Striking the Heart

Too Hard For Me

One week prevailed. One week of Hell.

Her funeral was two days ago. The last moments he would be with his wife. That was probably the worst day of his life. He just couldn't bare thinking about that day.

Then there were other things that made his life hell. Getting up every morning at six, feeding the baby every few hours, getting written essays and other work done at home. Then there was taking care of Goten, helping Gohan with school work the best he could, getting Gosha to sleep, changing nappies, doing dinner!

The chores and responsibilities were endless for Goku. He had no rest. Well, maybe a few hours at night…until he was awoken by Gosha for feeding.

It was nearing tea time and Goku was sat at the table out in the kitchen. It was quiet, apart from the sounds of sizzling from the cooking rice. That was all the three would eat. Rice and chicken. That's all Goku was able to cook. He was sat down his cheek resting in his left palm as he read over his work. Luckily he could work from home for a while. His boss, the chief and head of police, gave him permission to stay home because of the previous events. Besides, there was no one to take care of Gosha. He had only just gotten her to sleep and he still had to hang the wet clothes out. He was exhausted. He was so tired, weak and just sick of doing everything. He tapped his pen on the table a few times, not really in the mood for continuing with his written work. That's when Goten popped in.

"Hiya daddy" he chirped as he ran in. Goku smiled down at him.

"Hey son…where have you been?"

"Down in the woods and guess what I found?"

"I don't know…tell me"

"A lizard" he said, showing the small creature in his hands.

"Wow that's a pretty lizard. But maybe you should take him home. He might have a family back there"

"I suppose you're right" Goten said "Is dinner done yet?"

"Won't be too long"

"Okay…later daddy, can you play with me?" Goten almost begged

"We'll have to see Goten. Daddy has lots of things to do…we'll see okay?" Goten nodded miserably and walked outside. This was happening a lot lately. His father would always have something to do. When Goten would ask him to play, he would say 'maybe' or 'later', but he never did. He didn't have the time for Goten anymore…not ever since his mom died…

"Hey squirt" Gohan called, as he touched down on the ground. He had just returned from a day of school and was smiling.

"Hey Gohan" Goten mumbled sadly.

Hey tiger what's up?" Gohan asked bending down next to him.

"Daddy always has to do stuff. He never plays with me anymore" he sulked. Gohan pitied him.

"I know kiddo. Daddy has lots of things to do now. But don't worry, I got study leave next week so I'll be able to help dad out so then he can play with you"

"I bet he won't" said Goten.

"Listen…after I've done my bit of homework, and we've had dinner, I'll come play with you okay?"

"Really brother?" Goten asked him, his face lighting up slightly.

"Promise" he replied with a wink.

"Okay" Goten said with a big smile. They both stood up and entered their home.

"Dad I'm home!" he called.

"Hey son" Goku said quietly with a weak smile. Gohan looked at him. He hated to see his father like this. It was frightening…no…disturbing. His face was down, deathly white and so gloomy. He hated that look…and he got the feeling he was going to keep it for a good while. Goku was looking down at his work and scribbling down a few things.

Gohan was angry. Goku did so much…and he could understand Goku had no time for anything else. But he didn't eat as much as he normally would, he didn't drink enough, he hardly slept, and when he did he would stay up and do work or stay up crying. It was horrible, unbearable. He hated it.

"So what you cooking dad?" Gohan asked quietly. He walked over to the stove. Rice…just as he thought.

"Just some rice and a bit of chicken" Goku uttered.

"Looks good" Gohan complemented "Smells good too"

"Yeah, I guess I'm getting the hang of it now"

"Is there anything you would like me to do? I saw a basket of wet washing out there. Would you like me to hang it up?" Gohan offered

"No its okay son. You go and do your homework. I'll take care of that later" Goku said with a half hearted smile. Gohan returned it and left the room. He dumped his bag down and snook outside and began to hang the washing up. He didn't like to go against what his father said, but no matter what his dad said, he needed help.

Bulma, Krillin, Videl, and Yamcha…even Vegeta…they all asked Goku if they could help him out. Maybe take care of Gosha for a while for him to get some rest…maybe to come and stay to keep him company and help with the chores. But he refused all of their offers. Okay, maybe Vegeta's offer of beating him senseless was one to refuse, but the others? Gohan couldn't understand why his father wished to do it alone. It was proving too much for his father. He could see it everyday. So why did he refuse?

He hung the last bit of clothing up and headed inside. He quietly picked up his school bag and headed upstairs. Maybe after some dinner, Gohan would confront him with his worries.

"Thanks daddy that was very yummy" Goten said as he finished his food. Goku smiled at his son. Goku was sat at the table feeding Gosha with a bottle…Gohan noticed he wasn't eating…again.

"Dad…why don't you have something to eat. There's still food left"

"I'm alright son. I'll have something later"

"But you won't. You say that all the time, but you don't"

"Gohan don't worry about me I-"

"-But I do worry about you dad. I've been worried about you because you're not the same dad anymore! You don't eat…you don't sleep! All you do is work! Work! Work! There's no need for it dad! At least let somebody help you! You can't do anymore of this on your own! I can see you're struggling and I know how hard it is dad but you have to stop this!" Goku seemed angry.

"No Gohan you wouldn't understand" he spat. Gohan was taken back, "Its my work, my responsibilities, my chores…it has nothing to do with you! I have to do it Gohan! So quit lecturing me like I'm a child! I'm your father and I can take care of myself just fine!"

"Dad I want to help you!" Gohan tried to reason

"I don't want your help!"

"Why not!" Gohan furiously said, getting all teared up inside. Goten sat quietly, scared by everything going on before him. His brother and father had never yelled before. Not like this.

"Because I don't!" he screamed back, "Your mother could do this by herself…and so can I! So drop it Gohan. I'm not talking about it anymore! Understood!" Gohan frowned, hurt by his father's words and left the table. Goten watched with sad eyes as his brother went upstairs. He looked back at his father and swallowed.

"Daddy" he said in a whisper.

"What!" he almost shouted. Goten was frightened.

"Thank you for dinner" he whispered as he to left the room. Goku looked back down at Gosha, who was starting to fidget in his arms. He stood up and held her against his chest where he patted her back gently to get up her wind. She began to cry. Goku sighed and stress over took him. He was so angry…no, furious! Yet he was stressed and a tad guilty.

He took Gosha upstairs into her room where he placed her in her crib. She moved around for a while before finally drifting off to sleep. Goku sat in the chair next to her crib and put his face in his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

"Oh Chi…how can you do this to me? How can you leave me here?" he sobbed as tears formed and ran down his strong cheek bones, "Look what you're doing to us!"

"This is too hard for me Chi…too hard" he cried "I just can't take this anymore"…