Sorry it took so long, you guys have probably forgotten about it by now but here it is…the last chapter…dun dun dunnn…
Disclaimer: Don't own ER or the characters, nope not me!
Now that I think back I realize how much I've changed…and how much of the credit goes to one person…Ray Barnett. I let my life fall apart and I was too much of a coward to face it, to face the truth and to deal with it. I ran…and I hid…but Ray found me and brought me back. He could have left me…given up on me the way I wanted him too…but I'm glad now that he didn't.
I thought that it was my fault, all of it my fault…Michael's was death my fault…but it wasn't. Ray showed me that. I'm free now from that guilt, it's been reduced to ashes and washed away. I'll never forget Michael…even if I didn't love him in that way I cared about him; I don't want it to seem that I threw him away for Ray.
Ray…it took me forever to admit that I loved him…to open my feelings to him…I was ready too until Michael's letter…but that time I spent in the hospital scared me…made me realize just how much I needed him. He made his feelings clearer than mine in the way that he tried so hard to fit my life back together and stuck with me through everything.
I also came to find that my eating habits were as Ray would put it "a death wish," and with his help I fixed them. I have to admit that I found I actually missed eating; food tastes good again…especially when Ray and I cook together…well…more like I cook and he burns things. Although sometimes I look in a mirror and find myself wishing I were back to being as thin as I was when I was "sick," but I won't go back to that ever again. I like myself too much the way I am now.
Everything is back to normal in a way…we still live in the apartment, Ray still plays with his band although I now manage to suffer through all his gigs …and when I go to his shows I even make an attempt with my clothes, though I still refuse to wear the skanky shirt Abby made me buy…I'm sorry to say but skanky is the only word to describe it as it closely resembles a rather sparkly piece of miniscule black cloth held up with dental floss. In other words there's no way I'd ever put it on…although if Ray got down on his knees and begged, which I believe he's close to doing, I may consider it.
Things are different too…the whole ER now has confirmed that we're officially together…and they all seem to find it amusing…just because Abby, Kovac, and Pratt walked in just as Ray slapped my ass gives them no right to laugh…no right at all…immature the lot of them.
Ray stayed to pick up the pieces and I'm glad of it. I can face the future now, because I know that Ray will be there with me.
I finished it…finished…wow…that's a first. Yay! Anyways, once I finish all my senior project stuff I'll start writing some more. Please review and let me know what you thought of it :-)
A huge THANK YOU to all who reviewed...seriously...you guys made me so incredibly happy :D