Stand Still: Chapter Nine- Face Your Fears

Summary: Luke and Lorelai broke up after her parents wedding, then she left Stars Hollow when Mike Armstrong offered her that job. But now shes back in town, 5 years later,to give Luke something, onlyto find that he is a very changed man and there's something he isn't telling her. What's he hiding and what will she do when she finds out?

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or any of it's characters. I only write this for fun and don't make any money off of it or anything like that.

Rating: pg13 just to be safe

A/N: Thanks so much for all of your amazing reviews! When I come home and get on the computer this is the first place I go because I love reading all of your lovely reviews. They always make me smile.

I'm not going to thank everyone indivudually because this chapter is already incredibly long and I know most of you scroll right past it anyway, but next chapter I'll go back to thanking everyone.

Anyways,

On with the story...

Enjoy and Review!

Rebecca smiled as she took his hand and lead him to her kitchen table.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I know I've been a crazy, jealous, girlfriend lately. It's just- Everybody...What everyone said got to me and I snapped. I'm sorry." She smiled. She wasn't going to lose him. She was determined. Tonight, she would help himfigure outthat she was the one, not Lorelai.

"It's OK. I know I've been spending a lot of time with Lorelai. It's just...Everything we went through...She's a good friend." He mumbled. He wasn't sure what he was saying, he wasn't sure if it was the truth. Last night he had lied in bed for hours, the past couple days running through his head. Then he thought about the past five years and also... and the future. Buthe still couldn't figure anything out.

"I just...I think we should talk." Rebecca said sweetly. She knew exactly what she would say to him, she had rehearsed it in her mirror for hours last night. She felt silly doing it, but she needed a speech prepared.

"OK." He shrugged. He sat down at the table next to her, still holding her hand.

"Look, Luke. I'm going to lie it all out on the table for you. I can make lists and charts if you want. I just, I want you to know what you mean to me...That we aren't a mistake. That this is going to work." She said hopefully, trying to get him to make eye contact.

She waited for a response but after a few minutes of silence, she began talking again.

"I love you, Luke and I'm not going to hurt you, ever. I'll always be here for you, no matter what. And I'm not trying to you know win some contest but this whole thing with Lorelai..." She said.

"Becca..." He started knowing where she was going with this.

"No, listen. I know she's a beautiful, funny girl and I know you guys had some really great times together and you have this crazy history and all these memories...But there only memories, Luke. It's in the past. I know you had great times and I know you loved her, but she hurt you Luke. She hurt you so badly... Ever since she came back I keep getting more and more information, and more stories about just how much she hurt you...Maybe you've forgotton but...Look, if you want to go back to her because you really think she's the one, then fine." She shrugged even though it was tearing her apart to say those words. "I've never hurt you, Luke. I never have and I never will. She broke your heart and I helped you sew it back together. I just, I know this will work. I know we'll be happy together." She smiled at him.

He hated when she did this. He hated when she used those weird cliche phrases like 'I sewed your heart back together, Luke' but he knew she was right. He was hurting and she came and helped him through. He knew that she wouldn't hurt him, everyone knew that. She was sweet and would do anything for him. Most people would call her the perfect woman, the perfect wife, the perfect mother. Most people would say that she was the perfect person to marry, most people would call him crazy for even doubting her for a second.

Last night when he thought everything over, the thing he kept coming back to was 'What if he tried something with Lorelai and she ended up hurting him, or they just ended up breaking up?' He knew he was safe with Rebecca, where as he was taking a risk with Lorelai.

He was never much of a risk taker.

"I know." He whispered she gave her a reassuring smile.

And then she knew she had him. She got him back. Lorelai was out of the picture, right? He was hers now, right?

"Mom!" Rory yelled. She had to get her Mom to stop wallowing. She had been lying in bed the whole day.

"What?" Lorelai asked softly.

"Just do it." Rory said sitting down next to her.

"What are you in a Nike commercial or something?" Lorelai asked trying to act like she was fine, but Rory knew better.

