Thanks to those who reviewed, yes I'm alive! If you're happy I updated, thank Ashley, she kicked my butt in gear… Glad to see some people like this…

Jess switches to present tense near the end, I just wanted people who were paying attention to know that that was done intentionally…

You're in love

And I know

That you're not in love with me

Relena's POV

Maybe visiting at six thirty AM wasn't smart. I have meetings all day, when else am I supposed to get over here? Great. Either they aren't home or they're not going to answer. I can't stand here all day. Maybe they think I'm some drunk or something. Is this a rough neighborhood? It doesn't appear to be. Maybe they've gone to work. Or maybe she told him she didn't want him talking to me… I don't have time to find out!

It's not as though it's that urgent I talk to him today, it just would have been nice to get it out of the way. I could call him when I get home. Or from my hotel room tonight.

It would be easier to concentrate in my meeting if I had my questions answered and things patched up with Heero… If they were ever broken to begin with… I want to ask him why he left. I want to know if he still cares about me. I want to know if he would ever consider coming home. I want to know how long he's been living with this woman and if she deserves him. I want to know if he looks at her the way he used to look at me…

Maybe I could take the day off from meetings. Call in sick or something. It couldn't hurt to wait here awhile.

It's enough for me to know

That you're in love

I can let you go

'Cause I know you're in love

Jess's POV

As we trudged up the stairs, utterly exhausted from our incredibly long wait in the emergency room, I remembered why I had tried to wake him in the first place. "Hey Heero, do you know Relena Peacecraft?"

He froze on the stairs, holding the three pints of ice cream I had talked him into stopping to pick up. "Why?" He asked in a complete monotone. That wasn't a good sign.

"It's kinda funny, because she lives on the earth and all, but you know how she's been on this tour of L1? She stopped by looking for you. She called you by name and everything. Why didn't she come by a couple years back when she was here last time? Is that when you two met?" I was trying to sound offhand, but my little interrogation was obviously fueled by intense curiosity and I was sure he knew it. He moved past me and continued up the stairs, deep in thought. I let him think for a minute, following about two stairs behind.

When he reached our floor he turned. "You need to rest."

The subject was closed. If I hadn't of known from years of experience that there was no way I could weedle it out of him I would have bugged him about it for hours.

As we rounded the corridor we got the shock of our lives. There, sitting neatly on the floor with as much dignity as possible, was Relena Peacecraft. When she saw us she shot up to her feet and had the wrinkles smoothed out of her skirt in an instant. Maybe it was the painkillers, but I found that hilarious.

As I suppressed giggles, Heero made an effort at recovering his cool. "Relena." He said gently in greeting.

"Heero." She breathed in an almost unbelieving tone.

"Have you been waiting long?" He enquired slowly.

"No, not really." This appeared to me to be a bullcrap response. Her hair was slightly mussed, her briefcase was open on the floor as though she had been working and she looked tired. She'd been there at least two hours. I chose not to comment on this out loud however, and instead I chose to keep back and observe them together. I didn't like what I saw.

I saw the sparks flying between them and they weren't even within three feet of each other. He had never once looked at me the way he was looking at her, and I knew right then that if there was going to be a fight over Heero's affections I had lost before it even begun. This hurt me far more than I had ever thought it would. I had always known that things couldn't stay the same forever between Heero and me… Or so I had told myself. Some part of my heart had obviously not gotten the memo, and it was screaming at me to get between them, to remind Heero I was there before I was forced to witness something more concrete than the intense look of passion and longing disguised under the usual mask. It struck me then how much her face mirrored his. They both were disguising things that were shining through their eyes and they both had clearly forgotten I was there.

"I'll just let you two catch up." I said as casually as I could. At the sound of my voice they both flinched slightly, as though they had been many miles away from me and I had just jerked them back to reality. I reached over and took the key from Heero, and without another word I walked over to the door. I would have quietly made my exit then if my broken wrist hadn't prevented me from getting the door unlocked on my own. At this reminder of his guilt, Heero took rapid strides over to me and opened the door, inviting Relena in as politely as possible.

The first few minutes were awkward as I bustled around, trying to make everyone comfortable. I rushed to make tea, discovered it was harder with one hand, and abandoned the task to Heero. Trying to make conversation, Relena asked the one question that would NOT break the ice. "So what happened to your wrist?"

