The Fellowship of the Fanfic Writers!

by Odeena Skywalker (alias Anne Shard)

Chapter 15: The tale of an unusual romance

Haldir stood up and did a complete turn, peeking at everyone in the process. Then, he coughed. He obviously seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting, because he rubbed his chin as if in deep thought, sighed, blinked, sighed again, and finally, just as Boromir and several others were about to burst into giggles, he bowed.

"First of all, I'd like to know if there is anyone here who knows Aikido."

A stunned silence followed. That had been unexpected. After a few moments, Gollum threw his hands in the air and began to bounce up and down, shouting, "We do! We do, Preciouss!"

"Geez, wouldn't have seen that coming..." Legolas muttered with a sigh. "Took him a while to 'process the request', as you mortals say, didn't -- ow! What did I do?" he asked, looking utterly miserable and rubbing his shoulder.

"Don't - ever - say that word in front of me again", I hissed back, "or I'll punch you again, and this time I won't hold back."

"Sorry..."

"You should be."

Meanwhile, Gollum had gotten tired of playing Humpty Dumpty and went back to his place as if nothing had happened. Haldir rolled his eyes. "Well? Ayone...?"

Aragorn raised his hand, "I know some martial arts, but I'm not sure if it's Aikido, or just--"

"It doesn't matter", Haldir cut in. "Anything will do... for a while", he added quizzically, casting a quick glance at me and the elf.

"But what do you need it for?" Arwen asked. "Did you decide to get slim all of a sudden? If so, I can be your fitness instructor, and--"

"I'd rather dine with a balrog", Haldir stated matter-of-factly. Arwen crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at her, which caused everyone to burst into giggles. Finally, after things settled down, Boromir calmly raised his hand. "Are you going to start this century?" he asked, as innocently as he could. "Because if you aren't, I'm going to go get myself a little snack..."

"As I was saying", Haldir resumed, looking slightly offended, "I asked this because, after I read my story, I'll need at least one bodyguard. Or two. Or five. The more the merrier - that's the saying, right?"

"Aw, c'mon, surely it isn't that bad? Or... is it?" Boromir asked hopefully.

"No idea", Haldir answered, shrugging his shoulders. "But it's better to be safe than sorry, right? This reminds me of another human saying, that goes--"

"Just get on with it, elf..." I cut in, rolling my eyes. "I'll see if I flay you or behead you afterwards."

"See?" Haldir whimpered. "All right then..." He sighed dramatically. "Here we go."

The tale of an unusual romance

"I like the title", Boromir whispered with a large grin.

I threw a pillow at him, "Shut up."

I'd been living with them - of course, you know who I'm talking about... - for some time now, and yet I couldn't figure any logic in what was going on for the world.

At first, they couldn't stand each other. She missed no opportunity to call him, 'Preppy Elven dandy', 'Chick magnet', 'Mister Vanity', or anything of the sort. On the other hand, he was more than annoyed at what he deemed 'a disrespectful and logic-defying attitude'. At that time, she was interested in a particular man - whose name I will not divulge for the sake of my own safety.

"What's he talking about?" Boromir asked, raising his eyebrows in my direction.

"Dunno", I answered half-heartedly. I had no idea how the elf had found out about that, but I was going to make him pay. Big time.

But the, something mysterious occurred, and all of a sudden he seemed to be slightly interested in her.

"What?" I whispered, dumbstruck. "I had no idea about--"

Next to me, the elf chocked.

It could have been her rebellious attitude, her beautiful voice, her new leather mini-skirt, or all of the three combined. But the certainty is that be began to watch her more closely, and the more he saw, the more he wanted to see.

"That didn't happen", Legolas muttered. "Well, not that way, anyway..."

And one night, cane the kiss that would change everything.

There was a collective gasp of surprise from the audience, and a miserable whimper from the elf. I patted him on the back comfortingly. "Don't worry", I whispered. "He'll suffer in the end. That, I promise you."

