Thanks as usual to my beta reader Dee. Sorry for the delay in this chapter being up – it was actually finished when chapter 6 was posted but Dee had – well, life – to get on with and I don't like to post without her all clear! As ever – read and review please! It does keep me going!
CHAPTER SEVEN
Tala met Haldir at the foot of the same mallorn tree the next morning. He was dressed in his usual grey tunic, his flaxen hair bound in the braid of the Galadrhim. She had attempted to braid her hair that morning but her fingers had been uncharacteristically awkward and she had given up with a shrug, leaving it to fall loosely about her shoulders.
He greeted her with a stiff nod and they climbed slowly up to the lowest landing of the tree, standing for a few moments in uncomfortable silence.
Tala suddenly felt awkward, as if there were a distance between them that had not been there the previous day. She tried to shrug the feeling off and concentrate on why they were here, and all too soon she was struck by the realisation that they were no longer on the ground.
Tala stood with her back resting squarely against the tree trunk, needing to feel its solidity. She glanced quickly at her companion. She did not wish to show weakness in front of him.
Haldir spoke softly as if he was aware of this but still he did not make eye-contact.
"A fear of heights is nothing to be ashamed of, Tala. It is an instinct which helps keep Man and Elf alive. We instinctively recognise the danger of falling and are wary of it. In your case – because of your childhood experience – that wariness is over-developed. You must realise that I can only help you so much, after that it will be entirely up to you."
He had walked right to the edge of the landing while speaking and stopped. Tala felt a flutter in her stomach, which she tried to quell. He turned to face her and it seemed as if the knowledge of ages glinted in his silver eyes.
"You know I will not judge you. I do not think any less of you – indeed I think more of you." And she knew he was referring to the night on the flet when she had saved his life and his words gave her strength.
Haldir walked back towards her and questioned her with a raise of his dark eyebrows. Tala nodded to indicate that she was ready to continue.
"Good. Approach the edge of the landing. You are safe, I will not let you fall." He paused and cleared his throat. "As soon as you start feeling uneasy, or have any of those feelings you described to me yesterday, stop."
Tala glanced across him, and, taking comfort in his words, stepped closer to the edge of the landing. There was no protective rail but the platform was not very high and she was able to move quite near the edge. When her breathing quickened and she started to feel nervous, Tala stopped as he had told her.
Haldir's voice was soft and patient. "What would you normally do now?"
"I would force myself to continue." she admitted, her voice unsteady and she flushed.
"I want you to concentrate on what on you are feeling. Remember that you will not fall. You are safe." Tala could sense his presence close to her.
"It is up to you how you respond to those feelings. Do not ignore them. Recognise them for what they are. You are completely in control – you can choose to move closer to the edge – or stay where you are - or you can choose to leave. But keep within your mind your intention to move closer to the edge."
How could she concentrate on moving closer when all she wanted to do was turn and run? Anger and dismay at herself welled up inside. She was merely wasting his time. She could not expect him to wait for her all day while she gathered enough courage to make a single step forward.
As if Haldir sensed her thought, he shook his head. "Do not push yourself – this is not a race. There is no time limit." and as if to prove his words he leant back against the trunk of the tree casually.
She took a deep breath and turned back to face the edge of the flet determinedly.
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Tala stood looking down at the ground, the breeze flicking her dark hair over her shoulder. She felt exultant – she had reached the edge of the flet.
She glanced behind her with a smile of delight she could not hide and, for second, saw her teacher with a similar expression before a mask came down over his features and he was his usually cool, assured self.
Haldir nodded. "You did well. I think we should finish for today." And he moved to stand by the steps, waiting for her to come across to him.
She was puzzled and slightly hurt by his reaction, or lack of it, but said nothing, preceding him down the stairs to the base of the tree. She longed to ask him if she had done something wrong – again – but was sure she had not. Her eyes narrowed in irritation – at herself as much as him.
"Are we to meet tomorrow?" she asked abruptly.
"Of course." He nodded and they parted with no further words.
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Over the next few mornings, Tala and Haldir met at the foot of the same mallorn tree and progressed up the series of landings getting higher each time. But Tala was growing impatient. Each further height was a struggle and she felt she was merely pushing the real problem of her fear aside – if they returned to the bottom of the tree she would still have the same feeling there as she had on the first morning.
