"I don't know why I didn't think of this before! The elevator is by far the most efficient way to get around the factory." Willy says as he bides his guests to enter a transparent glass elevator.
"This isn't just an ordinary up and down elevator by the way." he says as the door is sliding shut, "This elevator can go sideways, longways, slantways, and any other ways you can think of. Just press any button, and whooosh, you're off." He snickers and presses a button to demonstrate.
Frank and Riff Raff, used to an ordinary up and down elevator, and a slow one at that, find it difficult to keep their balance as the elevator is whooshing off. Frank seems to have forgotten all about his second thoughts and uses every turn, acceleration and halt to tumble into Willy, going "whoops!" and making big excusing eyes. He has Willy cornered like a frightened animal.
The elevator passes a mountain of fudge and slows down in a room full of pink fluffy sheep getting their wool shaved off by Oompa-Loompas.
"I'd rather not talk about this room." Willy says nervously, and Frank comforts him: "That's alright luv, I have rooms like that too."
"Do you?" Willy asks, wide-eyed.
"Well, not exactly like this, but you know, secret rooms…" Frank says
"Hey! How did you know this is the secret room?" Willy demands, sounding upset, "Are you one of those despicable spies who tries to steal my secret recipes and put me out of business?"
Frank rolls his eyes and the elevator passes a room which seems to have nothing to do with candy at all. In fact, it looks like a hospital.
"This is the puppet hospital and burn centre," Willy explains, "it's rather… new."
"Oh." Frank says.
Next stop is the administration offices. Willy waves to an Oompa-Loompa dressed up as a secretary and calls out: "Hello Doris!" Frank stares jealously at the rival, a rival who might be exceptionally short but who gets to live in the factory with Willy Wonka and god knows what else…
"You're a much sweeter transvestite than that secretary, Master, much sweeter." Riff Raff drawls reassuringly.
"Thank you." Frank says, wiping an non-existent tear of movement from his eye, "You have always been a loyal servant, Riff Raff, and I will reward you."
As the elevator passes a huge room full of Oompa-Loompas firing canons with exploding candy the psycho boy seems to snap out of some kind of boredom coma and suddenly demands: "I wanna pick a room!"
"Go ahead!" Willy says with an uncanny smile, and the kid presses a button labelled TV room.
The radically diminished group steps out of the glass elevator and into a completely white room.
Willy distributes some huge round white sunglasses: "Here, put these on quick and don't take them off whatever you do. This light could burn your eyeballs right out of your skulls. And we certainly don't want that."
"Looking good!" says Frank, apparently comfortable with the 70ies design of the dark shades.
Willy begins to ramble about his latest invention, television chocolate. The rambling ends in four Oompa-Loompas carrying in a gigantic chocolate bar and placing it on a slab in the centre of the room.
"It has got to be real big, cause you know how on TV you can film a regular sized man and he comes out looking this tall?" Willy explains, measuring the air between his thumb and index finger with his purple-gloved hand, "Same basic principle."
He presses a large red button and the chocolate bar is hovering in the air until it suddenly disappears in a blast of white light. He gestures for his guests to follow him to a TV in the corner of the room, and there it is on the screen, the bar of chocolate, only much smaller, just like he said.
"Take it!" he offers Frank. Frank pushes Riff Raff forward, and Riff Raff hesitantly reaches out his hand. The hand goes right through the screen and comes back with the chocolate.
"Eat it!" Frank tells Riff Raff, "Go on, it'll be delicious, it has just gotten a little smaller on the journey, that's all." He claps his teeth repeatedly at Riff Raff as if he was going to bite him, and even the usually indifferent Riff Raff looks a little freaked out, deciding that Willy is scarier than the chocolate and taking a small bite out of the latter.
"Not intending to be rude here, but why not just time warp the chocolate instead?" Frank asks, "That way you don't have to compensate for the shrinking, it's so wasteful."
"Time warp?" Willy asks.
"Never mind." Frank says.
The psycho kid asks Willy if it would be possible to teleport people and not just chocolate.
"Well, why would I want to send a person through? They don't taste very good at all." Willy replies.
His answer seems to be good enough for the kid, who runs towards the teleporter, pushing Oompa-Loompas out of the way.
"Don't push my button!" Willy shouts, but it's too late, the kid has already stepped on the red button and thrown himself onto the slab. He does silly dance moves which makes Frank giggle as he's beamed into the air. Then zap! he's gone.
The rest of the group watches the TV intently while the Oompa-Loompa holding the remote is flicking through the channels. Finally, a diminished version of the boy appears on screen as a bombastic metal tune about the perils of watching TV, especially if you're a boy called Mike Teavee,begins to play.
"So he gets a music video!" Frank exclaims, "This has to be a set up."
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Willy states stubbornly. Frank gives up on him and starts to do the time warp in hyper-speed and head bang with Riff Raff and the Oompa-Loompas instead. The music ends with a news reporter slamming his script on top of the tiny boy.
"Ew. Somebody grab him." Willy says.
Riff Raff reaches into the screen again and pick the boy up by the collar, holding him at arm's length.
"Young men are extremely springy, they stretch like mad. Let's go put him in the taffy puller!" Willy suggests.
"He he… taffy puller…" Riff Raff repeats absentmindedly with a grim grin.
"Hey! That was my idea!" Willy protests, "But boy is he gonna be skinny!"
"You'll be skinnier than me…" Riff Raff chuckles at the miniature boy and shuffles off with him dangling from his outstretched hand.