The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Interlude: Who owns Boromir? (part two)

Bob the Narrator: We're back! As you can see, the competition to own Boromir is getting really tough, so don't blink, or you might miss something important!

Legolas: groans Odeena said that already...

Bob: Really? When?

Legolas: That's it. Somebody kill this guy, or I'll crack.

Bob: You know, you really are getting annoying.

Legolas: Look who's talking.

Bob: Listen, you! First of all, you shouldn't even be here, since I'm the narrator.

Legolas: Well, if you didn't do cheap ripoffs all the time, I wouldn't be here!

Bob: That's it! You want a piece of me, elf boy?

[ Fortunately, just as Bob prepares to charge on the elf, the camera changes back to the stage of the amphitheatre. ]

Faramir: We're back!

[ The audience cheers. Several fangirls scream. ]

Odeena: Naturally... Faramir, I can't believe it. You seem to be getting all the ladies.

Random weirdo in the audience who likes Gollum: Not all the ladies... preciousss...

Odeena: Erm... right. Anyway, for tonight's second round, we have--

Mercury Gray: runs in, waving arms wildly Wait for me! climbs into the arena, gasping for breath, tucks a stray hair behind her ear and taps Faramir on the shoulder. Ah, hi, Faramir, nice to meet you... listen... I guess I showed up late! I'd like to own Boromir because he's a flawed character who is misunderstood and more human than Lego over there... points to crowd of preening fangirls And he needs every true blue fan of the books on his side because he isn't evil at heart, and needs someone to protect him from Mary sues! And he's really attractive. grins

Faramir: Whoa! Where'd you come from... cutie?

Odeena: rolls eyes Faramir, stop flirting with every girl you lay your eyes on, will you?

Faramir: Why? Is is a bad thing?

Odeena: Yes. Well, Mercury... eh... I guess you can join the competition...

Mercury: Yay!

Faramir: ...Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Miss Mercury Gray!

Mercury: waves

[ The audience cheers. ]

Odeena: As I was saying, for tonight's second round we have a quiz.

Faramir: Each and every one of you will have to answer one - precisely, one - question regarding Boromir. Julia, you're first. Odeena?

Odeena: What's Boromir's favorite way of spending his free time?

Faramir: Is it: A - annoying Arwen, B - watching soap operas, or C - fighting with Aragorn about who is the true King of Gondor?

Julia: I'd say - err... - C?

Faramir: That's correct! audience cheers Crystalline, you're next. What is Boromir's least favorite way of spending his free time?

Odeena: And the possible answers are: A - cooking, B - reading, or C - playing baseball?

Crystalline: Hmm... reading?

Faramir: Sorry to say it, but the correct answer was - B, reading! Congratulations!

Odeena: ...Don't mind him, he just loves to fool around.

Faramir: By the way, this reminds me of the one time when Boromir chased Aragorn all across the baseball field with a baseball bat until Aragorn finally gave up and proclaimed him the true King of Gondor... laughs

Odeena: Yeah, that was cute. Moving on...

Faramir: If you want an exclusive video of the aforementioned scene, call me at 1-800-FARAMIR and--

Odeena: whacks him Shut up.

Faramir: innocently What? What'd I do?

Odeena: spastikLeggyluver, you're next. Who's Boromir least favorite member of the Fellowship? Is it A - Aragorn, B - Gimli, or C - Frodo?

spastikLeggyluver: Let's see now. It could be Aragorn, because he hates him for being the King of Gondor. It could be Frodo, because he hates him for having the ring. And it couldn't it be Gimli, so I say B.

Faramir: Hmm... Are you sure?

spastikLeggyluver: Yup.

Faramir: Congratulations! Your answer was correct! audience gasps And here's why: little did you know, but Boromir had always wanted his very own long beard. But our dad never let him...

Odeena: Talk about possessive parents.

Faramir: Oh yeah, I'll say... sigh

Odeena: Moving on, the question for necromancer is this -

Faramir: What's the color of Boromir's undies? gasps Wait a second... Hey, who wrote that question?

Gimli: waves her hand from the audience I did! I'm curious, too!