"Mom." Rory said in a 'you know what I mean, so stop avoiding the subject' type of way.

"Rory, it's hopeless. Why should I even bother? I might as well start packing up my stuff and go home." Lorelai said.

"Mom, stop it. Stop pretending like you've given up." Rory said.

"I have given up." Lorelai told her.

"No. No, you can't give up, not until you know for sure that there is no chance for you and Luke." Rory told her.

"I do know." Lorelai said.

"No, you just think you know. Don't give up until you hear Luke say that he doesn't love you anymore, that he doesn't want to be with you anymore." Rory said.

"It's just a waste of time, Rory." Lorelai told her.

"Mom, what have you got to lose?" Rory asked.

She sighed. She didn't have an answer for her. The truth was that she was scared, very scared. If Luke said no then she didn't know what she would do. She would rather not know his answer than hear him say no.

"Just do it." Rory said.

"Stop with the Nike slogan!" Lorelai said.

"Sorry," Rory said. "I just want you to be happy."

"I know." Lorelai said. She sat up in her bed. "I'll do it, OK?" She asked.

Rory smiled.

"I'm really scared, though." Lorelai said.

"It'll be OK." Rory said even though she wasn't sure. Luke had loved her Mom for eight years, can you really just stop loving someone after eight years? Sure, she knew people got divorced after being married for 20 or 50 years, but maybe they just weren't really in love in the first place. She knew Luke had loved Lorelai all those years ago, she just hoped that he hadn't stopped.

"It scares me...That I love him this much...I've never loved anyone like this, nobody but you. I just...I'm so afraid that I'll get hurt." She told her daughter with tears in her eyes.

"I know." Rory hugged her mother. "But you can't just go through life wondering what would have happened. You might get hurt, Mom, but you might end up with Luke. It might all be OK." Rory said hoping that everything would be OK.

"OK." Lorelai stood up and began to wipe the tears away. "I better goget pretty." Lorelai said trying to smile.

"Sooo...I know you wanted to wait until after the honeymoon to move in, but maybe...We could start moving your stuff in before. So, you know we won't have to come home and do all of this." She said as she cuddled closer to her fiance. She wasn't sure if he was really OK. He seemed really tense and un sure.20 minutes agoshe was sure thatshe had him again, she was sure that they would be together, but now she wasn't as sure.She tried being sweet and understanding, even though she really didn't understand. She did everything for him, and Lorelai broke his heart. How could he even be considering her? Her thoughts were interupted by his voice.

"But I haven't even sold the house yet." He told her, not really sure what that had to do with anything.

Then she remembered. She remembered her conversation with Taylor Doose.

"Nobody has offered yet?" She asked even though she knew people had.

"Nope." She couldn't believe it. He had just lied to her. She sat up and looked him in the eye trying to find any guilt or evidence of a lie.

"Taylor told me that people have been...And you've been saying no." She said hoping that Taylor had been wrong and Luke wasn't lying.

"He's crazy." Luke said, but he wouldn't look directly at her. He was lying. She wasn't always sure when he was lying or telling the truth, but all the facts were there. He was lying to her.

But she kept pushing, "Well, does it matter? You can still move in." She said.

"I just don't want to untilI sell the house." He told her.

She wanted to cry. Why was he doing this? Why was he lying? Why was he making stupid excuses? Why did he say he loved her but then say he didn't want to move in with her?

"Maybe you just don't want to at all." She said sadly. She turned her face away from him, hiding the tears that were streaming down her face.

He rubbed her back, "You know that's not it." He said. He hated when she cried, he always felt so awkward.

"No...I really don't know that." She trembled trying to wipe away the tears. "Tell me you don't love her." She said looking directly into his eyes.

"What?" He asked even though he was pretty sure he knew what she was saying.

"Lorelai, tell me you don't love her." She said.

"I...don't..." He told her trying to sound as if he was sure.

