Look, I admit I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe characters. Xi is mine but other than that…This is a very weird 'therapy' fic that came into my head. Like there is any other kind…
What A MESS
"Hello everyone," Psyche-Out said cheerfully. "And welcome to another session of Mutant Experimentation Survivors Support. Or as I call it MESS!"
"It certainly is…" Low Light grumbled. He, Xi, Larry, Kurt, Todd, Logan and Rina (formerly known as X23) were in Xavier's office. Psyche-Out and Xavier were there as well.
"Boy did he pick the right name for this group," Logan added.
"I understand that these sessions are difficult for all of you, but we have made excellent progress these past few months," Xavier reassured them. "However I think we should go over some of the activities you all have been doing lately."
"Look you wanted us to pair off and do the family bonding thing and we've done it," Low Light blew out some air. "We hung out, we had some laughs. What more do you want?"
"Low Light when we suggested you and your charges engage in healthy normal activities in order to develop a closer bond with each other," Xavier said. "We meant healthy, normal activities. And last I checked, target practice with rifles is not one of them!"
"It is where I come from," Low Light said. "Lots of parents teach their kids how use guns responsibly and go hunting."
"Low Light," Xavier struggled to hold in his temper. "You were blowing up billboards along the highway with lasers! How is that responsible?"
"Those ads were an insult to the intelligence of the American consumer and demeaning to women," Low Light said happily. "It would be irresponsible not to do something about it."
"The police didn't have a problem with it," Xi remarked.
"Of course not! They've been using those billboards for target practice for years!" Xavier snapped. "They even brought the beer kegs!"
"They we off duty and neither the kids nor myself had a drop," Low Light held up his finger.
"No, but they did let you chase a few speeders and scare the daylights out of them!" Xavier glared at him.
"I can't believe the cops let you do that," Logan shook his head.
"Hey the cops in the towns closest to the Pit have an understanding with the Joes," Low Light shrugged.
"Sometimes they come over and we let them fly in our planes and drive our tanks," Xi replied cheerfully.
"And I got to drive a police car and we turned on the sirens and did a few jumps," Todd added.
Logan chuckled at this statement. "You're not one to laugh," Xavier admonished Logan. "You haven't exactly been an example of self restraint either!"
"This is about the Danger Room session with the missiles and the robot crocodiles isn't it?" Logan gave him a look.
"Among other things, yes," Xavier groaned.
"Now I know why Lance and some of the others are so resistant to joining this group," Psyche-Out sighed.
"And knowing is…" Todd piped up.
"A good reason to take up drinking," Low Light added.
"What should we do then?" Rina asked. "What is considered normal?"
"For starters nothing that involves explosives is normal," Psyche-Out told her.
"It isn't?" Rina asked.
"No," Xavier shook his head. "It's not."
"Now we know," Rina said.
"And knowing is…" Xi began.
"Xi, please!" Low Light interrupted him. "So what do you want from us Xavier? What's your idea of quality bonding?"
"You should talk to each other," Xavier said. "Get to know each other through expressing your ideas and conversing with one another."
"No seriously, what do you think we should do?" Logan asked.
"A nice long discussion would be the perfect thing for you to get closer to one another," Psyche-Out said cheerfully. They all looked at him as if he had grown another head. "It doesn't have to be serious. It can be about anything. Anything at all. Don't all just jump in at once. Just start talking. Any time you like. Come on, one of you must have something to say."
"Yeah but I don't like to say that type of stuff in front of the kids," Logan told him.
"Just talk about whatever you feel like," Psyche-Out said. "Whatever you feel like discussing."
"Okay," Low Light turned to the others. "I think that Psyche has finally lost what's left of his brain. Any debate?"
"No," The others said.
"We're all pretty much in agreement on that one," Logan nodded. "Okay discussion's over, let's go!"
"Nice try," Psyche-Out said. "You still have fifty three minutes left of the session. Come on, try it again."
Xi thought then asked. "X-23, what is your personal favorite way of killing someone? I like decapitation myself."
