying in the middle of the bed, so he just got in on the side closest to him. He lifted up the covers, got in, and got comfortable. He was lying on his side, facing away from Raven, so that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have too many perverted thoughts about her.

Raven on the other hand was facing towards Beast Boy, staring at his bare, well-built back. Her heart was pounding uncontrollably, still disbelieving of the words that came out of her own mouth, inviting him into her bed with her, and with the fact that he was actually there. But she also felt strangely soothed, having him with her, so close. Beast Boy was the only one she would want here with her. Her eyes widened with that realization. 'Can it be possible? Do I l-love Beast Boy?' She thought about this. 'Yes, I do! Oh God, how the hell did this happen!' She had some questions for him.

"Beast Boy?" she said, resting her hand on his back.

"Yeah?" he replied, marveling at the feel of her hand on his bare back.

"Can I ask you a few questions? Then you can go to sleep if you want."

"You mean, you'll actually talk to me!" he asked incredulously, delighted. "Yeah! Ask me whatever you want, I'll answer the best I can."

She was kind of touched by his eagerness to help her. "Thanks. Ok, first, why do you want to help me so much?"

"You're my friend, why wouldn't I want to help you?" he responded.

"Sometimes I wonder if I deserve having friends like you." she said quietly, more to herself than to Beast Boy.

He touched her arm tenderly. "Of course you do Rae. And don't you ever think otherwise."

She nodded. "Thanks again. Next, what exactly did you mean when you said you'd take care of me if I ever needed it?"

Beast Boy thought of how to answer this. "Well," he started out slowly, "First of all, everyone needs someone to take care of them sometimes. You don't need to handle everything yourself." He paused. "I guess it's kinda like at times like tonight. You were probably feeling depressed, pained, angry, vulnerable, alone, and I don't know what else." Raven nodded. "Well, if you wanted me to, I'd do anything you wanted me to do to make you feel better. I'd talk, listen, hold you, leave you alone, whatever."

Raven was just stunned that he was willing to do anything that she asked him to, if she'd just ask. And hearing him say that he'd hold her, she thought once again of his arms wrapped around her and felt a warmth deep in the pit of her stomach. She swallowed. "Ok, two more questions."

"Ask away."

"Um…Will you…take care of me tonight? Uh…well I mean, I want you to…to hold me please," she said awkwardly. She really couldn't take knowing that she could have that unbelievable warmth back and not doing anything about it.

Beast Boy grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. Raven made a small, content hum and pressed herself closer against him, molding her body to his and nestling her head under his chin. 'Yes, I definitely love him. I can't help it, his arms feel so damn good around me, and he's so sweet and nice to me, oh, and we can't forget how fricken' sexy he is.'

Beast Boy was also enjoying himself immensely. He nearly started gasping when she pressed herself even closer. Their bodies fit together perfectly. There was no denying it anymore now, he loved her. Maybe, if he just didn't tell her that, maybe he wouldn't get hurt so badly a second time. 'But I can't do that! I'm not one to hide my feelings, it'll get out of my big mouth eventually.'

He was startled out of his thoughts by Raven's voice, sweet sounding and wonderfully full of emotion tonight. "Oh yea, my other question. This is the last one." She had pulled back a little so she could talk to him.