I'm sorry about getting rid of the review responses but I just don't think that they were working out for me. But anyway, thank you for reviewing! It means a lot to me.
Note: The italics in the second half of this chapter is supposed to show hushed voices.
Chapter 2's Summary: As Nils continues to doom others he learns a new word and gesture!
Nils: Hey! Umbrielle doesn't own Fire Emblem!
Chapter Start -----
Nils was bounding happily toward the stables. And of course, there they were, Sain and Kent. A stable girl was also there, tending to the horses and such since Sain was to busy staring at... her and Kent was trying to stop him from staring at... her.
When Sain and Kent saw Nils Kent waved to him. Sain was preoccupied by... the stable girl.
Nils walked right into the stable and in front of Sain and Kent. "Um, you wouldn't mind if I asked a question, would you?"
Kent courteously nodded and Sain nodded with a silly grin. He was still focused on the... stable girl. Figures.
"Where do human babies come from?"
Kent stared at Nils with wide eyes. But then Sain decided that he was going to "go for the kill" with the stable girl since he had yet to pay attention to anything but the... stable girl.
Just as Kent finally plucked up the courage to answer (or lie to) him, Sain knocked him out of the way. He then placed himself in front of the stable girl who had been eying him suspiciously.
Kent saw where this was going. "Sain..." he said warningly.
But his fellow knight paid him no heed. He grabbed the stable girl (Raise your hand if you're surprised.) and made her lean back as he leaned into her. Kent groaned.
And then, Sain started to woo her. "What's this? You must be an angel from the skies, here to grant me protection against loneliness!"
Kent smacked his head on a nearby wall repeatedly as the stable girl blinked, neither of the two wanting to believe what was happening.
Nils, however, looked on innocently. He had no idea what Sain was doing and the cavalier had yet to notice that Nils was there.
Sain proceeded to throw flattering remarks at the stable girl. "Your eyes, they are like the deepest, most vast and beautiful oceans."
The stable girl protested. "Dude, I've got BROWN eyes!"
Sain twitched his eye and thought, 'Well, I could say that they're like the murkiest and muddiest swamps.'
Sain wasn't exactly in the best of moods and he was just putting up a front so people wouldn't be suspicious. Let's face it; you'd be freaked out if Sain had actually deliberately avoided human contact with women. 'Sides, he had kept many uncharacteristic thoughts inside his head.
He thought that Lyn's hair was the colour of ugly, damp moss. And he also thought that Priscilla's eyes looked like lime jelly, what with her constant sad expression and all. Serra's hair is tough and stringy. She needs a new conditioner. The bang-framed face look didn't quite suit Fiora and made her look ugly. Florina's hair was too puffy. She kept on looking like she would topple over with all that hair. Red lipstick made Isadora look funny. It didn't suit her. Vaida? ... ... ... ... No comment.
Basically, Sain thought that he was doing a favour for the stable girl by spitting out inaccurate yet likeable compliments at her. And he liked making cheesy pick-up lines. The stable girl WAS kind of pretty. Sort of.
Kent sighed. What the heck. Sain had never been able to get a woman and as far as he's concerned, he wasn't going to anytime soon. Might as well watch.
Sain continued to shower (inaccurate) compliments on her. "And your skin is as fair as can be! Its creamy composure and its fresh scent, how I love thee!"
The stable girl knew that her skin was tanned and rough. "... Dude, stop NOW before you lose that tongue of yours."
'Fine then,' thought Sain. 'It's like the most dried up and cracked piece of rock I've laid my eyes upon.'
The scoundrel/idiot of a knight continued to compliment the stable girl. "And your soft hair, how it radiantly shines like spun gold!
The poor stable girl was now on the verge of kicking Sain between the legs. "DUDE! USE YOUR EYES! I'VE GOT BLACK HAIR!"
Sain thought, in a way very unlike him, 'Then your tough and stringy hair is darker and dirtier than hair that has yet to be washed, ever. Well, you still have ONE redeeming quality.'
Kent gave a little countdown under his breath.
"And you-"
"1."
"-have beautiful-"
"2."
