Okay, so this fic is inspired by various forums I've been reading. It's the JohnLiz threads that have caught my eye (everyone gasps in shock) and some were discussing the whole Lorne/Weir interaction in The Lost Boys (like he knows how she feels), which I've not seen yet. A lot of people are hoping for another hug when Sheppard returns but I have a different idea.
Spoilers: The Siege Part 3; The Lost Boys; Conversion
Distance
The Atlantis alarms begin blaring and Elizabeth Weir immediately rushes out of her office, slowing down as she nears the personnel moving around the control room. She doesn't want to appear frantic, although the lack of paper work done that day is evidence that she's not on her game.
Taking a glance at the now shimmering event horizon and then a deep breath the expedition leader asks, "Do we have a code?"
Dr. Alan Parker watches the active laptop screen anxiously, smiling as he recognizes the sequence of digits. Unable to hide the relieve and happiness in his voice he announces, "It's Colonel Sheppard's team, Ma'am!"
Elizabeth wants to sit down and cry upon hearing that but feels eyes watching her, waiting for some kind of ecstatic reaction to the news. Instead she nods once and orders in a calm, collective voice, "Lower the shield."
Parker presses a button removing the invisible wall from the gate and Elizabeth allows herself to move to the balcony to observe the team's long overdue return. Gripping the railing she tries to even out her breathing fearing who will be injured or worse…it's a thought that only agitates her more.
After what seems like minutes Dr Rodney McKay exits the pool of water followed by Teyla and Ronon supporting a worse for wear Colonel John Sheppard between them. The gate shuts down and the security men relax moving in to assist the broken looking team. Examining them closer Elizabeth sees a few cuts and bruises mixed in with dirt on their faces and tries not to gasp at noticing John's vacant expression.
Pulling away from the railing she heads for the staircase telling the nearest person to call Beckett and begins down the steps still trying to remain composed. Reaching the bottom Elizabeth feels hopeful when John's eyes meet hers and a small smile graces his dry looking lips but the feeling is soon dashed as his eyes roll back and his body goes completely limp.
All Elizabeth wants to do is go to him and hold him, show some kind of emotion. Instead she orders Ronon and Teyla to get him to the infirmary. Following the band of tired explorers Elizabeth can still feel eyes watching her, just waiting for the outburst of anguish she feels but she won't do it. For once, her emotions will remain professional.
A day later Elizabeth is dismissing Major Lorne's team and is gathering up her files when the young officer approaches her, rather hesitantly. Glancing up she asks, "Major? Is there a problem?"
"Uh, no Ma'am. I just wanted to ask how Colonel Sheppard is?" He queries standing very straight and confidently.
At first the negotiator stares at him, expecting to find a hidden agenda but sees it's nothing but concern for his commanding officer. It's not like a few days ago where he openly stated that she worried about the team, and often too. Although he mentioned the entire team Elizabeth suspected Lorne was pointing out something, or someone, else.
"He's going to be fine." She assures him quietly. "He was a little dehydrated and exhausted but other than that Dr Beckett expects him to be okay and up and around soon. I'm sure the Colonel would appreciate visitors if you want to stop by."
Lorne smiles gratefully. "That's good news Ma'am. Perhaps I'll do that." He adds and stands to attention before leaving Weir alone.
For a moment she is scolding herself for allowing Loren's comments the other day to bother her when it was obvious everyone cared and worried about the team.
About him.
Pushing Lorne from her mind Elizabeth finally collects the file together and makes a quick stop at her office before heading for the infirmary.
Entering the bright, slightly odd smelling room is always grim if it's not just to visit the good Scottish doctor. As she spots the most recent, and forever returning, patient Elizabeth wants to turn back but one of his visitors, Rodney, notices her and beckons for her to come closer.
Approaching the bed she plasters on a fake smile and glances at the patient's team currently surrounding him before focusing on him.
John Sheppard gives her half a wave and dons a lopsided grin. "Hey Elizabeth." He greets pleasantly.
He looks better than he did when he came back through the gate and she chooses this remark to start off with, knowing it is safe territory. "Colonel, you're looking a lot better." She can't be sure but Elizabeth thinks she sees a hint of disappointment in his eyes but the moment is gone and she's sure she imagined it.
"Yep, a lot better!" He agrees nodding. "I'm even good enough to leave-"
"No you're not!" A stern Scottish voice barks and the serious looking face of Dr Carson Beckett appears beside them. "You will be staying in here another day Colonel!"
