DISCLAIMER: Bleach is Kubo Tite's work. I'm just here for the food. Hehe.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sashiburi desu, minna. Erm, long time, no see I mean or is it long time no write/read? 'sheepish grin' Here's the next installment of the story that seemed to be getting bigger in my imagination each time I get back to it. I know I don't want it to become a sappy soap opera or noontime drama, but I'm beginning to think I'm beating a dead horse (sorry for the cruel imagery). Somebody help! If you think this story is getting sappier and too dramatic, please tell me so I could end our misery quickly and painlessly. Promise?

Again, a huge gratitude is in order for the people who read, reviewed and made this whole story their favorite. My thanks to new reviewers: aznpuffyhair, seal-chan, AnimeObssessionFantasy, and ProjectVORTEX. Yes, ProjectVORTEX you've noticed one of my bad writing habits – run on words and sentences! Well now, you'll see them once again along with dangling modifiers, misplaced punctuation marks and excessive use of adverbs. May the God of Writers, my grammar teacher and my ESL instructor forgive me for my crimes. 'hangs head in shame' Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this one. Ja!

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In the Shadow of Death

"Ne, are you all right with letting him go like that?"

She nodded slowly. "I guess...it is for the best."

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He must have fallen asleep. It was already dark outside when he looked out the window. His gaze turned to the figure that lay beside him. She hadn't stirred. He gently put her bandaged hand down and staggered out the room.

He paused by the doorway and looked back abruptly, fearful that everything might disappear like a bad dream. But the scene didn't changed and she was still there on the futon, unmoving. He sighed in relief, closing the door silently behind him.

Nobody seemed to be around, Ichigo thought as he scanned the hallway of Urahara's house. 'Where is everybody?'

He felt hungry, it had been days since he ate something and wondered where he could get some food. He limped down the hallway when he heard lively voices from a lighted room at the end of the hall.

"Sumimasen," he said rather sheepishly when he chanced upon sandal hat and his staff having dinner together in the room.

"Ichigo, you came just in time for dinner. I thought you're going to stay in Kuchiki-san's room permanently," Urahara said, adding mischievously, "People might get the wrong idea about the two of you, you know."

"Shut up!" he said hotly as he sat down to join them. "I…I just wanted to be with her…" He trailed off when he noticed everyone eyed him with great interest. 'You brainless buffoon! Once again, you've successfully put yourself on the spot. Remind me to kick you later,' he scolded himself.

"Ah look at what we have here – FOOD! Itadakimasu!" he said eagerly, reaching for a bowl of rice and vegetable like they were mankind's greatest invention. He didn't want to give anyone a chance to ask anything about what he just said so he quickly stuffed his mouth with food.

"Tenchou, is it alright for Kurosaki-dono to eat rapidly like that considering he had just recovered from his wounds?" Tessai whispered to his manager, rather apprehensively.

"Hai, Tessai. He probably shouldn't stuff his face too much that fast but it's all right. It's a good sign that he's getting better, ne?" Urahara whispered back under his fan, quite amused and relieved at the same time. He was happy to see the temporary shinigami alive and well once again.

Jinta narrowed his eyes at Ichigo and asked rather casually, "Hey, do you like Kuchiki-san?"

Ichigo almost choked on his food, but he decided to ignore the weird boy's question and continued eating. He began to ask Ururu for another helping, trying to avoid Jinta's pointed gaze.

"Well?" Jinta said, his voice demanding and persistent.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Ichigo asked, feigning ignorance as he placed another helping of food in his bowl.

"You have no right to ignore me just because I'm a kid, you know," Jinta shouted at him, irritated and frustrated at the same time.

"Huh?" Ichigo asked as he busily stuffed more food in his mouth.

Jinta let out an exasperated growl. "Um, Jinta-kun, you should let Kurosaki-san eat his food in peace," said Ururu diplomatically.

