SMOKE
fanfic by volly
final fantasy vii (c) square enix

...
chapter two: underneath the smoke in the room
...

where are you dad?
mum's looking sad
what's up with that?
it's dark in here

"Zack!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's me," Zack tucked a few rampant bangs behind an ear--they'd been knocked loose from his hasty ponytail by Cloud's collision. "Hey Cloud, you really should watch where you're going. Running right into people like that isn't very polite."

Cloud nearly snarled and Zack quirked a brow. "Hey, something wrong?"

But he knew the answer before Cloud even opened his mouth. He should've known. Today was the finals, wasn't it? The SOLDIER exams. "Did you pass?"

The younger teen whirled, preparing to storm off. Zack's emotional insight was comforting at times, but he didn't feel like dealing with it right now. He didn't even flinch when Zack's hand closed around his wrist and simply snapped venomously, "Fuck off."

"It's not a big deal, Cloud. You can retest--"

"Go away." Cloud wrenched himself out of Zack's grip and sped his pace, burying himself into a mob of people rushing by. He didn't want Zack's pity, the pity of a first-class who probably never had any problems passing the SOLDIER exam. He didn't want anything, didn't want anything except for a sudden bout of amnesia, perhaps, a strong enough amnesia to completely wipe out everything that had happened that evening, when he had returned to his dormitory and eagerly ripped open the letter lying on his pillow...

Actually, he took that thought back. He'd like to wipe out his whole life. He'd like to wipe out all the failure, the inadequacy, the disappointment.

"Aw, Cloud! Come on!" Zack cursed as he pushed his way through the early night-shoppers of Midgar. "Sorry! Coming through! Damnit!" For the life of him, he couldn't see why Cloud was so upset. Plenty of recruits didn't make it, but they could still stay in SOLDIER and become a common grunt or private.

Cloud was putting up a good fight. Zack brushed his way out of the traffic, growling with annoyance. To his dismay, the blond was nowhere to be seen. "What the...?" Confused, he ran a hand through his hair, Mako-silver eyes scanning the scene before him, which was conspicuously empty of fleeing teens.

"Well, that's great," with a sigh, Zack studied the streets. Cloud had been running north, hadn't he? To SOLDIER campus. Maybe he was going to the gymnasium. Shrugging, Zack adjusted the belt holding the Buster Sword to his back. "It's worth a try, I guess."

Hurriedly he made his way through the grounds, coming to a stop in front of the gym doors. He stepped inside rather hesitantly, however. "Er...Cloud?"

Something slammed into him forcefully, and he grunted as he was knocked against the wall, pinned under a certain furious blond. Wincing a bit at the second collision in mere minutes, Zack warily looked up at his enraged friend. "Yeah, I'm glad to see you, too."

"Know what I failed?" Cloud's voice was a soft, hungry whisper. "Know what I failed, Zack? It was the physical. The physical test." With a fluid motion, the youth leaned across Zack, drawing out the Buster Sword free from behind the man's back. Zack flinched, and for a fleeting moment he thought Cloud would draw the blade across his throat right then and there.

Cloud still held the gigantic steel beast unsteadily, even with all the training Zack had given him. Or perhaps it was his anger that prevented him from keeping the blade still. Zack yelped when the edge bounced on his chin, and would've clapped one hand on the stinging wound if he wasn't afraid of having his knuckles sliced off. "Hey, watch it! Cloud? Cloud!" He panicked slightly at the look in Cloud's azure eyes--they were glazed over with unnatural fury. "Slap out of it, man! It's me!"

"I failed the physical," Cloud repeated yet again, seemingly unaware of how closely he held Zack's sword to its owner's neck. "I'm not strong enough. I never was. It's always about strength, always about power. I just don't have enough!"

"Nonsense. Maybe you're not ready yet, that's perfectly--gah!" Zack gasped when the tip of his weapon dug once again into his chin, slicing across the first gash in a perfect x.

"Never good enough," Cloud hissed, ignoring the thin vein of blood seeping down his friend's chin and throat. "You're wrong, Zack. It's all about power in the end. That's all that matters to them. All that matters to everyone."

