The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 14: The story of Prince Salomir

A long time after Faramir returned with his half-eaten snack, nobody said anything. Those who had already finished their stories and read them gazed idly around or made funny faces at each other (as was the case with Boromir and Arwen, under the disapproving glares of Elrond and Aragorn). Finally, Legolas raised a hand timidly.

"Don't tell me you finished", I said in a half whisper, turning to glare at him.

He glared back. "Why not?" he asked innocently.

"Well, you said... you... I thought..." I shook my head a few times in order to clear up my thoughts. "You said you couldn't write, and I thought..."

"Oh, that. To be honest, I couldn't write what I had originally planned to write, so I decided to do like everyone else and turn to humour."

"Elves seem to be good at that", Boromir cut in. "So, let's hear it already!"

"That is not for you to decide!" Elrond said, standing up. "As the leader of the Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers, it is my right--"

"Ahem." I arched an eyebrow at him. "What was that?"

Elrond looked at me for a second or two, eyebrows whizzing, before he understood my point. "Err, I mean, it is Prince Faramir's right to decide."

"That's better", I said with a sweet smile. "Faramir?"

"Um... OK, you can read your story now", Faramir said absently.

"Don't talk with your mouth full", Arwen muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Don't do that, it leaves wrinkles", Boromir said casually.

Arwen looked utterly horrified. "Wrinkles? But... but... I'm an elvish maiden! I can't possibly--"

"Oh yes you can. Everyone can. Look at Elrond."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Elrond inquired majestically.

"Guys, knock it off!" I held up my hands and glared at each one in turn. "Let the elf read his story, I, for one, am utterly curious about it!"

This was followed by a chorus of, "Me too!", on all sorts of voices and tonalities. Legolas stood up; however, just as he opened his mouth, a loud crash came from upstairs, and then Haldir came tumling down the stairs and landed in an untidy heap of dust, cobwebs and hair on the floor.

"No you don't", the newly-arrived elf muttered, although his face was pressed against the carpet. "It was my turn."

"Yes, it was", Legolas agreed coldly, "but not it is my turn."

"Uh-oh", I muttered. This was not good.

"My turn." Haldir glared at Legolas, at the same time standing up.

"My turn", Legolas answered empathically.

"No, my turn."

"Mine."

"Mine!"

"His", Faramir interjected, standing up.

Both elves glared at him.

"His, as in, mine?" Haldir asked hopefully.

"No, his, as in Legolas'."

"Fine!" Haldir sat down and crossed his arms, obviously determined not to speak another word.

"Good", Legolas said with a smirk. "And now, here goes my story."

And without anything else, he began to read.

The story of Prince Salomir

"My sons, I have something very important to tell you."

Boromir looked at Faramir. Faramir looked at Boromir. Then, both looked at their father, Denethor. Finally, Faramir spoke, "What is it, father?"

"Well..." For once in his life, Denethor looked troubled. "I do not know how you will react to this, and I will not blame you if you will hate me afterwards."

'Out with it', Boromir thought impatiently, 'I have a date in half an hour.' "Whatever it is, I am certain that we could not possibly hate you for it", he said loudly. "Tell us."

"All right..." Denethor wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead, and sighed. "It all began a long time ago. I was but a child, barely past the age of twenty-one, when I first met your mother. And, as young people oftenly do, we... rushed things a bit."

"What does that mean?" Faramir asked innocently.

Denethor glared at him for a second, and then continued, "And this unfortunate incident had the most unfortunate of consequences. Nine months later, a child was born."

Boromir gasped. Faramir just stared in shock. Denethor waited for a few seconds, and then continued.

"Since we had already been officially wed, this child would be the heir to the throne of Gondor. There was great joy among the people, and your mother and I were proud as well. We named the cild Salomir, after my grand-grandfather's father, and every day we spent with him was a blessing."

'All right, I'm starting to feel jealous here', Boromir thought, although the thought of having a long-lost elder brother gave him an awkward and pleasant sensation. 'Wait...' he continued, as Denethor gave no sign he would say anything else for a while and hurriedly wiped a tear, 'that means this Salomir would be heir to the throne, and not I.' He made a grimace despite himself. 'I hate him already.'

