Striking The Heart
I Want To Die In Your Arms
The next day had come…
Waking up that morning brought painful shivers up and down her spine and sick into her throat. She knew…she just knew today was the day. She just had this terrible feeling, like the night before he fought Cell. She knew he was going to die then, and he did. What if he did this time? Even though Bulma said there was a possibility that he could live another day, there was no doubt about it that her husband was going to die. He had no chance to survive this time, unless they collected the dragon balls in time…they, being Piccolo, Yamcha and the added Tien.
She felt so…lucky to have them as her friends. They were willing to go and sacrifice their lives down there to find those dragon balls. She only hoped they were safe.
"Do you think we'll find them all in time?" asked Yamcha, flying down to Piccolo's side.
"I don't know Yamcha. I just hope we do"
"Well, we have one so far. Kind of lucky Master Roshi had one" Yamcha said, opening one of Roshi's bags to find the two starred dragon ball in there. As soon as they retrieved the radar from Capsule Corporation they headed straight to Kame House. Tien picked up Bulma's parents and headed back to the lookout whilst the other two gladly accepted a Dragonball off Roshi, who found it on an outing not too long ago.
"Yeah, let's just hope luck remains on our side" Piccolo told him. Yamcha nodded as they flew off over the ocean, the dragon radar bleeping.
"Mom" called Trunks as he came outside, only dressed in his pants. Bulma turned around from the rest of the group to see her son standing there, his hair messy and his eyes still tired. She giggled lightly at him.
"Hey sweetie, sleep well?"
"Yeah. Where's dad?" he asked walking over to them.
"Over there" she said, pointing to the far off tree. Trunks nodded and raced over to him.
"Hey dad" Trunks chirped looking up at his scowling father.
"What do you want?" Vegeta asked.
"Just saying hi" Trunks told him. Vegeta nodded and looked back up to the sky.
"Dad?" Trunks questioned, tugging on his skin tight pants.
"What?" Vegeta demanded.
"I'm not sure I understand. What's going to happen to Mr Goku?" he asked. Vegeta froze. He wasn't sure why he froze at such a question…maybe it was because it was a stupid question, pointless to ask…or maybe it was because of the mention of Goku and the fact that Goku was now accepted as a friend to Vegeta, and he was actually beginning to take it hard that he was going to die. Vegeta, though a stubborn and arrogant man, he held feelings for the third class, no matter what he said or did to the guy. He liked the man now, respected him in some ways more than any one else. Maybe it was because Goku was a Saiyan like himself, or maybe it was because Goku was a pure hearted, loving man.
Many didn't know about Vegeta's feelings. Most of them probably thought he never had any. But ever since his first encounter with Goku, during the days in which he cared for no one but himself, when Goku defeated him yet let him live that day…he held respect and gratitude for him…maybe not a lot…but it was there. He knew that, he admitted that now. He even let himself care for the younger man now. Not as much as the others, but the care and the loyalty was there.
Vegeta admitted he hated to let his feelings show. He was a Saiyan, a hard faced warrior. He shouldn't have feelings, but if so, they shouldn't be shown. It was against his pride and race. He couldn't go against something so…important. But Goku ... Goku taught him different. Goku showed him that having feelings and caring for others was a strength.
"Earth to dad" Trunks interrupted.
"What did you say?" Vegeta asked his son, completely forgetting he was there.
"I asked what was wrong with Goku" Vegeta regained his composure and scowled back down at his son.
"He's just not well and could probably die okay"
"Die? Oh no! Does Goten know?" Trunks asked him with sad eyes.
"He doesn't know everything, so don't get telling him anything! The kid has enough troubles" Vegeta told him, "Now go. I wish to be in peace" Trunks nodded and walked off leaving his father to his thoughts.
After feeding the children and Vegeta with the help of Bulma, Chichi made her way back to Goku's room, little Gosha with Gohan. She opened his door with a creak, slightly happy hat he was laying there awake. He smiled gently at her as he came in and closed the door. He had had a few visits today, mostly from Chichi, just checking up on him. Bulma had been in, 18, Krillin and Gohan too.
