The idea for this chapter was suggested by both Nienor Niniel and Jedda.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of the Tolkien Estate, Tolkien Enterprises, and possibly New Line Cinema. The author will not receive any money or other remuneration for this work.
A Missing Wizard
The spirit of Saruman raged uselessly around Isengard, completely ignored by the Ents, who were still trying to find a way to bring down Orthanc. Saruman found some small satisfaction in the indestructibility of his former home, and the Ents' futile attempts to crumble its stone to dust were occasionally enough to distract him from the bane of his bodiless existence: Grima Wormtongue, or more precisely, Grima Wormtongue's ghost. The late King Théoden's late former advisor was as irritating, snivelling and boot-licking (or would have been, if Saruman still had boots) in death as he had ever been in life, if not more so.
Saruman's chief occupation was planning revenge on the Elf who had killed Wormtongue. The Pits of Utumno were too good for that blond nuisance of a Wood-elf. He wondered if there was a way to send its soul out into the void with Morgoth. His secondary occupation was, of course, planning his vengeance against the Hobbits who had defeated him. If he had still had a body he would have gone to their Shire and made their lives an absolute misery, and diverted their entire pipe-weed crop for his personal use.
Saruman was recalled from his musings by the sight of a large group of creatures of various species approaching Isengard, among them several members of the White Council - or rather his White Council, as he still thought of it - the damned Elf, and four Hobbits. After an extremely dull conversation with one of the Ents, the group prepared to leave again. As Isengard offered few possibilities for entertainment now all the Uruk-hai were gone, Saruman decided to follow them, and take any chance for vengeance that occurred. Unfortunately Grima went too.
When the group divided Saruman chose to follow the Hobbits, because the Elf was accompanied by a Dwarf, which was an adequate temporary punishment. He also realised that he had until the end of the world to deal with the Elf, whereas the Hobbits would be beyond his reach in only a few decades.
Once they reached the Shire, which seemed to take a remarkably long time, even for such small beings, Saruman saw that the countryside was as green and unspoiled as his spies and tobacco-purchasers had reported. In Saruman's opinion there was nothing quite so irritating in a landscape as woods and fields - it was all so inefficient. He longed to tear down the wooden huts that passed for mills in the Shire, and build them (well, make them build for themselves) some proper industrial-scale mills, and other factories, as his servants had used in Isengard. Grima's ghost agreed with him, as any genuinely sycophantic advisor would, and for a moment, although only a brief moment, Saruman was glad of the company.
The other Hobbits greeted the four who returned almost as outcasts, which gave Saruman some small pleasure. At least the destroyers of his city were not being hailed as heroes in their own land. One of the hobbits - not one of the Isengard ones, Saruman thought, but it was hard to tell when they all looked so alike - got married, and Saruman and Wormtongue amused themselves by drifting past and extinguishing the Hobbits' pipes during the festivities.
After a while, life (or death) in the Shire became too tedious for Saruman's taste. He ordered Wormtongue to stay and haunt the Brandybucks and the Tooks, and he set out to find the Elf. He had little success in Mirkwood, where he had thought that it lived, but he overheard a chance remark about a colony in Ithilien. Saruman followed the Anduin towards the sea, searching every woodland on its eastern bank, and eventually found his quarry. He settled in happily, listening to every conversation to discover his enemy's weakness, which turned out to be sea-gulls.
It was not too difficult for Saruman to persuade some gulls - with the promise of fish - to go and live in Ithilien. When the Elf left for Valinor, taking the Dwarf with him, satisfied that his work was done Saruman departed into the east, where he possessed an occasional susceptible mortal, and made them believe that they should attempt to conquer the world. It kept him busy for a few millennia.