"But no happiness is made to last", Denethor resumed suddely, making both his sons start. "At the age of sixteen, our son fell into the river and was gone."

'Thank Goodness', Boromir thought.

"The kingdom was in mourning then, and for a time, we thought that we had lost him. However, three years later, word came that he was alive and well, and had found his happiness in a vilage of fishermen, down the river. I sent my guards to investigate."

'And they didn't find him', Boromir thought hopefully. 'They didn't... did they?'

"Eventually, they found him, and, despite his protests, they brought him back to the court."

'Crap.'

"He was unhappy for a while, and this concerned us. But then, everything went back to normal. Or so it seemed. One year later, a band of brigands attacked our fair city."

'And he was killed', Faramir thought again. 'Please, let it be that he was killed.'

"Being the brave young man he was, Salomir rode out and faced them single-handedly."

'That's dumb'.

"He received grievous wounds, and, although victory was his, we had our doubts that he would survive to enjoy it."

'And he didn't."

"But our clerics did the impossible, and Salomir recovered completely."

'I'll beat the crap out of every cleric in the city...'

"All was fine since then. But, at the age of twenty-one, he went on a campaign against the orcs that had been invading our lands."

'And he died."

"Our men were outnumbered ten to one. And yet, he led them bravely, and slaughtered many of the invaders. However..." Denethor sighed. "One day, we received words that he had been trampled and crushed by a cave troll."

'If he survived out of that, I'll cut my wrists and hang myself'.

"They never found his body... but we haven't heard of him ever since."

'Hallelujah.'

"Except for this one strange rumour--"

'For crying out loud...'

"--that he had returned in the fishermen's village. But our guards never found him."

"And... so it ends", Boromir said tentatively, seeing that his father had stopped.

"Yes."

'Praise the gods, I'm out of here.' "Father, I must tend to an urgent matter", Boromir said politely. "May I go?"

"Of course, son. Do what you have to do."

That was all Boromir needed. In a matter of moments, he was gone. Faramir and Denethor looked at each other for a few seconds, and then Denethor turned away and left without anything else. Faramir just shrugged.

'Sometimes', he said to himself, 'I get the feeling that I'm the only normal person in this entire family...

- The end -

"Elf, you're a genius!" I yelled, hugging him. "Way to go!"

"...my kidneys..."

"Oh. Sorry." I let him go and beamed at him. "Write another one!"

"No, thanks", he said, putting his clipboard and pen aside. "I've had enough for one day."

"Okay, can I read now?" Haldir cut in impatiently.

"Not just yet." Faramir smiled widely, and then said, "Let's give it a big hand for the elf!"

And after all the applause died out, Faramir finally said, doing a perfect imitation of Elrond's eyebrow dance, "Haldir of Lorien, it is now your turn."

Author's Note:

1) Coming up next is the 'Fangirls and Fellowship go steady' interlude. The interlude will have two or three parts, depending on how many evil ideas I get... insert a twisted grin here.

2) The 250th reviewer will be decided when I receive the 250th e-mail from telling me that I have a review. The person will get either a one-chapter request story, or a cameo in one of my on-going fics, by choice.

And now, for the review responses...

LiL Pippin Padfoot: Yup, Pippin and Padfoot rule! Don't worry about the not reviewing part - as long as you read and enjoy my story, I don't mind! ;)

necromancer: A piniata (I'm not sure that's how you write it...) is a Mexican thingy that's full of candy. They hang it from a rope, and then they get blindfolded and try to hit it so the candy would fall out. And don't worry, I'll save you from the evil fangirls! As far as I'm concerned, you can have all the elves... except for Legolas, of course :) And weird reviewers? Yup, I've been getting a lot of those lately... OO

Almarea-and-Alasse: Let me give you a tip: when you want to make Pippin to shut up, all you have to do is give him something to eat. Lots of something. Then, he'll shut up. Thanks for reviewing!

