Soldiers of Misfortune – part 20
The next couple of days passed slowly and beyond the Colonel's unusually quiet acceptance of his treatment, Janet didn't think too much was amiss until the odd comments made by his visitors and her nursing staff appeared to be adding up. She paid extra attention to the routine tests and even ordered some extra ones, but there seemed nothing unusual, unusual that was for someone who had just survived being almost beaten to death.
She began to question her nursing staff more carefully about the Colonel's behavior and also began to notice just how short a fuse the Colonel's temper was burning on, even with her. After a particular trying day with the Colonel, she escaped earlier than usual, thankful to be leaving the mountain for the night.
The reports on her return, although seemingly not pointing to a worsening of the Colonel's condition, gave her doubts as to whether something was greatly amiss – something she was somehow missing.
The Colonel's glare as she drew yet another blood sample from him gave her a shiver of apprehension, but just as she began squaring her shoulders for a fight, Daniel appeared for a visit. Sighing thankfully as the Colonel was distracted by the archaeologist, she finished up drawing the sample and carefully marked the tube up ready for the labs. She was tidying up the tray on the bedside table, putting the samples she'd collected on it, ready to check his charts and not paying much attention to the conversation, when she heard the Colonel's voice begin to rise.
"For Christ's sake, Daniel, go get a life and leave mine alone!" spat the irate Colonel.
"Jack, I …"
"Look, just leave me alone would you!"
"Hmph, well I'm sorry you feel that way Jack, but it's no good shouting. I'm not just going to disappear."
"Pity," snapped Jack.
"Sir, don't get worked up, this isn't …" Janet interrupted, stepping closer to the bed and keeping her voice to a soothing tone.
"And you can keep your nose out of it too. Interfering, bloody Napoleonic …"
"Colonel!"
"Jack!" Were the shocked responses.
Janet froze for a moment and was ready to give him a warning, when she caught sight of Daniel shaking his head warningly to her.
"Out!" bellowed the Colonel. "Both of you … and take this god-damned paraphernalia with you!" He thrust an arm out, sweeping the tray from his bedside table, the samples smashing to the floor. He grimaced in pain at the action, but his glare defied them to make more of it.
"Colonel O'Neill, if you persist in this behavior I will have to inform General Hammond," Janet warned as she sidestepped the mess.
"Fine, whatever. Just leave me alone. No more tests. GO AWAY!"
A touch on her arm drew her back from the bed. Quite frankly, no matter how much the Colonel had groused in the infirmary in the past, he'd never behaved like this.
"Okay Colonel. This once and just this once, I will let you be for a while. Take the chance to calm down and get rid of this attitude. I will be back later," she warned and stepped out with Daniel.
She grabbed a nurse from the station and instructed her to clean up, but not to speak or acknowledge the Colonel - just clean up and get out, before she invited Daniel into her office.
Daniel discussed with her Jack's reticence to speak and then sudden sparks of outright temper and downright coldness, and if truth be told, he admitted, this Jack frightened him a little. Gone was the easy manner of his friend, even confined in the infirmary and sick as he was. Daniel confessed he had never known this side of the man to appear for a long, long time.
The overwhelming worry that something was indeed very wrong was more than nagging at Janet, but she just didn't know what to do about it. The more tests she did, the more irate Colonel O'Neill was and nothing seemed to be showing up beyond the normal for his condition.
Janet also expressed her concern over Sam, and Daniel blushed a little. He had not forgotten what happened on the planet, but he felt he couldn't openly discuss it, not wanting to betray his friends.
Over the next day or two even the General commented on the changes in his 2IC, going so far as to corner the doctor for a medical opinion.
"It's too early to say what is bothering him, Sir. There doesn't seem to be anything we can pinpoint physically that would account for his behavior, but these things aren't unheard of with head injuries. Maybe it is PTSD, but it's too soon for Doctor Mackenzie to become involved. The Colonel is still in the early stages of recovery. It might be that he needs a little time yet, and of course we don't know how much the drugs are affecting him and in what way."
The General acknowledged the wisdom of her words. He wasn't comfortable with the man his 2IC had returned to being … but was prepared to give him time … hopefully that was all he needed.
xoxoxoxoxo
Daniel had tried talking to Jack, but felt like he was banging his head on a stone wall. The man's responses were brief, almost like a stranger talking to him and when he tried to talk to Sam about it, she practically bit his head off.
