Author's Notes: Finally, here's chapter three! I'm really sorry that it took a while in updating coz we just finished our exams and I was out of ideas. I might finish this story soon.

It didn't help that Animax foolishly decided to air the horribly-dubbed version of Saiyuki Reload Gunlock when it already had the subbed version of it. It just drained my creative energy.

Well then, here goes. It's a bit similar to my first fic in some ways. Hope you guys like it too. Btw, I am writing the first part of this chapter in Hakkai's PoV. The rest is third-person narration.

DISCLAIMER: All fanfic authors don't own Saiyuki. Period.

CHAPTER THREE: REFLECTION

I wake up still feeling a bit dazed. I don't know where I am, what happened, why I am in wherever I was. It didn't help that my monocle wasn't in place either; everything was just so blurry.

I get up and try to reach out for my monocle. It took me quite some time to reach the bedside table where my monocle was placed. I put it on, and it occurred to me that I was in my hotel bedroom. Everything was the same, but I felt that something had happened. Wasn't I supposed to be somewhere else?

It struck me so badly I reeled over from the shock. I curl up back in my bed and clutched the bed sheets tightly around me, trying to ward off the pain. The pillows cushioned my fall, and it became the undeserved receiver of all my anguish. I had forgotten. Yaone had left me.

The tears fell before I can control it. Darn it, stop crying. I don't want to replay this memory for the remaining years of my life. If there are still years in me left to live for…

I watched the immaculate whiteness of the pillows now becoming drenched in my tears. It won't stop. It won't be controlled by someone of weak mind and spirit.

My eyes are getting clouded by more tears hastening to flow down my face. The memories, which for so long had been hiding beneath my mind, gushed out to haunt me once again. No… I don't want to feel the pain I had buried for a long time. I don't want to suffer anymore…

I don't know what's happening to me now. Suddenly I found myself thrashing about my bed, shouting and crying at the same time. I can't control myself anymore. I can't keep this bottled up anymore. I need to let it out. It's building up within me, a thorn deeply embedded in my throat, wanting so badly to be released.

It hurts. It burns up everything inside me, pricking me form every angle with its scorching, pointed end. The flames flare up inside my heart, trying in vain to erase all my memories with Kanan and with Yaone. But it was no use. My stupid heart won't budge. It won't free me. It won't let go.

I figured it was the time to be released, and if my heart and spirit won't allow my past to be erased into the infinite abyss of oblivion, I will.

Goku looked up. From the hotel lobby he could see the faint silhouettes of the wedding guests conversing with Sanzo and bidding goodbye while expressing their sympathy for the crushed groom. Sanzo looked none too pleased. He seemed more than eager to wave the throng off and send them on their way home. His violent eyes were trying to send the crowd a faint but dangerous warning, but it was no use. In fact, the bridesmaid and all the ladies in the crowd were becoming attracted to them and showed no intention of leaving the exasperated monk.

Finally he blew up. "WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST GET OUT AND LEAVE THE MAN ALONE? OR DO YOU WANT ME TO PERSONALLY KICK YOU OUT OF HERE?"

Most of the men scurried away from the infuriated monk, dragging their female relatives who were still staring dreamily at those amethyst eyes. Soon the crowd lessened, and Sanzo stomped off towards the nearest bench and lit up another cigarette.

Goku got on his feet and approached the monk. He sat down beside him and remained silent.

Sanzo stared at him, knowing exactly what the monkey was going to say. He decided to get ahead of him. "Go to the dining hall if you're hungry. Don't ask me if I know where it is; just ask the bellboy or something. Don't mess the place up. Don't go wandering off. Don't—"

"I'm not hungry, Sanzo," Goku said simply.

Sanzo started back in shock, which he immediately countered with the same bored expression. He couldn't understand what had caused the sudden change in him. He didn't even know what to say.

"I'll—I'll go check up on Hakkai," Goku said quickly, jumping on his feet. Without another word he strode off in the direction of Hakkai's room, his thoughts pounding in his head. Behind him Sanzo watched him go, knowing fully well what the saru had in mind.