"Hey, Cloud, come on..." Zack tried to buck the other off, without success. Dimly he realized that Cloud had somehow pinned his wrists to the wall with one hand, and that the other was holding the Buster by itself. Amazing...not many could hold Zack's blade one-handedly. Apparently Cloud's newfound madness had manifested itself into strength. Cloud's knees were on either side of his thighs, preventing Zack from kicking him off. Zack sucked in a breath--all the techniques he'd taught the younger boy were being put to use, and against his teacher of all people...!

Zack's thrashing caused Cloud to jerk erratically. Zack stopped when the Buster bobbed awkwardly in Cloud's grip, and gave a gasp when it lightly grazed his neck. "Cloud, get off it!"

And the Buster Sword dropped to the floor with a metallic explosion of sound. Cloud blinked twice at Zack's petrified expression, the fog lifting from his gaze. Slowly he turned his stare to the weapon he had just dropped, then to each of Zack's new injuries.

"Um...Cloud?"

But Cloud tore himself away and flew through the doors. Zack struggled up, stifling an oath as he pulled a muscle in his haste. Snatching up his trusty sword--and pointedly ignoring the new scarlet stains it wore on its blade--he ran after Cloud, grabbing at the other's wrist.

Cloud let Zack drag him to the nearest bench and sit him down. He drew in a shuddering breath when Zack turned sharply glowing eyes on himself. "Yes?"

"What was that all about?"

"I...don't know," Cloud fidgeted, playing with the collar of his gloves and pulling his gaze from that of Zack's brilliant silver one. "I'm really sorry," he offered lamely.

"I'd be surprised if you weren't." Zack gingerly touched his wounded chin for the first time, grimacing when he withdrew his hand to watch the red dripping slowly from his fingers. "Well, it could've been worse." Yeah, you could've killed me, he added, but kept the thought to himself. No need to add to the kid's pile of guilt--Cloud wasn't himself when he committed the act.

"I take it that you didn't pass the finals. You still have options, though,"

Cloud didn't speak. He twitched when Zack laid a hand on his shoulder. "But that can come later. Cloud, what happened?"

He exhaled sharply, letting his wrath get the better of him again. "Stop trying to analyze me, Zack. Stop trying to help. Stop...just stop doing whatever it is you're doing."

"What am I doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Cloud laughed, but it was a cold and empty one. "Being nice to me. Trying to understand the person who almost beheaded you just then."

"Hey, I know that's not your fault. You're really upset, Cloud. Tell me why." Zack frowned, glancing at the setting sun. The vermilion globe cast long, clawing shadows across the faces of the two youths on the bench. On a sudden thought, Zack stood up, tugging Cloud with him. "Actually--tell you what, Cloud. I'll take you to my place. We can talk better there."

"But..."

"No excuses, Cloud. Come on, man. There's no need to be scared of me." Zack looked over his shoulder at the blank expression on Cloud's face. "I'm willing to listen."

...
collapse
...

Cloud kicked at the bright leaves. Autumn had come, the season of blazing red and gold and orange. The leaves were everywhere, and though the other children had seen them as an endless source of entertainment, Cloud saw the fallen foliage as nothing more than a hindrance and eyesore.

"Boo!" Someone jumped out at him from behind some shrubbery. Cloud didn't even flinch, but grumbled in irritation.

"Go away, Tifa."

"Why? Gods, Cloud, you're so moody. All the time, too. Doesn't it get BORING?" Tifa gave a childish giggle, before scooping up a large pile of leaves off the ground and dumping it in Cloud's fluffy hair.

Cloud groaned. "Why don't you go and play with your other friends and leave me alone?" He shook his head, dislodging Tifa's leaves and watching as the fiery-hued flakes floated down around him like drops of crimson rain.

"I wanna show you something." Tifa skipped a few paces into the forest. "Wanna come, huh?"

"No."

As expected, Tifa ignored Cloud's rejection and grabbed his hand. He tried to jerk away halfheartedly, but she merely laughed and tugged him into the woods with her. Cloud gave a sigh and allowed himself to be dragged along to wherever the girl was heading.