Realizing that he wouldn't get an answer from Ichigo, Jinta sulked and turned his attention to his food, thinking of getting a second helping but his chopsticks picked up air instead. "Waahhh! He ate all the food already," he complained.

"Well, that's what you get for prying into other people's lives, baka!" Ichigo said triumphantly.

"Why you, gluttonous pig!" Jinta shouted, ready to pounce on Ichigo had Tessai not held on to his shirt.

"Come on, we need to make sure the shop is cleaned and closed properly," as he pulled the struggling boy with him.

"Let go, Tessai, let go! Just let me at that orange-haired freak and I'll make sure he'll lie down from his new injuries for another week or two," Jinta screamed, as they, along with Ururu, politely walked out of the room.

Ichigo stuck out his tongue at the retreating boy for good measure and heard a growl from the hallway. "Plucky little critter, ain't he?"

"Hai, hai," Urahara smiled slyly. "Well, if you keep eating so much like this, I would have to send Isshin a bill."

"Che. Give me a break, I hadn't eaten for seven days!" Ichigo retorted, confirming his belief that sandal hat's generosity had other monetary motives.

"Oh right. Don't worry, I'm sure Isshin and I can arrange something," Urahara fanning himself contentedly. "By the way, do you have any retail experience?"

"What the HELL are you talking about!" Ichigo shouted, his face contorted and confused.

"Calm down, Kurosaki-san. I'm just kidding. You know me, I'm a man full of surprises," Urahara said, trying hard to keep his voice from sounding too amused to avoid agitating Ichigo further.

"You got that right," Ichigo muttered under his breath. He intended those words to come out as a sarcastic remark but his voice sounded accusatory and full of meaning. He shot a quick glance at Urahara and momentarily saw a glint of sadness and guilt in the eyes that were constantly hidden under the hat. He looked away pretending to study a traditional scroll hanging on the wall.

Urahara closed his eyes as if he was feeling a great need to meditate on a deep thought. The awkward silence was stifling.

Ichigo decided to speak first. "Hey, Urahara-san," he began slowly. "Is Rukia…is she still in critical condition?"

The former shinigami opened his eyes and looked away. He didn't want to talk about it. The seriousness of the situation made him uneasy, especially after sensing Ichigo's concern.

The boy was already beating himself up for what happened, he wouldn't want to add more salt to that wound. But then again, he couldn't bring himself to provide Ichigo with sweet words to coat the ugly truth. So he nodded.

"A Zanpaku-tou's blade can be a shinigami's protector or a deadly enemy," he said. "While it is true that its wielder exerts his influence to control it, it is still a dangerous weapon that could cleave a soul in two when one's power is just too great to handle."

Ichigo flinched painfully when he recalled the feel of Zangetsu's blade cutting his friends down. He knew it wasn't him; that he didn't do it intentionally but he felt the horrible bloodlust coursed from that blade nonetheless.

"As you've seen, Kuchiki-san had taken bigger and deeper cuts than her small body could handle," Urahara continued, wanting so badly not to sound pessimistic.

But it was too late. He immediately saw the effect of his words on Ichigo. He saw the scowl deepen and the eyes burned with guilt as if the boy wanted to break down from the anguish and sorrow he caused.

"Don't worry, you were able to stop any more damage," he lightly changed his tone. "Had Zangetsu's blade gone an inch deeper into the source of her spirit energy and power, it would have been more fatal for her."

Ichigo didn't seem to hear what Urahara said. He was too wrapped up trying to remember the events of that night. He glowered long and hard at the hands on his lap, the very same hands that wielded the soul cutter that hurt Rukia and the others. He closed them abruptly, wishing they had the ability to forget.

"Hey now, don't give me that long face, Ichigo," Urahara said, this time his playful voice tried to punctuate his serious tone. "What matters most is that your friends are all alive and you were able to overcome the hollow inside you."

