No school tomorrow so I stayed up late to finish this chapter.

Warning: This chapter does go into something that was hinted at in earlier chapters, which is that Neela has an eating disorder. Deals with bulimia, so if that makes you uncomfortable please don't read this chapter and I'll completely understand...although it doesn't go to into detail.

Disclaimer: Don't own it…ER that is.

It had been two days since she had moved back into the apartment and she was bored. She was bored due to the fact that after her collapse Lewis had declared that she wasn't allowed back to work for at least a week. At least it would give Pratt some time to cool off; apparently he had been worried but also extremely pissed off. Not that she blamed him, she would probably be pretty mad too if someone had passed out right when they were about to begin surgery.

At least not working did have a few ups, it turned out that getting your life back after destroying it was quite exhausting. But she was willing to work at it, waking up no longer seemed like a chore; in fact she rather liked it. Waking up meant that she was able to see Ray. Although he had been acting a bit odd lately…when he came home the first thing he did was check up on her and spend time with her…but he always had this look on his face. She couldn't figure it out. It was like he had a strong urge to ask her something but an even stronger urge not too. Strange…very strange.

Looking at the clock it turned out that Ray would be coming back in a few minutes. Pacing around she jumped when she heard the door open, even though she had been expecting it, it still caught her by surprise.

"Hey," he said hurriedly and rushed past her. "Go change."

Grinding her teeth she turned to glare at him, "Lovely greeting Ray, care to tell me why you're ordering me around?"

"I've got a gig in about twenty minutes and you're coming with me," he didn't pause as he rushed to his room.

"No I'm not!" she called after him.

"Yes you are," He reemerged a few seconds later, his appearance altered slightly. Ripped jeans, black shirt, the works. It amazed her how he could get ready so fast. It also amazed her how incredibly hot her roommate looked.

"No, I'm really not," she stood up straighter and cocked an eyebrow.

"Sorry babe, but you're with me tonight. You've been holing up here for long enough and besides, someone needs to baby sit you," he winked at her.

"I beg your pardon? Cooped up is more like it, and for your information you're the one in dire need of a baby sitter…besides, I rather like sitting up here all day."

"Which is why you're getting out, I don't like you being by yourself all the time," his voice had turned serious and she frowned.

"I'm not by myself all the time, just while you're at work."

"Uh huh…doesn't matter though, you're coming."

"Am not."

"Are too, now please go change," he crossed his arms and fixed her with his stare.

"Since you asked so nicely," she gave him one more scowl before doing as he said. The nerve of him…coming in and demanding that she go with him. Oh well…she did have to admit that it would be better than sitting around the apartment.

Stripping off her sweat pants and camisole top she pulled on a pair jeans and a black halter top, throwing her hair haphazardly in a messy bun. It was good enough for her, she wasn't looking to impress anyone…she hadn't been a fashion freak before and that certainly hadn't changed any. Grabbing her make up she threw on some mascara and eyeliner, a bit surprised by large her eyes looked and how gaunt she was. Maybe Ray was right, maybe she did look like she needed food…although she really didn't look that bad.

Emerging slowly from her room, she took her time making her way to the door, laughing inwardly at Ray's annoyance. It was his fault for telling her to go in the first place. "Care to speed it up a bit?" he sounded irritated and she smiled innocently, "No thank you."

Rolling his eyes he let her out the door first, locking it behind them, "and you accuse me of being childish."

The rest of the band was already setting up when they got to the club, Ray gave Neela a one armed hug and leaned into her, "Try to have some fun, all right?"

"Mmm…what is this fun you speak of?"

"Cute Neela, cute. Just promise you won't sulk in a corner somewhere, all right?"

"I'm glad you have such confidence in me…"

"Just promise," he wrapped his arm tighter around her neck and she grimaced.

"I will if you promise to kindly remove your arm from me," she quipped and he let go of her. "All right, I promise that I will not find a corner to sulk in…happy?"

"Yes, I am," he gave her one last exasperated look and then joined his buddies on the stage.

True to her word, Neela didn't find some obscure seat but instead made her way toward the stage. Sidestepping people she felt rather uncomfortable, there was no one around her that she knew, but that wouldn't matter in a moment. Not when she heard the song that they were playing. The first rift was seemed so familiar…then Ray started to sing…and Neela felt herself being drawn even closer.

It was a song he had sung to her a few nights before she had moved out. She hadn't been able to sleep, tossing and turning until finally she gave up on it. Apparently she had made enough noise to wake up Ray because he had staggered sleepily into her room. When she had refused to talk to him he had simply shrugged and left, the next thing she knew he was leaning against her door playing his guitar and singing softly…he had managed to lull her to sleep that night…and it was the only time during that period that she had been content.

All around her people were moving to the music but she remained still, eyes fixed on her roommate. He caught her gaze and held it, continuing his song; she knew then that he sang it for her. It made her wonder if he knew, knew how she felt about him. Suddenly it hit her, the reason that he looked like he always wanted to ask her something. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Oh God, turning around she bolted for the bar, needing to sit down and think things through.