Tifa flew through the woods, feet barely touching down upon the leafy forest floor. Cloud very nearly ran into a tree, before being jerked away by Tifa's momentum as she danced skillfully through the maze of tree trunks. "Where are we going, Tifa?"

"If I tell you, I'll spoil it, won't I?" Tifa laughed, but, like Cloud expected, broke down. The girl couldn't hold a secret for her life. "Alright, I'll tell you--it's a Mako reactor, I swear. It's all ancient and rusty and stuff, it's awesome!"

"A Mako reactor?" Cloud brightened. Anything vaguely SOLDIER-related was fine by him.

"Yeah! It's just past this bridge!" Tifa pulled her brakes so sharply that Cloud ran into her; she didn't give off any warning whatsoever. Reddening, he could only glare at the other youngster when she laughed. "Hah! Cloud, you look so adorable when you're blushing!"

"I'm not blushing!"

"Whatever you say." Still hiccupping a bit from laughing, Tifa gestured at the rather rickety bridge that was strung across the ravine. "Beware, here. This cliff's really steep, take a look."

And Cloud did. He stepped back from the ledge, feeling a bit queasy. "You sure that bridge's reliable? It looks really old."

She giggled. "Don't be silly! I've crossed it before, haven't I?"

"Um...okay." Intuition plucked at Cloud's chest, but he ignored the nagging warning in his head. "Just be careful, Tifa...there're two of us this time."

"Hn. Shouldn't matter too much." Tifa nimbly stepped onto the bridge. In no time at all, she had crossed the halfway point. The girl glanced back at her friend, hair whipping about her neck in a stylish fashion. "Come on, Cloud! Didn't figure you to be such a worrier."

That did it. Cloud began to cross. It didn't seem too hard, he supposed, once you stopped looking down. He had already passed the halfway mark.

And that was when the bridge snapped. The ropes broke off from one end, letting the chain of planks swing forwards to crash against the opposite side of the fissure, much as many bridges were apt to do. Cloud gasped, quickly snatching at the edge of one wooden board with one hand. Tifa screamed, dashing forwards, trying to make it out.

She nearly did, too. But the bridge whipped out swiftly from beneath her feet and she fell, groping for a handhold. Cloud snapped out his free hand and grabbed her by the wrist. "Tifa!"

"Cloud!" she breathed. "Don't let go, please don't let go..."

But it was no use. She slipped out of Cloud's weak grip, and plummeted down with a cry. Cloud reached out, trying to catch her hand again, but only grasping air. "No! TIFA!"

There was no answer. Shutting his eyes against the sudden upwelling of tears that sprang up, Cloud turned back to his own predicament. Swinging his other arm up, he tugged himself up to solid ground, gasping for breath and looking around wildly. What could he do? Tifa was lying on the bottom of the gorge. Could there be another way down? Could he help some other way?

"HELP!" Cloud took a few deep breaths, before sticking two fingers in his mouth and emitting a shrill whistle. "HELP US!"

It seemed like forever until a disgruntled logger burst out of the vegetation, grumbling. "What're you screechin' 'bout, boy!"

"It's my friend!" Cloud screamed. This time he couldn't help it when tears began to snake down his cheeks. "She's really hurt! Down there, at the bottom!"

The man looked cautiously over the face of the cliff and gave a start. "Holy...! I'll get help!" And with that, he dashed off, leaving Cloud alone on the other side of the canyon with his regret and broken confidence.

Tifa lay spread-eagled on the ground, dress splayed out around her body. The liquid trickling out from between her lips was the same color as the leaves that she had so recently piled in Cloud's hair.

"Tifa...I'm so sorry..."

...
/collapse
...

"I could have saved her if I was stronger," Cloud whispered.

Zack had said nothing throughout Cloud's story, but now blinked and stretched. "Don't blame yourself, Cloud. You did your best, right? You probably couldn't have pulled her up anyways--you were a kid, after all."

Cloud stared blankly at his friend. Zack exhaled, leaning back in his chair. "Think of it this way--you still helped get her back home safely. Without your quick thinking, she could've died or something down there. What injuries did she get?"