I had my mouth half open to lie when Heero's voice silenced me. "I broke it when she surprised me this morning." It was as though he wanted her to know, although why I couldn't understand.

Relena's eyes widened in shock, then melted into a look of pure love and sympathy. Only the sympathy wasn't directed at me. "Oh Heero…" She said gently. Watching her reaction I realized why he had felt he could tell this woman anything. And I hated her for it. She didn't judge him, she wanted to heal him. Not only that, but he wanted her to heal him. She was gazing at him as though trying to assess the damage I had done to him by allowing him to hurt me. I wanted to comment on how it clearly wasn't MY fault, but that just seemed stupid. Unable to think of anything else to do, I retreated to my own room. They're voices, hushed and beyond my ability to decipher, could be heard in the next room until late afternoon, at which point Heero came in and told me they were going for a walk.

The next morning Heero said she had gone. She'd had an early flight back to earth and had asked him to say goodbye to me. It was the least she could do considering she had come to steal my boyfriend. Not that I was bitter or anything. Instead of feeling the relief I wanted to, I was filled with a sense of deep foreboding. There was a gap between us that had never existed before. Or perhaps it had always been there, but I had never noticed it. This gap may not have stuck around in person, but her presence could be felt and I had the feeling it was going to be like that from now on.

Sometimes it's hard to believe

That you're never coming back to me

I've had this dream that you'd always be

By my side, oh

I could have died

My sister was one of those wonderful people who panics at the first sign of injury. She was giving me my weekly phone call when I gesticulated with my bad arm. As soon as she saw the cast, she started screaming.

"Oh my God! What happened to your arm!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs. I could hear a crash in the next room on her end, followed by a string of curses. Three years and my brother-in-law, Joe, still freaked whenever my sister started screaming.

"I'm fine." I said quickly. I could feel a pair of eyes on me and I glanced over to where Heero was standing in his bedroom doorway, leaning on the doorframe and staring intensely. "I slammed my wrist in the door. Heero was here, he took me to the hospital."

I could see her relax slightly. The idea of Heero taking care of me always seemed to reassure her. "What would you do without that guy?" She said in exasperation. Her thoughts were so similar to my own that I fell silent.

Lately I had been thinking that a lot. What would I do without Heero? He had become so much a part of everything I did. If he were taken from me, where would I be? Would he feel as lost without me as I would without him?

My sister snapped me out of my reverie. "Anyway, there was a point to this call believe it or not."

"Oh yeah? And what was that?" I almost snickered, it was probably a promotion.

"I'm pregnant." She was grinning widely, practically glowing with pleasure.

"What?" My voice was an octave higher then usual. Pregnant? My career minded sister was pregnant?

"Isn't it great?" She squealed. My sister never squealed.

"Yeah, it is!" And it was. It rushed in on my all at once. It was great; my sister was starting a family. "Lily! I'm so happy for you!" I was nearly as excited as she was.

Heero went back into his room and quietly shut the door. He probably felt I needed my privacy. Seeing him go only reminded me again. We would never start a family together. He would never be mine.

About a month after Relena's visit things appeared to have returned to normal. There were moments when I almost forgot the gulf that had opened up between us. Heero even went back to showing me how annoyingly well he knew me.

"Look I'm going to be late, tell him I just want to reschedule."

"How far away are you?"

"Why do you want to know?" Dang! He was on to me!

"If you're late you're about fifteen minutes late. If you're late because you're procrastinating and don't want to go somewhere you're twenty minutes and twenty three seconds late, give or a take a little." Wow. He was REALLY on to me.

"Prove it."

"You need to get your wrist checked."

"Last time they SQUEEZED it! It hurt!"

"Jess, get down here."

"… Fine."

It may sound weird, but I found these incidents reassuring. We knew each other so well and had invested so much time in each other, how could he just up and leave me?

Nearly two months after the momentous "Relenagate" as I called it to myself, Heero informed me he wanted to go and "Visit some friends."

Heero had left to visit friends before. He went to see a man he called Duo at least twice in the last two years, and some other guys called Trowa, Wufei and Quatre. I knew from the stories he told me they were old service buddies and probably his best friends in the whole wide world. I had asked him before why none of them had ever come to visit him, and he had informed me that he didn't want them to know where he lived "yet" because he couldn't deal with them on a full time basis. This I assumed was another of the odd quirks being in a war had left Heero with. Either that or he was just a really weird guy.

