The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!
by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)
Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship go steady! (Part two - The dates / 1)
As Odeena proudly announced at the end of the previous chapter, it's time for --
Eowyn: ...drumroll...
Arwen: /glares/
Eowyn: ...what? I'm just doing my job here!
-- Commercial break!
Cheesy commercial voice (easily identifiable as Saruman's): Are those nasty hobbits in the backyard ruining your perfectly-trimmed lawn? Are those over-proud riders of Rohan considering your back-yard the perfect spot for grazing their four-legged freaks? Are you tired of chasing Gollum away from your fishpond? Say no more! Saruman's Uruk-Hai exterminators are all you need to be rid of all these disgusting little pests! Call 0-800-URUK-HAI now! /fast-forward/ The staff of Saruman's Uruk-Hai is not responsible for any damage caused by our field operatives. Extra taxes for fighting hazards might apply. /with normal speed/ Thank you!
Odeena: /thoughtful/ I wonder if they also kill Pauls.
Arwen: ...You're not serious, right?
Odeena: /sigh/ Neah... /takes a deep breath/ All righty then--
Ace Ventura: HEY! That was MY line! Got me?!
Odeena: /takes out a remote control and teleports Ace to the thirty-first century, then goes on/ --it's time to get on with--
Eowyn: /looking utterly annoyed/ ...drums... more drums... and lots of drums again...
Odeena: --the dates!
Fade out
As the image fades back in, we see Elrond and Niamh, seating at a table packed with all kinds of food in a very expensive restaurant. Nearby, Arwen is spying on the two, disguised as a waitress.
Elrond: /chatty/ ...And then, Elladan and Elrohir got into a fight about who was going to wear the artificial silmarillions that Arwen had received for her 239th birthday. Of course, little did they know that I was planning to wear them, as I had set my eyes on one of those very pretty elven girls from Mirkwood and I intended to propose to her that night...
Niamh: /obviously interested/ No... Really?
Elrond: Yeah! And then, just before the party was about to begin, I realized that somebody had stolen my silmarillions! I can't tell you how annoyed I was!
Niamh: /trying very, very hard not to get lost in contemplating Elrond's wild eyebrows/ And...?
Elrond: Well, I did the best thing I could. I took Glorfindel aside, and-- /glares around suddenly, as if to make sure nobody is listening/ --I used my magical eyebrows to hypnotize him!
Arwen: /clamps her hand over her mouth, stifling a loud 'Oh!'whispering/ I had no idea Dad could do that...
Elrond: As it turned out, Arwen had taken them and offered them as a gift to that petty mortal friend of hers, Strider I-Don't-Know-What... Of course, later on she told me that Strider didn't show up for their appointed date, and so she gave them to this guy from Mirkwood who was just passing by... Later on, she began to receive love letters from him. Go figure...
Arwen: /glares daggers at Elrond/ You just had to mention that incident, didn't you, daddy? /starts suddenly, then turns to the camera/ As you can see, folks, there's nothing interesting going on here, unless you want to listen to my dad telling embarrassing stories from ages ago... And now, I'm going to flay Elrond slowly and painfully. Please excuse me.
As Arwen approaches the table where Elrond is still chatting about how Arwen and the-guy-from-Mirkwood tried to run away from Rivendell, the image fades to another expensive restaurant, where Kara, Crystalline and Faramir are just clinking a glass of champagne. Farther away, at another table, Odeena and Azalie are drinking hot chocolate and observing the happy trio.
Faramir: /finishing a toast/ --And let this be, to this memorable evening, when my beauty did shine upon all and every mortal and immortal in the world, as I'm the only member of the Fellowship that has the privilege of going on a date with two of the most admirable ladies that had ever walked this Earth.
Odeena: /whispers to Azalie/ Wow, he didn't even breathe during all that!
Azalie: /obviously unimpressed/ Cheesy...
Odeena: /giggles/ Yup.
Faramir: By the way, Kara, your hair looks absolutely astounding. How did you manage to give it such an exquisite shape?