"Broken collarbone. Broken ribs. Broken leg. Bruises, scratches, moderate blood loss." Cloud stared miserably at the mug of tea sitting on the tabletop. Zack had provided, urging him to drink. It would soothe him, but he felt too weak emotionally and physically to even lift the cup. "They didn't seem to think so, anyways."

"They? Think what?"

"Tifa's parents. And all the other kids in Nibelheim." Cloud closed his eyes. He couldn't cry, not in front of Zack. "They seemed to think that I stood around and did nothing, didn't try to help. It wasn't true, but the result is the same, anyways. She nearly snapped her neck, she could've died. When they carried her away, she was unconscious."

"What did you do afterwards? Did Tifa wake up?"

Cloud shook his head miserably. "I don't know. I ran away to Midgar to sign up for SOLDIER. I was confused. I had broken my promise."

"Promise?" Zack arched a brow. "What of?"

"I...I promised to protect Tifa when we were a bit younger. She said that when I was in SOLDIER I could protect her." Cloud's hands fisted up, and he glared at the wooden surface of Zack's table. "I couldn't save her in Nibelheim. So I went to join SOLDIER. I was going to be strong, stronger so that I could help her the next time she got into trouble.

"But I failed. I failed the finals. It was the physical that did me in--I wasn't strong enough. I'm always the weak one, always falling short of what really matters. I'm never good enough. Now I can't become a SOLDIER, can't protect Tifa. What would she say? I did promise her, but now I don't think I can keep it."

"Tifa wouldn't mind, I'm sure. She sounds like a nice, understanding girl." Zack sipped his own tea, staring balefully at Cloud until he sighed and did the same. "I'm sure she knows that you did your best in trying to catch her, and that you'll do your best in holding up your promise. As for SOLDIER, you can still become a grunt, Cloud. And you can retest next year, you know. There's still a chance."

"And when I fail again? I'll always fail, Zack. I'm never good enough."

"You won't fail, Cloud. I won't let you." Zack smiled. "You'll have me to help you. Every free moment I have will be spent training with you. You'll do fine with me by your side, I swear. You'll pass the finals the second time, and Tifa'll be proud of you. You know, I'm actually surprised that you failed, especially with that one-handed stunt you pulled back in the gym."

Cloud lowered his gaze shamefully. "I'm really sorry about that. You're alright, aren't you?"

Zack chuckled, rubbing at the bandage over his chin. "Yeah, of course. I should thank you, really. I'll probably get a really sexy scar from that incident."

Cloud reddened and diverted his gaze to the ground, mumbling something under his breath. Zack ruffled Cloud's hair. "What's that? I'm handsome enough as it is?"

"Conceited git," Cloud muttered, but didn't remove his friend's hand. He glanced out the apartment window, where the moon hung elegantly in the dark expanse of sky. The stars only served to remind him of the night of his promise, however, and he sighed. "It's late. I should be getting back to my dormitory."

"Hey, you don't have to. It's the night after exam results, you know?" Zack nearly punched himself when he saw Cloud's expression, and mentally berated himself for bringing the subject up again. "What I mean is that people'll be throwing parties all around campus. I've seen it before--it's a sort of tradition for all new SOLDIERs to drink themselves unconscious. It's fun, but it gives you one hell of a hangover. You probably don't want to be back in your room tonight, buddy. They'll keep you up with bar chants until morning."

"Where else can I stay?"

"Why, here, of course." Zack grinned playfully, looping an arm around Cloud's neck. Cloud flushed considerably, struggling a bit to remove Zack's loose hold. "What, are you scared? Of little old me?"

"Um...no! Of course not!"

"Well, then, what's to worry about? We're friends, right? Besides, it'll be a lot quieter in here than back in your dorm, trust me. Your roommates won't miss you; they'll be busy getting as drunk as they possibly could."

"Uh..."

"What did you say, Cloud? Yes? Mmkay, that's settled, then." Zack released Cloud's neck at last, laughing at the blond's bemused expression.

"Do I sleep on the couch?"