Hakkai finally released the bed sheets from his tight grasp and loosened up a little. He had formed a plan in his mind, and with a determination so strong to be freed from his pain, he hurried out of the hotel, climbed on Hakuryu and drove to the outskirts of the town.

Goku ran down the hallway, his heart thumping very fast. He could sense that something was going to happen to Hakkai. I hope he's alright. He jogged down the stairs and finally reached the door of Hakkai's bedroom.

He slowed down to catch his breath, all the while listening for any sound in Hakkai's room. He thought he heard a slight fluttering of cloth. Goku straightened up and knocked on Hakkai's door.

He waited. There was no response. He tried again, impatiently this time, at the same time calling out to him. "Hakkai! Are you in there? It's me, Goku! Open up, Hakkai!"

Still there was no response. Goku's heart pounded harder and faster with every second, waiting with bated breath. Finally he kicked the door open with full force, slamming it right against the wall on the opposite side. Quickly he scanned the area, his eyes lingering on the crumpled bed sheets and what were unmistakably marks of tears on the white pillows. The window was left open, the curtain fluttering against the cool night wind.

There was no Hakkai anywhere in that room. Goku slumped down slowlyon the floor, knowing this would happen. Why didn't I arrive sooner…

"He's gone, hasn't he?"

Sanzo stood at the doorway, peering into Hakkai's room. His eyes narrowed as he looked around the area, also noticing the twisted state of the sheets and the drenched pillow. He slowly walked towards the window and stared outside, watching the full moon illuminate the quiet town below.

"Gojyo's gone too." Goku whispered. "Are we going to find them, Sanzo?" His voice showed that he wasn't counting on it. Sanzo doesn't care about things not related to his journey. But I do.

"What do you think?" Sanzo replied coldly, still staring outside the window.

Goku's shoulders dropped. "No," he said, defeat etched in his quivering voice. "I didn't think you would."

Sanzo noticed the disappointment echoing in Goku's words. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was worried about them too, he being a man of few words. But Goku had a way of breaking the ice in him and restoring him to his proper senses. Finally he sighed audibly, turned his back on the window and headed out the door.

The golden-eyed heretic watched him go. Suddenly Sanzo stopped walking and turned to face him.

"We start tomorrow."

Goku couldn't believe his ears. His eyes glowed with unmistakable happiness, and he started to straighten up from the floor. Had Sanzo really said that? The blond monk noticed the disbelief in the monkey's face and stifled an amused smile. Instead he contented himself by grabbing his harisen and whacking the wide-eyed boy at his feet.

"Stop staring like that, it gets to me."

"Itai! Sanzo! Really? You mean it? We search for them tomorrow? Like when the sun rises? Are you sure?" Goku pressed on, his golden eyes shining with joy. He was following Sanzo around like an eager pet waiting for his master. Sanzo sighed and reached for his harisen, then he thought about it and put it back again. I have better things to do than waste my time on a saru like him.

Sanzo turned and walked off towards his room, trying to outrun Goku who was still showering him with a barrage of questions.

"Will we eat breakfast first, or will we go right away? What do you think, Sanzo? If you ask me I want to eat first, to get all the energy you know, but we could just pack some of them and eat while we're going! I want meatbuns, Sanzo, and yakisoba! How about you, Sanzo? Sanzo? Are you listening? San---itai!"

"Shut your blabbering and go to your room." Sanzo said harshly, stowing his harisen back into his spandex space.

"Alright," Goku whined, rubbing the spot where Sanzo hit him. "But we do get to eat, right?"

WHACK!

"Itai…Sanzo!"

Author's Note: And that's the end of chapter three! Hope you guys liked it, coz chapter four might take another week to post. I'll work on it tomorrow though, since we have a free day thanks to our gracious Pres. Arroyo who wisely declared tomorrow (Monday) a holiday. We suffering Filipino students salute you, Ma'am!

Thanks for reading! Please review!