What also troubled her was the patient yet distant way in which Haldir treated her. She felt he was in some way keeping her at arm's length. Not since that first morning had she felt that closeness with him, when he had asked to close her eyes and put her trust in him. She had asked him if they could do the same again, perhaps it would help her, but he had refused, saying that the only way to combat her fear was to face it.
So Tala struggled on and Haldir kept her distant company, involved in his own struggle, with his emotions.
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Galadriel, deep in thought, gave a sigh which her husband, just entering the talen, heard with concern.
"What troubles you, my love?" he asked, coming quickly to her side.
She shook her head in reassurance.
"My mirror," she spoke with deep irony, "refuses to show me the progress of the Ringbearer. Instead it chooses to show me our Marchwarden and the elleth from Rivendell – up trees!"
Celeborn laughed at her exasperation and sat down beside her.
"And does it show how the matter will be resolved?" he asked with feigned nonchalance.
Galadriel bowed her head to hide a smile.
"Why, husband, after all these centuries together you can still surprise me. Never before have you shown such interest in the affairs of our elves."
"I only wish to know when I might have my Marchwarden back."
Galadriel turned to look at him with a raise of her golden brows, and he laughed and raised his hands in mock surrender.
"You know I am a romantic in truth."
"My mirror will not show me that either but," and she frowned, "I fear there may be some dark times ahead."
"Our grand-daughter will want her lady to return to her?"
"Arwen had a choice when she sent Tala here. She chose wisely - as I expected her to do. It was best for Tala to come to us."
Celeborn rose to leave. "I must borrow our Marchwarden - for a day and a night anyway. He is needed. This – campaign - of wooing has taken up too much of his time." he grumbled.
Galadriel smiled benevolently at him. "Haldir has given too many years guarding our borders. The age of elves is almost over - here on Middle Earth – I think it is about time we gave something back to him." She seemed to look inward for a moment and her brown wrinkled. "But he pulls away from her – tries to sever the connection they have - and Tala senses this."
"Will it end happily?" Celeborn asked with curiosity.
"I cannot see."
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Tala stood at the low parapet, looking out over the tree tops. She could not quite believe that she had finally reached the top of Haldir's mallorn tree.
It was early morning and uppermost branches were still wreathed in mist, like cobwebs caught with dew. She could see her breath appear in silvery clouds on the cool morning air and she turned to the elf standing behind her, with an elfling's delight.
"It's so beautiful!"
"It is." Haldir's voice was deep and strangely soothing.
He came to stand next to her and entwined an arm around her waist. She leant back against him, taking comfort in the solidity of his presence. He smiled down at her and bending, brushed his lips against hers, in the most delicate of touches. Tala closed her eyes, enjoying the touch of him.
Suddenly she was alone. When she opened her eyes the mist had grown thicker and she could not see Haldir. Curiously the air immediately around her was crystal clear and she found that she was now standing on the parapet, high over the forest floor. It was as if a magnet was over-balancing her, pulling her towards the edge and she felt vulnerable. She tried to find him through the mist but it was too thick.
"Haldir?" she said uncertainly but her voice was muffled by the fog and the silence was all encompassing.
She looked down to step from the parapet but cloud had obliterated any trace of the floor of the flet and Tala realised with panic that she was now perched on the narrow rampart, not knowing which side would bring her safe to the ground and which side would send her into nothingness.
Tala bent down to see if she could reach out and touch the floor but as she did so her foot slipped and she over-balanced. As she tumbled from the tree, Haldir stepped out of the mist and reached out a hand to grab hers. For an instant, their fingers touched and then parted. As she fell, she stared into his grey eyes, her mouth open in a silent cry. Suddenly the face that looked back at her was not Haldir's, it was...Celedir! As she fell, Celedir watched her in silence, his eyes sad. She felt her body tighten to anticipate the impact that was surely coming.
Tala sat up, gasping for breath, feeling sick and dizzy. The room was dark and silent, and she closed her eyes in relief. She was safe in her bed, it had been a dream. But the face she has seen – what did it mean? She lay back on the pillow, her breath still shuddering slightly.