She stared into his eyes for a few minutes, as if by looking into his eyes she could figure out the truth.

"Why don't I believe you?" She yelled. This was becoming a routine of theirs. It was deja vu. They had this conversation before, but this time it seemed so much more serious.

She stood up, wiped the fresh tears from her face and walked into her bedroom.

He sat there, on her couch. He looked around the room, the place that he was supposed to move into exactly one week ago. But then, Lorelai came and talk about moving in had been postponed, and now cancelled?

Why did he decline all those offers for the house? Why hadn't he moved in with his fiance yet? He had told her that he just wanted to wait until the house was sold, but he knew that was just an excuse... But what was the truth? He had been trying to figure that out all week.

Just 20 minutes ago he had been so sure of what he wanted. And now he found himself having no idea, again. When was he going to figure it out? When was he going to know what he wanted? When was he going to know the truth?

"Hey, Lorelai." Kirk said as Lorelai came downstairs to the diner.

"Hi, Kirk." She said as she scanned the diner looking for Luke.

"Looking for Luke?" He asked.

"Yeah, where is he?" She asked.

"Speaking of Luke...See...I was thinking...You remember the ribbons?" Kirk asked.

She knew this couldn't be good...but she also knew that the chances of Kirk telling her where Luke was were slim unless she went along.

"Yes." She said.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe I could make t-shirts?" He told her.

"T-shirts?" She asked.

"Yes...t-shirts." He stated.

"I don't get it." She said.

"Well, these aren't just any t-shirts." He said as she began to pull one black shirt that said "Luke and Rebecca forever"and one green shirt that said "Luke and Lorelai forever" out of bag. "These shirts will display which side you are on...The black ones for the people who are rooting for Luke and Rebecca...The green ones for those of us who want you and Luke to be together." He explained.

She covered her face with her hands to cover up her smile, her eyespeaking out in between her fingers.She would admit it was completely crazy, but she also loved it in some weird, crazy way.

"Kirk, you know Luke will kill you." Lorelai said.

"Well..." He said.

"He cooks your food, Kirk. He might poison you, you might end up eating rat eyes or spiders or..." She rambled on...she always did when she was nervous...and this whole Luke thing made her very, very nervous.

"I'm afraid of spiders." He told her.

"Well then you better watch out." She smiled.

"Maybe he won't notice the shirts..." He said.

She raised an eyebrow. "I think he might notice."

"But he doesn't get out much...Maybe he won't see..."

"But what about the people that come in the dinner wearing them?" She asked. Now she was just stalling...She was so afraid to talk to Luke, it was much easier to stall.

"Maybe he won't know it was me."

"I think he might figure it out." She said.

"Then I have to go!" He said scrambling to get up.

"Did you already start handing them out?" She asked totally amused by the whole situation. It was a good escape from how sick she felt about talking to Luke.

He didn't get the chance to answer, she watched him run down the street. Then she noticed everyone in town wearing black and green shirts. She looked around the dinner to see the ocean of black and green. She smiled and headed outside.

She had to go find him. Rory was right, they had to talk.

"Hey, Luke?" Rebecca asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever think about the future?"

"What?" This was random...

"The future...Do you ever think about it?"

"I guess, why?"

"I was just thinking...Do you see me in it? The future, I mean...Do you see me?" She asked sweetly.

"Well, I don't know. I don't really think about it. I'm more of a live in the moment type of guy." He told her.

"But you just said..."

"I know... Yeah, I do." He said even though he wasn't so sure.

"Me, too. I mean, we have been dating for a really long time, now. More than two years..."

"Yeah?" He wondered where this was going.

"And you know that I care about you...so much..."

"Yeah..."

"I mean... I love you." She told him.

He looked down at the smiling woman sitting in front of him. She had always been there, she had always cared. He cared about her, maybe even loved her...

"I... uh...love you... too." He said trying to sound more sure than he really was. Love? He hadn't loved anyone since Lorelai...