"bosoms!"
"3."
Kent's countdown was fairly accurate.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"
WHACK!
The stable girl had whacked Sain right in the face and ran behind Kent after doing so.
As she stuck THE finger towards the castle, she screamed, "I'm going to be a-"
---
This is a message to all readers. Due to the impending use of unfriendly words, we will now choose a substitute to be put in place of the said word. It is -fuzzing-. We kindly request that you do not ask about this. Please. The authoress is extremely bored and wants to stick in some randomness for the heck of it. We thank you for your patience. And now, we, the unnamed people who are delivering this message, shall demand for a pay raise.
Umbrielle: For the last time, NO!
---
"I'm going to be a -FUZZING- LIBARIAN! At least they get some -FUZZING- PEACE OF MIND from dudes LIKE YOU!"
And with that, she ran off to fill the conveniently empty vacancy at the library. Nils had now been temporarily occupied by another question that was bugging his young and innocent (though we don't know for how long) mind. He tugged at Kent's armour. When the knight looked down at him, Nils struck.
"What does -fuzzing- mean?"
'Oh crud,' thought Kent as he sweat dropped.
Kent nervously scratched his head. "Uh..." Kent was thinking of ways to lie to-I mean, answer Nils. "I... I... I don't... know... I don't know..."
Sain, however, was already up and the first thing he did was call after the stable girl. "NO! Please, oh my radiant guardian angel, stay and chase away the darkness in my heart, heal the wounds in my soul, and strengthen my spirit with your undying love!"
And he was secretly thinking, 'Serves you right you ungrateful stable girl!'
Well, anyway, as Sain called after the stable girl, who was already long gone, Kent lied some more while trying to convince himself that life was short and that he wouldn't have to put up with Sain or the secret weapons of little kids when he died. "I don't know where babies come from either."
Nils asked Kent, "Do you know someone who does know? Other than Wil?"
Kent frowned. "Wil?"
Nils nodded. "Yup! He's the one who told me that there are lots of ways that human babies are born and that lots of people here know many ways."
Kent thought, 'Stupid, stupid archer! I'll have to deal with him later.' Kent forced an admittedly fake smile to get on his face and said, "Well, I'll have to thank him later. For now, I'm sure that Erk and Canas know something. They're in the library."
Nils happily thanked him and bounced toward the library.
As soon as he was gone from the stable, Kent looked at Sain who had thrown himself on the floor. "Alas, my fair and beautiful angel, you have left me," said Sain melodramatically, "and my heart has been devoured by sorrow darker than the night! My soul is crying for your tender touch and my spirit has forgotten how to laugh! My smile, it is gone, despair has stolen it and hid in the gloomiest corner of my mind. Alas, I fear that I shall never feel joy until you return and-Hey! Is that Lady Lyndis?"
With that said, Sain ran off with more corny crud in mind to woo his liege (and pay attention to... her). Kent sighed and shook his head. "Figures," he mumbled as he trudged after him.
---
Nils peeked into the library. Along with a mage and shaman, there were many other bookworms in the room. The bard, having ignored the sign that said, 'Please whisper,' yelled out to his fellow friends, "HEY!"
A bunch of random people peeked out from behind shelves, over the top of opened the books, through the holes between open spaces in shelves, underneath tables, and from inside a trashcan. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all quietly said.
Nils winced at realizing what he had done and whispered, "Sorry."
All the heads disappeared except the one in the trashcan. It got stuck.
Then Nils quietly tiptoed towards the table where the mage and shaman sat. The two acknowledged his presence with brief waves of the hand. Then the bard quietly sat down. He quickly saw the stable girl who was now a librarian. He gestured toward her with THE finger and whispered, "Is that the -fuzzing- librarian?"
Erk and Canas, both knowing what the word and THE finger meant, dropped their books with a loud thud to reveal stunned expressions. All the people who had randomly popped up popped up again. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all quietly said. Of course, the guy in the trash can was still stuck there and was too busy to shush anyone.
The two magic casters just continued staring at Nils. How'd he learn THAT word and THE finger? Erk hesitantly, as in Canas had to urge him and nudge him, asked Nils, "Where'd you learn that word?"
