Author's Note: Heya guys, here's the new and improved version of this story, I took into account what you guys said and hopefully changed it accordingly. Hopefully, my next story (which is in the works) will be more polished than this one was, but that delays its arrival. Not to mention finals week next week. Thanks for all of your encouragement, reviewers, I really appreciated it. There are too many to name, but you all of you are awesome.
Special thanks to my beta, Lone Wolf, who responded quickly (may the obessesive email checkers of the world unite!) and helped me get nitpicky with my grammar(which is very important). May all betas be like you.
I should have made it clear earlier, but the title is a line out of a sonnet by John Keats, titled "Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art." I thought this would fit in nicely with Tenten's character, and also help me overcome some of my own personality dilemmas at the time. I find writing therapeutic and clarifying. So, enough a/n and on to the revised story! Enjoy!
"Bright Star, Would I Were Steadfast as Thou Art"
"Hey Neji, do you want to grab a bite to eat after training? Food is essential for life, you know." Tenten asked casually as she cleaned her weapons after her training. She never really expected him to answer yes, or even with a word, most of the time he only acknowledged her question with a grunt that she took for a negative. She had asked him so many times, she had lost hope in an answer. Yet in her repressed innermost being, the nervous butterflies betrayed her hope that someday he would accept her offer. She like to pretend that she didn't feel that way and she could hide her emotions almost as well as Neji himself. She genuinely did worry about him; he often was too hard on himself, pushing himself too far past his limits. He often skipped meals, hence the reason for her frequent question.
Something about him was off today, his sparring stance was a little too rigid, his blows a shade too brutal and his self imposed five word limit had been reduced to a cold two. Having been his sparring partner for at least four years now, she could figure out most of his moods and expressions. However, today was different, standoffish indifference radiated from him, something he only used to mask his turbulent feelings when they were at their most intense. Tenten wanted to know what set off a reaction this time.
She watched him finish his set of kicking and punching drills with a slow moving breathing form. As he ended she repeated her question. Neji stiffened.
"Tenten, stop trying to get me to spend more time with you. It's unwanted, so desist. I prefer my food consumption without your company. Leave." His eyes met hers, hard and stony, yet with a flicker of some suppressed emotion. Tenten dropped her eyes first to mask how crushed she was. She felt like the butterflies in her stomach had been shot out of the sky by his ruthless comment. Then he turned his back on her and sat down to meditate.
Tenten packed her bag and left quietly, her only response was an even toned "See you tomorrow," as she left the training site. The build up of pressure behind her eyes due to keeping herself from crying was growing more intense by the second. She needed somewhere private to release her emotions and to let herself be irrational before she started to think rationally again. She began running to a nearby river through the brush once she was out of hearing distance of the training site. As she ran, the tears began to fall silently. Once she arrived at her destination, she collapsed onto the grassy bank and let her tears go.
Tenten hated weakness, something she developed from being around the Hyuuga too much. Over the years, she slowly molded the weaknesses in herself either into something less annoying or into a weapon, much like how she crafted her kunai in her blacksmith shop. It was her life long goal (along with becoming the next Tsundae-sama), to perfect herself as a person, like one perfects a weapon. However, she knew she would never be perfect, that was impossible. She would try her hardest within reason.
Tenten tried hardest to control her emotions. Coming from an emotional family, she never learned to control outbursts until she joined the Academy. She now hated crying in public. Crying at funerals and when tragic things happened didn't bother her, but crying because of disappointment, frustration or rejection made her feel helpless and shameful. Not to mention the overwhelming pressure headache that came as a result. So, she only let herself cry in private to release the pent up emotion. Like now.
As the pressure behind her eyes and tears subsided, Tenten worked on what to do next. She felt like a kunai had been stabbed in her heart and twisted. She had only tried to be his friend. She was not a rabid fangirl who tried to get him on dates. He didn't eat regularly when he trained, disenchanted with the idea of 'wasting time' when he could be perfecting his bloodline limit. His blindness towards his unnecessary self deprivation made her eyes well up again, this time with tears of anger and frustration. Once her anger had passed, determination set in. Yes he had hurt her deeply and the scar would forever remain. Still, he needed a friend who stayed beside him and was consistent. If anything, Tenten could be consistent and steadfast. Tenten knew that she was half in love with Neji, she had been since her genin years. However, now he needed a friend to knock sense into his if need be. Resolved, she washed the tears from her face in the river and made her way into town.
Neji looked blankly up at Tenten an hour after he had begun his meditation. He felt a stab of surprise and guilt at seeing her there, he had honestly expected her to leave and never come back. His teammate didn't speak as she left a bag of food and chopsticks by his jacket, ten feet away from his position. She looked at him then left, he noted that her eyes were overly shiny with unshed tears. Then she was gone and all that was left was the bag of food he could smell from his seat and a note attached on top.
