The rest of the group descents into the candy landscape in a more orderly manner, lead by Willy.
"It's beautiful!" Frank exclaims flirtatiously, but the effort is lost on Willy, who simply replies: "Oh yeah, it's very beautiful. And do you like my meadow? Please try some of my grass, please do. It's so delectable, and so darn good looking."
"You can eat the grass?" Frank asks, "Kinky!"
"Of course you can. Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable – " he stops short at the look Frank gives him.
"May I lick your candy cane?" Frank asks, demonstrating with his tongue.
"Most certainly not!" Willy answers, clutching his cane, "Go pick your own!"
Frank obediently bends down to pluck a candy cane growing nearby, careful to show off his tuch in the most flattering angle, and starts licking it slowly, moaning with pleasure. Willy curls his upper lip and doesn't seem to know whether to be repulsed or flattered.
Tired of the game, Frank speaks: "Mr Wonka, or may I call you… Willy? Don't you want to know why I tied up the poor kids' parents and took their place?"
"No, not really." answers Willy matter-of-factly and makes to walk away.
"I'll tell you anyway." says Frank and Willy shrugs and stays.
"I've always wanted to get inside this won-der-ful factory, ever since I saw it in a TV commercial." explains Frank, "And perhaps get inside the chocolatier" – here the servants gather around him and watch, eagerly awaiting the sequel – "s heart too." finishes Frank with a toothy smile supposed to be sweet. Willy grins back at him as if he has no idea what is going on and they out-smile each other for a while. Willy seems comfortable with his guest's habit of smiling as fakely as himself, so Frank loses the game as the violet stare begins to creep him out.
"Go on then. Enjoy yourselves. Shoo!" Willy dismisses the little group gathered around him, and they're all over the place. Their guide finally gets a moment's rest, until a flicker of gold catches his eye. The gold belongs to a gold-clad butt sticking up by the riverbank. There they are, Rocky and the fat kid, lapping chocolate straight out of the river like pigs.
"Hey! My chocolate must be untouched by human hands!" Willy shouts, only resulting in the startled fat boy tumbling into the river with a loud splash! Willy winces, making a mental note not to eat that batch of chocolate himself and hoping that none of his guests will tell the sanitary inspectors. That is, if any of his guests should accidentally get out alive.
At the sight of the drowning boy Rocky heroically dives into the river, leaving an oily stain behind on the surface. Sadly, Rocky has forgotten that his muscles are just for show and that he can't swim. He never even breaks the surface again before both he and the boy are sucked up by the giant pipe transporting the chocolate. The fat boy gets stuck in the pipe and the poor Rocky, trapped underneath him, must be choking now if he hasn't already.
Frank shrugs: "I was getting tired of him anyway," he winks at Willy, "and after this I won't even need him anymore."
Willy doesn't hear him though, he's too busy staring devastated into the contaminated chocolate.
"Look, Master, it's little persons." says Magenta and Willy raises his head to see rows and rows of Oompa-Loompas come dancing in.
"They're Oompa-Loompas!" he explains, his mind off the chocolate, "Imported direct from Loompa-land."
"Ah, yes, tell me all about it." Frank sighs, thinking of his own beloved Transsexual, Transsylvania.
Willy takes the request literally: "Very well, Loompa-land is a terrible country…" but Frank isn't listening, he's to busy dreaming of the moonlit meadows of Transsexual.
"Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song." Willy finishes his speech on Oompa-Loompas, "It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon."
The Oompa-Loompas start dancing and singing about turning someone named Augustus Gloop into fudge. All of the Transsylvanians clap and cheer and laugh, especially at the gory finale.
"Quite spectacular!" Frank says when the show is over, "They even did synchronised swimming like in an old Esther Williams film, how ambitious!"
"They didn't sing about poor Rocky." Colombia points out.
"How could I possibly know –" Willy bites his lip.
"You mean you did know about that boy Augustus? How devious! How ingenious! How cunning!" Frank stares at his superior villain in admiration.
Willy clears his throat and the faintest trace of pink appears on his high cheekbones.
"Aw, you're cute when you blush." Frank says, patting his cheek, but at this Willy flinches so badly Frank decides to move very slowly. Or catch him by surprise. The latter should be more fun.
"Where does that pipe go to?" Colombia asks.
Willy beams: "That pipe just so happens to lead to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry flavoured chocolate coated fudge!"
"Then Rocky will be made into strawberry flavoured chocolate coated fudge…" Frank moans dreamily.
"Rocky Flavoured Chocolate Coated Horror? Ew. That might sell for Halloween but Halloween is just over." Willy protests, "I wouldn't allow it." And he orders an Oompa-Loompa to poke around in the chocolate with a stick, fishing out the two bodies.
The sound of a drum is heard, and the Transsylvanians eye the Oompa-Loompas suspiciously, expecting another song. But the drumming comes from a huge, hot pink, seahorse-shaped boat, rowed by a myriad of Oompa-Loompas.
"How camp!" Frank exclaims.
As the boat comes to a halt by the shore, all of the Oompa-Loompas giggle maliciously.
"What's so funny?" Colombia asks nervously.
"Ah, I think it has something to do with all those gosh darned cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property which triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love." Willy lectures.
At this, Colombia tries to take over Mrs Beauregarde's line, having taken her place, but Frank slaps a hand over her mouth and steals it: "You don't say…" he purrs, winking his eye and licking his lips to make sure Willy gets it, the guy seeming a bit… slow when it comes to certain highly important topics. Willy stares at him and smiles nervously.
They step aboard and after some shuffling and pushing Frank has made sure he'll sit next to Willy. In fact, he sits so close Willy leans out for a ladle of chocolate from the river just to put some distance between them.
"Here, have some of this…" he says, handing the hot pink ladle to Frank, in a desperate attempt to divert Frank's attention from his own person.
Frank sticks his index finger in the chocolate, at which Willy cringes, licks it and goes "mmmmmm". Then he loses interest in the chocolate and hands it over to the truly starving-looking boy next to him.
"We're headed for a tunnel, Master." Riff Raff points out, leering dirtily.
"Full speed ahead!" Willy orders and the boat is engulfed by the dark tunnel. The very dark tunnel indeed.
"How can they see where they're going?" asks the whiny voice of Colombia.
"They can't. There's no knowing where they're going." answers Willy with no apparent intention of changing this fact. Moments later, however, he screeches "Switch on the lights!" in panic. As the light goes on he's practically climbing the wall of the boat and Frank has an excessively innocent look upon his face.