Nils cheerfully whispered, "I learned it in the stables where Sain and Kent were!"
Canas and Erk were stunned. Sure, Sain was a mischievous scoundrel but Kent would stop him from saying and doing stuff like that in front of Nils.
Ignoring his buddies' suddenly stiff postures, Nils asked, "What does the word mean?"
With some more urging from Canas in the physical form of an elbow, Erk blurted out a couple of words, "It is used to-"
But it was a bit loud and the hushing group reappeared and did another, "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And of course, the guy in the garbage can was still stuck.
The hushing group REALLY annoyed Erk. Doing his best to ignore the hushing people, he whispered, "It is used to describe something or someone that you like very, very much."
Canas gave a disapproving look to Erk. Nils was very fascinated by human artifacts and he basically liked... everything and everybody. Does anybody see a problem? Erk shrugged. What else could he do? 'Sides it was... Canas' fault! Yeah, that's it! It's Canas' fault for making him answer Nils! But let's get on with the story.
Nils was now really, really, REALLY fascinated. He liked many things about the present Elibe and he had trouble finding words to describe the people and things that he liked. And consequently, he liked everybody who fought alongside him. "Really!" he exclaimed only to be shushed again. And the guy in the garbage can is still stuck in the garbage can.
Nils promptly apologized and whispered, "Really?" Erk and Canas nodded. Well, they're going to regret it but what the heck.
The bard started grinning the grand daddy of all grins. Then he opened his mouth.
"I really like you -fuzzing- two!"
Nils just did a no-no. He used bad grammar. But who cares about that?
Canas and Erk stared wide-eyed at Nils. Canas' spectacle popped off his face and hit Erk in the back of his head. Neither of them noticed.
"Err," Canas stumbled to find the right words. "We do too..."
Then Canas forced a smile and did a "one second please" gesture with his finger. After doing so, he grabbed Erk by the ear and dragged him out the doors of the library. Erk kept on saying "ow" all the way and struggling.
And of course, the sound of Erk's feet kicking at the floor caught the attention of the hushing group. You know what that means. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The librarian, having heard the hushing group quite a few times, proceeded to ask Canas and Erk what they think that they were doing. But Nils jumped in her way. After sticking THE finger at her he politely aksed, "What does it feel like to be a -fuzzing- librarian?"
Well, to say the least, the librarian was horrified. To say more, the librarian was horrified, traumatized, stunned, stupefied, bemused, taken back, shocked, and aghast. And she ran out the door and through the hallways of Castle Caelin, screaming, "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!"
And of course, the hushing group was faithful in its duties. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And the guy in the trash can? Well, you see, just before Nils had spoken to the librarian, he had gotten out of the trashcan. But then the librarian had ran by and knocked the guy off his feet and into the trashcan again. Well, there was a difference this time. The guy had his butt stuck in the trashcan instead of his whole body. He now flailed his legs in the air. Not exactly the dream position that you'd want to be in.
Shortly afterwards, Erk and Canas returned to the library. The mage had a throbbing red print of a fist on his face. Erk wasn't looking none too happy but Canas was forcefully smiling. "So," he quietly said as Erk rubbed the sore spot on his face, "where were we?"
Nils quickly bounded over to the pair and looked at them with adoring eyes. Then he used his secret weapon. "Where do human babies come from?"
And the two magic casters froze. Erk recovered his wits quickly and nudged Canas. "Your turn."
Canas started stuttering and turned to Erk but the mage had been expecting this. He quickly seated himself on a chair preoccupied himself with a book. But of course, he was just pretending. However much of a bookworm he is, he had already spent a good ten minutes reading. Normally, that wouldn't be enough but today, he was making an exception. You can guess why.
In an attempt to quickly get through this, Canas stuttered. "Y-you see, baby m-making is v-very special s-so you need t-two people, p-preferably a m-man and w-woman-"
Erk choked and made a strangled noise. The mage walked over to the shaman and pulled him aside. He whispered, "Are REALLY going to tell him the TRUTH!"
