A/N: Benos Diaz! (Man, I hope that's right...it is an O and not an A, right?) Here it is! I finished it about a week ago, too lazy to upload it. Reviews would be appreciated, and again tell me if you see any errors! This one deals more with dialogue than just paragraphsso I tried to keep them as in-character as I could. Enyoy!
Of a father and son
Part 2
Maybe it was that his nerves had stopped their tyrade, but Laguna slept pretty comfortaby that night. In fact, he slept so well that he woke up refreshed the next morning and ready to take on the day.
Man, I feel great!
Laguna recalled everything from the night before. He grinned upon thinking of the look of utter confusion on Squall's face when he finds the note on his desk.
"What are you grinning about now?" Asked Kiros who was busy making up his bed.
"I'm going to tell Squall today. I'm really going to tell him."
"Good luck. I hope he doesn't take it too bad. Might be thankful he never ended up looking like you!" Kiros chukcled and Laguna crossed his arms.
"Hmph. Funny. Hey, I'm going to go eat breakfast, wanna come?" Laguna made for the door. He realized he hadn't gone to the bathroom yet and probably didn't even look the slightest bit presentable, but it was early morning and barely anyone broke their fast before he did.
"No thanks, I already ate. When are you meeting Squall?"
"Ten. Guess I have time to eat before then… and think about what I'm going to say." Laguna turned on his heals, cutting Kiros off before he could even speak. "What should I say? Man, this is tough. Can I just come out and say it like that?"
Oh boy. Here we go… Though Kiros.
"I sugg-"
"No, that would just make him think I'm joking. I know, I can get you to tell him!"
"Listen-"
"No, no, no! I can't do that! What about if I write it down on a piece of paper and give it to him? Wait, takes to long to write it out…"
"Lagu-"
"Should I start off just asking questions, letting him talk? I'm a good listener, I'll let him go first!"
"Shu-"
"What do you think, Kiros? Should I start or should he? Of course, I'd have to tell him to start, but I don't want to impose or anything… what if he has nothing to say to me or what if I have nothing to say to him? What if I freeze? Wait, I don't freeze… I get leg cramps. Better make sure we're sitting but then again he's already seen me get a leg cramp in front of Julia so I guess that doesn't matter too much anyway but he might think I'm an idiot which he already does I think and-"
"LAGUNA!" Laguna immediately quieted.
"Yeah?"
"You need to listen to people when they're trying to say something important." Laguna ran his fingers through his hair in a fruitless attempt to tame his tangeled mop.
"You mean you know how I should tell Squall!" Laguna looked excited.
"No, but if you don't hurry up you're not going to have a chance to tell him at all." Kiros pointed to the digital clock mounted on the wall. The bold, red numbers read 10:03.
"Uh oh!" Laguna took off down the corridor at a sprint, perfectly aware that he was still in his pijamas. He passed the blond one with the scar that matched Squall's. He was standing there with two other people and was making big hand gestures.
"Hey did you see Squall go this way?" He yelled as he passed and headed for the gate.
"Puberty boy went that way a few minutes ago." The blond yelled at the president of Esthar and laughed.
Guess I'm late! Um… puberty boy?
Laguna never broke his sprint until he caught sight of the front gate and Squall. When he came to a stop he doubled over in exhaustion and panted like there was no tomorrow.
"I… need to get… back into… shape!" Laguna managed to choke out between sharp breaths. He regained his composure and faced Squall, perfectly aware of the blank expression on his face.
For once in his life, Laguna was unsure of what to say.
"So, you got my note, I take it?" Small talk works.
"Yeah…" Squall trailed off in the same uncertainty he used in all converstions. "What do you want?" He added after a brief silence where he realized Laguna wasn't going to say anything.
"I have something to tell you." Laguna started with a sigh.
I should just out and say it, right? No chewing his ears off, ok Laguna?
Laguna took the unaltered blank expression as a sign to go ahead.
"This is really hard for me to tell you… which is really strange because I'm usually really open and not scared to say what's on my mind but this time I'm at a loss maybe because I'm nervous but that's strange too because I'm used to talking in front of the entire populace of Esthar without rehearsing my speech but here I am fumbling my murds –words!- and being all nervous and I can't see why!" Laguna stopped to take a short breath. Squall took this opportunity to voice his own well-educated opinin on Laguna.
"You talk too much. Try saying that with more than one breath." If it was possible, his expression hadn't changed in the slightest. It was as if he hadn't even spoke, because Laguna swore his face didn't even move when the words came out.
He's not ignoring me! Yes!
"Oh, sorry. Kiros says I do that too much and I should really try listening for once instead of talking about everything at once. You don't think I say everything at once do you?" Laguna stopped himself this time when he realized he was beginning to rant again.
"Yeah. You need to shut up and listen." Squall leaned casually against the collumn behind him and folded his arms.
Don't shut yourself out yet! Please?
"Ok, but before I shut up and listen I just have to tell you one thing…" Laguna tried to guess if Squall was nervous, but he couldn't tell.
"Yeah, go ahead." Squall looked bored. Laguna took in a deep breath and rolled the words around in his mouth before quickly blurting out a clumsy:
"You're my son."
"You're lying." That was one response Laguna had considered, but he hadn't expected it so quick. Squall actually stood up straight and stared Laguna down.
