Five children and five adults are lined up outside the factory gates. But wait, something's wrong with this picture. No crowd is gathered behind them, although a few people can still be seen, running for their lives from some mean-looking dogs. And the adults… They don't seem quite… right.
On the far right there's a fairly average looking boy with a fairly average psycho stare, accompanied by a hunch-backed, skinny man in dusty tails, his only overclothes being a long scarf that was once white. He seems to be one of those guys who doesn't know when it's time to let go of the once "cool" rocker mane, since half of his head is bald and the other half covered with long blond hair. Next, there's a girl in a blue track suit, ferociously chewing gum. Her companion is a young redtop who seems to be in show business since she's all dressed in sequins, including a golden sequined top hat. On top of her sequins she wears a cape which looks like the kind of cape an artist would throw off before getting on stage. The couple in the middle consists of a fat boy with a suspiciously airbrushed look on his face and an equally artificial muscle bimbo with peroxide blonde hair and contact blue eyes. The bimbo is dressed in a knitted sweater with silly reindeer and snowflake patterns and matching cap and mittens. His legs are bare down to the huge moon boots and he's trembling and rattling his teeth, but at the same time looking stupidly happy and expectant. On their left stands a boy looking like he's been time warped right out of someBritish film by a sentimental old director filming his childhood in the 40ies. A few feet off, as if the boy reeked of poverty and cabbage soup, stands a man with a dark 70ies fro and more make up than Patsy and Edina put together. He's wearing Dame Edna-style black sunglasses with fake diamonds and a full-length leopard fur. The last couple on the left consists of a brat girl in posh clothes and a woman looking like a housemaid, a housemaid who has neither slept nor brushed her huge red hair in a week. She's wearing a black woollen coat which was once elegant but is now hopelessly threadbare, the kind of old coat the lady of the house would grant her servant.
"Please enter" a voice says through the speakers, and the adults run forward, squeezing their way through the opening factory gates, pushing the children before them like human shields. They don't have to be asked twice but walk straight up to the entrance and wait for the show to begin. The door opens, the red curtains are drawn aside and the puppets begin to move, singing their boisterous yet catchy tune about the world's greatest chocolatier, ending in pyrotechnics and general fiery mayhem. The children look dumbfounded but the adults cheer and clap their hands as the puppets begin to melt. The guy with the heavy make up even exclaims "Bravo! Excellent!" as one of the puppet's eye fall out.
At this point, a pale man in a top hat, huge black glasses and a long broadtail fur has appeared out of nowhere, clapping enthusiastically and praising the show.
"Hey! You look just like Michael Jackson!" the woman in the golden top hat says in a squeaky voice.
"I do not!" the pale man protests, appalled.
"He's Willy Wonka, you stupid broad!" the guy in the leopard coat hisses.
"Then shouldn't you be up there?" the woman with the huge red head of hair asks in a drawling voice, "My Master usually sits on his throne."
"I couldn't very well watch they show from up there now could I… woman?" Willy Wonka replies in a strained voice, as if trying to conceal his irritation at having to point out such an obvious fact, "Now come along, far too much to see!"
He disappears into the factory, throwing his coat and sunglasses on the floor of the huge red-carpeted entrance hall, inviting his guests to do the same. The guy with the fro takes off his sunglasses too, admiring the display of flexing muscles as the blonde comes out of his sweater and kicks off his moon boots, stripping down to a mere pair of golden briefs. This little distraction makes him the last one to get his coat off. Willy turns around, wondering what's taking him so long, just in time to see him reveal a glittery corset, long glittery gloves, black briefs, garters and stockings. At this sight he draws his breath, widens his eyes and quickly turns his back, walking away. When he's allowed to do so without any Scary Little Persons attacking him he seems perplexed however and turns to his guests once more.
"You. You're the Children." he says, pleased with his accomplishment. The children look at each other like duh.
"And the rest of you guys must be their p… p… p…" he struggles.
"Do I really look that old?" interrupts the guy with the make up, clearly upset, "Of course we're not their parents! Their parents are bound and gagged just outside the factory gates. I am Frank N Furter." He offers his hand and snorts when Willy doesn't kiss it or even shake it, "The rest of them are of no importance," he continues irritably, using his humiliatingly un-touched hand to wave in the general direction of the other four, "just my servants."
"Ah well," Willy says cheerily, "I guess it doesn't matter as long as the rule about one companion per child is not broken."
At this the children make big eyes, clearly expecting their candy making hero to throw out the intruders and restore Peace and Order. One of them, the brat in the fur bolero, even protests: "I want my d - ouch!", the last word a result of the housemaid pinching her.
Willy starts to walk again, but this time he's interrupted by the girl in sequins throwing herself around his neck, squeeing: "I'm Colombia! Oh my god I can't believe I'm here! I've been admiring you for years! I even have a poster of you above my bed!"
Frank clears his throat warningly and she unwillingly lets go of the scared stiff Willy, who hasn't taken many steps before he's interrupted again, this time by the bunk of the muscle hunk standing in his way. He flinches not to bump into that huge pink naked body in front of him, and the body in question offers him a deranged grin and says: "I'm Rocky. I love chocolate, but Frank doesn't let me have any because I'm on a diet." At this, the disgust in Willy's eyes is momentarily replaced by something amazingly similar to heartfelt compassion, and he sneaks his hand into his pocket for a golden chocolate coin which he offers Rocky, holding it at the very edge not to touch Rocky's hand in the transaction. Rocky's grin widens and he takes a bite of it with the golden foil still on.
Next, the maid curtseys in front of Willy, holding her white apron spread and saying: "I'm Magenta."
"I, uh, I always thought magenta was a colour." Willy replies distractedly.
The guy in the tails sneaks up behind him and hisses spookily in his ear: "I'm Riff Raff. I am to Frank what this boy Mike is to you, a nail in the eye and an arch-enemy. He just doesn't know it yet…"
"And I'm just happy to see you!" exclaims Frank, but Willy doesn't seem to get it.
As they walk down the long hall to the tiny door the children get a little more acquaintanced with their kidnappers. Colombia and the girl in the track suit seems to be getting along quite well, chatting away. "I chew gum, mostly." the girl says and Colombia replies: "Aha. I tap dance." The chocolate coin seems to have whet Rocky's appetite, and he has stolen the fat boy's chocolate, wolfing it down, easily holding the boy off with his other arm. The brat seems perfectly comfortable with the servant's attire and sleep-deprived look of Magenta, and starts ordering her about.
"Why do you look like a freaking zombie?" the boy with the psycho stare asks Riff Raff, "You look like something that would come around the corner and crawl towards me and which I could finish off with one single shot."
Riff Raff cackles and glances slyly about to make sure the Master isn't listening. "Wait until you see me in my silver armour and laser gun," he hisses, "I could be a boss."
"Cool." Mike replies as a sign of approval, finishing the conversation.
The boy in the 40ies pullover and too short trousers seems to intimidated by Frank to speak, and if he did Frank would silence him with a look.
When the group has reached the end of the corridor they eagerly await Willy to unlock a tiny door with an even tinier key and push the entire wall open. Rocky is the first one to grab a candy vine hanging nearby and swing into the chocolate room with a joyous bawl.