The letter…in her letter she had told Michael that she loved someone else. Ray had read it. She loved Ray. But she had never told Ray. And Ray didn't know. Meaning that Ray was probably wondering who it was that she was in love with. Did he know? Or did he think that it was some other guy that he didn't know about…and she had thought everything was back to normal. Wasn't this just great…

Her musings were interrupted by a familiar voice, "Hey there Doc."

"Oh, hi Bret," she muttered, still preoccupied. The band it seemed was taking a break, she hadn't even realized she had been sitting that long…Ray would no doubt have something to say about her going into hiding.

"What…that's all I get?" Bret sat down beside her, "So, how've you been?" He was looking at her carefully, his words cautious.

"I'm erm…fine now, thanks." Obviously Ray had told him about her moving out and probably about her being a complete mess for the past months. Bret had spoken with her briefly after Michael's funeral and had been very sympathetic. It was clear that he had finally completely understood her band-aid comment…

"That's good to hear, I was worried about you…haven't seen you in a while," he was avoiding looking directly at her but she could hear genuine concern in his voice.

"Well, it's all over now," she smiled at him and he grinned back.

"That's good to hear…"

They were silent for a moment and both took the time to spot Ray making his way over to them. It appeared that his coming was slowed by the fact that several blondes had seemed to have attached themselves to his arm. Neela felt her cheeks color slightly, and she turned back to Bret.

"So, how have things been with you?"

He shrugged, "Pretty good, nothing to complain about…hey…you look a little different, did you lose some weight?" Reaching over he pinched her side lightly and she swatted his hand away.

"Some, but that can be taken either as a complement or an insult to how I used to look."

Grinning, he shrugged, "You look good, that's all."

"No, she looks like she needs a giant double cheeseburger," having shaken off the multiple girls, Ray had appeared next to them.

Bret raised an eyebrow, "Or that."

Rolling her eyes Neela faced him, "Yes Ray, you've already told me that before…but look at them," she motioned to the girls who had previously been clinging to him. "They're much thinner than I could ever be."

Ray looked at her in surprise and disbelief, "Neela, you're a stick compared to them, seriously."

In truth Neela still felt inferior compared to the girls they were talking about. She had always felt inferior, not that it had ever bothered her. She had been happy with the way she was, but now…she remembered the way the jeans she was wearing were once skin tight…tonight they looked much too large on her. Hmm…it was actually an improvement when she thought about it.

Turning to his friend Ray nudged him, "Tell her she needs to eat more." Obediently Bret repeated this to her.

This was beginning to get a bit old, she was glad that Ray cared about her but really, he was acting just a tad over protective. "God Ray, can you just leave me alone? I'm perfectly fine!"

"That's what you said before."

She had to admit that he did have a point there… "All right, but honestly Ray, I'm fine now and you know it."

"Really, then why are you still not eating," he said pointedly.

Bret had been silently watching the exchange but he finally stepped in, "Hey you guys, umm…maybe this isn't the place to talk about this stuff…you know?"

"Exactly, especially since there's nothing wrong," standing Neela headed for the door. "I'll see you back at the apartment. Nice talking to you again Bret."

Standing in front of the mirror, Neela turned to the side and then to the front. She didn't see anything wrong with her; in fact she looked a lot better than she ever had. Maybe she didn't have anything to feel inferior about anymore. Besides, she was a doctor, she would know if there was something wrong with her. It was NOT an eating disorder, she just hadn't been hungry that was all.

Ray opened the door to the apartment, depositing his stuff on the couch he stumbled tiredly into the kitchen. Surprised he had to do a double take, an empty plate sat on the table…it seemed Neela had finally gotten hungry enough to eat. His surprise escalated a few seconds later when he found the bathroom door cracked and the shower running. Neela would never leave the door open while taking a shower, never. Not even if she knew for certain he wasn't home.

"Neela?" he called out, not receiving an answer he weighed his options. Open the door and hope she wasn't in the shower or else she'd most likely kill him…or open the door and hope she was in the shower rather than doing what he prayed she wasn't. Without any more hesitation he pushed the door open and promptly swore.

Hearing his abrupt entrance Neela straightened wiping her mouth, preparing herself for the onslaught she knew was about to come. She had never seen Ray so angry before, his eyes seemed to grow darker and he straightened, barring the doorway completely.

"What the hell were you just doing? Hmm? Care to explain, because frankly it looks pretty self explanatory to me."

She wouldn't let him do this, she wouldn't, "Get out Ray, you have no right—"

"You lied to me Neela, you told me you were fine. I didn't believe you but I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt," he had to raise his voice of the pattering of the shower and he left his post to shut it off irritably. "Why turn the shower on if I wasn't home, huh? Why turn it on if you weren't doing anything wrong?"

Why had she turned it on? Oh yeah. Because she had been afraid that something like this would happen. Too bad she hadn't made sure the door was shut completely. Had she not thrown up the entire contents of her stomach moments before, she was pretty sure she would have done so now. She felt ashamed, not only at herself for doing what she did but also because she was defending it…and she wanted to defend it…

Suddenly Ray grabbed her wrist, wrapping his thumb and forefinger around it, "Look at this! How long have you been doing this? How long!" His voice had risen despite the fact that everything was now silent.