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Tala turned over on her side before opening her eyes slowly, one by one. She must have drifted back into a disturbed sleep for she was woken by a knocking on her door.
"Tala." It was Legolas.
He put his head on one side and looked at her with concern. "You look terrible."
"Bad dream." she said flatly, turning away from the doorway. She scooped her dark hair up and tied it out of the way.
"Falling?" He followed her back inside the talen and she nodded, drawing the cloak she had picked up off the chair tighter around her. She fingered the soft fabric absentmindedly and then noticed it was Haldir's cloak. He had given it to her in the forest and she had not yet given it back to him.
Legolas sat down, his blue eyes staring into hers. "How is Haldir helping with your fear?"
Noncommittal, she shrugged and sat down, not looking at him. He raised his eyebrows and changed the subject tactfully.
"The Lady Galadriel sent me to let you know that he was called back to the border yesterday and will not be able to meet you this morning." He paused as if to check her reaction but she said nothing. "Why don't you come and watch me practice this afternoon? You do not practice enough with the sword." He added jokingly "Maybe you can pick up some moves from me."
Tala smiled wryly at his teasing and felt better immediately. He always knew how to cheer her up.
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After Legolas had left, making her promise to come and watch him later, Tala sat for a moment and thought about the dream she had had. The recollection of falling made her shiver involuntarily.
Her jaw tightened with determination. She wanted to make progress before returning to Rivendell and the Fellowship would not stay in Lothlorien for much longer.
Just because he could not be there with her did not mean that she could not continue without him, she reasoned. He had said that it was up to her in the end so perhaps she did not need his help after all.
She nodded to herself and went to dress.
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Tala sat on the edge of the flet, her feet dangling in mid-air above the forest floor. She could scarce belief the accomplishment and, half in jest, pinched herself to make sure it was not another dream.
Something, that afternoon, had resolved itself in her mind, and she had been able to approach the edge with her fear – no longer a fear – but only a thought, pushed to the back of her mind - a thought of the possibility of falling, and no longer a certainty that she would.
"Do you now know what pulls you towards the edge?"
A calm voice spoke from behind her and Tala twisted round from the edge of the landing to see the March Warden standing at the top of the stairs, his bow in one hand, his tunic stained darkly in places. He had obviously only just returned from some patrol or other mission. In his quiver, a single lone arrow remained.
She nodded. "It is myself. I pull myself to the edge when trying to overcome my fear." She could not keep the triumph and delight from her voice and she was heartened to see an answering glint in his eyes. Haldir smiled at her joy.
"Indeed."
Tala got up from her perch. "Why did you not just tell me this in the beginning?" she asked teasingly.
"You had to discover it for yourself in order to overcome it." he replied, still with a smile. He moved closer to her.
"But you are hurt?" Tala said suddenly, distressed, looking at the stains on his tunic, which were now revealed to be blood.
Haldir looked down as if seeing them for the first time.
"Not mine." His voice was weary and his mouth taut. "But the elf will survive."
It was obviously he felt the injury to his fellow warden deeply and Tala looked up into his eyes with sympathy. She put her hand up to touch the dark stains on his tunic.
Their eyes met and held, and Tala found herself lost in the silvery depths. His hand came up to capture her fingers in his, where they still rested against his chest. Her spine tingled. Her mind flicked instantly to the kiss they had shared in her dream and her eyes rested upon his lips, strong and well-moulded.
"Tala." His voice was as smooth as silk.
She answered distantly. "Mmmm?"
He paused and the moment was lost. Haldir cleared his throat and withdrew his hand.
"I must go."
Tala stepped back in confusion and then nodded.
"Yes, go." She could not keep the edge from her voice. Was he deliberately toying with her? For what purpose?
She watched him walk away.
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Haldir climbed the remaining steps to his talen, lost in thought. He was supposedly famed throughout the Golden Wood for his control and his lips curled in a self-deprecatory smile. He could not even keep his distance from one elleth. He had wavered and then recollected himself. She had been confused and hurt and angry. And beautiful and vulnerable.
His mind lingered for a moment on the kiss that would have undoubtedly followed if he had not walked away. Why did he torment himself in this way? Why not just take the elleth and have done with it? He began to imagine what it would be like – and with an exclamation, he realised he was doing it again! Would she never depart from his thoughts?