It seemed natural to me he would want to go and visit them, since it had been awhile since he'd seen any of "the guys". This time he wasn't specific, but he did say a "friend" so I assumed it was one of them. Oh how wrong I was.

About three days after his departure some reporters knocked on my door. Yes, reporters. They asked me if I had a comment on Relena Peacecraft/Darlin's relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Ex? For a second I blinked owlishly at them, at a loss for what in the world was going on. Then it hit me. Relena. He had gone to stay with Relena. These reporters were sure they had just stumbled onto the love triangle of the century, and I was almost inclined to agree with them. I couldn't believe it. He couldn't even say it to my face. He couldn't even tell me it was over. I had to hear it from this sleaze ball and the mousy looking woman who was with him. My heart was breaking, and it was doing it on tape. I didn't even have it in me to be mad. They kept the questions coming and the camera rolling. I had no idea what to do or how to behave, and they loved it. Obviously they were used to interviewing guarded people who never let things fly out of their mouths. I had no experience whatsoever in dealing with this kind of scrutiny and I didn't like it one bit. They quickly ascertained that I had absolutely no idea my boyfriend had gone to stay with another girl and they ate me alive from that moment on. After about fifteen minutes I had generated the worst press Relena Peacecraft had ever received. Then I closed the door in their faces.

But now I see that you're so happy

And it just sets me free

And I'd like to see

Us as good of friends

As we used to be

The pictures of Relana's joyful expression as she clung to Heero's arm in various places almost made me feel guilty for being so miserable. Almost. He was mine, and she knew it. He wasn't capable of lying to her, I had seen it myself. She knew I was home, unaware that he had gone to play lover boy and she didn't care. She knew I was in our apartment, surrounded by his things and his smell and his photos where he nearly always had the same expression because he's not capable of smiling on command like the rest of us… God, I missed him so much I wanted to die.

Oh… My Love

I began to pack his stuff almost as soon as the reporter had gone. I'm not sure at what point I began to cry, but I think it was around the time I got to his shirts. I had bought most of them for him, since he couldn't be bothered to vary the colors of his wardrobe. I wondered if Relena would dress him up now.

A few nagging questions occupied my attention when I wasn't meditating on my wounded heart. A lot of the furniture in the apartment we had purchased together, would he take it with him? How long would it take before his scent was out of the couch? Would I ever be able to go back to our favorite places? Would it ever be possible for me to ask him these questions? Was he moving in with her? Were they getting married? Was she going to have me assassinated for making her look like the bad guy on TV?

I developed a strong desire to take the role of the woman scorned and burn all of his possessions. That, or to throw them out the window and let him gather them off the lawn below. I wanted to do something extreme, something angry. I just didn't have it in me. I couldn't even muster my anger, all I felt was like a part of me had died. I could have called Lily and had HER get angry and destroy his stuff (she's great at things like that), but I wanted to be alone.

You're in love

That's the way

It should be

'Cause I want you to be happy

The "interview" I had given showed up on every news channel from Earth only a day after I had given it. It had been cut so it was apparent I had been ignorant of Relena and Heero's involvement. They had even zoomed in on my eyes to make sure the audience didn't miss my tears. If it hadn't been me who they were showing I'd have called the person I watched a wuss or an attention whore. I probably looked really fake to the people who didn't know me. Lily hadn't called yet so she probably hadn't seen it. Too bad there aren't a lot of other people who don't watch the news. Everyone from my mail man to my last boyfriend called me to offer condolences, ask questions, and revel in my newfound celebrity. I stopped answering the phone after about five of these "sympathy calls".

The media coverage made me wonder if Heero would return ahead of schedule. I still wasn't sure what I was going to say to him when he came. A few times I sat down and tried to write down the thoughts I wanted to share with him, but nothing seemed to fit the turmoil in my head.

He didn't call, that's not his style. He didn't return early either. On his scheduled day of return I put the masking tape on the last box and waited for him to come. There was no way I was going to the spaceport to pick him up. Briefly, I wondered if he was even coming and wished I was one of those practical people who kept the number to the spaceport handy to make sure he had boarded the flight and that it had left on time. The only computer in the apartment belonged to Heero and I had boxed it up before even his clothes because seeing it reminded me of all the time and effort he had put into teaching me how to use it. I was going to have to wait the old fashioned way. Or just chicken out and leave a note.