Faramir: arches an eyebrow Eh... right... Well, let's see, the possible answers are... A, pink... B, red with purple flowers, or... C... burst out laughing Dear God, this is too much! Boromir, wearing read undies with purple flowers! is in hysterics

Odeena: chuckles ...Or C, he doesn't wear any undies at all... bursts out laughing as well Oh Gimli, you are so evil!

[ And after several minutes of wild laughing... ]

necromancer: My guess would be that he doesn't wear any undies at all. Sorry, Bor, but that seems like the most likely alternative from all I know...

Faramir: Eh... correct... cough Last, but not least, Mercury, here's the question for you. What's the one and only thing that Boromir was ever afraid of?

Odeena: Is it A - Angmar, the Witch King, B - Sauron, or C - Elrond of Rivendell?

Mercury: thinks Well, my intuition says C, although I have no idea why.

Odeena: And right you are! As for the reason... hmm... could it be that he's got the Whirling Eyebrows of Doom?

Faramir: chuckles Or, it could be because he's teasing Arwen all the time and he's afraid that her daddy might do something terrible to him in return?

Odeena: I believe this will remain one of humanity's unsolved mysteries. And now--midnitest4rz waves her hand--yes?

midnitest4rz: No offense, but these guys haven't been paying attention to anything since we started. I mean, Tree-boy is humming and waving his branches around like a retard, and Wizard-boy is talking to himself, and the freaky kid is playing on that thing and doesn't give a damn about anyone else. So I say we might as well end this now.

Faramir: Okay, but the jury must reach a decision first, remember?

Random audience guy hanging from a rafter and wishing he had some coffee a.k.a. Omega XSabre: disappointed What? No fighting in the mud? dodges Hey! Oh no, fangirls attack! dodges various sharp and pointy things, Matrix-style

Odeena: Poor guy.

midnitest4rz: You want a decision? Okay, here you go. First, Boromir will be given to Necromancer for a period of two days, so she can hold him hostage and trade him for Faramir.

Odeena: You know, I almost feel sorry for you...

Faramir: Trade him for me? Hey, no fair! I'm worth a lot more than that!

midnitest4rz: Next, Boromir will go to spastikLeggyluver and scrub her basement floor clean. He'll have two days for that as well.

Faramir: Poor Boromir. Now I really do feel sorry for him.

midnitest4rz: Crystalline, you can go out with Boromir once, after which you'll have to hand him over to his true owner.

Crystalline: Better than nothing, I suppose...

midnitest4rz: Mercury Gray, you will be given ownership of Boromir for as long as it takes you to establish your very own 'True Blue Boromir Fans' association and eradicate all the Mary Sues out there.

Odeena: I wanna join this association, too!

Faramir: Well, it's better than SPEW, I suppose... laughs

midnitest4rz: And finally, the one, the only and the true owner of Boromir of Gondor is - drumroll - Julia a.k.a. hornofgondor2! Congratulations!

Julia: I won? I WON? I WON!! jumps and hugs Odeena Thank you! Thank you! hugs Faramir Thank you so much!

Odeena: Congratulations, Julia! And here's your very own Certificate of Ownership for Boromir, the Man of Gondor!

[ The audience cheers wildly as Julia is awarded the Certificate and a huge bunch of flowers. ]

Julia: I can't believe it! I won!

Faramir: pats her on the back Way to go, Jul.

Odeena: And, we just received word from Haldir of Lorien that Boromir has been safely recovered and is on his way here as we speak.

Faramir: ..Wait, I'm getting something on the phone... taps his headphone He's here!

Odeena: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Boromir of Gondor!

[ Wild cheers erupt as Boromir runs on-stage. His clothes are torn and ruffled and he's got lipstick marks all over, but nobody seems to notice or care. ]

Boromir: walks over to Julia Well, hello there, cutie! So, I'm yours, huh?

Julia: nods, eyes in tears Yup... Boromir... I LOVE YOU!! hugs him

Everyone: Aww...

Boromir: Oww... my kidneys....

Odeena: ...And that concludes our show.

Faramir: We hoped you enjoyed it, and we'll be waiting for you on our next Interlude, entitled 'The Fellowship and the Fangirls Go Steady!'

