So it took me a little longer to update than I thought, had some uhh…things to deal with. Let me just say never lie…even if you're lying to spare peoples feelings…because they find out…and then everything really sucks. Those are my words of wisdom for the day.

Disclaimer: Don't own ER, or the characters, or anything that has to do with it…mwahaha

Part one of his plan was falling perfectly into place, although the truth of the matter was the plan only had one part: Get Neela to talk to him… preferably without the yelling.

Casually he slid up next to her, "Shift over?"

"Yes, now I won't have to put up with your abuse," she snarled, quickening her pace. He was beginning to remind her of a cute yet unwanted puppy. If he were a puppy she would have scooped him up immediately…but he wasn't and this little puppy was about to get a kick in the face.

"You know you liked it," definitely the wrong thing to say, it had slipped without him even realizing it.

She had stopped walking; it seemed like part one wasn't falling as perfectly as he had hoped…in fact it seemed to be crashing. Her dark eyes flashed dangerously, "Ray, leave me alone before I'm forced to inflict physical damage."

"You wouldn't," he said with a look of mock horror.

"Oh, I would," a hint of a grin could be seen and she tried to maintain a straight face. She couldn't do this. "And I will if you don't leave me alone," she strode out the door and left him standing, watching her arms wrap themselves around her small frame to warm herself against the wind. He wanted to catch up to her and put his own arm around her to keep her warm…but he had a feeling that their conversation, however short it had been, was enough for one day. At least it was progress.

"Neela!"

She was so tired; couldn't she just let her sleep? Every waking moment was so painful…

"NEELA!"

Why was she yelling?

"You're going to be late if you don't get up!"

Stumbling out of bed Neela looked around to find Abby watching her with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, be ready in a moment," her voice was thick with sleep. It was becoming increasingly harder for her to get out of bed in the morning. Recently she had found that she couldn't seem to ever wake up completely, there was always a sense of lightheadedness…but she was sure it was nothing to worry about.

Pulling on her jeans she barely registered the fact that they now hung loosely on her hips when once they had fit her snugly; her shirt almost looked a size to big. Rushing out the door she didn't pause for breakfast, she was nearly late as it was; besides…she wasn't hungry anyways.

Relief washed over her when she didn't see Ray, he had mentioned something about it being his day off but for her to call him if she wanted to talk. She honestly couldn't understand why he was trying so hard, everyone but Ray could see she didn't want to talk.

For a moment she was afraid that the day would be another slow one and she would have to agonize over her thoughts some more, luckily her fears were quickly pushed aside.

"Neela!" Pratt called for her and she came running as a gurney was brought in from the ambulance bay.

"What do you have?"

"Twenty four year old male, stabbing victim, girlfriend found him this morning."

"Stats?"

Neela tried to pay attention to all of it but found herself having to concentrate more on keeping herself upright. A sudden wave of dizziness hit her and she tried focusing on the patients face. Bad choice, it was battered and a smear of blood ran across his cheekbone. Normally this sort of thing wouldn't bother her but nausea combined itself with the whirling room.

"All right, we're going to need…Neela?"

Her head was spinning but she forced herself to look up, "Sorry, what was that?"

Everyone was staring at her; Pratt looked like he was debating whether he was concerned or angry, "If you don't feel well, get out."

"I'm fine now, sorry," she steadied herself and for a moment the spinning seemed to stop.

"Out Neela, you could—"

Whatever he was about to say was lost to her as she fought against a second wave of dizziness. The room was spinning around her and she clung to consciousness, trying her hardest to keep from passing out. Voices were calling out to her and she felt someone moving closer. As her vision blurred she realized that she was losing her fight…she was fine…there was nothing wrong with her…there was…darkness.

Something was ringing…maybe it was his head; last night certainly was a mistake. Had Neela still been living with him he was sure that he would have come back to an extremely long lecture…although Neela was the reason he had gone out in the first place. Why did she have to be so…so…unforgettable? Every time he told himself to forget about her all he could see was her face in his mind.

The ringing had stopped but now something was buzzing…groaning he sat up and reached for his cell phone. "Hello?" he couldn't help the irritation in his voice; he couldn't believe someone was calling him this early on his day off.

"Ray? You should probably come down here."

It was Abby, why was she calling him? "What? Do you have any idea how early it is?"

"It's not that early and I'm telling you…get down here now," her voice sounded funny…kind of strained.

Suddenly her words took full affect, Neela…something had happened to her, he knew it. "What happened? Is she okay?" he had bolted out of bed and was grabbing the nearest shirt he could find. In an amazing feat he managed to get it on while still holding the phone, "Tell me what happened!"

"She passed out, calm down, she'll be fine. I just think you should be there for her."

He still had on his jeans from the night before and he didn't bother to change. "Be there in a minute," he hung up and sprinted out the door. Something had told him that this was bound to happen; it was only a matter of time before she broke down. He needed to be there for her, he needed to help her. Even if she didn't want it.

"Where—" he skidded to a halt in front of Abby who was waiting for him.

"Exam room four," before she could say anything else Ray was already down the hall.