"Well...Do you ever think...that we could get married?"

"Married? Wow..."

"I know. But everybody's doing it!" She tried to make a joke, she was never too good at that.

He smiled at her attempt. "I think we could."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I can see it." He told her, still not sure about what he was saying.

She smiled and nodded. "Soo..."

"So...?"

"I think we should."

He snapped out of his day dream when the clock began to ring. He glanced over at the clock on the wall. It was 5:00. He had been sitting in her living room for over an hour. He stood up and walked into her bedroom. She was crunched up in a ball on her bed.

He went over to her and kneeled beside her, and began to stroke her hair.

Her eyes opened, they were red and puffy and her face was still damp from the crying.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She tried to smile, but it didn't work out too well.

"We can start moving my stuff in tomorrow, first thing in the morning." He told her. He didn't know why he was saying this, why he had decided this. He wasn't sure if it was what he wanted, but maybe it was just time. Maybe it was time to move on?

She sat up and wiped off any remaining tears from her face. She smiled at the man sitting in front of her.

"OK." She said.

He kissed her forehead. "I have to go back to work, but I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked her.

"Bright and early." She said.

"OK." He said and then walked out the door.

"Hey," she said calmly even though she was so nervous. A family of butterflies were playing tag inside her stomach and her heart was beating too fast and too slow at the same time.

"Hi." He responded as he put his hands deep inside his pockets.

"C'mon," she took his hand and led him to behind the diner.

"I want to give you this." She said pointing to his present that stood next to the diner.

"Lorelai..." He understood. He knew what she was trying to say. It was what he was trying to say when he gave her that same exact gift when she was getting married. He sighed. Why did everything keep getting harder and harder? He had just made the decision to move in with Rebecca and here comes Lorelai giving him the chuppah.

"Look, I know your getting married. I know. But...God, this scares me so much." She took a deep breathe before continuing.

"I've never needed anybody, Luke. No one besides Rory anyway. But...I need you. I need you so much and that scares the hell out of me. I love you, Luke. I never loved anybody like this, again not including Rory but that's not the point. I love you! I love you so much. I know I screwed up, I know. I know I should have told you about Christopher, but I don't know, I didn't want you to think anythingand I know that was stupid...But I'm different now, I've grown up. I know what I want and it's you...I'm not going to screw up this time, Luke. I know you might be scared, but so I am. I know I love you and I know that we can do this, we can make this work..." She said.

She knew she was just rambling on, repeating the same things but with different words. The speech she had planned out for this completely slipped her mind and all she could do was tell him what he meant to her even though she could never really put it into words just how much he meant to her.

"Loreali..." He said again, not quite sure what to say after that.

"Luke?" She said waiting for his response. As much as she wanted to hear it, she also wanted to freeze this moment in time so she wouldn't have to hear any dissapointments.

There was a long silence, neither knowing what to say.

"Luke? I just said I love you. I said I want to be with you." She stated with so much hope that he felt the same way.

"Goddamit, Lorelai." He said looking at the ground. "Your just too goddamn late! I'm getting fucking married! What were you thinking just coming here and doing this and giving me your chuppah?" He yelled. He wasn't sure why he was yelling, he was just frustrated.

"The same thing you were thinking when you gave me the chuppah." She smiled at him with so much hope in her eyes that it scared him.

She stood there waiting for his answer again, hoping her words would change his mind.

A nice long chapter for all of my wonderful readers and it only took me a day to update...I think I deserve a review for my efforts, dontcha think?

I know you all probably hated the REbecca/ Luke stuff in here, but trust me I had to do it.

A few of you guessed that Lorelai would give Luke the chuppah! Good job, guys. For those of you who didn't, hope you liked how it turned out. Gimme your thoughts!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas on what you think is going to happen. Sooo please...

Suggestions/Ideas/Comments greatly appreciated!

Next chapter: The rest of Luke and Lorelai's conversation...Then Luke comes home to find Rebecca has already began packing his things...