~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at http://rev.fineststars.com) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 6: The talents of a lady

Arwen was still scribbling on her clipboard, and Galadriel was still glaring daggers at everyone in turn. Elrond had long since returned from the kitchen, and right now he was pretending to be extremely interested in his left sleeve, since his eyebrows strangely motionless.

I stiffled a yawn, and then I turned to Legolas. Much to my surprise, he shielded his clipboard from me and looked up in alarm.

"How much did you read?" he asked, and there was an unmistakable hint of alarm in his voice.

"Nothing", I answered, raising an eyebrow. "What are you writing, anyway?"

He sighed. "Nothing... I mean... it's coming out rather lame... I don't think I'll read it", he finished, looking at me miserably. "I just can't write!"

I rolled my eyes. "Legolas, I refuse to believe that. Whatever you wrote, it can't be that - 'lame', as you so elegantly put it. Now come on, let me take a peek."

He shook his head.

"Just one little peek...?" I pleaded, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeease?"

He shook his head again. "I can tell you what it's about", he added after a brief moment of thinking.

"What is it?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

He leaned so close that I could practically hear his soft breath, and then whispered, "Romance."

I gave an incredulous cough. "Romance?" I repeated, dumbfolded.

"Ssh!" he pleaded, looking at me desperately.

"O... kay..." Before I could say anything else, Arwen jumped to her feet suddenly, and cried, "Done!", so loud that I almost jumped up as well.

"Well, I can't wait to hear... whatever you wrote", Eowyn stated blankly.

"Neither can I", said Boromir, rubbing his hands in anticipation. "Come on, Arwen. Kick her--" he noticed several people glaring at him, and he cleared his throat. "Err, I mean, kick it. The story, I mean. Kick the story. As in, read it."

Several people rolled his eyes. Arwen ignored him as she straightened the folds of her long dress. Then, she began to read.

The talents of a lady

A gentle wind whispered its unknown tales to the tall and wavy grass, birds sung in the blue, cloudless sky, and the sun shone upon the beautiful (but not as beautiful as Rivendell) lands of Rohan. It was a perfect day to sit and enjoy the small wonders of life, as you looked back on the glorious years of life and contemplated your greatest achievements: a peaceful kingdom, its people, who loved and respected their king, and last, but not least, two wonderful children, whom you loved more than anything else in the world.

These were the kind of thoughts that Theoden, King of Rohan, was dwelling on as he sat in his throne, his hands folded in his lap, his heavy crown and scepter set aside and his eyes half-lidded. But the peace of the afternoon was not to last long, for Theodred, Theoden's son, entered the room, and, kneeling before the throne, announced that he had a matter to discuss with his father which could suffer no delay.

Theoden sighed as he snapped out of his daze. "Very well, Theodred. What is it?"

"Well..." Theodred stood up, and then went to sit in a chair close to the throne. "I - really don't know how to begin", he confessed with a sigh.

"I'm sure you can find a way", Theoden said reassuringly. "You are, after all, my son."

"And you were always able to find a way out of everything", Theodred said, a small smile playing across his lips. "Okay, it's like this. Remember when you said that Eowyn should learn to do things maidens usually do, like cooking, dressing and that kind of things?"

Theoden frowned slightly. "No, when was that?"

Theodred rolled his eyes almost imperceptively. "You said it last week, when she turned twenty. Remember now?"

"Oh!" Theoden's face beamed with revelation. "Yes, I remember now! So, what's wrong about that?"

"Well... she's been trying to learn to cook for several days now, and I must say, the results are... not that bright actually." Suddenly, Theodred seemed very uncomfortable in his chair.

"Of course they're not that bright", Theoden replied, grinning. "These things take time. Why, your mother, when I married her--"

"I know, father, but it's not her cooking skills that concern me."

Theoden frowned slightly at being interrupted by his son. "And what does concern you then?"

Theodred flinched. "You know Eowyn, how she's got a fiery temper and everything. The problem is, whenever something goes wrong - and that seems to happen quite a lot - she takes out her anger on the cook or apprentice that has the misfortune of being close enough to her at that moment. Let me demonstrate", the young man said as he took notice of his father's puzzled expression. Theodred took out a piece of parchment from his pocket, and then began to read. "Cook #1: hit over the head with a frying pan repeatedly, will take three weeks or more to recover. Cook #2: nearly drowned in a cauldron of boiling soup. Cook #3: beat to near death with a teaspoon. Cook #4: stabbed with a fork. You want me to go on?"

"No, that's... enough." Theoden heaved a great sigh, as though all the burdens in the world had suddenly descended on his shoulders. "Theodred, I'm glad you told me."

Theodred straightened up. "I did what I had to do."

"Yes, I can see that... Now, I want you to listen to me carefully. Seeing as you are an experienced soldier and are able to defend yourself, and since your cooking skills clearly outsmart your sister's, I want you to teach her from now on."

"What?" Theodred burst out involuntarily. "She'll skewer me!" he added pleadingly.

"Come now, she's your sister! She would never do that to you!"

"She tried to impale me on a broomstick once!" Theodred argued.

"She was three", Theoden said patiently, "and you had taken her favorite knight-doll. You deserved it."

"Father--"

"Not a word, Theodred. You are to do as I say."

Theodred sighed, and then bowed his head. "As you wish, father." He then turned and left.

Two days later...

Theoden sat down at the long table in his dining room and looked around with anticipation. There was no food on the table yet. The king clapped his hands anxiously. A door to the side of the room opened slowly, and in came Eowyn, baring a plate on a tray. Behind her came Theodred, who looked very pleased of himself.

