e sThe Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!
by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)
Interlude: The Fangirls and Fellowship go steady! (Part four - The dates / 4)
Coming up after the break, the fourth and last part of this Interlude
Eowyn: (is busy munching a sandwich)
Ahem. As I was saying, coming up after the break, the fourth and last part of this Interlude
Arwen: (elbows Eowyn)
Eowyn: (with her mouth full) What?
Arwen: (whispers) Do the drumroll!
Eowyn: Do you mind? I'm on lunch break!
Arwen: (rolls her eyes)
Never mind the drumroll... (cough) Coming up after the break, the fourth and last part of this Interlude - Jealous Girlfriends Galore!
Arwen: (fuming) You bet on that!
Odeena: But first, a little word from our sponsor, Saruman...
Saruman (voiceover): Wait, I can't find my lines... For the love of Sauron, who stole my script? Has anyone seen it?
Random Uruk-Hai extra (voiceover): Me think me see slimy Gollum eat papers this morning.
Saruman: (utterly annoyed) Uruk-Hai were never meant to think... (desperate) Where the bloody hell is my script?
Gollum: (after a brief moment of silence) We wants more tasty papers, Precious!
Saruman: You! Take that! And this! And that! (Saruman's voice fades out as an avalanche of poofs, booms, fizzes and desperate screams insures)
Odeena: Well, so much for Saruman's little speech... Poor guy. He worked for two days on that thing.
Arwen: (sarcastically) You're breaking my heart.
Eowyn: You have a heart? Where do you keep it? In the freezer?
Arwen: (sticks tongue out at Eowyn)
Odeena: (deliberately ignores both Arwen and Eowyn) Okay then - let's get it on!
Fade out
After a couple minutes, the image fades to a small tavern in the Shire. Heaven Leigh Casteel the 2nd (Heaven for short) and Peregrin Took (better known as Pippin, or Pip for short), both holding a mug of ale, are chattering animatedly. A few tables away, Azalie is drumming her fingers on the table distractedly and glaring at the waiter from time to time.
Azalie: (annoyed) This guy doesn't even know I exist... It's been half an hour already! Where the heck is are my mushrooms? (notices the camera) Oh, hi there... As you can see, these two are just sitting there, chatting and drinking, nothing to it... Oh yeah, and Pip tried to take her hand once, but he had to give up because he was turning redder than Porto wine. And so...
Just then, Pippin finally makes his move and puts his hand over Heaven's.
Azalie: (rolls her eyes) Geez, for a moment there I thought he was going to wait until the next eve to do it...
Heaven: (smiles) Well now, that wasn't so hard, was it?
Pippin: (encouraged) N... nope, not... not really.
Heaven: All right then. Where were we...?
Azalie: (disappointed) That's all there is to it? For the love of Pete, Pinky and Paul, that is SO
Waiter: (clears his throat) Your mushrooms...
Azalie: ...Oh. About time! (glares at the bowl) Um... where's my fork?
Waiter: You don't need a fork for mushrooms! You just dig in!
Azalie: With my hands?
Waiter: (nods enthusiastically) Well, I'll leave you then - got lots of other folks to take care of. (skips off)
Azalie: Okay... (picks a mushroom and eats it, then makes a grimace) ...Gosh... that's just... the worst thing... I've ever had... Waiter!
Waiter: (skips back) What can I get you?
Azalie: (looking miserable) Get me a mug of water... and do it quick, before I lose my cool and maim you.
Waiter: (tries to say something, but then changes his mind and skips off again)
Azalie: And to think I waited half an hour for this abomination!
As the waiter returns, the image fades away and is replaced by a noisy street. Linwe is pacing up and down, looking at her watch from time to time. Around the corner, Odeena is pretending to be reading the paper.
Linwe: (sigh) He's late... Or maybe he's not coming at all! (sniffs) What if he's not coming at all? (takes a deep breath) All right, girl. Calm down. Everything is going to be all right. Got it? Everything is going to be
Frodo: (timidly) Hi...
Linwe: (starts and turns around) Hi there... what took you so long? I was really starting to worry, you know...
Frodo: Well... it's a bit complicated. You see, I was counting on Boromir to give me a lift, but then he told me he couldn't do it any more because he had to go pick up his girlfriend instead.
Linwe: (slightly surprised) Boromir has a girlfriend? That's news... I mean, I knew he was going out with a fangirl, but...
Frodo: Yup, but he and Julie seem to be going steady.
Odeena: (takes a long glance at Frodo around the corner) You don't say...
