#32 Rain at Midnight (pt. 1)

Raining Tear Drops

Posted-

A/N- This is extremely angsty and is totally against everything I believe in for Usagi and Mamoru. I am extremely depressed right now and I don't know when my writing will change back to the norm, but I hope you forgive this lost soul right now. I just want to die.

I sat silently on the bench watching, waiting for something, anything to happen. I just wanted it to go away. The feelings. Those hideous feelings. The ones that always stab at my heart and torment my brain. I long for the darkness. A place I can call home. Why do these things have to happen?

If I could have one wish granted at this exact moment I would wish to be free of the anguish this world has caused. Who would know that inside this small body there could be so much. I often question why I am here. What purpose could I possibly serve. What could a clumsy, good for nothing, crybaby, emotional, ignorant, dumb blonde possibly accomplish in a sophisticated world as such.

No guy could like one such as I. No one wants to deal with someone who can't even make passing grades in school let alone walk two feet and trip over the air beneath her feet.

So here I am. Alone. Doing what I do best. Crying. Not as I wish I could have, because the longer I sit here the more the truth sinks in. I will never become anything. The longer I sit here the more I wish a Youma would come and put me out of this misery. The longer I sit here the more I realize how foolish thoughts of happy endings and dreams were. I am worth nothing therefore capable of nothing.

I can never give anything or get anything in return, because I have nothing to provide in the first place. I sit alone in darkness. It becomes colder as the day wanes and the moon shines high with its lustrous light. Only then the clouds take it away and leave me with nothing again.

Without light I am enshrouded in darkness. Without love I am encased in eternal damnation. Without friends I am doomed to a life of loneliness. Without warmth of heart I am damned to a life of frostiness.

You may wonder what could cause thoughts as such. But you shall never know, because I myself have no knowledge.

I wish for freedom of being. No strings, ties or anything to hold me back. Only then can I escape.

I hold the blade so close that it touches my skin and I can feel the pressure of the blood rushing out of the small slit. I push harder and I can see the crimson roll down my wrist and into a puddle beside me. I watch the course of my pulse expel the liquid upon my body. I got the urge to taste it. And so I complied. It hurt but I only felt the shallowness off it for pain was immaterial.

The tears silently roll down my half frozen face. I can taste their saltiness on my tongue as well as the bitterness of my blood. I welcome it.

I do not know how long I sit here but my butt is numb and I have lost all feeling in my body. The world is but a glimmer on the fuzziness of my brain. I can no longer feel the pain.

Just as I start to slip into sleep I feel something on my face. More than the tears that are still present, but the feel of a light rain. One that I can feel down my spine. That is now pasting my hair upon my head and my face. I slowly removed my hands from in between my thighs that were there for warmth and slid my shivering body to lie upon the water slick bench. Soon my clothing is hanging upon my body and I feel numb all over. Pain is irrelevant as long as I can feel nothing. I barely notice when the hypothermia has set in and I slid into a dreamless sleep. One where I shall not wake late enough. The world goes fuzzy, and the last thing I remember is the outline of a body. Good, I thought, take me; I am of little to no importance whatsoever. Everyone would be glad to be free of a ditz such as myself. I am but a burden to anyone and everyone here. Just make it long and painful, not that I would feel it anyways.