You're in love

And I know

That you're not in love with me

When he walked in the door I was ready. Sort of.

"I think you need to leave. Or I need to leave. Whose name is on the lease again?" I resisted the urge to chuckle nervously. I was jittery and little quips were the only way I knew to deal with it. In a minute I was going to start babbling. "Look, you weren't visiting friends this week. And you didn't say that to me, I heard it from other people. I need you to go." God I sounded so lame.

"I was going anyway." His words tore at my heart harder than I had ever thought they would. Since when had I come to rely on having him around this much? Since when had he meant so much to me?

I didn't look at him. I took several steadying breaths and kept my gaze fixed on a point near his feet. "Yeah, I figured. You're stuff is packed."

He took a step toward me. "Jess…" But he said no more.

"I'm not mad." And that was all I could say. It may even have been true. I took a step toward my room and froze as he moved to intercept me.

"Jess…" He began again. He wanted me to say something, anything to clue him in to how I was feeling and what he should do. He couldn't read me at that moment and it was unnerving him. He wanted help. I couldn't give him any more than I already had. I didn't know what he was so afraid of. Things seemed to be going perfectly for him.

"Heero, I need you to move."

"I thought you might understand…" And then all the rage I hadn't been able to feel for days burst in on me. It almost felt good to be full of something again.

"I don't want to have to just understand! I don't want to have to be understanding! I want you to tell me what's going on! I want you to consider MY feelings! I WANT you to make ME a teddy bear and look at ME like I'm something special because you're not with her, you're with ME! I WANT TO HEAR THINGS FROM YOU AND NOT THE TV! Tell me you love her! Say it!" If he didn't say it I would never find a way to believe it. The reality of that hardship could not be faced until he looked me in the eye and broke my heart once and for all. "Damn it Yuy, damn it." The rage was draining away again. I clung to it in desperation but it was leaving me as quickly as it had come. He tried to put his arms around me. Feebly, I fought him off. I was sobbing now. "Say it, please say it.", was all I could get out.

Finally, slowly, he lifted my chin, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You're still precious to me." For some reason, that was the same to me as what I had been requesting. That sentence had contained in it all the finality I had been expecting to come in another form.

Whatever kindness he had tried to put into it was lost on me. I pulled away. "I'm leaving for awhile, when I come back I expect you to have moved out." And with that I stalked out of the room.

When I emerged, suitcase in hand, from my room he was still standing near the couch. Before I could rush past him he spoke. "You could come with me you know."

I almost choked. Was he serious? "Oh yeah, she'd love that."

"As my friend. I've grown accusto-fond of having you around." He didn't understand. He was crossing the threshold into a new life, and I could not follow him. It was sad to think that he had believed he could have it both ways.

"I can't go Heero. If I go there'll be this huge shadow between you and Relena, and you won't know what's wrong and she won't want to say anything…"

He was shaking his head. I knew what he was thinking: his angelic Relena trusted him; she wouldn't mind him hanging around with an ex-girlfriend. Maybe he had this sick delusion about us becoming friends.

"She's a woman Heero. It doesn't matter how sweet or understanding she is, she'd be jealous. And then, if she really is as sweet as you think she is, she'd hate herself for it."

He looked torn, lost. I felt the old urge to take care of him, to tell him I would go wherever he wanted and things would be just the way he imagined them. But I couldn't just take care of him anymore. Living the way he wanted would kill me. Perhaps years from now I would be able to watch him with her without pain, but to follow him, fresh from our breakup to a new place where he was my only lifeline was ridiculous. So instead of taking care of him, I took care of me. "Goodbye Heero." And with that I was out the door.

I purchased a ticket at the airport to the only place I could think of to run. It was a long lonely wait for my flight and an even lonelier trip. As I walked up the old familiar steps I realized I hadn't even called her to let her know I was coming. I rang the doorbell, trying to think of something to say when the door swung open. I was still thinking when she pulled the door open and gazed at me in wonder.

"Lily." I wanted to joke. I wanted to make some little quip about how relationships never last and I needed a place to stay. Instead, I broke down sobbing, dropping my suitcase as I did so. She pulled me into a tight hug as she led me inside, and for once in her life she asked no questions.