Frodo: But anyway... (holds out a large bunch of lilies) I had Sam teach me how to grow these just for you. I hope you like them.
Linwe: (takes the flowers and blushes slightly) Wow... thanks! They're very sweet!
Frodo: (blushes as well) And... I was thinking we could have an ice-cream at the candy shop around the corner. After that, I could take you on a small boat-trip in a park nearby...
Linwe: Sounds good to me! (takes Frodo's hand) Let's go!
Odeena: Wait a second... Around the corner? Oh drat!
The image fades out as Odeena hides her face behind the newspaper, while Frodo and Linwe walk past, holding hands. When the image fades back in, it shows a quiet yard, with a small picnic blanket set under a tree. Sam and Sarah are sitting on it and eating some cookies. A few paces away, from another tree, Rosie Gamgee is watching the two through a pair of military binoculars.
Sarah: These cookies are really good. Who made them?
Sam: (grins) As a matter of fact... I did. You see, I had this new recipe I really wanted to try, and I thought this would be the perfect occasion.
Sarah: Well then, way to go! You are one great cook, you know that?
Sam: (blushes a little) Gee... thanks. My Rosie never told me that.
Rosie: (looks at the camera and shrugs) By my standards, he cooks worse than a fifty-year-old boot would, so what would be the point in lying to him?
Sam: (holds up a tray of mushrooms) Here, try some of these.
Sarah: (takes one) Okie-dokie... (eats it) It's good! Is this your recipe as well?
Sam: Actually, this was Merry's idea. He helped me cook them, too... and poked Pippin with a stick whenever he tried to nick something from the kitchen.
Sarah: (giggles) You don't say!
Rosie: (sighs and leans back against the tree trunk) Well, from the way things are looking, I suppose these two will just sit there and talk about food and other harmless things. (rubs her hands) My work here is done.
However, in another corner of the city, another date is far from being that peaceful or harmless. Aragorn and Kekelina, who had chosen the Green Dragon as the place for their date, are dancing a slow blues together, while a fuming Arwen is barely kept down by Eowyn at the bar.
Arwen: They're way too close! Just look at that! And they're holding hands, too!
Eowyn: (worried) Calm down, people are starting to look at us!
Arwen: Don't you tell me to calm down! That's my boyfriend on the line out there! Let me at her!
Eowyn: No way.
Arwen: (pleadingly) Come on, please let me at her? I won't hurt her... too bad... I promise!
Eowyn: (determined) No.
Arwen: Fine then... (sulks)
Meanwhile, unaware of the presence of either Arwen or Eowyn, Aragorn and Kekelina are enjoying themselves more than either of them want to admit.
Kekelina: Elessar?
Aragorn: Hmm?
Kekelina: (hugs Aragorn) I wish this dance would last forever...
Arwen: (hysterical) See? See? (bangs her head on the counter in front of her) Oh, I am so depressed...
Eowyn: (pats her on the head) There, there...
The image fades out as 'Elessar' and Kekelina exchange a long and meaningful glance. As it fades back in one last time, we see Odeena, dressed in a black ninja outfit and hanging on a tree branch in front of a small glass window. Inside, SpastikLeggyluver and Legolas are sitting on a couch and drinking from their respective cups of coffee.
Odeena: (looks at the camera) I'd say I'm sorry for Arwen, but then again, I'm infinitely more sorry for me. I guess I did fall for the elf in the end... I just hope he doesn't screw up. I really, really don't want to miss the chance of having SpastikLeggyluver as my personal slave. (grins evilly)
Inside...
SpastikLeggyluver: Want some cookies?
Legolas: Well... yes, I... guess I do...
SpastikLeggyluver: All righty then, hold on! I'm going to get some! (runs off)
Legolas: (takes out a crumpled paper from his pocket and reads it hurriedly) Step one... kiss her hand when you first meet her... done that. Step two, give her flowers - done that as well... Step three, compliment her on her room... step four, compliment her on her looks, clothes, jewelery etc... step five... what?
SpastikLeggyluver: I'm back!
Legolas: (hides the paper in his pocket) So I see...
SpastikLeggyluver: Here you go! (hands him a heart-shaped cookie)
Legolas: Well... thank you. Listen... you have a very beautiful room.
Odeena: (who has been watching and listening to the entire scene from outside, slaps her forehead and nearly loses her balance) Elf, that was so lame...
SpastikLeggyluver: Oh, it's no biggie... You should see it on an average day. That's when it looks really cool. You know, stuff scattered everywhere, lots of junk food, music booming in the speakers...
Legolas: I'm sure that's... interesting. And you have beautiful ear-rings, too.