Kara: /has a short flashback of all the 'Ow!' and 'Ouch!'-s as she was styling her hair, then smiles/ Well - nothing much... I just wanted to make it look special for today.
Crystalline: /glares at Kara/ You know, you have a few loose hairs at the back...
Kara: /alarmed/ Where?
Crystalline: /evilly/ I wouldn't tell you...
Kara: /gives Crystalline an 'I'm-gonna-kill-you' look/ Oh?
Azalie: /whispers/ Finally, the long-awaited cat-fight! /grins/
Faramir: Ladies, please! Crystalline, did I tell you that your silver necklace looks simply beautiful?
Crystalline: Ah, well... no, but... I guess...
Faramir: /smiles/ There you go. More champagne?
Odeena: /evilly/ I can't wait to see who pays for the bill...
The image fades away as Odeena and Azalie share a knowing glare. As things become clear again, we see what looks like a fun fair, with Julie and Boromir waiting in a queue to board the ride known as 'The Thing'. If one were to describe it in a word, that would be /scary/. However, our two love-birds don't seem to mind. A few steps away, a very nervous Eowyn is doing her best to keep her composure...
Eowyn: Do I really have to go on this?
Odeena: /through a mini-video-phone... thingy/ Yes.
Eowyn: But I don't want to! Everything has a limit, you know! And I just ate!
Odeena: Who put you? You knew you have to follow them everywhere, and since you know Boromir's intellect is comparable to that of a ten-year-old, you should've guessed they'd end up here eventually.
Eowyn: Besides, I just styled my hair--
Odeena: I don't want to hear it.
Eowyn: But--
Odeena: I said I don't want to hear it. Do what you're supposed to do.
Eowyn: /sighs dramatically/ All right...
Meanwhile...
Boromir: So, are you scared?
Julie: Get real. I'd say you're scared by the look on your face.
Boromir: Who, me? No way!
Julie: Oh yes you are! Look, your moustache is shaking!
Boromir: /confused/ It... is?
Julie: Just kidding, silly. /gives Boromir a peck on the nose/ Anyway, betcha' I'll scream louder than you.
Boromir: I hold the bet. Loser buys the tickets to the House of Horrors.
Julie: You're on! ...Hey, look! We're next!
Eowyn: /scrambles ahead and grabs a seat close to the 'happy couple'/ I'm going to die...
As the 'Thing' starts to roll and the first screams are heard, the image fades to a quiet pond, where Gollum and Gollumna are both perched on the same rock and eating the same fish. Nearby, Rosie Gamgee is reading a magazine.
Rosie: /looks up at the camera, somewhat surprised/ What? There's nothing to see here, just... these two... eating fish... and...
Gollum: Will you kiss us, precious?
Gollumna: Only if you catches us another fish, precious!
Gollum: /folds his arms/ Kiss first.
Gollumna: No.
Gollum: No kiss - no fish.
Gollumna: All right, precious! But you must promise us that you catches us some tasty, little fish!
Rosie: /rolls her eyes/ I am so sick and tired of all this.
Anastacia: /from somewhere in the distance/ I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired...
Rosie: /promptly bangs her head on a tree trunk/
Since our two Gollums are probably going to go through the same 'Catch-us-fish / Kiss-us-first' routine (ew...), it's time to move on to a large fast-food, with our rezident crazy fan, Omega, and the Queen of Lorien, Galadriel, seated at a table, each with their own share of chips and paper glass of Coca-Cola in front. At the buffet, Odeena is devouring a large hamburger.
Odeena: What...? I haven't eaten anything today, and that hot chocolate at the restaurant cost me a fortune!
Omega: /affectionately strokes his Pen of Doom/ And with that, I wrote my very first fanfic, and I became one of the most popular humor authors ever.
Galadriel: /takes a sip out of her Cola/ That's nice... You know, I write, too.
Omega: Really? What do you write?