"Nah, strike through the heart, every time," Rina told him.
"That does seem to work for me too," Logan admitted.
"Personally I like to use my rifle and get a nice clean…" Low Light began.
"Perhaps we should try a different approach," Xavier winced. "Perhaps the students can talk about what they did during the week?"
"But they know what we did during the week," Kurt looked at him. "They were here. They're always here."
"She has a point," Low Light said.
"Why don't we play a word game?" Psyche-Out asked.
"Why don't we just yank out our fingernails?" Logan asked. "It would be a lot less painful."
"Psyche we banned those for a reason," Low Light informed him. "Remember the explosions? The serious pain?"
"Not really," Psyche-Out scratched his head.
"Well you will if we have to play another stupid word game," Low Light growled.
"Lawrence, you've been rather quiet," Xavier remarked. "Is there something you would like to say?"
"When does this session end again?" Larry asked.
"Fifty two minutes," Xavier sighed. "Let's try a discussion again. There must be something you can talk about. Anything."
"Okay did anyone see Lost the other night?" Kurt shrugged.
"Let me rephrase that…" Xavier sighed.
"Nah I don't watch that show," Todd shook his head. "I mean it's a total rip off of Gilligain's Island. It's practically the same show without the laughtrack!"
"Okay how can Lost and Gilligan's Island be the same show?" Kurt asked.
"You didn't really buy that line about the Howells bringing all that stuff for a three hour tour did ya?" Todd gave him a look.
"He has a point there," Larry remarked. "It's quite clear they were part of a conspiracy."
"A conspiracy?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah they Howells staged the whole disappearance so that they could hide out from the government," Todd told him.
"Why would they do that?" Logan asked. "And why am I asking this question?"
"Tax evasion," Todd looked at him. "I just thought that was pretty obvious."
"I have only seen this program a few times and it does explain a few things," Rina frowned. "The Professor on that show must have been on it as well."
"That's just plain nuts," Kurt looked at her. Rina growled at him. "I mean that in the most sincere way of course…"
"Think about it," Xi remarked. "A man with the intelligence to build a radio receivers out of coconuts and palm trees can't figure out how to put together a raft?"
"He had to have been on it yo!" Todd agreed. "Maybe he was running some kind of crazy experiment and got the Howells to back it up or something?"
"That's right," Rina agreed. "Perhaps some kind of bizarre breeding experiment? I mean two gorgeous females on that island? And two available males?"
"Do the math people," Todd nodded.
"Three…" Larry said. "You forgot the Professor."
"He was running the experiment," Todd pointed out. "He couldn't get involved."
"That never stopped some scientists," Low Light grumbled.
"The so-called brains of the operation didn't exactly try very hard to get rescued," Larry admitted. "I mean to fail every single time."
"Because of…Gilligan!" Kurt smacked his head. "He must have been on it too! It all makes sense now!"
"It does?" Logan blinked.
"Yeah and for a deserted island quite a lot of weirdoes showed up," Todd added.
"Okay they weren't polar bears but still…" Kurt admitted.
Logan looked at Xavier. "You wanted them to talk."
"Fascinating," Psyche-Out thought. "The first thing most of you thought of when you think of Gilligain's Island are conspiracies and experimentation. That does bring up an interesting point of exploration."
"How their past experiences color their judgements about every aspect of their lives?" Xavier remarked. "That is a good point."
"Actually I was going for how the real show dealing with conspiracy and experimentation is I Dream of Jeanie," Psyche-Out corrected. "You wanna talk military cover ups? I could go on for hours about that!"
"It's so obvious that Larry Hagman didn't find that bottle by accident," Rina nodded.
"Okay," Logan got up. "I'm outta here!"
"Logan come back here," Psyche-Out called out. "The purpose of this group is to deal with your pain and find out more about each other."
"I'm finding out a little bit more than I wanted to know!" Logan told him. "And this group is giving me more pain than I started out with!"