Odeena: (rolls her eyes) So much for elven gallantry... I think it's obvious I bullied him into accepting the date, isn't it? (grins)
Legolas: (suddenly poetic) The way your eyes glisten and shine in the moonlight make my heart beat faster
Odeena: (annoyed) There's no moon out there, elf... just a light bulb...
Legolas: and I only wish to fall to my knees, to touch the fine imprints of your steps in the dust.
Odeena: What dust? I swear, you've really lost it this time...
Legolas: (falls to his knees) And here I do declaim my warmest feelings towards you...
Odeena: ...If he says it, I'll never talk to him again. (thinks) Wait... he's supposed to say it... drat.
Legolas: ...Arwenamin.
Odeena 'My lady'... that's not so bad. Good thing he didn't say 'I love you or something'. I'd lose it if he did that.
SpastikLeggyluver: Geez... I really, really have no idea where that came from, but...
Legolas: (stands up) Say no more! (hugs SpastikLeggyluver and gives her a romantic kiss)
Odeena: (bites her lips) Argh... Not like that, elf! You were supposed to ask first! I swear, of all the stupid, idiotic(hears a loud creak) what theoh no.
Conveniently enough, the branch that Odeena has been hanging from the whole time gives in, and our authoress crashes down with a muffled scream. Luckily, there is a pretty big mound of leaves gathered under the tree, so the fall causes no permanent damage.
Odeena: Ouch...
Eowyn: (pops out of nowhere) For one last time - insert drumrolls here. That's it, I quit this job. I'm going to take a long vacation in Hawaii... (pops away)
Odeena: (gets up with a grimace) That's all, folks! This is the end of our whacked-out dates. We hoped you enjoyed the show, and... well, that's that. (mutters) I think I've got a twig in my ear...
End of Interlude
Author's Note: Looking back at my previous chapters, I realized I totally forgot about that '250th reviewer' thing. (Anime sweat drop forms) I'm really, really sorry about that... so... to make amends, I'll just say this: lucky reviewer number 300 (and I mean it this time!) will have the honor of receiving either a one-chapter story as a request from me, or a cameo in one of my fanfics. Again, sorry about the miss-up - sometimes I have a terrible memory... Oh well, on with the review responses!
kalathetrumpeter - Thankies!
Lendlaer - Well, welcome back! Glad you liked the chapter, and check out 'The Ring Goes To Italy', you'll have a major part there! (By the way, you and ApocalypticPyro have to decide which members of the fellowship you want to take to your homes respectively... :)).
Manwathiel - The only 'official owner' is Julia, who won Boromir, fair and square, in the 'Who owns Boromir' interlude. I'd love to give the elf to you... only... he's kind of attached to me at the moment, sorry :P
spastikleggyluver - Well, you didn't have to handle an angry me after all... thank the branch lol. I hope you liked your date!
Legolas's Girl 9 - Sorry, but spastikleggyluver had chosen Legolas long before you did... Anyway, I'm glad you did review in the end And here's a tip: if you don't want to receive spam because you type your e-mail, just write it like this: yournamesomething. . Believe me, it works!
ApocalypticPyro - Yup, Riddick definitely rocks Sorry I can't e-mail you the original idea, but I wrote it on a scrap of paper (like I write most my drafts), and I threw it away after that... :( By the way, check out 'The Ring Goes To Italy' as well... you've got to decide which characters of the Fellowship you'll take to your home
Laer4572 - Thanks! I hope you didn't have to wait for too long...
hornofgondor2 - Glad to see you and Boromir are still going strong. grins Sorry it took me a while to update. Real-life is evil, and school contests are eating up nearly all my free time now...
Silraana - Yup! Just as soon as an idea for another Interlude pops in my head, I'll announce it! So far though, my inspiration has been a blank... :P
Morwen de Cearo - Thank you! I had to improvise a bit on your date... but I'm glad you liked what came out. Huggies!
Araindil - Thanks! To be honest, I had lots of evil ideas for the stalkers, but I had to leave most of them out because the main focus of the dates had to be the datees, not the stalkers...
Faeruvan - is confused I didn't remember Eowyn's family relations very well... sorry if I screwed up... (sweatdrop) '
hish - Yup, sadly, this 'fic is only rated PG-13... You like Gollum and Gollumna? I'll just have to tell them the news! Although I have to dig them out from my fridge first... they've been stuffing themselves with everything they could find since their appearance in this Interlude. Those guys have absolutely no table manners... (sigh) I guess that's what I get for having so many characters around. .
Crystalline4 - Thankies!