A/N: I was bored last night, so I decided to write this. Just a small oneshot about Kate and her emotions, and why she never let them out.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost… the nice people in the white coats told me that… I also don't own "Cry For A Shadow", played by the Beatles, and the rights owned by that damn Michael Jackson.
Cry For A ShadowBy FanOfLost
October 23rd-24th, 2005
Kate sighed as the warm waters of the nearby ocean flew over her feet. She loved high tide. When she was a little girl, her mother used to take her to the beach, and they'd always play tag with the cascading waters, screaming every time they were caught. A while later, her mother would bring out the picnic basket from out of the old Jeep, and they'd lie on the beach eating their turkey sandwiches.
One time, a couple days after her father had died, Kate had fled to the beach in tears, the old Wrangler leaving dust in its wake. Later that night, Diane had come up and sat by her daughter.
Kate had just lain there silently, staring at the stars. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and her eyes screamed for her father.
Her mother had wiped the tear away from Kate's cheek, and smiled, even though it probably hurt. "Katie, you can't cry for a shadow that isn't there."
"… But you do." Kate protested, looking up at her mother, "You cried when dad died, too," Her brown eyes were so alluring that maybe Diane had found it quite hard to lie.
"Because I'll never be as strong as you, Katie," She had given her daughter a hollow smile, and hugged her loosely.
Kate smiled as the wind whipped around her hair, and small whispers of the familiar breeze greeted her as she sat down. The sky was as cloudless as that day long ago, the sun just as wonderful. The trees swayed their leaves as a hello to her, and a few brisk waves of sand tried to cover her feet unsuccessfully.
She gulped down a couple breaths of air, and watched the massive waves hit the beach. Monsoon season was soon coming, and Jack would lose his head if any more trouble knocked on his doorstep. Kate had admired how well he handled everything, and she had few qualms about it.
A sudden memory of Diane in the hospital smacked Kate in the mind, and she winced physically at it. She remembered the room number; it was hard to forget, #423.
Kate had snuck in the small Seattle window of the local hospital down at the place where she had grown up. Her face had been covered in tears, after losing Tom, and she needed the emotional support of her mother.
It was as if Diane had been waiting for her. As soon as Kate re-locked the latch on the window, a raspy, yet cold, voice had made its way to her ears.
"I've been waiting for you, Katie. I'm surprised you didn't come sooner."
"Mom, I—" Kate got cut off by the second word.
"Mom? Mom? What's this "mom" you speak of?" Diane had asked her, "For I'm certainly not it."
Kate was obviously hurt by this comment, and a flick of a face of an upset child flew across her eyes, disappearing just as fast as it had come along. Kate had been a master at hiding her emotions, but even that comment got to her.
An awkward silence feel over the hospital room, until Kate tried again, "Diane?"
But her mother kept silent, concentrating on a small niche in the ceiling.
"Diane, Mom, whoever you are, say something! Anything!" Kate begged her, "Anything at all!"
Diane stared long and hard at her only daughter, the child she had proudly carried in her womb for nine months, then gave a quick, and virtually painless, birth. "Don't cry for shadows, Kate. It'll get you nowhere in life." And with that, she closed her eyes.
The long, never-ending beep had never quite stopped blaring through Kate's ears ever since then, and her dreams had a tendency to visit that horrible night over and over again.
By the time the doctors had come into the room, Kate had already fled the scene, the curtains fluttering in the midnight breeze of an open window.
Bumping into some straggling drunks as she ran blindly across the street into the park, Kate found a deserted bench and promptly sat in it, willing herself not to cry.
There were few times in Kate's life where she wished she were married, for she wasn't a dreamer back then. But that night, she would have given anything to of had a partner to hold her, to smooth back her gobs of curly hair, and comfort her. Kate could never stand being the weak one, and a person would of never found her on the sidelines of life, waiting for someone to call her in.
Kate pushed back her own hair as these memories flooded her mind. It was a whole new side of her, this vulnerable Kate. Most people who had seen her grow up had never seen her bat an eye at a deep cut or a scary movie. You needed someone to depend on; Kate Austen was always the one to go to. Most people had expected great things from her, and her hometown had been shocked to see her mounting bail on the most-wanted list.
A raindrop fell on the woman's nose, the skies rumbling and groaning their own pains. Suddenly, the massive downpour began, and it seemed as if this were the storm of the century.
A flick of light caught the corner of Kate's eye, a thunderous boom resounding after it. Rushing out onto the wet sand as most people took cover, Kate smiled at whom she had seen for only a moment.
"Tom," she whispered, her voice, and heart, breaking. Another bolt of lightening struck only feet from her, but Kate was too indulged wondering whether to believe it had actually been him or not.
"KATE!" Charlie called out, "GET OVER HERE!" But she just waved away the words as if they were leaves rustling on a brisk fall day.
A warm rush of air brushed past her cheek, and she instinctively cried out, "Tom!"
The trees seemed to whisper as the wind blew through them, "Don't cry for shadows, Katie."
It had been so long since the fugitive had heard those words actually spoken aloud, and she sank to the ground, sobbing.
"KATE!" A familiar voice roared, and grabbed her waist, "Kate, are you crazy!" Jack's husky voice, clogged with rain, came close to her ear.
"I can't help it," she managed out, "I just can't." She buried her head in his shoulder, just glad that someone was there.
"…Kate," Jack tried to help her up, "We have to get you out of the rain." He pulled her arms up, but soon his grip limped, and he fell back to the ground by her.
"Nothing, nothing," Kate answered the question in his eyes, wiping away her tears only to have them replaced by raindrops.
"Something's the matter," He stated as the rain let up, soon only a drizzle clouded their view.
"You're going to think its stupid," Kate replied, laughing slightly. She was slowly receding back into her normal mode of 'I-can-hide-my-emotions-because-that's-what-fugitives-do'.
"Kate, you never cry," Jack argued back, holding his defense. With each word, his voice got lower, sending out warning signals to every part of Kate's brain. 'I have your back' echoed somewhere off in the deep realms of her mind, and she sighed.
"I was crying," Kate started, and took a pause, wondering how to state her answer, "I was crying for all the shadows that I never bothered to cry for."
Fin
A/N: Sorry if it was hard to separate the memories from the actual events that happened in the present time.
Please, you guys, review. All it takes is two clicks and a simple word. Hell, it could be like "ORANGES!" or something. I don't care. Just as long as I know you actually took the time to read and review.