At this John scowls and looks at Elizabeth desperately. She can't help the affectionate smile that envelopes her face. "Sorry, he's the doctor." She tells him her grin spreading wider as he sighs disappointingly.
"Aye, I am." Beckett states, rather smugly and then makes a shooing motion with his hands. "Now, out you all go. He needs his rest." As the group grumbles and John begins to 'tut' Carson touches Weir's arm. "Oh, you can stay a few minutes longer Dr Weir. You just arrived and if there's anything you want to discuss…"
As the team drift away Elizabeth begins to object but sees the plea again in Sheppard's eyes and nods. "Thank you Carson." And with that the Scot vanishes to his office without another word.
Turning back Elizabeth sighs and raises an eyebrow. "So, the Wraith queen again?"
John shrugs acting as if it's the most common thing in the galaxy. "Oh, you know me and the queens…they can't get enough." He jokes but Elizabeth knows the mission will have damaging effects on all of them, particularly since they lost Ford again. "Sorry about the lack of radio contact."
The apology would have sounded half hearted to anyone else but Elizabeth knows he is truly sorry for worrying her. Giving him a knowing smile she replies, "Well, being held hostage and interrogated does give you a good excuse."
A silence descends and she chooses this opportunity to bid good evening, holding his gaze. "I'll leave you to get some sleep." Pausing for a second she sees anticipation in the pilot's intense stare but she's already promised herself that what he may be expecting is never going to happen again. Taking a deep breath she tells him, "I'm glad you're back safe Colonel."
The look on his face is heart breaking and Elizabeth is both relieved and scared of the distance she's created in that one statement. His expression hardens but remains professional. "Thank you."
As she leaves Elizabeth pretends not to notice his angry and hurt expression and a shocked Carson watch her exit and heads straight for her quarters, tears stinging her eyes.
Two weeks later things are still tense and professional and Elizabeth can't decide whether it's good or not. They've had no personal conversations, no moments alone together. However, the agitation is still present whenever he goes off world and she knows people still watch their every move. Has she just destroyed a good friendship over nothing?
These thoughts and others similar keep her from finishing a report so in an attempt to forget them she grabs her wooly cardigan, which is a little too big for her frame, and makes her way to the mess hall. Walking down the dim halls Elizabeth is surprised to find she is no longer scared of wandering around the city this late at night anymore. A nice contented feeling settles over her realizing it's now properly home.
Walking out of the transporter straight into the food court Elizabeth makes a bee line for the coffee machine and fills up a silver mug, grinning at the warmth it produces as she holds it.
"You know that's not good for you." A deep, smooth voice startles her and she looks up to see the object of her distraction staring a few tables away. A similar mug sits in front of him and his crossed arms.
"Sorry, didn't see you there." She says softly and walks towards him. "Guess I was preoccupied."
At this he gives a small smile. "Yeah, that was obvious. Coffee? At this time of night?" He asks in disgust leaning back so he can swing on his chair.
For a split second Elizabeth lets her walls down and joins in the teasing. "Well what did you have?"
"Juice." He says guiltily but after another probing glare he mutters, "Coffee."
"Ha." She murmurs triumphantly. Her voice carries around the deserted hall effortlessly.
"Wanna join me?" John asks gesturing to the seats across from him and lets his own fall to the ground with a clang.
Elizabeth feels slightly ashamed at his olive branch when he has no clue as to why she has been distant. John sighs and mutters, "It's okay if you don't."
For a minute she thinks he may understand but the hurt evident in his face tells her otherwise. Placing her mug gently on the table she pulls out a seat and wearily sits down. The scene reminds her of the night they sat talking on the Dadaelus coming back from Earth several months ago, but the mood is completely different. The uneasy silence suddenly seems loud and Elizabeth stares at her mug.
"Have I done something wrong?" The question sounds like it's come from a confused child, desperately wanting an explanation. Looking up at him, John's face registers that expression too.
"No." She states hurriedly, the shame causing her face to feel flushed. "No, you've done nothing wrong, John." She assures him, eyes focusing back on the cup.
Silence. Elizabeth is sure he can hear her heart beating.
"Then why is that the first time you've used my name in the past two weeks?"
And there it is. The angry question that is going to finally reveal everything that has been causing the tension and distance between them.
And Elizabeth is not sure she's ready for it.
A/N: what you think so far? Might do a second chapter.