"Gomen, Urahara-san," Ichigo said, coming out of his horrifying reverie. "As much as I want to be thankful, I couldn't bear the thought that Rukia is still…that she might…"

"Rid yourself of that thought! Your feeling of hopelessness will not help her at all!" Urahara rebuked harshly. "At this moment, she's at a crossroad, seemingly undecided about her destination. The only way to reach her now is to believe in her strength."

Ichigo sighed as if a heavy burden was lifted off his shoulders. Urahara was right. He shouldn't dwell on negative thoughts. 'Rukia will be fine,' he said to himself with renewed hope. 'I won't give up on her.'

He heaved himself up, grateful that his legs were less wobbly and made his way to the door slowly. "Hey Urahara-san," he said, not turning to the former shinigami captain. "Thank you for saving Rukia, the others and me."

"Don't worry about it," Urahara said under his fan, his playful voice back in full force. "I'll send you all a bill."

"Hmph! Typical," Ichigo smirked without turning his back and walked out the door. "Ja! I'll be in Rukia's room." He raised his hand to wave sandal hat good night.

A small smile etched upon Urahara's face as he watched the receding figure of the boy being engulfed by the darkness of the hallway.

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The next day, Ichigo felt better and more himself. His wounds were completely closed. He could firmly stand on his feet and walk without limping. It was decided that he should go back to his house, to his family and friends and live the normal life of a teenager who had just recovered from a sports injury.

But as much as he had missed his sisters, he couldn't help but feel reluctant to go back to 'normal' living. Somehow, he still had this fear gnawing inside him that something might happen to Rukia during his absence. If it were up to him really, he would stay by her bedside everyday. But both Yoruich-san and Urahara-san wouldn't hear of it.

"Baka mono! What use will you have here?" The black cat's eyes looked at him extremely annoyed. "You don't even know how to heal."

Ichigo didn't answer back. He felt she wouldn't understand anyway and so he continued to ignore her.

"Do you want Rukia to wake up, seeing that very glum face of yours?" Yoruichi persisted. "Look at you. You've been wearing that same pathetic face every time you sit by her bedside. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't want to wake up. Not with that mug of yours exuding negativity all the time," she said rather acidly. "Your normal face looked scary enough!"

Ichigo couldn't contain his anger any longer. She had gone too far with that remark. "However the hell my face looks is none of your business. I really don't give a damn what you think," he shouted at her. "I just want to be with her…because if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be in this goddamn situation in the first place!"

"And do you think by not going back to your normal life would ease the pain of your guilt?" Yoruichi bluntly said, hitting Ichigo where it hurts. "Temporary or not, you are still a shinigami with duties to fulfill." Her cold eyes stared at him unwavering and grim. They reflected the harsh truth of her every word and he looked away in shame.

"Yoruichi-san," Urahara admonished. "You're being too hard on him."

"Quiet Kisuke! He needs to hear what I have to say so that his thick head would understand the meaning of being a true shinigami," she said, her voice trembling with controlled anger. "You badly wanted us to blame you so that you could justify your guilt and wallow in despair forever, isn't that right?"

Ichigo didn't answer. Her words stung his heart so bad he couldn't find the words to say anything.

"Well, you're a fool if you think we're going to give you the easy way out…that you could just runaway from the truth of what happened that night," she said.

"I know the truth and I will live with it everyday of my life," he replied, his voice sounded broken and defeated. "But I couldn't continue being a shinigami as if nothing this serious happened. I just couldn't bear the thought that I'm going about my normal life while Rukia is here hanging on for her own."

"Rukia is a shinigami and don't you ever forget that!" Yoruichi reminded him roughly. "She knew from the start that she would probably not survive her battle with your hollow self but she took the risk nonetheless, just to save you. She was prepared to die, like any true shinigami on a dangerous mission, so that she can help you out of your darkness."

"But I don't want her to die, damn it," Ichigo said helplessly. "She doesn't deserve this. Not from me."

"Then remain strong, face and accept the truth, and move on...for her sake," Yoruichi finally said, her tone was no longer cold. She could sense Ichigo's pain and understood only too well that it was the kind that leaves no scar yet lingers for a lifetime.