Heero called looking for me three days later. It didn't exactly require brilliant detective work since there weren't many places I would flee to. He left Relena's number. Lily saved it for me even when I told her I would like it destroyed. I left for my own place two weeks after that. I left the number there.

I need to look for a new apartment, as long as I'm in this place it's going to feel like Heero could walk back in any minute. Lily keeps suggesting I call him. She says he's my best friend and I shouldn't lose him completely. I think being pregnant has made her crazy. Joe agrees with me.

It's enough for me to know

That you're in love

I can let you go

'Cause I know you're in love

He's gone. He's really gone.

I tried to find you but you were so far away

I was praying that fate would bring you back to me

Someday… Someday… Someday…

Relena's POV

He's home. He's really come home.

He's not living with me, as many believe. He lives in an apartment on my property and I couldn't be happier. This is the longest he's ever stayed near me and the most open I've ever known him to be. I can't help but attribute some of that to the girl he was living with. He's still the same guy, but he seems so much more whole than he was the last time. Someday I want to thank her for all that she's done for him, but I think she needs some time alone now.

Seeing her on the news was heart wrenching. I know the kind of pain I saw on her face and I feel nothing but sympathy for her and fury at the idiots who cornered her like that. Heero's devastated. He kept trying to contact her with all the persistence of the perfect soldier until Jess' sister and myself finally convinced him that his efforts weren't helping things. I hope she'll talk to him again someday, she means a great deal to him and he'll never be completely happy until she's a part of his life again.

He told me he loved me. And I'm getting married!

You're in love

Jess' POV

They're getting married. And I'm invited. How he got my new address I don't know, but I'll bet it has something to do with Lily. I swear if that girl weren't five months pregnant I'd kick her. Hard.

Forgive me for not leaping for joy. At least they didn't ask me to be in the ceremony.

Oh it's enough

For me to know that you're in love

Now I'll let you go

'Cause I know that you're in love…

I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to go.

NO!

NO!

No… No… No

I'm going. I'm weak. Pregnant women suck.

Afterword:

So I added a little to this and I fixed some of the typos. Or at least the ones I noticed as I re-read. Thank you for all the reviews!

I liked this story. I was happy with how it came out, which sadly if not always the case. I actually had most of it written long before I ever posted this last bit. The Epilogue was the part I wrote first, in case you couldn't tell. : )

Ricky Remembers, one of my favorite readers and a good friend, pointed out that the breakup didn't seem natural to her. I disagree, but I have a really unfair advantage in that I know what Jess is thinking. The following is a brief overview of her character that I hope could be gathered from the story itself: It's not in her nature to stay angry at someone she loves. Hence she almost forgives him before she even has a chance to go and get over him. It's one of the traits I think makes her endearing. She also would not want to prolong a conflict that she found painful. I also don't feel Heero would have drawn things out either. He said the things he wanted to say and repeating them to her wasn't going to help things. He also knew she would not be a very good listener while she was still upset, so he let her go. Jess is guided largely by her emotions and she finds it extremely difficult to hide them, especially from Heero. The reason Heero couldn't tell what she was feeling during the breakup was because Jess herself didn't know. She was experiencing the numb sensation many people get when their pain has gone beyond tears. She needed to deal with things alone. I alone know how she dealt with life after she left her sister's home and I would have included it in the story except that I felt it was unnecessary. Scenes of Jess sitting in front of the TV watching the happy couple and digging into a pint of Rocky Road would not have added much to plot, and I figured I was the only one who loved Jess enough to care. Something I greatly admire about her is that she never once asked Heero to stay. If she had looked him I the eye and asked him, she might have made him stay from a sense of duty or loyalty, but she didn't want him that way. Part of what hurt her about Heero's leaving was that he didn't love her as much as he loved Relena, and she was used to being "#1". I know what happened to her at the Reception, after the wedding, and beyond that because I have a complete life story for this character planned out in my head. It wasn't really necessary to show you any of that because the point of the story was really how incredibly right for each other Heero and Relena are. Here he was with someone who suited him rather well. She was free of disguise, so he never had to guess, she was honest, she loved him and they got along beautifully. Her flaw was that she just wasn't Relena. I enjoy alternate pairings and all but the series makes it very apparent that those two are destined for each other, and I thought it would be interesting to show that from the eyes of someone else.

Whew! That rant got away from me… I hope you found that enlightening if you had any questions about Jess's reactions. Ricky, I love you and thank you for your honesty.