Soldiers of Misfortune – part 21
Daniel made a tactful withdrawal as he saw Jack shutting himself off. He retreated to the safety of Janet's office, admitting to the doctor that Jack was just not acknowledging any of it.
Janet sighed heavily. "Okay, looks like I'll have to have a go with Sam."
"Good luck, those stubborn genes aren't solely the O'Neill family trait," said Daniel.
Janet snorted and gave Daniel a pat on the arm. "Ya think?" she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes dramatically before leaving Daniel with her coffee pot.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Janet found Sam sitting alone in her lab, studiously staring at a blank screen.
"Hey, got a few minutes?" she called out from the doorway.
Sam looked up slightly startled, but recovered quickly, giving Janet a wan smile as she straightened up. "Janet, I was just trying to work – is everything okay?"
Janet saw the flash of alarm on Sam's face before it was quickly smoothed away.
"At the moment, the Colonel's not doing too badly, thank goodness." Janet got onto the stool beside Sam with not just a little difficulty. "I haven't seen you at all today, and I got a little concerned. Is everything alright with you?"
"Fine, just a bit busy," said Sam, once more turning to the laptop, quickly switching it on.
"So I see," said Janet. "You look like hell. Are you getting any sleep?"
"Gee, thanks Janet," said Sam, giving her friend a glare. "Is that the doctor or my friend speaking?"
"Your friend. As your doctor I would drag your butt into the infirmary. You're making yourself ill."
Sam looked at Janet for a moment; her eyes glittering with unshed tears. Janet felt like an absolute heel pushing at her like this, but she knew she had to.
"Tell my why you've been avoiding the Colonel? When he wasn't awake I couldn't keep you away."
Sam took a harsh breath. "Oh Janet, it's … it's too hard to …" She broke off and bit her lower lip as she turned to gaze at the screen, the light from the screensaver casting a reflective glow on her face.
"Too hard to what?" pushed Janet.
"To sit there and not be able to say what I feel."
"Why, what's stopping you?"
"He doesn't remember … or if he does he regrets it. He's so cold, so distant from me … I can't stand it!"
Janet moved closer and put a hand onto Sam's shoulder, trying to pass on some comfort to her.
"He's probably just confused. He's gone through an awful lot. Maybe if you talk to him you …"
"No!"
Janet gave her a surprised look at the outburst.
"Look, I know you mean well, and I know I can trust you, but the fact is those drugs are pretty powerful … I took advantage …"
Janet gave a snort of derision. "Honey, are we talking about the same Jack O'Neill here?"
Sam gave Janet a quick glare. "He didn't push me into anything, just the opposite – oh God, what if he presses charges?"
"Rubbish!"
"I'd given up hope. I really didn't expect to get home."
"Well, that would be understandable under the circumstances."
"The Colonel didn't." Sam's voice was a mere whisper now and Janet sat quietly. "Even when he gave up on himself, he didn't want us to give up."
Janet couldn't help but ask her to explain that and the desolation in Sam's voice as she described the morning after the Colonel was stabbed brought a lump to her throat. She knew that event hadn't been in the reports she'd seen, and thought it likely it ever would be. She was amazed the Colonel had made it that far. The wound had been a bad one, the blood loss alone would have been life threatening. She listened as Sam told her how the men had rallied round, enabling them to get the Colonel out.
"They terminated the wounded Janet … If they'd have found him like that …"
"Oh God," she breathed, "and if you hadn't gotten help - found those drugs …"
Sam nodded. "He was dying and I really thought that was it, so when he started getting better I … I realized I couldn't go on like we were. I knew I wanted him and needed him and our chances of getting home were … well the odds were something I didn't even want to contemplate, but Jack never lost that hope for us. I would have been content to make a life there as long as I had him. Anywhere he was could be home for me."
"So when exactly did you seduce him?" asked Janet with a grin.
"Not until he was doing okay. I got so used to lying beside him, staying close in case he needed help - purely medicinal," she added with a small grin.
"Hey, I could use that excuse. Maybe we should get bigger beds in the infirmary?" said Janet with a sly nudge.
Sam gave a small laugh. "Just so long as you kept out of the Colonel's bed."
"Spoilsport."
"What? He's not your type."
"Type? Goodness Sam, he's gorgeous and you know it, but he's never looked at anyone else like he looks at a certain blond I know."