Is that… fear? Is he afraid of being my son? Or is he just shocked?
"Ok, so now that the cat's out of the bag maybe we should just sit down and talk." Laguna suggested. Squall didn't make a move.
"Just because you claim to be my dad you think that everything's perfect?" Squall's expression was a mix of shock and disbelief thrown into a pit of anger. He was angry at Laguna for even suggesting such a thing, but he figured it was true. From what he gathered (mostly circumstancial evidence) from Ellone, Kiros and Ward he had pieced it together. Never had he imagined it was true. He had given up on believing that, thinking that if it had been true Laguna would have up and told him earlier, maybe even before they fought Ultimecia. But Laguna had told him he wanted to talk to him after the battle…
No, he's not my dad. He cant be.
"Squall? How do you feel? It's ok if you don't like me, I'll understand." Laguna reassured himself more than Squall. If Squall did hate him and refused to at least try and create a relationship between them it would hurt… really bad…
"…"
"Say something, please?" Asked Laguna. He didn't beg, he didn't believe in begging.
Besdies, if Squall doesn't want to aknowledge me, that's his choice. But…"…"
"C'mon Squall, what have you got to lose?" Laguna said it in a false happy tone.
If all else fails, smack on the happiness!"I need time to think…" Squall didn't seem to himself when he spoke, he seemed to be completely out of it.
"Yeah, right! Were you not the one who said that thinking and discussing things were a complete waste of time? That talking about your feelings was useless?" Now Laguna was just a little vexed.
"No… I didn't say that. But what's the point anyway? It doesn't get anyone anywhere." Squall still didn't budge, but his expression seemed to have softened.
Bingo. Thought Laguna.
"Really? So what's so bad about discussing your feelings?" It was a start, he had to admit it. At least now they where talking about something.
"There's no point. No one understands what you're feeling so why try?" Squall, once again, leaned against the post casually.
"Well, you have to make them understand! Just try it: explain to me how you're feeling now." Laguna was hoping for something, any kind of response would have sufficed. But Squall had to play the shut-himself-out-from-the-world guy.
"It's useless."
"No it's not!"
"It is."
"Look, how about I go first? If I do, will you try and explain to me how you're feeling?"
"No." Squall was as unmoveable as a mountain. He didn't want to talk and that was it. There was no sense in talking, Laguna wouldn't understand what he was feeling. "I mean, you tell someone you love them and they leave you. You be honest and they laugh in you face." Squall's eyes clouded, like he was delving unwantingly into some hurtful past.
He looks like a lost puppy… I don't want him hurt like this.
In Lauguna's mind he still blamed himself for Squall's box-like persona. Maybe if he had come looking for him earlier…
But then again he had been too busy to do so.
No, that's not it, I was scared too. Yeah, I was definitely scared.
"But not everyone is like that. There are some nice people who want to know what you're feeling."
Laguna decided to lean againt the same pillar Squall was, but not facing in the same direction. Consequently he could see out through the entrance of the flying Garden. Now he saw a cliff, and he knew that just beyond was Esthar. He would take the Ragnarok back to the palace later on that day. That's why he had urgently wanted to talk to Squall.
"When people say they love you, they always go away. Like Matron." Squall was gazing up the cliff as well. He probably guessed Laguna was leaving and bluntly refused to get to know him because of it.
He's mentioned that twice…"Are you afraid that people are going to leave you if you get close to them?" Squall didn't talk, so Laguna guessed he had hit a nerve. Squall's brow descended closer to his eyes: he was frowning.
"What do you know?"
"More than you think." Laguna closed his eyes.
Raine…He continued momentarily.
"C'mon, I'm just trying to understand my son. You can't blame me for that!" Laguna turned back to Squall, decided wanting to talk to him face to face.
"Leave me alone." Squall turned and started walking back inside the Garden.
"Hey!" Laguna caught up with him. "Don't shut me out! You need to open up…" He put a hand on Squall's shoulder but it was quickly shrugged off.
"I wasn't trying to shut you out. I just need time. I told you." Laguna's eyebrows arched in surprise.
He wasn't shutting me out…?
"So you…" Laguna trailed off, unsure what to say. Squall whispered something but Laguna couldn't hear it. "What was that again?"
"I said I…" He sighed. " I guess I'l have to get to know you: you won't leave me alone if I don't. At least this way I can have a little peace." Laguna smiled happily.
"You mean it!"
Squall nodded in acquisition and Laguna couldn't help but grin goofily, the lines on his face all the more pronounced.
"Just don't… be… so… affectionate… I hate affectionate."
"Ok, ok. Can I at least hug you?"
"No."
"Fine then!" Laguna laughed and Squall actually cracked a small smile. He wouldn't let Laguna see this of course, because he turned his back to him.
"I guess I'll be seeing you around? Oh, and I will call you, so be ready!" Laguna wanted to hug Squall, but that would probably disassemble what he had worked to do. So he just contended himself with standing there, just about ready to bouce up and down.
"Sure, whatever…"
"You sure look like Raine…"
"…"
"Be seeing you."
Laguna ran off down the hallway after he and Squall said their goodbyes, all while screaming "He doesn't hate me! He doesn't hate me!".
Gracias.
Hopefully be writing again soon,
-A