Random fangirl from the audience: Well, I'm glad that's over with. Now let's settle one thing: Faramir is mine!

Random fangirl II: No way! He's mine!

Random fangirl III: Get your hands off of him! He's mine!

Faramir: Uh-oh... runs off, chased by a mob of fangirls

Bob: And that concludes our show. We'll be waiting for you on our next Interlude, entitled...

Legolas: hits Bob over the head with a chair.

Bob: blacks out

Legolas: Sorry, folks but he was really starting to get on my nerves. Hope you enjoyed the show. Bye!

Author's Note: Thank you, thank you very much for your wonderful reviews! You like me? You really do...? eyes in tears Thanks! I love you all! ...snaps out of it Well, here's the conclusion of the Interlude... please don't come after me with a knife and a fork, OK? :) Thanks for reviewing go to:

THECheeseTurkey: Thank you for youre review(s), and I'm really, really glad you like my story. Right now, I'm about to leave for Belgium, and I don't know how long I'll stay, so I don't know when I'll update next. But don't worry - I won't discontinue the story. Oh, and one more thing: living with the Fellowship is a pain in the neck. Trust me. :)

hornofgondor2: Okie-dokie then, Julia :) And congratulations from me and the Fellowship! Just remember to feed Boromir twice a day, wash him, pet him and take care of him, or else he'll feel lonely and unappreciated, the poor little thing! :)

Filia Regalis: Thanks! And Faramir tells me to tell you he's really sorry and he promises to be good on the Interlude. He also asks what are you favorite flowers. I think he's planning a surprise!

manveri[reachforthesky]estel: Thanks! I hope you'll have time to read the rest of the story soon... you're right, homework is evil. School sucks... sigh

I'm From Tookland: Hmm... dunno... I was planning on letting the elf among the last authors to read, but at your express request, he shall be next :)

spastikLeggyluver: You know, I would't mind to lend you Boromir for a couple days so he can scrub your basement floor clean. Or maybe you'd settle for Gollum? Nobody wants him, poor fellow... :)

Kekelina: Yes, Faramir is hot... sigh But I'm still in for the elf. Or something. (Notice for the fangirls: please don't kill me! ) Elessar says hi, and asks me to tell you he can't chat right now because he's busy fighting with Boromir over who's the true ruler of Gondor ;)

Neniriel: Hello, fellow coffee lover! I'm really glad you like my story, and I promise I'll keep writing! :) About Elladan and Elrohir... eh... maybe you'll have to settle for one or the other, since there are other people claiming them and all... Or maybe I can ask Z from Men In Black: The Series to make several quick clones of them and send them over to you :)

Voldie On Varsity Track: Okay, I got the point - Faramir is yours. Now all you have to do is get your point across the other Faramir fangirls out there... I'm staying out of this :)

Crystalline4: Thankies! Well... you could always borrow Faramir from his legitime owner, whoever that is... rolls eyes and turns to Faramir That's it. From now on, you do the review responses. I just can't handle so many fangirls that are madly in love with you.

Omega XSabre: Hello, Faramir here. Odeena just left. She told me to tell you that no, she's not Umah by another name, she just likes all the LoK boys. thinks That's it, I'm jealous. cough Back on topic... she also says you can write anything about her as long as you do write, and the idea you wrote in the review for 'The ring goes to Italy' was just swell, so you do that. I'll go see if I can get her to come back now. My fingers hurt...

Mercury Gray: Hello, Legolas here. I just happened to pass by the computer and see that there is no-one there. As you can see, you are in the interlude. Too bad you didn't win. I really liked your motivation. It was the sanest of all of them. Uh-oh. Sorry, gotta run before the angry mob of fangirls gets me. :)

necromancer: pantpant Hi, Odeena here! I can't believe the guys messed up the review responses! Back to you, Hish... it is you, isn't it? Boy... I had no idea! :) Anyhow... Boromir is taken, but Haldir is yours if you want him! ...That is, if nobody else claims ownership of him... :) And Boromir said he'll show you how to play tunes with his horn. Hey! There's a great idea for your birthday fic! :)

PS: Thirteen reviews? You have GOT to be kidding me! does a happy dance Thankyou everyone! :)