The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 11: Where Haldir gets in BIG trouble

"You know, getting interrupted just when you are about to begin reading your story seems to be a trend", Haldir muttered, rolling his eyes, as a loud bellow came from upstairs.

"What in the name of Elbereth was that?" Legolas asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

"You're not scared, are you?" Gimli taunted him.

"Me, scared? Dream on, dwarf... You, on the other hand, are shaking like a leaf."

"Speaking of leaves, at least my name is not 'Green Leaf'. What kind of name is that?"

"An elven name, thank you very much", Legolas answered proudly. "And what kind of name is 'Gimli'? It sounds like 'Mickey Mouse'!"

I sighed, "Knock it off. Haldir, that was either a cave troll or my sister. And since a cave troll could never fit upstairs, I'd say it was my sister. In which case, I'd say that you're in trouble. Big trouble."

The bellow came again, and this time I distinguished the words, "Haldir of Lorien, you get your elven hide up here right now!"

"Yep", I said. "You're definitely in trouble."

I don't think I mentioned my elder sister before. Her name is Willow (Will for short... I like to call her Wumpa, and she hates me for that), and she's more LotR obsessed than I could ever be. Basically, she knows all the books by heart, Silmarillion is her bible, and she has a serious obsession for elves. Well, all but a particular one. Guess who that would be.

"Uh... could you come with me?" Haldir asked meekly. "Please...?"

If there's one thing in the world that makes Haldir want to look for a rock to hide under, that's Wumpa. I shrugged, "What did you do this time?"

"Nothing, I swear!"

"Oh yeah? Then why does she sound like she wants to poke your eyes out with a fork and have them for breakfast?"

Haldir shuddered. "I don't want to know..."

I sat up and sighed again. "Okay, elf. Let's go."

"Okay", Haldir said, or rather whimpered miserably. I could tell he was not happy about this.

We made our way upstairs and to Wumpa's door, whose every inch was covered with posters and prints from - yes, you guessed it, Lord of the Rings. Before either of us got a chance to knock, the door jerked open, and my sister appeared in the doorframe.

"Get in here", she said, glaring at Haldir. "And... what do you want?" she asked in an annoyed voice, turning to me.

"I'm with him", I said. "What did he do?"

"What did he do? What did he do?" Wumpa was screaming at the top of her lungs. "This!" she yelled, jerking one hand to point behind her and towards the inside of her room.

"This - what?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

Wumpa groaned and dragged me inside. Once there, my jaw dropped two levels below the basement of the house. "What... what happened here?" I staggered. The rook looked like it had been devastated by Saruman's army of Uruk-Hai. Compared to it, my own room was a monument to tidiness. "Hold on", I said, snapping out of it . "What makes you think that Haldir was the one to--"

"I know it was him!" Wumpa yelled. "I saw him!"

"I was just looking for Silmarillion!" Haldir protested.

"And you did this?" I asked. Now I was the one who wanted to poke his eyes out with a fork and have them for breakfast.

"I was desperate!" he muttered, shifting his foot.

"Why?" both me and Wumpa asked at the same time.

"Uh... because I made a bet with Gimli about something, and I didn't want to lose."

"About what?"

"I can't tell."

I rolled my eyes. "You're on your own, elf", I said, turning around. "See you when you're done cleaning Wumpa's room."

"Willow", my sister bellowed.

"Will", I said with a shrug. "Don't be too hard on him", I added, feeling a sudden compassion towards the elf.

"I won't." Wumpa grinned evilly. "I promise." I didn't like that grin, and neither did Haldir, judging by the desperate look he threw at me. But this was already out of my hands. I waved him good-bye, and then closed the door.

"What happened?" several voices asked once I got downstairs. "Where's Haldir?"

"He'll be... busy for a while", I said with a sigh. "So, anyone else finished yet?"

"Ahem. This is my line, thank you very much", Elrond interjected, standing up. "Has anyone else finished yet?"