He closed his eyes to continue meditating but the protesting rumble of his stomach proved too difficult to ignore. He didn't realize how hungry he was until food was present. While training, he tended to ignore these things, but since the food was here…
Neji stood up and strode over to the bag, lifting the note to read it. The single line read "I'm sorry I'm so annoying, however you still need to eat."
He reread the line and then put down the note. Opening the bag, he found a vegetable and noodle dish. He sat down and ate slowly, so not to get cramps. As he ate, he thought of how little control he had over his life due to his uncle. His uncle dictated his personal life and the Hokage dictated most of his career. Being stifled in every direction except to increase his power, Neji took what little freedom he got. The only way he could feel like he had any control over his life was to get stronger. And now his uncle was hinting at an arranged marriage with a neighboring clan. The thought made his blood boil. He had met most of the candidates before and they were all fluffy and simpleminded. He would not let his uncle pressure him into anything. Or anyone. Including Tenten? She was unlike the girls his uncle was considering for his engagement. He had been too harsh with her, but at the moment Neji had an aversion to females asking him to do anything.
'She had a point about food though,' he thought as he stood up. He felt better than when he went without food. Moving back into his mediation position, his thoughts lingered on his now absent sparring partner. She never concerned herself with her appearance, like the other kunoichi in the village, instead focusing her attention on becoming a well oiled machine with her scrolls and weapons. She was an amazing thing to watch in the heat of battle, hair falling out of her buns, katana in hand. Neji always had to fight with himself to keep his eyes off Tenten and on the battle in front of him. He depended on her more than he would ever like to admit, both on missions and as a friend. She knew him even better than his family.
Enough about Tenten, Neji thought. Focus. He let all thoughts melt away except the rhythm of his breathing.
Tenten was awake early, working in the smithy at the back of her house, wanting to get an early start on making an order of nails. Being her clan's most convenient blacksmith when she was not away on missions, she had plenty of orders to fill in her 'free time.' No matter, feeling the iron in her hand and the heat of the bellows on her face made her feel the most relaxed. She used even the menials tasks like making nails as a training devices, training her movement and breath. It also provided her with some more income, her parents refused to be 'used as a crutch' and insisted that Tenten was woman enough to pay her own expenses. Shinobi weren't paid much, so blacksmith work helped ease the pinch. It also let her know what exactly she could do with metal, especially a weapon. These current nails were for her cousin's new addition to his house, he and his wife were having a baby come winter.
Dropping the hot finished nails into a bucket of water at her feet, Tenten heard a quiet knock at her door. Wiping her dirty hands on her even more dirty apron, opened the door revealing an expressionless Neji. She let him in and turned back to her work table and started cleaning up. He sat on a stool near by, watching her smooth and efficient movements. She finished and had moved on to her next order of kunai when he finally decided to speak.
"My uncle feels the need to find myself a wife."
Tenten's eyebrows rose with surprise over the statement, delivered in Neji's typically direct manner. She paused as the second imaginary kunai in two days imbedded itself her heart. Neji married to someone else… The though made her heart sick… Tenten shut down that train of thought and reigned in her emotions. Enough. Deal with this later, she scolded herself. Glancing at Neji, she saw his jaw tense and relax, his sign of annoyance over the situation. She waited for him to continue.
"You are on the list."
Tenten smirked to cover the elation in her heart. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered with an enthusiasm that she had never felt before. Acting cool and collected, she asked, "How many women are on the list? Every unattached woman in the village?" She stuck her piece of iron in the fire. "What do you think of having an annoying woman like me on your list?"
"You're not annoying." Neji replied, jaw tensing again. "I was harsh."
Tenten laughed without sarcasm, here was her apology. "You're forgiven." She was rewarded with a twitch from the side of his mouth, an amused glint in his eye. She shoved her nervousness away and decided to drop the bomb while he was in a good mood.
"And I accept your marriage proposal. So long as you eat regularly." She grinned as she watched his face portray shock before he recovered and smoothed his features in to amused indifference. Slowly a real smile worked itself onto his face, not just a smirk but a full smile. He reached over and brushed a lock of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear.
"I promise…" he said, reaching around her waist to pull her closer to him. He bent over and whispered in her ear "So long as you're on the menu." Tenten's eyes widened with shock at his uncharacteristic comment and she looked dumbfounded for a moment. He bent down and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Neji let go of her waist and took a step back, his face back to its normal blankness, but with an amused glint in his eye that wasn't there before.
"Hisashi-sama and I invite you to dinner tomorrow night to announce our engagement. Formal attire." His eye softened. "I'll see you in the morning at the normal time." Tenten nodded and watched as Neji turned with a smile and left, closing the door softly behind him. When she though he was out of ear shot, she let out an entirely un-Tenten like squeal of delight and bounced over to her parents house to tell them the news.