"Father..." Eowyn lay the tray in front of the king, then backed away. "I made it myself", she added proudly. Theodred cleared his throat loudly. "And - my brother helped", she added.

"And nobody got hurt", Theodred whispered proudly.

"Right..." Theoden took a spoon, and then took a sip of the soup. Suddenly, his face turned green, and he made a grimace.

"Well? How does it taste?" Eowyn asked eagerly.

"It's..." Theoden took another spoon, and his eyes bulged. "Good..." he whimpered. "Now... could you please... leave... me? I need... to savor this... alone..."

"As you wish, father." Eowyn exited, dragging her brother with her. As soon as the heavy door closed behind the two, Theoden ran to the window and threw the entire content of the plate out.

It was the most horrible thing that he had ever had the misfortune to taste.

Conclusion...

Cooking and fighting don't mix. Ladies and fighting don't mix. So ladies should stick to cooking. Fighting just isn't for them.

~ The end. ~

"Yes! I knew you could do it!" Boromir shouted, rushing to hug Arwen. "Excellent! Terrific! Incredible!" he rambled on as the rest of us broke into applause and Aragorn glared at him.

"Good work", Aragorn said, kissing Arwen's hand gently.

"I liked Eowyn's story better", Elrohir said. "What...?" he added a second later, as everyone turned to stare at him.

"I liked both stories", Elrond said, finally tearing his gaze away from his sleeve. And I suppose you are next?" he asked, turning to Galadriel. The elven lady beamed and nodded.

"Let me say this first. Arwen is actually quite wrong", Eowyn said coldly. "I can cook, and I can do it pretty good, too. Ask Faramir."

"Definitely", Faramir said enthusiastically. Arwen just glared at him.

"Isn't love just the most marvelous thing in the world?" Haldir said dreamily.

"Oh, yeah", Legolas said, shaking his head.

"Absolutely", I added, finding myself suddenly lost in the thought of kissing a certain elf... a thought which I shrugged off the same instant as I got it. I glared at Haldir, and then resumed writing my own fanfic.

But somehow, that thought just wouldn't go away...

___________

Author's Note: Good news! The 'Green Dragon Party' interlude will be published after Galadriel's story - which means, next-next chapter! Any ideas are welcome! And thanks for reviewing go to:

Filia Regalis:

Me: Fangirl fight! Run for your lives!
Faramir: *zooms in the broomstick closet locks himself in*
Frodo: Yikes! *hides under a bed*
Gollum: Precious! *dives behind the sofa*
Boromir: *takes out a pack of popcorn and settles himself in an armchair* I wanna watch!

KatFay:

Me: I never liked Arwen that much, either... I think Aragorn would look much better with Eowyn. Whoever's with me, put your hands up, stand on one foot and make like this: "Boogaboogaboogabooga!!!" ^_^
Eowyn, Eomer, Theoden & co.: *put up their hands and stand on one foot* Boogaboogaboogabooga!!!

Crystalline4:

Me: Congratulations, we have the second fan on the guest list for the Green Dragon Party! (ApocalypticPyro is the guest of honor, she gave me the idea in the first place ^_^) *to the Fellowship* You hear that, guys? I see a lot of romance coming soon! ^_^
The men of the Fellowship: Aaaah! *run away screaming their heads off*

Voldie On Varsity Track:

Me: Thank you! By the way, nice nick! Are you a relative of Voldemort from the Harry Potter series? ^_^
Legolas: *rhetorically* She's Harry Potter obsessed. I knew it...
Me: Tarantallegra!
Legolas: Aaah! *starts dancing a wild tarantella on the kitchen table*
Me: Wow, elf, I never knew you were such a good dancer... O_O

Devie Saves a.k.a. Linwe:

Me: Wowee, here's the third fan on the guest list! Goodie! *claps hands* Looks like Legolas is going to have a lot of work on his hands... by the way, I don't think I mentioned that the elf is doing the cooking, did I? And I'm helping him! ^_^ *insert hints about kitchen romance here...* *snaps out of it* What? What did I say...? *clamps hand over mouth* Forget I mentioned it! *runs to hide in the broomstick closet and crouches next to Faramir*
Faramir: *waves* Hi Anne.
Legolas: *from the kitchen, where he is surrounded by pots, pans and stuff like that* My life is miserable...

ApocalypticPyro:

Me: *think* Bonfire...? Well, why not?
Aragorn: Does that mean I can bring my guitar?
Me: ...you can play the guitar?
Aragorn: Yes, well, when I was a kid I wanted to be a rock star!
Me: O... kay... O_O ...*to AP* and... I'm one of your idols? Thanks! *sniff*
Aragorn: There, there... *hands me a tissue*
Me: *sniff* Thanks!

Kekelina:

Arwen: See? SEE? I have fans, too!
Eowyn: Maybe, but I have more!
Arwen: Oh yeah?
Eowyn: Yeah!
Boromir: *shares popcorn around as he watches* Tee hee... this is fun! ^_^
Me: O_o...

spastikLeggyluver:

Me: I'll answer this quickly before Arwen or Galadriel get to see your review and start another catfight. You just read Arwen's story, and Galadriel's story is coming in the next chapter. And--
Boromir: What's wrong with catfights? I like to watch them!
Me: Ssh! They'll hear--
Arwen&Galadriel: Hello, what's this?
Me: Oh no... *goes to hide in Tibet for seven years as fight ensures*

Lobo Diablo Lone Wolf: Ooh, I see now! Well, I updated. So there ^_^
PS: I would like to thank the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers for helping me with the review responses. Well, kind of, anyway... ^_^