He made yet another attempt at broaching the subject and invaded her laboratory uninvited. He handed her one of the coffees he'd brought and sat nursing his own, determined to have his say.
"Sam, what the heck is going on? You've hardly been to see Jack and you're not yourself when you're there … Are you frightened of him?" he asked suddenly as the thought occurred. Jack could be a hard ass at the best of time, like this he was positively menacing.
xoxoxoxoxo
Sam's eyes widened at Daniel's remark. Her heart pumping a little faster as she acknowledged a little of her fear, but it wasn't fear of Jack. It was the fear she had lost him, and that fear now prompted her to speak.
"Daniel, has Ja … the Colonel said anything to you about what happened?"
"Happened? When? Now … then … what?"
"When we were on the planet … What happened between us?"
"Jack wouldn't discuss that with me, you know that, but no, he hasn't mentioned anything."
"I don't know what he remembers," confessed Sam.
"He hasn't said anything to you at all?"
Sam shook her head.
"You could try reminding him."
"How?"
"Just tell him."
"What, just drop into the conversation, by the way Sir, I screwed your brains out on the planet!"
Daniel almost choked on the mouthful of coffee he'd just taken. He wiped his watery eyes, giving Sam an evil glare.
"God, are you trying to kill me?" he spluttered.
Sam almost smiled, but then her sadness overtook her again. "I made the running back there Daniel, he didn't … What if … what if it was the drugs that …" She sighed and looked away.
"I don't think a few drugs would … okaaay, well not the drugs you gave him, anyway. We all know how much you two feel about each other."
"Then why is he being like he is? Why is he looking at me like … like I …" Sam choked back a sob. "Oh God, Daniel, this is such a mess. What if he thinks I … What if he presses charges?"
xoxoxoxoxo
Daniel started in surprise at Sam's words. "There is no way Jack would …" His eyes narrowed as the horrible thought of how Jack was at the moment really struck home. What if this Jack did remember and … he could truly believe that the way Jack was at the moment he could and would press charges if necessary. Maybe Jack couldn't remember what had happened on the planet or maybe he did … and that was why Jack was behaving the way he was.
Daniel tried his best to persuade Sam that it was just a temporary thing and that Jack needed more time, that was all, but with his head not really agreeing with his words. He felt the comfort was lame at best and he decided he needed help with this.
xoxoxoxoxo
Daniel knocked at Janet's office door and popped his head in at her request to enter.
She hurriedly closed the extremely thick file on her desk and turned to face him with a gentle smile. Daniel returned the smile, but declined the chair she offered him as he leaned against the cabinets, while he frantically thought how to put all he wanted to say into words.
"Okay, what's going on?" asked Janet eventually.
Daniel sighed. "Errm, look I don't know how much you know and if you don't know as much as I hope then this is going to be an awfully short conversation and if …"
"Daniel, for goodness sake, stop!"
Daniel gave her a sheepish grin. "Sorry, okay, putting it bluntly … Are you aware of the change in Jack and Sam's uh, non-relationship while we were missing?"
Janet's eyes widened a little and Daniel wondered if he'd spoken out in haste.
Janet obviously noticed his alarm and gave him a reassuring smile. "Yes, I do know that certain things changed. Sam told me a little."
"Oh, good, err I mean …"
"Okay, look, just spit it out. This conversation is strictly off any record and at the moment I only have the best interest of my patient and my friend at heart, all right?"
Daniel nodded and did his best to explain what was running through Sam's head.
"God, what a mess," exclaimed Janet.
"You're not kidding. The worse thing is I have no idea how to sort it all out. Jack's … well I don't mind admitting that at the moment he scares the life out of me. And Sam just won't listen to reason …"
Janet sat thoughtfully silent for a few minutes. "So, Sam thinks the Colonel either doesn't remember it or is remembering and is angry about it?"
"Yes, she thinks it was only the drugs that let him, ahem, 'fall for her charms' and now …"
"Do you think that he does remember?"
"I don't know. Jack is pretty tight lipped at the best of times when it's anything personal. As he is at the moment … I mean he could be remembering and that's why he's …"
"Why he's like that? But why?"
"Perhaps he didn't want it to happen? Perhaps he does regret it?"