Sam flushed a little and gave Janet a mock glare.
"Well come on, get to the juicy bits," demanded Janet.
Sam told her how Jaellen had mistaken Jack for her husband and encouraged her to sneak back, along with the local moonshine.
Janet watched as her friend's face took on the dreamy look of satisfaction.
"Oh Janet, it was perfect, so loving, so gentle … he …" her voice broke and she wiped at her eyes quickly, trying to disperse the tears that were beginning a journey down her cheeks. Janet put an arm around her gently. "Oh God, how can I go on like this? I want him so badly it hurts."
"Please Sam, try talking to him," she begged.
Sam shook her head. "I can't. If he does remember and hates me for it … I can't face that – I can't."
Janet slipped off the stool completely and held her friend whilst she cried her heart out. There was nothing she could say to make it better … but just maybe there was something she could do.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Janet left it until early evening. She relieved Lieutenant. McPhee and began the check on the Colonel, taking her time recording the readings from the machines. He would be in the infirmary a while yet, and certainly until his system was free of the drugs. He was still in a lot of pain, but she was reluctant to increase the dosage further and kept it now to when it was necessary, decreasing the dose gradually each time.
As she began to check his dressings, she felt him flinch under her touch and murmured an apology before administering the small, but necessary dose of painkiller.
"Can you just be done, Doc?" he growled.
Janet almost gave in to the urge to flee the room at that point, but she took a breath as she straightened. "Sorry Colonel, I'll be as quick as I can. You know how lucky you are. Another inch and you wouldn't be here," she said as she finally replaced the dressing on his side.
"Nearly wasn't - more than once I think," he said quietly, the painkiller obviously beginning to tug on him.
"Must be the Irish blood," she commented.
Jack didn't respond to her words. He lay quietly as she finished up.
His quiet state unnerved her, his restlessness had ceased as the drug did its work. "So, how's things with you and Sam?" Janet blurted before she could stop herself.
Jack rolled quickly onto his back, wincing with pain as he looked up, before he recovered and glared at her. "What do you mean by that?" he demanded, his eyes flashing with bone-chilling coldness.
"I know it's none of my business, but…"
"Damn right!" he snarled.
"But, as a friend," said Janet, steeling herself, "As a friend, I think you should be aware of just how upset Sam is."
Jack's eyes seemed to take on a distant look for a moment.
"In fact Colonel, she's distraught."
"Distraught?" echoed Jack. His face paled a little and his eyes searched Janet's face anxiously.
"She's got it into her head about charges being pressed, not to mention a whole lot of other things." Janet couldn't help herself and poured out just how badly Sam was feeling and how worried everyone was at his behavior. The words spewed out. Finally being able to vent herself Janet didn't pay heed to the state the Colonel was getting himself into until she saw his fists clench tightly and his eyes close. She watched as the tension escalated in his body language and almost took a step back.
"Take it easy sir, this won't help matters, getting so …"
"Calm down?" he snarled, his eyes opened, blazing anger, and this time Janet did take a step away. Janet heard the monitor emit a warning blip. "You stand there telling me my 2IC is hysterical and pressing charges against me and tell me to calm down!" he bellowed as he rose up. Cursing as the pain gripped him, he began to swing his legs out of the bed.
Janet watched in alarm. The Colonel's pale face flushed with pain as he struggled up. She darted forward to stop him and he swung out an arm to push her away. Unfortunately it was his left arm and he groaned as it pulled on his side and his ribs.
Janet clasped the arm he swung out, the lack of strength surprising her momentarily, before she remembered the drug she had just given him.
'Pressing charges … against him?'
"No, Colonel, you got it wrong … Sam's not pressing …" Janet stopped as she watched the Colonel's face tighten with more pain. He cursed and bent over quickly, swaying alarmingly as Janet took a gentle, but firm hold on him and began easing him back down. "Colonel, take it easy. Come on."
He lay with an arm thrown over his face, his breathing harsh, trying to control the pain he was in. Janet quickly administered another small dose into his fluids line and watched as he began to relax, surrendering to the drug.
"Sorry Colonel, take it easy now."
Janet watched as his breathing steadied and he fell into the drug induced sleep. She could have kicked herself. Rule number one … well almost number one, was never to upset a patient like that … damn! damn! damn!
She watched closely as the Colonel settled and she re-checked his vitals. Calling a nurse in to stay with him, she finally left his room