"What? Did I hear you correctly? You don't want to share the bed?" Zack chortled at Cloud's shocked face. "Nah, just kidding. You can have the couch, if I can find some extra blankets. You hungry, Cloud? There's junk in the fridge, help yourself. I'll go look for some pillows and stuff." With that, Zack stalked off. Cloud stared after him, before turning back to the table and downing his tea. He considered Zack's offer of food, but disregarded it. He wasn't very hungry, and the night had given him a lot to think over.

Zack would help him train? Cloud couldn't help but frown slightly, forcibly reminded of the first time he met the first-class SOLDIER. Hadn't he thought of using Zack for the exact same reason? Was this unfair? Was it giving him an advantage over the other recruits aiming for a retest?

"Aw, crap. No blankets anywhere or anything," Zack returned, scowling. "I swear, I thought Reno had returned all my sleeping bags and stuff. Is he still on stakeout?"

"Who's Reno?" Cloud inquired, clasping his empty mug in both hands.

"A friend. He's a Turk. You might meet him one day." Zack shrugged one shoulder, letting himself sink down into the sofa's cushions. "Should've known better than to lend him my stuff--he's too forgetful, the little twit." But suddenly he brightened. "I guess this means you'll be sleeping in the bed with me, eh?"

"Wha--!"

"Hey, don't do that, Cloud. It's not as if I'm going to molest you or anything, mmkay?" Zack momentarily reconsidered this. "Well, I won't if you don't want me to, at least."

"Zack!"

"Just kidding! It doesn't take much to make you blush, eh, Cloud?" Zack grinned as he led the blond to the bedroom. "There's toothpaste and stuff in the bathroom. I think I can find you a new toothbrush, hang on..."

Zack's room was messy. Cloud stared in astonishment at the heaps of clothes that lay hapzardedly about, as well as the numerous books that were strewn around the vicinity. Zack's Buster Sword lay across the bed, wrapped hastily in a towel. Obviously the dark-haired SOLDIER didn't wash the blood off it yet, as Cloud could see red stains coloring the dim white of the cloth. Picking up the heavy weapon, Cloud carried it into the restroom, where Zack was still deeply engaged in his search for a new toothbrush.

"Okay, I found one! Hey, what are you doing?" Zack blinked at Cloud, who was running water from the shower over the gleaming sword. "I could do that, Cloud."

"I was the one who caused this."

"Don't beat yourself up. You were upset."

"It's the least I can do, right? Washing your sword?" Cloud rubbed the towel over the blade, running his palm over the glassy hoar-gray surface. "Okay, that's done. Good as new."

"Thanks, Cloud. Now let's get ready for bed, huh?"

And they did. Cloud curled up under the thick sheets, shivering a bit, though not in cold. Zack's slender fingers ran down his neck and spine gently. The blond closed his eyes, enjoying the warm sensation that had somehow transferred itself from Zack's calloused fingertips to the rest of his body, washing over him in a soothing wave. It couldn't block out the memories, though.

"You're too tense, Cloud. You blame yourself too easily for things out of your control."

The teen nodded miserably. "It's just...just a feeling. I just keep on thinking that I could have saved her, that I can save her still if I passed."

Zack sighed, pulling the blond closer and wrapping his arms around Cloud's smaller body. Cloud was trembling almost uncontrollably, enveloped in the ghosts of his thoughts of the past. "Cloud...it's not your fault."

Cloud huddled into Zack's hug. "I know," he whispered. But he didn't believe it, even as he said it.

...
author's notes
...

Yay! OMG! I got a flame. :)

"You've got to be kidding me. Cloud/Zack is the cutest FF7 pairing? If this were something with their great friendship I WOULD HAVE LIKED IT! THIS SUCKED! Waste of my freaken time. Thank for Nothing!"

Thanks so much for my very first flame. I'll always treasure it! However, I couldn't help but notice a few surface errors...mind if I correct them for you?

"You're so right. Cloud/Zack is definitely the cutest FF7 pairing of all time. This showed the beginnings of their great friendship quite clearly and didn't have any explicit romantic scenes at all SO I LOVE IT! THIS RULES! I'm so glad to be killing time by reading this fanfiction. Thanks for everything!"

I hope you liked my revisions. ;D