They tell images of your life flash in front of your eyes before you die. He wasn't diying, he was sleeping and images of Jean's life flashed in front of him. Her first arrival to the Institute, her first trainings, first encounters with Brotherhood, them getting close, their first kiss, they perfect courtship, their wedding… He never got to see it to the end.
-Thinking about me?
Jean was seated on the opposite side of the bead, looking as gorgeous as ever. Scott couldn't help but smile back at her.
-Reading my thoughts?
-Couldn't help it.
Jean's smile turned into quiet laugh, as she lightly touched head. Scott couldn't tell if the motion was an apology or an explanation. Not that it mattered. After a few moments her laughter died out and she turned serious.
-How are you doing?
He considered his answer for a moment. Well, he could start one of his famous speeches, even he was bored of, or he could hope she would be able to understand him as she always did.
-I'm living.
Her small nod and sad smile told him she understood. She was not thrilled by that answer but she accepted. It was almost more than he expected.
-Are you still mad at me?
Question was unexpected. It shouldn't be, Scott knew. But somehow he managed to escape thinking about it for such a long time, that it had caught him completely off guard now. Jean patiently waited for him to answer, but he knew he could not remain silent forever.
-Sometimes. Sometimes I'm mad, we didn't get our "happily ever after". And sometimes I just wish you would decide once and for all if you are dead or alive. All this resurrections are really starting to get to my nerves. And sometimes it's both. Makes any sense?
His lips tried to form a smile but failed miserably. He tried not to sound harsh or offended, but Jean deserved honesty. She really understood him well, for she only nodded again. After a few moments of silence it was Jean who spoke.
-So, how is she?
Scott instantly knew what exactly she was asking about. Her voice was light, but eyes had no humor in them. She actually wanted to know. Scott sighed, that really wasn't the subject he wanted to discuss, but Jean could be very stubborn sometimes. And so he tried to formulate it as well as he could.
-Different. She is different, Jean.
Her face expression turned to interrogative. As honest as it was, that answer was not enough for her. She had every right to ask, Scott admitted. It was his problem, he absolutely no desire to answer.
-You were my world, Jean. My everything. You know that, don't you?
She nodded, her eyes never leaving his. Suddenly, once started, he found it almost easy to turn his thoughts into words.
-I had changed, Jean. Suddenly the world I had just wasn't enough. It's not your fault. I just wanted more, but tried to get it absolutely wrong way. I started to see you as some kind of obstacle, only because I couldn't see you from different point of view. I still can't.
There. He had said it. He just told his wife, he felt like she was standing between him and the rest of the world. Should he live through the rest of the night, it was going to be a miracle. Strangely enough, Jean didn't seem too eager to kill him right now.
-And she is different.
It was a statement not a question, but it was filled with curiosity. As close as they were, he still had to explain some things to her. Scott only hoped he would be able to find right words.
-She is. She is not my world, never tried to be. But somehow she is part of me. As simple and as crazy as it sounds. I know we are absolutely different, but exactly how it works. She does things I don't even dare to think about. She looks at the world from absolutely another perspective. She completes me.
Now he was definitely dead. Jean was smart enough to read between the lines. And the message that contained there was less than pleasant for her. But once again she decided to spare his life.
-She plays with you. I hope you understand that much. I don't want you to get hurt, Scott.
Oh yes, he did understand that. Better than he wanted to. But somehow it still changed nothing.
-I know, Jean. And I'm a big boy already. I can actually look after myself.
There was still concern in her eyes but a smile broke onto her lips. Scot was glad she found that amusing.
-I have no doubt you can. I just remind you who we are talking about. You know as well as I do, she uses people for her own amusement. She plays with you.
Jean moved closer to him, so that their lips almost touched.
-And you love her.
It was no more than a whisper. And that was definitely a statement. Scott smiled almost against his will.
-Yes. And I love her.
---
It was still dark outside, so Scott decided he couldn't have slept more than a few hours. He didn't need to look at his bed companion to know what was this all about.
-I thought, you promised not to mess with my head.
-Scott dear, I'm sleeping. Can't it wait until morning?
He almost grinned. It looked like their definitions of "sleeping" were quite different. Scott slowly turned his head to look at the woman next to him. Well, at least she had her eyes closed.
-Define "sleeping", Emma. And things in my head were way too weird to have nothing to do with you.
With a frustrated sigh Emma opened her eyes.
-Ok, so you were projecting too loudly for me to fall asleep. But I didn't mess with your head. Just made your thoughts more coherent. Amplified them, if you wish. Have no idea what it turned into.
Strangely enough, he believed her. He knew of course, he wouldn't be able to feel her presence in his head unless she wanted him to. But he wanted to believe, he knew her well enough to know she was telling the truth.
-Jean. It turned into Jean. We talked.
-Sorry to disappoint you, Scott dear, but even I cannot bring Jean into your mind. You were only talking to your subconsciousness that took Jean's form.
She didn't sound all that sorry, but he didn't actually expect her to. In fact, he would even be disappointed if she were. Scott closed his eyes.
-I know. Thank you anyway. Go to sleep now. I'll try not to disturb you this time.
-You better do.
There was no thread in her voice. She didn't need one, to make her point. Besides she was already used to it. His thoughts so intense she was hardly able to block them. And it was always Jean. Emma actually took it more calmly every time, but it was not that it hurt less. Second best. That was all she was ever going to be. Definitely not what she wanted. But if it was the only thing she could have, that was what she would have. Emma closed her eyes. If she was lucky Jean was out Scott's thoughts for another week or even two. Out of his loud thoughts at least. And after all she did promise him not to pry into his head.
---
Somewhere during the night Scott instinctively tightened his hold on the woman next to him, bringing her closer. In return she abandoned her pillow for his chest. Unconsciously he whispered silent "I love you" into her hair and just as unconsciously she sent "I love you" into his mind. Nether would remember that in the morning, but now there were smiles on their faces and for a moment all was all right in the world.