Blue Nova
Chapter 14

By the time I woke up, the sun was streaming across the bedspread and Jeff had gone. Moaning, I roll over to assess the clock, shoving Jeff's shirt off of it. Ten thirty. Knowing I should get up, I clamber out of bed only to spot the Dunkin' Donuts bag sitting on the table along with a cup of coffee.

Jeff. I grin and slide into the seat, sliding the coffee closer to me and determining that it was still quite hot. I took off the lid and blew on it a little as I read the note that he'd left.

Li,

Went out for a run, I should be back by noon. Left you a bite to eat. Chris called; he wants to know if you and I want to go to his mom's house with him over the free weekend – no live show on Monday so we just need to be in Toronto on Wednesday. A whole week free! I told him you were sleeping, and he was ready to barge in and make sure you weren't sick. You might want to call him back.

I smile and set the note down again, happily pulling out a powdered sugar donut and munching away. Why do things taste so much better when you know you shouldn't be having them? After I ate the donut, and part of another one (now that I have a good excuse to, I should've eaten the other half), I haul my bag onto the bed and search through it.

Sweatshirt, sweatshirt, sweatshirt… I toss the rumpled clothing onto the bed, not surprised by the lack of variety. There really isn't much to choose from when you're trying to hide this sort of thing. My hands close in around something familiar, and, after a brief pause, I lay it out next to the sweatshirts and loose shirts two sizes too big. I bought it on an urge a few days ago at a maternity shop, trying it on once before putting it away, still shocked by the whole being-pregnant thing. Now it was here, staring me in the face. There wasn't anything special about it – it was low-cut long-sleeved shirt with a tight top and a loose bottom to go overmystomach. I look to my other options, hesitating for a moment.

I want to get this over with. I'm tired of the gossip about me being pregnant and I only heard a fraction of it yesterday. God, it's so hard to believe it's only been one day since Jay spilled the news. I want to scream from the mountaintops that yes, I'm pregnant and no, I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of it.

There aren't any mountains nearby, so I decide to wear the shirt instead.

----

I wanted to make a statement, and I turn heads as I head downstairs. For the first time in a while, I spent some time on my hair and make-up, and look to be the Diva status that I am; excluding a certain body part that is decidedly un-Diva like. The wrestlers and stagehands have, per usual, mobbed the hotel's diner for lunch.

"Li!" I turn at the sound of the voice. My face tightens as I realize that it's Jay running up to me, breathless. He's probably run quite a ways to catch up with me. I repeat that to myself, trying to make myself scrounge up some sympathy, but it's not working. If Jay had just kept his grubby little hands to himself, this whole mess wouldn't be here. "Will you hear me out?" he asks after he regains his breath. I bite my tongue and nod in reply.

"I want to apologize," Jay mumbles, fiddling with his hands as he talks. He's never been good at heart-to-heart talks. "I…I really shouldn't have read that letter. And after I went and screamed it out to half the company…" I wince at the memory, "…yeah," he completes ineloquently. "It was bad. I was a complete moron about it. I just hope…we can still be friends," when he finishes, he looks up at me, and I'll be damned if he doesn't remind me of a little puppy.

I don't want to be mad at Jay. He's a good guy, just a little dense at times. And, really, if he hadn't read the letter…would Adam have reacted any differently? He still would've gone bonzo that I hadn't told him sooner. I was the one being stupid; thinking that I could hide something as big as this, that I should hide something as big as this…

"Yes, Jay, you were a moron," I reply, "but I forgive you. Just promise you won't go sniffing around reading other letters addressed to other people? Or at least not go screaming the contents of said letters in public?"

Jay grins. "Well, are there any secrets I should know about?" he replies. I roll my eyes and he laughs as we walk toward the diner together. He glances over at me and smiles. "You do look good today, Red."

The small smile stays on my face as we sit down. We eat together – correction, I sip a pop and nibble on some fries, still full from breakfast – and Jay throws down a burger and fries, all the while making fun of the people that keep whispering around us. I think he was a clown in the past life. It's a fun time, and I'm glad things are cleared up between me and Jay.