"I'm almost done", Frodo said. "Just a few more lines..."

"Me too", Faramir said.

"All right then - we shall wait."

"And get a snack", Arwen said, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

"And get the Preciousss", Gollum hissed, with no connection to the subject.

Silence.

"Anyone wants to play strip poker...?" Boromir asked, as innocently as possible.

Several elves glared at him. Eowyn gave him a noogie and muttered, "Shut up."

Author's Note: I'm back! Did y'all miss me? Of course you did. Here's a new chappie... and I have good news (?): before the 'Fellowship and Fangirls go steady' interlude there will be a 'Who-owns-Boromir' interlude, where one - and ONLY one - fangirl will be chosen as the official owner of Boromir of Gondor. Not that he wouldn't mind a multiple date coughhewouldloveitcough. So if you want to take part in the interlude announce it in your reviews, and also say why you want to own Boromir. As for those of you who don't win... well, there's always other guys in the Fellowship! Or you could just stalk Boronator... coughthanx Julcough The best motivation has the best chance. The rest is up to Mother Randomness... And now for the review responses:

Voldie On Varsity Track: Oh, right! A singer! Congrats for your mum (BTW, what kind of cellphone is it...?), and I have a backpack for sale if you want

Crystalline4: Apology accepted, don't worry And Boromir says hi. As for Haldir, he's too busy with my physics homework right now. Today I decided to give Legolas a day off...

Kekelina: I don't really know how I do it... I just type my stories in coughtheevilcough Microsoft Word coughEVIL!cough and then bold and italic characters work. By the way, did I say that Microsoft Word is EVIL? ...because I lost the stupid serial number, and I can't install it without it... . whistles Time to go to that software pirate guy again...sigh Pirate... Jack Sparrow... whacks herself Sorry about that, too much coffee again

BrittanyJadeRene= confusion: ROFLMAOKAS! I like this one even better! ...are you really a triplet? ...and say hi to Brittany and Rene for me!

kalathetrumpeter: Hmm... essentially when you write a crossover it can only be read by people who know something about both elements that are being crossed over Otherwise, you can get the readers pretty confused. For instance, if I wrote a crossover between Lord of the Rings and Legacy of Kain, I don't think many people would know what I'm talking about. (although LotR and LoK clearly don't mix...)

Filia Regalis: You saw a guy that looks like Luke Skywalker? sigh Maybe it was him... talk about long lost brothers...
Legolas: rolls eyes Stop daydreaming. Luke Skywalker is not your long lost brother.
...But... but... it says it all in my birth certificate! Darth Vader is my father, so Luke Skywalker is my brother!
Legolas: o...

hornofgondor2: Thankies!

Tinánia Legolinde: Hi! First of all, I love your penname. Really, I do. Second, me and the elf are NOT going steady.
Boromir: Yes they are.
No we're not.
Boromir: Oh quit denying it, everybody knows it!
Gimmie a break. So, back to you, Tin... You can be in the Fellowship, but it would be cool if you could give me some more details as to what you would like to do there. Do you want to be an author, a watcher, a Legolas stalker (I think that would be it), an obsessed Legolas stalker (even better)... eh... let me know, OK?

Omega XSabre: grins sheepishly Oops... sorry... fixed that... thanks for letting me know

midnitest4z: Thanks! Eh... your name's Laurie, just like the Munchkin Spawn of Satan (my cousin)...? Poor, unfortunate soul... Okay, just kidding

Morwen de Cearo: As always, thank you!

Kendria Erleine: Thanks! If I'll ever get 200 reviews... sigh that would be a day to remember. I recall once I saw a LotR fanfic which had about 200 reviews, and my jaw dropped. It was around the time when I started 'Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!', and I was thinking, 'What if, one day, my fanfic will have 200 reviews, too...' crosses fingers Well, we'll wait and see!

spastikLeggyluver: Thanks!