"I wouldn't have thought so. I know he has very strong feelings for Sam. It could be the drugs, Daniel, or the head injury … PTSD, or maybe he just remembers a little and he's confused," said Janet as she beat her brain thinking.
"Yeah, but he's hardly likely to blurt anything out regardless is he?" agreed Daniel.
"Okay then, that's what you've got to do," said Janet brightly.
"Uh, what?"
Janet smiled. "Confront Jack."
"Argh, are you kidding me? I'd sooner confront a Goa'uld."
"Then drop some hints. Let him know you know what he thinks has happened, happened."
Daniel almost went cross-eyed trying to follow that. "Janet, you can throw bricks at Jack, not drop hints, and if he doesn't want to take you up on it then there is no way in hell that he will."
"Then you'll just have to do your best, won't you?" said Janet, smiling sweetly.
xoxoxoxoxo
Daniel sat with a book open on his lap. God knew what the book was about - he was too busy trying to think of a way to get Jack to talk without being murdered by the irate Colonel.
He ran through the various scenarios in his brain – the end result of each one was a dead archaeologist.
"Are you arguing with yourself?" asked a quiet voice suddenly.
Daniel visibly jumped, the book sliding to the floor with a thump. Bending over to retrieve it gave him a few seconds to try and compose himself … except it didn't work.
"Gee Jack, scare me to death, why don't you," he puffed.
"Sorry."
Daniel gave the man a harsh look. Jack looked anything but sorry.
"How are you feeling?" asked Daniel, cowardly dancing around. No, not cowardly … just a strong sense of self-preservation was prevailing.
"Fine," was the short reply.
"Oh."
"Did you want something?"
Daniel found himself drawn into his friend's dark eyes, but these eyes were not the ones he was used to seeing. The hard cold expression he saw hurt him. "Err, no … I was …" He found himself stuttering inanely. "I was catching up with some work," he managed to get out and found himself giving an explanation of the find one of the other SG teams had brought back, not to mention the work that was still going on to locate Alenor and the other men's home worlds.
"And Sam's not very happy at the moment. In fact she's …" 'Oh God, where had that come from?'
Jack glared at him. "You finished?" he growled, interrupting. The fierce expression on Jack's face alarmed Daniel and he found himself edging back from the bed.
"Good, then maybe you'll get the hell out of here and leave me in peace!"
"Jack, I …"
"What is it you don't understand about what I just said?" snarled Jack menacingly.
Daniel just shook his head numbly and quietly retreated. 'What a mess and I've made it worse … What the hell Jackson … just blurting that out … you idiot!' he berated himself.
xoxoxoxoxo
It was some time later before he worked up to confessing to Janet that he thought he'd just made things worse.
"He's still pretty drugged up you know, and despite what he says, he's in pain. You know what he's been through," said Janet, trying to offer some comfort.
Daniel understood what Janet was trying to say and he hoped that it was just the drugged state that had made Jack into this stranger, but he also knew that this wasn't the same Jack that was back with them on the planet, regardless of the drugs. He'd never seen his friend so happy, despite the circumstances, as when he'd finally given into his feelings regarding Sam, and the same could be said of Sam. They were just so right together … It was mean to be, and it was this thought that gave Daniel the strength to face Jack again.
xoxoxoxoxo
"Is everything coming back to you okay?" he asked Jack casually.
"Some," admitted the man grudgingly.
"Maybe I can help," pushed Daniel.
"Don't."
"Why not? I mean, maybe I can jog your memory a bit."
"Some of it is still hazy, but I remember enough. Don't push it Daniel," warned Jack.
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Enough of what Jack wanted to remember and way too much of other things … even when Soolek's face haunted his dreams it was interspersed with Sam's face, Sam's body … the things they did … the love they'd shared. And God help him, but it hurt – it hurt like hell, because he was now convinced it wasn't a dream and that Sam's behavior showed she regretted it had happened and her few visits, always with the others, showed her reticence of him – and sometimes not just a little fear in her face. It sickened him to his stomach that he was the cause of that fear. He knew he couldn't go on like that, couldn't go on with this command and it was tearing him apart. He needed to distance them from him, sealing his feelings away, putting up the barriers he would need …or God help him.
The turmoil and anger of how he felt was eating him up … ebbing away at his reserves, until finally he was listening to the voice that tore away at his reasoning.
xoxoxoxoxo