They both remained silent as if each one was preoccupied with his or her thoughts. Urahara decided to break their awkward silence. "Well, you could always visit her here after school."

But Ichigo looked crestfallen. Urahara let out a deep sigh and put a hand on Ichigo's shoulder.

"You know, Kuchiki-san has held onto so much guilt for a long time – a guilt she kept running away from. But during her short stay here in the living world, she had realized the true value of friendship, loyalty, forgiveness and love," he explained, looking at Ichigo's surprised face. "You may not know it, but she had learned to forgive herself because of you. So I'm sure she would want you to do the same for yourself."

Ichigo closed his eyes to let Urahara's words wash over the turmoil in his heart. He realized that in order for him to ask forgiveness from the people he had hurt, he would have to forgive himself first. Just like Rukia did.

"I guess, I'll be heading home. I have school tomorrow," he said, giving both Yoruichi and Urahara a small smile. He made his way toward Rukia's room to bid her a temporary goodbye.

Deep inside, he shuddered at the thought of their separation, a feeling alien to him since they have been separated for a long time before. But that was different. When they parted in Soul Society, he was relieved to see her safe even though the sadness stretched between them. He knew with certainty that she would be all right; that there was always the possibility he would see her again.

Now, he was uncertain of her fate. Her pale face and heavily bandaged body gave him an anxiety he couldn't begin to describe. What if she chose not to stay and decided to leave him behind? He couldn't bear the thought that he wouldn't be there to stop her or bring her back.

He struggled to push these thoughts away. His fear was unfounded, he chided himself, because Urahara-san and Yoruichi-san would be here to watch over her. He took her hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb on her bandaged skin.

"Hey Rukia, I'll be going back home today. Yuzu and Karin are probably worried sick about me. You know how they get when they don't see me for a long time," he said, suddenly feeling awkward that he was able to talk to her this way. "Kon would probably complain that I've neglected him or something. He always says he misses you badly. Anyway, it would just be during the day, I'd visit you after school. Um, probably after my homework is done. Okay?"

He moved his face near hers as if committing every features of her face to memory. "Rukia, promise me you won't go to a place where I can't reach you, where I can't bring you back," Ichigo whispered to her ear, fervently hoping she could hear him. "Please…please come back and stay with me."

He lightly kissed her forehead and got up to leave.

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It was only yesterday when he left Urahara's house. But it seemed like he was waiting for eternity to end. He was back to school and every one was acting the same as usual, even Inoue, Ishida and Sado have adjusted to normal life rather quickly. He wished he had their adaptability. He really could use some of it right now.

As soon as he got home, he sought them out and apologized to them for the injuries he had caused. They assured him that they were fine and were glad that he had survived his hollow's ordeal. Soon, he found himself reassuring them back and saying that he was the same old Ichigo they knew.

But he didn't tell them the entire truth. He wasn't the same old Ichigo they knew. He had changed, that he was certain of. For better or for worst, he really couldn't tell. Perhaps Rukia could tell the difference. She was always good at reading him.

He also sensed that his friends tried to avoid asking him about her. ' It must be the pained look I have', he thought. But he was thankful because he wouldn't know what to say. In any case, they could get news from sandal hat on how she was doing. Right now, he needed to focus on being his old self who was struggling to live a 'normal' life.

At lunchtime, he was up on the rooftop of the school's building before anyone else even got there. He was looking out the horizon as formless clouds went by, recalling the events that led him down the path to being a shinigami and wondering if it was all worth it. Random images of his family, friends and Rukia suddenly crowded his mind and he knew that he should be thankful instead of feeling a deep-seated regret.

"Um, Kurosaki-kun…" said a voice breaking into his reverie. He turned and saw Inoue's familiar smiling face. "Ah, Inoue-san…"

"Aren't you going to lunch?" she asked, the look of concern evident on her face.