"How are you feeling?" she asked him softly, sitting down next to him upon the soft mattress.
"A little…weak…and it's a little…hard to breathe now and then" he spoke quietly, his gaze still fixed upon her. She didn't know what to say. What was she to say? Awe, don't worry honey you'll get better, you'll be okay in the morning…if you're alive…
She choked on her tears…
Kami what had she done to disserve this? What had her children done to disserve this? What had he done? He was Earth's hero…Earth's everything, yet he's getting punished in someway and suffering for it. It wasn't fair…it just wasn't fair!
"It's going to be okay honey" he spoke softly, his fingertips caressing her jaw line, "It's going to be okay"
She left after that. She left not being able to bear the pain anymore. She sat outside, her heart broken form shaking from the cries, her arms and legs shivering from the sudden cold. But it wasn't cold from the wind, but cold from the fear and loneliness she now felt in her heart. She sobbed for everyone…she sobbed for her children and for herself. After all he had been through, after all she had been through…this is what they got in the end…a broken heart…
She remembered the night she took her first breath down at the abandoned warehouse. Wilhem, she knew, was a doctor. One she trusted also, one she had known from the past. He had helped people…saved children from dying, brought newborns into the world…now this…
She couldn't believe it when she came back…she couldn't believe what he told her. She hated him then. She hated him for torturing Goku; she hated him for playing with his heart. Now…she hated him even more…
She cried some more, the salty tears stinging her eyes and souring her mouth before departing off her chin. That's when she felt something warm beside her…
He stood and watched her as she cried, helplessly and miserably. She was so alone…no matter how many children she had…she was alone at heart with him about to die. Vegeta could only imagine how Bulma would react if this happened to him. All he knew was that he'd feel terrible seeing his wife suffer like this. Though slightly uncomfortable with his sudden idea, he walked over to her sobbing body and sat down beside, suddenly feeling cold as his side touched hers.
She glanced up, the tears visible and the grief all too clear to see. She seemed surprised yet angry at his sudden approach and only covered her face up with her arms once more.
"Crying isn't going to help" he told her in his gruff…emotionless voice.
"What do you care?" she angrily spat, "You hate him, why should it bother you?" she buried her face in her arms once more, still sobbing away.
"I don't hate him" he suddenly said, startling her all at once. She looked up at him from her crying den, shock and disbelief now replacing the sorrow.
"What do you mean you don't hate him? You've been trying to kill him all your life"
"Yes…but not out of hate" she sat up properly, quite interested by the sudden change in what emotion he had.
"I have never hated Kakarot, only envied him" he spoke quietly. He must have been insane, telling her such deep feelings and truths like this. Even Bulma, his own wife, didn't know about some of the things he held captive in his mind.
"Why did you envy him?" she croaked out, her throat dry from the tears.
"Because he was always stronger than me…always…one step ahead of me! I told myself I hated him. I told everyone I hated him…but I do not. I hate to admit this, but, I respect Kakarot, and I hold a high level of respect for him. Not because he is a Saiyan, but because he let me live" Chichi continued to listen as Vegeta let out what he had kept hidden for so long.
"I never told him such things, or showed him them but I felt them. I am a Saiyan warrior. Feelings are to be kept to myself. Though, that rule was cast aside when Bulma came into my life…" he trailed off.
"I never knew you…liked him" Chichi spoke gently.
"You're the only one who knows now, so don't you dare let this conversation go any further than us, understand?" he almost demanded. She smiled weakly.
"I promise Vegeta" They sat in silence for several seconds, the once dead wind now blowing gently as the afternoon began.
