Death by Chopsticks

"Come out." Aoshi said to the surrounding trees.

Yumi stood there smugly and watched Kamatari's face constrict with horror and pain.

"I must admit you're very good. Most people wouldn't know I would be standing there." I said as I came out of the surrounding bushes. "Oh Miss Yumi there you are. Lord Shishio sent both Mr. Shinomori and myself to retrieve you. I'm glad that one of us found you!" I smiled with relief.

"Sou-chan, I'm so glad you found us!" I watched as Kamatari tried to hobble his way towards me.

"I'm sorry Soujirou, I wasn't expecting to be this long, but I was held up." I watched as Yumi gave a small, hardened glare towards the said person walking towards me. Then out of nowhere she let out a small chuckle, as if she was sharing some sort of private joke.

Women were so confusing at the best of times, and I didn't think it was in my place to ask. Of course I wanted to know, but I knew not to ask. Instead, I smiled brightly and played it off. I would find out everything I needed to know in due time.

"What I'd like to know is who you killed Yumi!"

I had to blink several times as Kamatari's question ran through my mind. Yumi killed someone? The everlasting smile never left my face as I turned and looked at her. I noticed Shinomori was looking at her as well.

Yumi stood poised. She looked different-if that was possible. She was only gone for a few hours, but there was something about her that was different.

Instead of replying she shrugged off Kamatari's question and continued walking. She would have stayed silent the whole way back, if it were not for Shinomori and his surprisingly short temper today.

Yumi stopped walking when Shinomori placed his sword against her throat. Silently I wished for a pair of earplugs. I could picture her tearing a strip off one side and then the other and then taking it out on Kamatari. Oh yes, I would need a hot relaxing bath when this was over.

I could feel the pressure in my head build up, and I prepared myself for the explosion. I closed my eyes and waited for the birds to fly, the squawking to start, and the blood drain. Slowly I opened an eye. There was still silence on the road. For a second I wondered if I was getting better at shutting the world off, but then I heard a bird whistle in the tree above me and knew nothing happened.

Was the world coming to an end? I watched on as Yumi calmly removed the sword from her neck as if it were a nothing but an old fishing pole.

"Why were the police after you?" Aoshi's tone was still as cold as ice. But I knew the tiny spark of curiosity that fanned across his face for I was feeling the same thing too.

"I killed someone. Are you satisfied? Now I must get back so I can change Lord Shishio's bandages." Yumi stated hotly and started walking again.

Yumi killed someone? The same Yumi that was nothing more than Lord Shishio's lover and bandage changer...she killed someone? Who could she have killed that would have made the police come after her so quickly? It had to have been some of vital importance; otherwise it would have taken a few hours if not days.

Behind me Kamatari whined, "Yumi just tell us who you killed, and we'll all stay quiet for the rest of the trip!"

"You promise?"

Oh no. I did not like that savage look on Yumi's face. Actually it was quite frightening. I wasn't one to be scared so easily, but right now this psychotic woman had me on edge.

I was thankful I was not in Shinomori's place beside her.

"Yes I promise!" Kamatari pleaded.

"Very well." Yumi smirked and turned to face the cross dresser.

My eyes never left her face. Despite my grin, I was watching every flicker, every subconscious movement she made looking for the truth and lies she might have told to keep a certain someone from whining the rest of the trip.

"The Battousai."

I felt my eyes widen slowly as she showed no signs of lying. Yumi had killed the battousai? How? This was the legendary manslayer she was talking about, not some street punk Joe Smow off in some alleyway.

"Yeah right! I don't believe you!" Kamatari placed his hands on his hips and sulked.

"She's telling the truth." I replied looking at the two warriors. Kamatari's face was comical, and I noticed a few facial twitches that the ninja was making. I figured he was digesting the information, but I saw him reach for his flickering eye and realized that he was pissed.

Why would Shinomori be so upset? Yumi is a woman of little upbringing and no combat training, yet killed the most feared and sought after warrior of his time. Yeah, I'd be a little pissed off too if I was seeking revenge. You had to feel sorry for the outdated ninja.

We continued to walk in silence until Shinomori broke Yumi's wish. "How?" The single question was filled with so much pent up hardened rage I was surprised that Yumi didn't flinch under his tone.

I expected some long complicated story about wits and strength, not the one word that would stop us in our tracks: "Chopsticks."

My smile almost faltered, but I was quick to regain my composure. However my other companions were not as quick with their facial expressions as I was.

Kamatari was simply comical. He literally fell to the ground. And naturally Yumi laughed at his expense. While Aoshi's face dropped. I noticed the rage and hate flare up in his eyes.

This man was a ticking time bomb ready to explode. It was only natural to allow Shinomori to wander off and explode. Hopefully he would take out many people in the process. I just hoped that he wasn't about to do it here.

I would hate to get my sword dirty again. After all I just cleaned and polished it this morning before breakfast.