"Um, I'm not that hungry," he said, forcing a smile to appease her worry. He absentmindedly returned to looking out the horizon.

Inoue made as if she wanted to say more or put a hand on his shoulder, but she thought against it. She already knew she wouldn't be able to console Ichigo's sadness. His heart and mind were just too far away to reach at the moment. So she mustered the courage to sound cheerful instead.

"Ah well, if you need me, Sado-kun or Ishida-kun, we are always here for you. Okay?" she said meaningfully and turned to leave.

"Inoue-san," called out Ichigo, turning to face her.

"Hai?" She said readily, looking at him with bright eyes.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

Inoue simply smiled and walked away. She looked back at her brooding friend. 'I hope Kuchiki-san gets better soon. Kurosaki-kun seemed lost without her.'

He was left alone again on the rooftop, thinking how time ran so slow sometimes. He would go visit Rukia at Urahara's tonight. He closed his eyes to welcome a wayward breeze, the thought lifted his heart a little.

Meanwhile, Keigo and Mizuiro wondered at their friend's strange demeanor. They were dying to ask Ichigo a lot of questions about his sporting accident but they couldn't bring themselves to approach him. He had been distant and silent ever since he got back to school.

"I really wonder what's with Ichigo these days," Keigo said to Mizuiro as they watched him from the far side of the rooftop. "He's been awfully quiet and unapproachable lately. Heck, I couldn't even joke around with him or invite him to come over here to join us for lunch."

Mizuiro nodded. "It is as if he had a dark cloud following him around. Hey Sado-kun, do you know what's eating Ichigo?"

Sado just shrugged and remained silent.

"Maybe he just needs some cheering up. Come on, let's give him a good 'Bohaha!' I'm sure he'll have to react to that no matter how zombie-like he is nowadays," Keigo said maniacally as he stood up to go to Ichigo.

Mizuiro shook his head at his friend's recklessness but he stood up just the same to accompany him. Seeing Keigo get punched hard on the face by Ichigo was always priceless, he thought.

But before both of them could move, Sado raised an arm to block their way.

"What's the matter, Sado-kun?" Keigo asked, looking genuinely puzzled at his behavior.

"Can you guys do me a favor?" Sado said, without moving his arm away. "Would you leave Kurosaki-kun alone for a couple of days?"

"But why, Sado-kun?" Mizuiro said, wanting to find out the reason behind their tall friend's favor. "Did something life-threatening happened to him?"

"Yah, did he have amnesia when he got in that sports accident? Did he forget about all his friends? Did he lose his manhood?" Keigo asked in rapid fire even though he knew that Sado would never provide the long answers.

And he was right, Sado simply said, "Please, just do this one thing for me."

Hearing the seriousness in Sado's voice made them nod in agreement. They promised him that they wouldn't bother Ichigo for a while despite the puzzled look on their faces.

The bell rang and they walked toward the stairwell, leaving Sado behind to get Ichigo.

"Hmm…what happened to Ichigo seemed pretty serious. Sado-kun even asked us to lay-off him for a while," Keigo said. "But I don't remember any sports he played that was that dangerous. Heck, I don't think he even played any sports at all. So what gives? This is beginning to be suspicous. There must a conspiracy here we don't know about!"

"Now calm down, Asano-kun," Mizuiro said, trying to assuage his friend's overreaction. "It might be that Ichigo just needed a little more time to recover from the shock of his accident or something. Plus, if Sado-kun requested it, imagine what he'll do to us if we try to bug Ichigo again."

"Nyah, he'll probably pulverize us," Keigo said, his spine tingling at the painful thought. "You're right. I should calm down. We should just let Ichigo come to us when he's ready to socialize again with his friends."

Mizuiro just smiled his approval. However, he stole a backward glance at Ichigo before going down the stairs and saw only sadness and anxiety radiate from his friend's face. 'He looks like he has been worrying about someone dear to him,' he thought nonchalantly.

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To be continued…