~Be sure to check out my website, REvolution! (at ) for information about an illustration contest for my stories 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!' and 'The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!' *by the way, that's no typo up there, that's how you spell my site's name * ~

The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 8: Toilet humor by Boromir of Gondor

After all the cheering for Galadriel died down, Boromir put up a hand.

"So", he asked sheepishly, "can I read my story now...?"

"Yes, you can", Elrond said, emphasizing his words with a nod and a wild whiz of his eyebrows.

Boromir stood up. He looked unusually nervous. "Okay... My story is about... well, what most of you people would call 'toilet humor'... That's the only thing I could think of for now."

"That's the only thing you ever think of", Arwen cut in. We all chuckled.

"Well, at least I don't doodle little hearts with As in the middle on every piece of paper I get my hands on", Boromir replied. "I'm thinking of something constructive."

"Very constructive", Arwen snorted. Boromir made a face at her, and we chuckled again.

"Now I'm curious", I said. "Bring it on already!"

Boromir grinned evilly. "Okay", he said. "Here it goes."

Toilet humor by Boromir of Gondor

[ Sam and Frodo are climbing those big mountains in Mordor. Suddenly, Frodo makes a face and stops. ]

Frodo: Sam...?

Sam: Yes?

Frodo: My tummy aches.

Sam: Oh. It must be from those mushrooms you ate a few hours ago.

Frodo: *glares* Then how come you're not feeling anything?

Sam: Because I didn't eat any. I left all of them for you.

Frodo: *sighs* That's the last time I trust in Pippin's tastes...

Sam: There's a cave over there. You can go in and... y'know. I'll be on the lookout for any evil Gollums, orcs, goblins etc.

Frodo: Okay, just don't peek.

[ 30 seconds later... ]

Sam: Mister Frodo? Are you all right in there?

Frodo: Yep.

Sam: See anything unusual? Orcs? Goblins? Giant spiders?

Frodo: ...No.

Sam: Oh.

[ 15 seconds later... ]

Sam: If you see anything, let me know, OK?

[ 20 seconds later... ]

Sam: Hey! Are you--

Frodo: YES, I'm alive and well. Please stop bugging me.

Sam: OK.

[ 30 seconds later... ]

Sam: *whispers* Mister Frodo...?

Frodo: WHAT?

Sam: Just checking...

Frodo: LOOK. If I see anything, ANYTHING dangerous, like orcs, goblins, trolls, aliens or Britney Spears, I'll let you know. In the meantime, please, PLEASE, just let me be!

Sam: ...sorry.

[ 40 seconds later... ]

Sam: Mister Fr--

Frodo: DIE! *bursts out of the cave and chases Sam with his magical sword all across Mordor, killing everything he comes across that moves and breaths and throwing the ring in the fires of Mount Doom on the way because it was slowing him down. In the end, Sauron exploded from frustration, Sam escaped by climbing a tree, and Frodo took some magical pills and his tummy ache instantly disappeared.*

[ The end ]

I jumped up from my seat and gave Boromir a big hug. "You did it!" I yelled. "You wrote a humor story! That was great! You rock!"

"You're crushing me..." Boromir gasped.

I let go of him reluctantly and went back to my cushion between Legolas and Haldir. The others, including Sam and Frodo, clapped their hands and cheered.

"You know", Frodo said, "we did have some... privacy problems along the way." He chuckled. "I liked that bit about me killing every orc in Mordor. I would've liked to do that."

"Me too", Sam said with a dreamy sigh. "Samwise Gamgee the Brave, a true hero..."

"I'll say", Frodo said, smiling. "Can I read my story now?"

"I finished too", Haldir announced.

"Wait your turn", Elrond said sternly. "Frodo finished first, so now it's his turn. Then comes Elrohir, and then you."

Haldir rubbed his hands and chuckled, "I can't wait."

"I got a bad feeling about this", Legolas whispered to me.

From the way Haldir glared at both of us, I wholeheartedly agreed with the elf on this one.

___________

Author's Note: *peeks from behind Legolas' shoulder* Please don't hurt me... Sorry for the long wait... I've been busy working on my very first novel, which I must finish until July... well, the first volume, anyway ^_^ Anyway, here's another chapter packed with random stuff and... well, random stuff. Hope you like it! And thanks for reviewing go to:

Filia Regalis: Well, I'd like to know what happened between you and Faramir when the lights were out... I won't tell what happened between me and Legolas though! ^_^ And I'll really have to try that pepperoni & pineapple thingie one of these days...

ApocalypticPyro: Thanks! You started to do a prequel to the Green Dragon interlude...? Wow, I'm honored! Of course you can borrow the Fellowship! And of course I'll help you in any way I can! In fact... I've never co-written a fanfic with another author before, but it sounds really interesting... so we could write it together! ^_^

Kekelina: I thank thee for thy wonderful words of praise! And by the way, I'm a Shakespeare fan! ^_^

lds_sunshinegrl: Yep, Tigger is great. Thank you!

Morwen de Cearo: Thanks! Glad I got... err.. nearly everything right... so if you can't see yourself ride in a white limo, then how about a black limo instead? Or green? Or... you pick? :)

Undomiel: Well then, have lots of fun watching RotK! I've already seen it four times... ^_^

Crystalline: Thank you! (Yep, I know I've already said it... well, many times ^_^) And I wholeheartedly agree with you - Boromir is cute! ...no, wait, he's hot! *dreamy sigh*

hornofgondor2: So... you're Boromir's mum then? *giggles* Just kidding. Thanks for reviewing, and thanks for giving me a great idea for a nickname for Boromir... Borry the Hottie! *cracks up*

Devie Saves: *giggles* Thanks for everything! I feel so special! And Frodo sends you a small kiss... and... wait a minute... Whoops... it seems he's asking you out! Well, here's an idea for another interlude: fangirls and Fellowship characters going steady! ^_^ *goes to plot evil things*

Voldie On Varsity Track: Well... I guess that you can kill someone with chopsticks if you stab them repeatedly... I don't know, I've never tried. *chuckles* And about Denethor... *cracks up again*

PS: Here's something to brag about: The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers has just become my most reviewed story ever! Thanks again to all my reviewers! Love you guys! *hugs everyone*