It took a few tries for Neela to realize where she was…and a few more tries to realize why she was there…tears pricked her eyes, great…this would be the second time in two days that she had almost cried. It was just the fact that she had let something like that happen, she had passed out…it had to have been from the blood…but of course it wasn't. She couldn't lie to herself about that. Had she been lying to herself all this time, like Ray and the others said? No…of course not…why should she? Michael…her letter…his letter…his letter following hers…phone call…death…confusion…guilt…everything…her fault…

Closing her eyes once more she finally opened her mind a tiny bit, and didn't like what she was seeing, not at all. Maybe she could sleep some more, than she wouldn't have to think about it. No one could complain about that, they were always telling her she should rest; besides…she still felt a little out of it. Almost ready to shut herself away from the outside world, the sounds of someone bursting through the door drug her back to reality. Cracking her eyes she immediately shut them again, her foggy mind not wanting to deal with anything else.

His hand found hers and she resisted the strong urge to pull away. "Neela…" there was something in his voice…it sounded…sad. She didn't want him to be sad, she didn't want anyone to be sad, but he was and they were and it was her fault. He kept trying to painstakingly pull her back together no matter how hard she resisted. He was more than she deserved, much more.

Originally she had thought that he was a cocky and arrogant with little respect for anything besides music, why he was working there was completely lost on her. However, her opinion had changed…sure, at times he wasn't exactly the most compassionate doctor around…and he did have a habit of discharging patients rather quickly, well, that was an understatement. The point was, she had come to realize that her first impression of him had been wrong…and the more she knew of the real Ray…the more she liked him…and the more she liked him the more she wanted to get away before it was to late…and then it was to late…that's when things had gotten complicated for her…

"I wish you could tell me…instead of carrying it around…and letting this happen. I don't want to see you like this, this isn't you…you're strong, I know you are…" he knew she was unconscious but he couldn't help talking to her anyways…even if she wasn't listening it still helped him. Maybe it was easier without her actually listening; if she was awake this most definitely was not how he would talk to her…he wasn't exactly good with expressing things like this. "I don't buy the reason for why they say you passed out, said it was exhaustion," he mumbled.

Lying there she looked so helpless and childlike, especially because of her weight loss. Her bones were especially prominent and he rubbed his face tiredly, they'd have to treat her soon for an eating disorder if she didn't change after this. If she woke up at all, he had a sneaking suspicion that she was trying to lose herself…

"C'mon Neela, do you know how hard this is on me? I come home to an empty apartment everyday, a messy empty apartment…and then I just sit there on the couch…or in your old room…waiting for you to come through the door and yell at me because of some stupid thing I've done…I just…I don't understand…" without being able to stop it his voice broke. It was frustrating, he was trying so hard to help her but nothing seemed to work…he didn't want her to slip away like this…to give up…to block herself. He wanted his Neela back...wait…his?

Through her clouded mind she heard his voice breaking and for a moment she wanted to say something to him…to comfort him. The bed creaked and lowered slightly and she dimly registered the fact that he had sat down. Then strong arms were lifting her and she felt him pull her into his lap, cradling her.

Holding her close to him he gently stroked back her hair, then rested his chin softly on the top of her head. The last time he had held her had been after she had heard that Gallant had died. Pratt had received the phone call and had then passed the news on to her. Ray could still remember that day; it had been the day something in Neela had broken.

She wasn't in the apartment, she wasn't answering her cell phone, she wasn't anywhere. Ray cursed, pulling his jacket tighter around him as he jogged down the sidewalk, where the hell was she? It was cold, it was raining, and it was dark…and he was worried. It didn't take him long to find her, she was a dark lump sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Her feet planted on the road, head down on her knees, face buried in her arms. Just sitting there. Cautiously he sat down next to her, gauging her reaction. Nothing. He waited, knowing that when she was ready she would talk…he was right.

"Ray?" she managed to choke out.

"Yeah?"

Without bothering to look up she continued to speak, her voice muffled. "It can't be true…it just…can't…"

He was silent; he didn't know what to say and even if he did he didn't think she would hear him.

"I suppose…I suppose I was expecting it…it's a war after all…people…they…they…die…but…I didn't think it would actually happen…and…it's my fault…"

"It isn't your fault Neela…like you said…there's a war going on…"

She looked up at him, tears mingling with the rain, "I…I…" for some reason she couldn't go on, sobs wracking her body. Without thinking her reached over and pulled her to him.

They sat there for a long while, cold rain beating down on them but neither of them moved.

He had gotten her back to the apartment and sent her off to take a warm shower as he changed into dry clothes. Then they had sat on the couch and she had simply sat there, the next morning she didn't speak to him, the next day she wouldn't even look at him, pretty soon she was avoiding him, and then she had moved out.

His arms were so comforting; she wanted to lay there forever. Then she felt him shifting to put her back down, "No," she murmured without thinking.

"Neela?"

"Don't leave me…" she whispered.

Hmm, not as exciting as I had hoped and I didn't include all I wanted…now you have to wait, mwahaha :-)

Pweeze review, they make me happy!