The rest of the trip back to the springs was quiet. Of course, I was supporting the cross dresser's weight. After he fell to the ground he was no longer able to walk by himself on his two feet.

"Kamatari, can you walk by yourself because you're getting a little heavy." I thought I was being quiet and polite, but I realized that my voice carried a little further than expected.

"Yeah Kamatari, maybe you should think about losing some weight. Unless of course you are going to become the man you aren't." Yumi chided from the front.

I would have asked Shinomori to take over, but I already knew that answer so I stayed quiet.

"Sou-chan, that was mean!" He whined into my ear.

I smiled back at him. "I'm sorry Kamatari, but you are starting to feel like dead weight."

Yumi started to howl. What did I say? I was merely stating the truth. I had a sinking feeling that I was digging myself in deeper with every word that came out of my mouth.

"Everyone shut up!"

Okay that made my ears ring. Actually it was so loud that I stepped away from Kamatari and placed my hand over my ear trying to stop the ringing. What happened after that was not my fault I swear!

Kamatari fell to the ground again, and he wasn't lucky enough to avoid the small muddy puddle that caressed his face.

Any poise that Yumi possessed was now officially gone as she had to clutch her sides. Her laugh was contagious. I tried not to laugh, really I did…it just didn't work all too well.

Of course Aoshi had to stop and stare at us like we were nothing but children. He was the fun killer. I wondered if he had ever laughed in his life. Sometimes he was too serious for his own good.

"Not one word!" Kamatari fumed.

Once I was supporting a mud soaked Kamatari again no one talked until we reached the hot springs where we were currently residing.

I was mildly surprised to see Chou already standing there talking to Lord Shishio.

"Yumi, Chou here has been informing me of your whereabouts." Shishio said as he leaned back against his chair.

One of the kind ladies took Kamatari from my arms when we entered the building but he refused to see a doctor. Well more technically he wanted to see what would happen with Lord Shishio and Miss Yumi. I couldn't blame the guy because I wanted to see what would happen as well. But of course that meant I would have to support the man's weight for a little while longer.

Yumi pouted. "I wanted to be the one to tell you. Besides, how'd he get here so fast?"

I think we were all thinking the same thing.

"Carriage. I am a police officer after all." Chou boasted.

Yumi pulled out a small container and handed it over to Lord Shishio. In return he handed her a pair of bloodied hair accessories.

I raised my eyebrow in mild shock. She really was telling the truth. Death by chopsticks…now that was one seriously sad way to die. Now he'll never be remembered as the man he once was, simply as the man that was killed by a pair of chopsticks.

Sad, really, that's all it was. Oh, and highly amusing. Remind me to never get on Yumi's bad side…

Yumi took the hair accessories and placed them in her kimono. "I'm sorry I was tardy Lord Shishio there was a scene at the market place. I would have been here sooner, but an imbecile tried to stop me."

Lord Shishio looked at Kamatari and brushed the love sick cross dresser off. "Yes, and not to mention the police. We will deal with them later, but now I need a bath."

Yumi bowed and walked out of the room.

I struggled with Kamatari's weight as I dragged him to see the onsite doctor. "That wench was telling the truth the whole time." Kamatari slumped even more onto my staggering frame.

"I told you she was." I simply stated, and I practically dumped him off onto a spare bed glad to be rid of his heavy frame.

"Death by chopsticks…what a way to die." Kamatari said as he got comfortable on the bed.

I had to agree, it was the most comical way to die. I walked out of the room and my permanent smile seemed a little more genuine as I walked down the halls towards my room to change into something a little less dirty.

Eeevee's muddled two cents: Um… what am I… oh, sorry, still in pokemon land I think. I really should finish Untamed… and I'm hungry. Oh well. Rereading the last chapter, I have two words: lime jello.

reviewer: Here, more Sou. And I wrote a chapter halfway from Sou's POV, but it's a few chapters down the way. We kind of got sidetracked -.-'

Himura Kaoru: I didn't kill Kenshin; I have nothing against the guy. But, he did kinda hafta... nevermind.

Anonymous Freak: snorts J, I think that one's for you.

"Oro" 0bject: There's a plot O.O

Fyyrrose (J's) rebuttal: Fun chapter to write, blah blah blah (insert evil scheming plans here) - sorry I have a report to write up and don't feel like talking here. Oh and I killed Kenshin for one reason only: because I could! HA!

Sorry E but Anonymous Freak is yours! After all he/she/it reviewed on your chapter big grin but what's with the symbols, you can't spell using words?

Reviewer: J's me, as for your review, but I'm sitting here going WTMFH did you write? All I understood was that you liked Yumi's character. Well thank you for that I try to please.

Now people keep sending in your reviews, they amuse us, but please try to write more (and not with symbols) Biting the author on this chapter will result in loss of limb, but any of E's chapters it's acceptable!

You guys/girls/aliens are still too chicken to leave a signed review…such a shame. Just remember to push that button that says submit review and go!