Galadriel: /bites her lip/ Well, let's see... Modern poetry, dark poetry, classic poetry, poetry that rhymes, romantic poetry, erotic poetry...
Omega: /raises an eyebrow/ ...For short, you write poetry. Right?
Galadriel: Yep.
Omega: I should've known...
Galadriel: Oh, here comes inspiration for one now! /takes out a little notepad and reaches for Omega's pen/ May I...?
Omega: Erm... I don't know... There could be dire consequences if you use this. It only listens to me, you know...
Galadriel: Oh, come on! Please...?
Omega: /sigh/ All right... But just this once. /aside/ You'd think that elven ladies would be a little more subtle with their magic when they try to convince someone.
Odeena: This is going to be interesting! /gulps down what's left of her sandwich, then sneaks up behind Galadriel and reads over her shoulder/ The clouds are gray / The sky is blue / I wish you'd stay / And our love'd be true. /shudders/ That's is SO girly! My evil sister could've wrote that!
Laurie: /pulls Odeena's sleeve with an innocent smile/ Hi sis!
Odeena: Aah! /dives under a table and pulls Laurie with her just before Omega and Galadriel get a chance to see them/ What are you doing here?
Laurie: /sweetly/ I came to bring you a letter! /holds up a perfumed pink envelope/
Odeena: /takes it/ Eww! Who could've-- /starts/ Paul! /accidentally bangs her head on the table above/ Oww...
Laurie: /chuckles, then disappears with a 'Poof!' and a sprinkle of pink dust./
Odeena: /rubs her forehead/ I am so going to kill my little sister when this will be over...
End of part two
Author's Note: First off - I am not dead. Yes, I know, I haven't updated in bloody ages... The thing is, I've had many, many things on my head these past few months, and so I've hardly had any time to write at all. From now on, I have slightly more free time, and so I cross my heart and give you my word that I will try to update at least one of my fanfics every week. Thank you for bearing with me, and I hope I won't let you down! And now for the review responses:
shiny-chan - Thank you! You will appear in the third part of the Interlude, which will present all the hobbies on a date... :)
PirateAngel - Well, as far as I'm concerned, Frodo is the definition of cute... :)
Terreis - Let me just start by saying that you are one lucky girl. A personalized autographed picture of Craig Parker... /sigh/ I know several persons who might do anything for one of those. Including myself... :) Anyway, thanks for Daniel. He had loads of fun, although he's been with me more than just one week... /blush/ Do you still want him back?
Kekelina - Aw, relax, they aren't going to do that. Remember I'm still watching over them, and I have several TTs (Terrible Threats) that I keep in reserve, just in case... :)
hornofgondor2 - Me: Cookies! /grabs the tray and runs off, then shouts from the distance/ Thank you! /munch munch burp/
Boromir: /rolls eyes/ And she tells me to act my age.
midnitest4rz - Well, I'll do my best to portray you the way you want :) And sorry for the long wait.
Daeiz - My motto is, 'Everything for the fans'. If my fans wanted this interlude, then what was I to do...? :)
Mercury Gray - Domo arigato. (i.e. Thank you very much :))
spastikLeggyluver - /bangs head on the keyboard/ You sure know what you want... and even the kissing part... /sniff/ I'm jealous... yeah, right. When I get around to writing your part in all this, you'll get everything you requested. Until then, stay tuned! ;)
ApocalypticPyro - Well, what will happen in the dates depends on what the readers will request. I can't write too much for everyone, but I'll do my best to keep everyone happy... And thank you for the hints. Your date will be... an interesting one :)
Filia Regalis - Thankies! And sorry I took so long to update :( I'll do my best from now on ;)
Crystalline4 - Hmm... If you say you own Faramir, you'd better get into an anti-atomic bunker soon. Before the legions of fangirls get you, that is :)
Manwathiel - Thank you. And I like your name! :)
Araindil - Aye, that conversation was pretty random. But I liked it anywayz :)
Omega XSabre - Wish granted!
necromancer - Yep... I'd blackout at that mental image, too.
Tamelia - Thank you!