Canas shrugged. "Your liability. Besides, no one ever comprehends what I denote. "
Erk blinked, then groaned. "Look, this is NOT the time. Just... Just make up something!"
And the two of them went back to the table with false smiles. Canas started talking and ignored the principles of proper grammar by using run-on sentences. "You see... there is an overwhelmingly huge tome called, "How to make Babies" and... uh... this is the method that magic casters use to... make babies and first you have to... um... be with a person of the opposite se-er, gender and you have to... uh, hold their hand-"
'Uh-huh,' thought Erk dryly. Canas smacked him with hand and shot him a "could you do better?" look and continued.
"-and then you have to... chant some words and... do some magic and then... confetti will appear... and then a baby will follow shortly after."
"Wow!" Nils said. "That's cool! Is the baby made by magic or it taken from somewhere else?"
The poor shaman gulped audibly. He wanted this to end quickly. However, he was saved by his quite audible gulp. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Erk winced. It was getting increasingly annoying.
Nils blinked. Then he asked another question. "Have you ever made a baby before, Canas?"
Canas scratched the back of his head. "Uh, yes."
"Cool! How'd it feel?"
Upon hearing that, Erk started snickering. Canas blushed. Getting no response from him, Nils turned his attention to the mage. "Have you ever made a baby?"
Nils asked the question because he was not familiar with human customs. Otherwise, he would never have asked Erk. But Erk was unlucky and Nils didn't know. Nor did the bard know of the situation of the relationship between the mage and a certain cleric.
Erk got a horrified look on his face and started to sputter. "N-no. Cour-course not."
Nils raised an eyebrow. "Why not? With all those times that Serra had latched herself onto you and the amount of time you've spent as her escort, I would've thought that you made a baby with her. Besides, this method sounds simple enough."
A sudden interest for the ceiling became evident in Erk. "Uh, I'm n-not r-ready y-yet..."
"Oh." Nils then turned to Canas. Since he was now satisfied, he happily bounded backwards out of the library while waving goodbye.
Erk and Canas slumped down into their chairs. Unfortunately, they knocked over a pile of books that caused quite a riot. The hushing group wasted not a second in saying, "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Erk, being the more stress-prone of the two, yelled out, "-FUZZ- YOU ALL!"
That earned nothing but another "SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And the guy in the trashcan was still flailing his legs around. Canas sighed and sweat dropped. This had been quite the day. The legion had fought off rogue knights, killer bandits, holy hypocrites, golden-eyed freaks, a dude in a turban, evil magic-casters, a fire-breathing dragon and yet, they couldn't handle a little kid.
---
The librarian stopped running and took a few moments to catch her breath. Then she thought of something. What job was she going to tackle next? If she didn't earn some gold one way or the other, she wouldn't be able to buy toilet paper! Oh, how dreadful that would be!
'Think, you idiot, think,' she thought to herself. Then she got an idea. 'I'll go learn CPR (what does it stand for anyway?)! I'll go and help out people who need air, heck, I might even be able to perform CPR on BISHIES!'
With that thought, she squealed.
Jaffar might have a cold personality but the ex-librarian was willing to bet that he had warm lips.
Who wouldn't want to give Heath or Rath a good smack on the lips?
Can't forget Raven or Lucius (although it would look gay)!
And Guy might be a good kisser.
Karel can't be all THAT bad even though he has an obsession with killing.
Giving Pent a kiss might land him in the divorce court but who cares?
Eliwood's not too popular but he's not half bad-looking.
And she likes the big, strong guys like Hector and Hawkeye.
She also had a thing for blonds, like Harken and Matthew.
Erk, although having a weird name, wasn't too bad-looking either.
Wil had probably used that mouth of his for different things other than talking.
Sain and Kent were probably good at things OTHER than fighting... Scratch that. Not Sain. Just Kent.
The ex-librarian dreamily sighed. 'Think of all the possibilities!' she thought to herself. Then she swept across the halls to where the CPR lessons were being held with a starry-eyed expression on her face. Let's face it, what fangirl WOULDN'T want to pucker up with a bishie that was the target of her lust?
Chapter End -----