"I haven't been doing this! Just now! But it's none of your damn business anyways," yanking her hand away she pushed passed him but he followed her out.

"It is my business, you're my friend Neela not only that but I'm a doctor. I can't sit around and watch someone slowly kill themselves, especially not someone I care about," his eyes locked on to hers but she didn't back down.

"I am not slowly killing myself, and I'm a doctor too so I know that there isn't anything wrong. I just haven't eaten so much in a while and I felt a bit ill, that's all," her voice had become calm and she held his gaze.

"No that's not all," frustrated Ray ran a hand through his hair, "God Neela, you know what this is called."

Narrowing her eyes she crossed her arms, "Do enlighten me."

"Try bulimia," he spat.

"I'd say that's a misdiagnosis."

"And I'd say you're in denial."

They glared at each other. "I am not in denial," she hissed, "Bulimia nervosa is classified by binging and then purging because the person believes they have a weight problem. I don't believe I have a weight problem."

"But you don't mind looking like you do now, do you," he said it as a statement…a statement she knew to be true. "Just admit you have an eating disorder Neela, you need help."

"I don't have one, so quit pestering me about it, my God Ray, you're so bloody annoying," she strode off to her room and slammed the door but he followed soon after. Shutting the door behind him he locked it and she froze. "Ray, unlock my door," she sounded nervous, having no idea what Ray was up to.

"No, do you know why? Because we're going to get through this, I'm not letting you ignore me this time. You're going to listen to what I have to say, understand?"

Knowing that there was no way around it she finally gave in, "Fine." Allowing herself to fall back on her bed she stared at the ceiling, "Well, get on with it." Suddenly Ray was lying next to her, propped up on his elbow so he was facing her.

"Just tell me the truth Neela, what's going on with you…I want to know," his voice was so soft that she could feel her resolve falling to pieces.

"Nothing…I mean, you know that I haven't been eating because of the letters…it was like I wasn't hungry anymore…and then tonight when we went out and what you said to me at the bar, and what you've been telling me…I decided maybe you were right. So I ate and then I felt so…heavy…and insecure…and then you came in…" she closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to face him.

"I think you need to see someone," he said at last. It was something that he had been thinking about for a long while, luckily he had managed to help her before but this was something completely different.

Neela's eyes snapped open and she sat up, "What d'you mean?"

Sighing he sat up too, "I think it'll do you some good if you see someone about it."

"I'm a doctor Ray!" she was completely mortified by his suggestion not only that but it scared her. "You're a doctor, you can fix it," her eyes were large and she sounded exactly like an innocent child. "Come on Ray, you can help me. We're both doctors, I know it can be fixed. I don't need to see anyone about it."

It was tearing him up, all of this was tearing him up, what she was doing to herself to what he was telling her…but he wouldn't leave…he couldn't…because he loved her. "I'm a doctor in the emergency room Neela," he said slowly, "I can't help you with this…you need to see a nutritionist or psychologist…"

Anger slowly worked its way into her, why the hell wasn't he helping? Why wasn't he going to help her? "Ray…" No…she couldn't lash out…not this time…right now she needed him, she didn't need to drive him away. She was never very good at controlling her temper, especially with Ray, but right now she needed too. "Ray, please. Just try…and if it doesn't work…then I'll go…but try first Ray…"

He groaned inwardly, she knew exactly how to get to him. Her pleading with him and the look on her face…God, he couldn't say no to her. Even though he didn't specialize in this kind of thing he was pretty sure he could help her through it. Neela, if she was willing, was definitely smart enough to know how to deal with this if he helped her along. "All right…but if you don't improve within a few weeks, I'm going to make you see someone and no amount of pouting is going to change that."

"Deal."

"Good."

More than a little surprised when she suddenly reached out for a hug he was none the less happy. Neela surprised herself too…but she had changed…what had happened to Michael had changed her…the time she had spent in that hospital bed had changed her…Ray was proving to be much more than she had ever thought and she knew now that without him she would probably slowly have killed herself.

"Thank you…" She couldn't say it enough, the other word she wanted to say was sorry…sorry for being such a burden to him. First her months of not functioning properly and now this, right when she had thought her problems were over, so much for being completely back to normal. She was a bloody doctor for God's sake, yet she had let herself deny the fact that not eating was problem…and that throwing it up afterwards was a definite problem.

Gently Ray leaned backwards until he was lying down and she was resting on top of him. Pushing away the thoughts of the other man in her letter, now was not the time to think about that. He breathed her in, loving the way she seemed to fit so perfectly against him. "You're welcome," he said finally.

I'm not to happy with the last few paragraphs but it'll have to do as I can barely keep my eyes open. I hope you guys liked it even if it was kind of…eh…depressing? Can't think of the right word…need sleep…

Please review!

And thank you to everyone who has reviewed my previous chapters, you guys make me happy :-)