midnitest4rz: OK, you'll be in the interlude. However, could you please give me a real name (or invented, but sounding like a name and not like a nickname) to work with? Thanks!

millenium: Umm... I sincerely have no idea :)

me: Thanks... but listen... if you're the same person... then just review once (or, if you missed to say something important, twice) per chapter. I think it's a little unfair for one person to 'boost' my reviews like that...

toots: Same as above... :)

counting down: Same as above :)

Neniriel: Hey there! OK, you're up with Glorfindel then :) I really liked the verse, and your name has a beautiful meaning. My Elvish alias is Almarien, which means "crown of the bliss", but I haven't thought of any verse fot it yet ;) Thanks for the appreciation! :)

Kendria Erleine: Thank you for all your lovely reviews and appreciations. Well, the day I did get 200 reviews was indeed a day to remember. But I think 250 is a little more... special... And I'm already starting to dream about 500, although I sincerely have no idea when (and if) that will happen grin. Thanks for the idea about the next interlude, I'll think about it! ;) One more thing - you're up in the Interlude with Elrohir. Good luck! ;)

Morwen de Cearo: Thank you, thank you! ;) Yup, you're in the Interlude with Elladan. Thank you for the information, and, if you so desire, your name in the Interlude will be Indil Histe (beautiful name!). And... I think that word is spelled 'Paranthesis', but I'm not sure. Spelling can be so tricky sometimes...

Antonio: All righty... who are you again? :)

Antoinette: Bonjour... je vois que tu ne parles francais tres bien, et je te reccomend d'ecriver tes commentaires en anglaise la date prochaine. Merci!

Hans Schmidt: Danke.

Gollumna: All righty... going out with Gollum.. are you sure? Okay then, you're in the Interlude as well :)

Blondie: Thanks! Umm... I don't have a sister yet, the post is still vacant... it's yours if you want to take it! :)

DRUIDGIRL a.k.a. Niamh: Don't worry - as long as you read and enjoy the story, it's OK if you don't review... (I think I said that before somewhere :)). If you want him, the One with the Magical Eyebrows is yours! I just hope you know how to handle him... Stay tuned for the Interlude!

Kekelina: Hello, Faramir here. Thanks! I had no idea my story will be such a wonderful success! :) Thanks again! And Aragorn... err, I mean, Estel, sends you his regards. Toots!

Heaven Leigh Casteel The 2nd: All righty... takes out a notepad So, Heaven Leigh Casteel the 2nd and Pippin. Got it!

Crystalline4: Nope, Faramir got over potions a long time ago. About you and Linwe... that was a typo, sorry. I meant to say, you and share Faramir, and Linwe gets Frodo. Sorry for that! :)

ApocalypticPyro: Sowee... Elrohir's taken by Kendria Erleine. You can have... umm... thinks Hey, how about Orophim or Rumil? You know, Haldir's hot brothers... Or you can have them both if you want! :)

spastikLeggyluver: Dunno, I haven't counted them yet :) All right, you can have the elf, but ONLY this time :) Glorfindel and Elrond are already taken, sorry...

Terreis: You have Daniel Jackson in the closet? dies I want Daniel Jackson... DROOL. Thanks for your comments, and good luck with Arwen and Eowyn! :)

hornofgondor2: Hi, Boromir here... Just you wait for the Interlude! And thanks for the hug! :)

Mercury Gray: Yeah, Ace Ventura rules :) Thanks for reviewing!

THECheeseTurkey: Okay... then what's the name of the witch king? ...well, I don't think the name would make any difference anyway, he's still bug-ugly to me... :)

Omega XSabre: I don't think there's any competition for owning Galadriel... If you want, you can be in the interlude, since it's for both guys and girls, and you can have Galadriel. How about that? ;) Filia Regalis: Sorry I got you and Devie mixed-up... So to rectify: you go out with Faramir (and share him with Crystalline... I hope you don't mind?), and Devie goes out with Frodo. How about that? And thanks for your comments! PS: Happy birthday!