~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at http://rev.fineststars.com) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 4: What Lord Elrond of Rivendell, Great Elven Hero, did before the battle with the Dark Lord's armies

"Finished!" Arwen and Eowyn cried at the same time. A second later, Galadriel, who had hardly said two words in the past half an hour, said, "I'm done, too." Then, the three ladies glared at each other. Aragorn immediately got up and left under some ridiculous pretext. Boromir chuckled.

"This is so not good", Legolas whispered to no-one in particular. "So not good", he repeated, twitching a lock of hair between his fingers.

"Are you kidding? This is the best entertainment I've had in ages!" Haldir replied, sounding slightly hurt. "Come on, Legolas, lighten up!"

"Entertainment indeed", I muttered, glancing concernedly towards the trio. "Until someone gets hurt."

"Excuse me..." Boromir interjected. "Will I get torn to bloody shreds and fed to orcs and cave trolls if I say I'm done too?" he asked with mocking concern.

"Wait your turn", Arwen snapped.

"Yes, brother, have you no manners?" Faramir asked, not wanting to miss the chance. "Ladies always go first."

"Even in battle?" Boromir replied with a mischievous grin. "I didn't know that."

"Boromir of Gondor, you're an idiot", Galadriel stated matter-of-factly.

"Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien, you couldn't have spoken fairer words. I am an idiot - and proud of it. Anyway, I think Elrond should decide who goes first, since I-don't-know-who died and put him in charge. Elrond?"

"Daddy...?" Arwen asked tentatively. "Aren't I your most precious daughter?"

"My precious..." Gollum hissed quietly. "Yes, precious..." He was having another conversation with himself.

"Lord Elrond...?" Galadriel asked, sounding ever so sweet.

"My lord...?" Eowyn asked shyly.

"I guess that means I don't stand a chance", Boromir said with a sigh.

Elrond glared at each of the four in turn, then stood up, his Magical Eyebrows going up and down as he did so. Then, he spoke, "As the leader of the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers, I have decided that the next man to read a story--" Boromir winked to Galadriel and grinned widely, while Arwen and Eowyn both looked ready to tear him apart "--is me."

There was a brief moment of silence, then a loud chorus of "Whaaaaat?", and finally a loud snicker from Elladan and Elrohir. Elrond went on.

"You see, I have also finished my story, and I would like to go first."

Boromir sighed, "You're the boss."

Elrond nodded with a grin and sat back down. However, the ladies were not going to give up that easy. After a few minutes of threats, begs and promisses, Elrond set his pen aside, visibly annoyed, and cleared his throat. Everyone's attention turned to him.

"My story", he began, "is set in the days of old."

"Wake me up when he's done", Haldir said, leaning his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes. Legolas glared daggers at him for a second, then purposefully took my hand in his. I rolled my eyes.

"More specifically", Elrond went on, "it takes place on the eve of the final battle with the Dark Lord's forces."

"Does it have any heroic epic stuff?" Sam asked, jerking his head up. "I like that stuff!" Frodo gave him an annoyed look and shook his head.

"Well, not necessarily. You'll see."

That was the signal. All other conversations stopped, and Elrond began to read.

What Lord Elrond of Rivendell, Great Elven Hero, did before the battle with the Dark Lord's armies

"My Lord, the sun is fading. We should rest here for the night."

I looked around. I was surrounded by my fighters, all able elves, who smiled and bowed their heads whenever my gaze rested upon one of them. I was their leader, their general, their king. They adored me, and would not hesitate to give their lives for me if need be. I, in turn, loved them all as if they were my own children. I looked back at Glorfindel.

"Very well, my friend", he smiled at this and bowed his head. "We shall camp here."

"Yes, Master." Glorfindel bowed his head again, and then went to give the necessary orders. I jumped off my horse and landed in an elegant crouch, and then I went to find a suitable place where I should have my tent erected. As soon as I gave the order, twenty eager elves hastened to obey, and the job was done in a matter of minutes.

After having settled in, I called for my generals. We ate together, and of course everyone liked the food that I had personally cooked a few days earlier. Then, we had a story-telling contest, which I won, naturally. After that, I beckoned them to leave, and went to sleep. I could do so with no worries, for I had twenty fierce elves guarding me day and night, as their love for me was so great they could not stand to let me out of their sight.

The next day, I awoke fresh and ready. I put on my mithril armor, crafted by the great King of Dwarves himself, and gave the necessary orders. Then, we set off.

Today, we would kick some orc butt.

The end

"There", Elrond said proudly. "Well? What do you think?"

We all exchanged glares, then Boromir cleared his throat.

"Elrond", he began carefully, choosing his words. "You - do have a way with words, I agree. But are you sure - that this is, truly, how everything happened?"

"And why wouldn't I be?" Elrond asked, his eyebrows going up so high that they almost got lost in his hair.

"Nothing, never mind..." Boromir snickered. "So, who's next?"

Haldir snored loudly. "Better be something more entertaining", he then whispered. I giggled.

"That's it? Nothing more to say about my story?"

We muttered words of approval and praises; some of us even clapped their hands.

"As it turns out", Legolas said philosophically, "many elves are narcissists, and there are many narcissists who aren't elves. Or something." He chuckled. "Can't wait to see what happens next."

I sighed. "I got a feeling it's going to be worse than a nuclear strike, elf", I said, shaking my head. "Much, much, much worse."

___________

Author's Note: New chapter! *does 'New Chapter' dance* Sorry for the long wait again... my excuse is that I've been playing BloodRayne like mad for the past few days - and now I got DEFIANCE! *does 'I-got-Defiance' dance* Also, I saw LOTR: ROTK, and all I can say is - wow. If you haven't seen it yet, you'd better do it now. It's absolutely WONDERFUL! Thanks for reviewing go to:

ApocalypticPyro: Yup, anyone. Sounds fun, ne? ^_^ Thanks for the idea!

Kekelina: Well, you'll have to wait a little longer... but don't worry, both stories will be really... well, random ^_^ After all, random humor is what I'm famous for. Right...?

Kendria Erleine: I hope I'll be a writer one day... as a matter of fact, I'm working on a humorous novel called 'HEY! (A tale of students and... other stuff)', and I hope I'll publish it by the end of the year. *crosses fingers* And, I read and reviewed your fanfic. (This is for other people: Kendria's fanfic is pretty interesting, so you may want to read it, too! *hint, hint*)

Linwe: It's OK if you miss to review a chapter, as long as you read it and like it. I don't know where all this stuff comes from... I just get all sorts of crazy ideas all the time. I spoke to Legolas, and he says it's OK if you call him Leggy, as long as you don't try to kiss him. He doesn't seem so enthusiastic about the idea of a kiss from anyone right now, but I'll see if I can talk him into accepting a little one from you ^_^

Morwen de Cearo: Thank you for your very lovely review! :) As for your questions, here are the answers: one - yes, Galadriel is in the Fellowship, as you probably read already :); two, I'll have to think about it... I mean, he's really good in physics and maths, and I'm not *sniff*; and three, well... it's all thanks to my Amazing Authoress' Powers. I can do anything! :)