"Hey, do you have any idea where Jericho is?" I ask, suddenly remembering again what Jeff had said in his note. "I left him a message on his voicemail, but…" When I'd called, his cell phone had been turned off.

"I think he was meeting up with the rest of the band," Jay answers. "Are you going down to his mom's house this weekend?" he asks, then scoffs. "We sound like losers, don't we? Going down to our friend's mom's house for our free time?"

I laugh. It's probably true that it sounds like we're odd, but Chris's mom is heaven sent and their house is as close to paradise as I think I'm going tosee for a while. "I'm pretty sure that I'm going; Jeff too. Speaking of which, I should go back to the room. He should be back soon, and then we can work out what we're going to do today."

"All right. Well, I'll see you later," Jay says. I smile and wave as I walk away, glad that the company picked up these bills so I didn't have to fumble for my wallet to pay for my food.

I'm just walking into the carpeted hallway that leads to the elevators when I see him. He sees me at the same time and we stop dead in our tracks, staring each other down. For the life of me, I don't know what I'm thinking. Mostly along the lines of: Oh, God, oh, god…

"Lita," he says evenly. He's never said it like that before. A burning sensation pricks at my eyes and I stubbornly push it back. Those pregnancy hormones are persistent buggers.

"Adam," I reply, just as evenly, as if to say I can play this game too. Still, it's hard to comprehend that he's standing in front of me right now. It feels so…weird. I am so over him. I mean, I even looked at a few guys just a few minutes ago at the table!

Okay, so I was giving them amused glances because they were whispering about me, but I was looking, wasn't I?

"Moved on to my brother, have you?" Adam asks in a strangled voice.

Anger pushes into my veins, and I'm seeing red. Any hurt I was having over this is gone. I'm glad he said it. I'm glad I'm having Matt's baby because it helped me realize that this man was nothing but a worthless pig. I narrow my eyes. "Oh, yes, you're totally passé," I say with a straight face. "You see, Jay thought we should have one of those after-sex meals. I couldn't eat a lot though. You know, people to do, things to see…" I wink at his alarmed face and start to walk off, a bounce in my step when he grabs my forearm, causing me to spin around to face him again. I hate it when people do that. When did 'hey, turn around!' lose its effect?

"Did I mean anything to you?"

"A number in my checkbook," I retort icily, and he glares at me, waiting for a real response. "You did," I relent.

"You meant a lot to me, too." Okay. This is positively going no where. What are we going to do next, get a drink and reminisce about high school? What does he want? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared – and rightfully so – of how you react to the news. Though, I have to say, I didn't quite expect what I got – you definitely win the psycho of the year award." It was hard to think that I had been lying in that man's arms just a few days ago. Words fall from my mouth automatically, my brain taking precedence somewhere else. I feel numb all over when all of a sudden I start to remember how he dumped me after I told him the news. The need to lash out that's been bottled in my chest explodes into my words, as well as my anger at him. "I'm glad we broke up though. I don't know what I was thinking – I must've been suicidal or something, thinking of spending the rest of my life with a dolt like you!" his face doesn't show any emotion, but I plunder onward, the words helping my emotions. "I did nothing wrong – or, at least, nothing that couldn't be forgiven. But you…you're scum. No, you're scummier than scum. I actually cared about you… Notice that's in the past tense. I never want to talk to you again," I say the last words slowly and carefully as pain makes itself known. Things had changed so quickly.

Before I could succumb to any self-pity or nostalgia, I raised my chin. If he was really the understanding guy I had thought he was, Adam would've understood. But he hadn't, and we were over with now. I have my friends, and they're all I need. I know that they'll always be there for me. It all sounds logical in my head, but when I look at Adam it still hurts inside.

But it'll fade in time, I tell myself as I step away and walk toward the elevator. Things change, and people move on. Well, things changed, and now it's me who has to do the moving on.

Author's Note: :) Relatively on time! Yay! Thanks for reviewing, everyone!And yes, I'll try to update "Inside Of Me" once my muse comes back to play and I get some free time.I hope you guys enjoyed!