Although the reasons which had lead to it clearly had nothing to do with romance, but rather with a bargain that had something to do with embarrassing fanfics and Odeena's evil little sister. After this kiss - which was said to be dreamy for both - they grew fond of each other, and have been together ever since.

One might thing that this is where the story ends. However, there are still several things to be said. For instance, did you know that this had been Legolas' second true kiss? The first lucky lady had been--

"STOP!" Legolas shouted, bolting up. "You swore you'd never tell! Her father would kill me if--"

--a dark maiden from Rivendell, whose name I will not give away because I swore I never would and her father would kill the elf if he found out. On the other hand, this had also been Odeena's first enjoyable kiss, after--

"Say a word about you-know-who, and you'll be covered in pink bouncing elephants before you can say 'Balrog'", I advised calmly, although I was fuming inside.

--several unhappy experiences with a certain 'you-know-who'. And finally... I bet no-one knows that I was actually there and I saw the whole thing... Many thanks go to he-knows-who for lending me his Ring.

"That's it!" I shouted.

The end.

I jumped to my feet and tackled down Haldir - or rather, tried to tackle him, and ended up crashing on the floor, face first. Everyone else roared with laughter. Trying to preserve whatever little dignity I had left, I stood up, pretended to brush off the dust from my clothes, and then glared daggers at the elf. He didn't seem to be too impressed.

The usual cheers and applauses followed, while Haldir took several exaggerated bows. Finally, he got bored of all that and went back to his place with a smirk.

"Fine, elf", I muttered, resuming my story where I had left it. I had normally intended to write something funny and embarrassing about Legolas, but Haldir had really asked for it. "This means war. And you are going to lose it."

"Told you so..." Haldir whimpered, looking at Aragorn helplessly. The man shrugged.

"All righty..." Faramir cut in, resuming his attributions. "Who wants to be--"

"Me!" I threw my hand in the air. "I'm almost done!"

"I'm almost done, too..." Merry muttered miserably. "But don't mind me... As always, ladies first..."

"You got that right", Faramir answered. "All right then, you're next."

I grinned evilly and I rubbed my hands. "Haldir of Lorien", I muttered, "you're a dead elf."

Author's Note: (evilly) Well, did you like the chapter? I hope you did, because the next one is going to be mayhem, and I really mean that. A certain elf is going to suffer... :)). Sorry for the long wait, and thanks for bearing with me. Thanks for reviewing go to:

laer4572 - Nope, I didn't hurt myself when I fell... too badly :)). And I think that cookie had some sort of spell placed upon it...

Heaven Leigh Casteel The 2nd - Glad you do

Legolas's Girl 9 - Well, we have two things in common then - we're both blonde, and we both hate geometry...

Lendlaer - Thankies! I hate school, too...

ApocalypticPyro - Domo arigato goasimasu (...that's how you spell it, right? ). I'll update the Italy story next. Stay tuned!

Laer4572 (2) - Yup, I'm having lots of fun with this story! And the Fellowship hate me for it... Well, most of them anyway. (points to Boromir, who is wearing an 'I-love-you-Odeena' t-shirt)

Manwathiel - Thanks!

hornofgondor2 - Real life is evil indeed... Imaginary life is way cooler. Ne?

Kekelina - Don't worry, I'll save you from Arwen! (holds up a Manowar t-shirt)
Arwen: Aaaah! (covers her eyes and runs away screaming)
Hehe... that ought to teach her a lesson. As for the elf... well, I think he's had enough lessons. For now

Ciyen Navajo - Well, usually, I do read my chapters twice... but some mistakes kinda just slip . Anyway, if you want Eomer, he's all yours! Just be sure to keep him away from your fridge... he has the biggest appetite I've ever seen. He even beats Sam and Merry... Thanks for reviewing!

pestiset - Sorry for the wait... again... and... Yay! Mushrooms! (grabs the mushrooms and runs away with random lines like, 'Mine! Mine! All mine! Mwahahahah! )

PS: For news & updates on what's going on in my life and which 'fics I'm working on, check out my LiveJournal (you can find the link in my author profile). Huggies!