Let them eat cake

Chandler was just on his way up to see Monica when he heard Emily shout,

'I don't care! I'll live on take out for the rest of my life! And you can stick your bloody scales up…' a sudden noise from outside blocked out the rest of it. Then Emily, furious and fighting back tears pushed past him in the corridor.

'Hey,' he said, catching her.

'Hey,' she said, still trembling with anger, but trying to be civilised.

'What's up?'

'I don't know how you can stand her,' Emily said, 'I really don't. I hope your collar is spotless, she'll be sure to check.' Emily pulled herself out of his grasp and stormed off. Oh dear, Chandler thought, worried, they'd had a fight.

He found Monica, cheeks red, tidying up in the kitchen.

'What's up between you and Emily?' Chandler asked.

'I can't believe her, she can't follow the simplest of instructions and when I try and correct her, she becomes abusive and walks out, just like that! Here I am, trying to help out and this is the thanks I get.' He saw Rachel emerge from her room with her magazine and sit down on the couch. She was watching them out of the corner of her eye.

'Oh,' Chandler said, 'What did she do wrong?'

'She measured out seventeen and a half ounces of flour! Can you believe that?' Monica exclaimed. Chandler blinked, and Monica added impatiently, 'It was supposed to be seventeen and three quarter ounces.' Chandler blinked again.

'So she was short a quarter of an ounce, so what?'

'So what? It makes all the difference. Without that extra quarter ounce, the cake will be too insubstantial.'

'You're teaching her to make cake? I thought you were teaching her how to make dinner,' Chandler said.

'Cake is a good place to start in cooking,' Monica said.

'I'm not complaining, if I can have what you make,' Chandler said, 'In fact, if she's a slow learner and you keep her on cakes, I'll be very happy. So will Joey when he finds out. But you're not telling me that a measuring problem made her walk out? She was crying.'

'I don't know why she got upset, just because I corrected her,' Monica said, 'It was just like that, out of the blue.'

'You shouted at her,' Rachel said, not looking up from the magazine.

'I did not!'

'Did too, I heard you from my room,' Rachel said. '"Oh My God, how can you be so stupid, can't you even get this simple thing right?"' Her approximation of Monica's voice as she said this made Chandler look at her sharply. Much as he loved her, this was the less appealing aspect of her nature. Aware that she had sounded back, Monica tried to explain,

'Well, I shouldn't have called her stupid, but I've been having a really hard time with her. She just hasn't got anything. I mean she was boiling something that was supposed to be simmered only.'

'Monica,' Rachel said, 'I don't really know the difference myself.'

'You don't know anything about cooking,' Monica said.

'Well neither does she,' Rachel pointed out. 'That's why she was here.'

'It's easy, I'll show you.' Monica put some pans on the stove. She'd prove them wrong. She was being reasonable, Emily was being unreasonable. 'Now you watch.'

'Monica,' Rachel protested.

'No no, you're telling me I'm not being fair to her – I want you both to see that this is easy.' They waited while Monica demonstrated, 'Now that's a boil and that's a simmer. I'm going to get you guys to turn around and I'm going to test you.' Rachel and Chandler duly turned around and only looked when asked.

'This pot, is it boiling or simmering?' Monica asked.

'Boiling.' Chandler said.

'Simmering' Rachel said.

'It's boiling,' Monica said witheringly, 'See, that's too active to be simmering. We'll do it again.' They looked again.

'Boiling,' they both answered.

'Simmering,' Monica exclaimed, 'Look this is really simple…'

'No it isn't,' Rachel said. 'You need to be patient with us, and with Emily too.' Chandler just shrugged and said,

'It's all second nature to you but you've learned some really great skills. You've forgotten that if someone knows nothing and they don't have a particular flair for cooking, they'll find some of the finer distinctions hard to get, at first. Why don't you just loosen up? Seventeen ounces, eighteen ounces. Whatever.'

'Whatever?' Monica asked. 'I just told you what a difference that makes to a cake.'

'Is it really all that big a difference?' Chandler asked.

'Well if you tasted the two side by side,' Monica said. 'You'd see.'

'She doesn't have to be perfect Monica, just as long as she gets a cake out of it. I bet her cake would still look like a cake. It wouldn't be as good as your cake, because no-one can make cake like you, and no-one can learn to make cake even half as good as yours in one afternoon. But the first thing to do is to get her making the cake first, and then you can start teaching her how to make the cake better.'

'Where's the cake?' Joey asked. He had wandered in through the open doorway.

'There is no cake, Joey,' Rachel said. 'The cake making has stopped.'