Yet another fic, this one is way more angsty and serious compared to my others.
Disclaimer: Don't own ER, none of it, none at all…so there :-)
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
(Broken by: Seether)
Prologue
I can feel myself falling into an ever deepening spiral and find that I'm unable to pull myself out of it. I've destroyed my world, shattered it would probably be more appropriate. Trying to fix it is useless as I only manage to cut myself on the shards, furthering my pain. No one can help me recreate my life now that it lies in pieces. Every day seems like torture…and I made it that way…I deserve it. Maybe in time he'll understand, realize that I pushed him away to save him…save him from being dragged down with me.
He tried to help, picking up some of my broken life, trying to fit it back together. I wouldn't let him, shoved him away to tell the truth. Others tried to help as well, but they gave up eventually, realizing I was a lost cause. It's like a patient who wants to die…it doesn't matter what you do to try to save them…in the end you know you have to let them go. They all knew that…but he refused to believe it…which is why when he walked in tonight I smashed the last whole piece of my life…three simple words to him…I'm moving out. It was the hardest thing that I've ever done; the look on his face nearly killed me.
Funny really, how you can start out hating someone and then realize you love them. I don't think he ever knew how I truly felt, sure, he knew that I cared about him…we became close…teasing each other and such. I never thought that he liked me that way, never thought that he would, I didn't seem like his type and I suppose in a way I didn't want to be. We were just always there for each other, we started doing things together. We'd go shopping together, go out to eat, I'd even watch a few of his gigs…but I never realized how much he liked me…and then it came.
He had been fuming at me because I accidentally took a chunk of paint out of his guitar…who knew guys could get so attached to those things. Apparently he was a bit obsessive about it considering he yelled at me to get out, so I did…and when I finally came back he apologized…and then he kissed me. That's when I finally admitted to myself that I was falling in love with my roommate…that's why I wrote the letter…I didn't know that I'd come to regret it.
He'll understand one day…