"Its hard you know" she whispered, peering down at the floor, "It's hard seeing him suffer and…knowing he's…about to die" the tears came again, "I just don't know what to do. I mean, after everything we've been through and after everything that's happened he's still getting taken away from me. And it hurts…it hurts so much, knowing that everything I loved and cherished about him…it's going to vanish…he's going to vanish…and he's never going to come back…" Vegeta quietly watched as she sobbed her heart out, "Oh Vegeta…it hurts so much. I love him so much…yet he's leaving me again…" she placed her hand to her face, her cries loud and pained. Vegeta hesitated and swallowed deeply before he pulled her to him, letting her cry upon his shoulder. That's all he could think of doing…that's all he could do to comfort the woman. She needed someone to cry on…someone to cry everything out upon. She needed to let the pain out…
It seemed hours since the moment she shared with Vegeta. She never imagined such emotions to come from him. And to her? She always thought he despised her, let alone her husband. Maybe she was completely wrong about him after all.
The night had drawn in and tension could be felt in the main sitting area. Another day had passed, yet Goku was still alive…they were just counting down the hours…maybe even the minutes now…
She had to escape that room. She couldn't bear the tension it held and the clammy atmosphere was just enough to make her dizzy. She entered his room once more, shocked to see him standing next to Gosha's crib, telling her sleeping form gentle words. Chichi could hardly bear this moment, and it only brought back memories of an earlier moment, one shared between father and son. Goku wanted to talk to Goten, and tell him everything, tell him what was going to happen. But it was hard for Goku; Chichi could tell by the way he acted when Goten cried. Gohan wasn't that much easier to talk to either. Though he was older and he understood, he still let out his cries upon his father, telling him regrets, telling him how much he loved and adored him. It was so hard for Goku…so hard because he felt guilty.
Chichi watched as he caressed her small soft cheek, smiling warmly down at her.
"Everything's going to be alright sweetheart" he told the child, "Daddy promises that" Chichi blinked a couple of times to stop more forceful tears as she fully entered and closed the door. He stood up and turned to face her, his face looking tired and drawn.
"Hey" he gently formed the words, the smile never leaving his handsome face. That was probably one of the things she would miss most about him. His so called trademark of a smile. It softened and melted her heart every time she saw it, and he knew how much she loved it. But seeing it now…it just tore her apart…because she knew, he was going to die.
He got into bed, her soon following him to sit down beside him. He lay back, his breathing a little uneasy.
"Chichi" he whispered. She watched him with careful eyes at his change of voice as he opened his weary eyes.
"Chichi, can you…stay with me…tonight?"
"Of course sweetheart" she whispered tearfully. She was so glad it was dark in the room. She was sure he couldn't see her painful tears.
"I want you to…hold me…please, honey…can you hold me?" he asked her, his eyes intently gazing into hers. She could feel his eyes on her. She could see how much he needed this.
"If I do pass…at least I know I'll…be in your arms…that's all I want…to be in your arms…" he croaked, that smile never leaving his face. She obeyed him and sat in the bed, pulling him into her arms like a mother would do to a child. She held him gently, her arms circled around his upper body, her fingers combing through his midnight hair. He leant into her body, his head upon her bosom, soothed by her heart beat that beat so much faster than his. He inhaled deeply, her scent comforting him and her fingers through his hair causing him to gently purr.
She thought deeply as she held him She thought about everything and anything with any relation to the man she held in her shaking arms. She refused to sleep this night. She refused to sleep when her husband could die in her arms. How could she? Why would she? She shut her dark eyes hard, the tears frequently falling like fallen angles. She bit her lip, trying to stop the sobs she knew would come. She hated this…she hated everything…she hated herself even.
She loved him, Kami only knew how much she loved him, or maybe he didn't. Maybe he didn't know how much love and devotion she held in her heart for this crazy man. But it didn't really matter now did it? No, it didn't. Kami wasn't here anymore, and her husband wouldn't be soon either. She let out a whimper at the thought of holding a cold dead body soon.
The more she thought, the more it tormented and tortured her already terminated soul. She couldn't take anymore…she just couldn't…
"I love you" he murmured against her warm chest.
"I know, and I love you to" she whimpered.
"I know" he quietly spoke.
Nothing more was said after that. Nothing more was needed to be said. Everything he needed to say was said…but she on the other hand wanted to tell him so much more. She wanted to tell him her regrets, her apologies, her guilt. She had so many doubts and so many different pains she wanted to spill out. But she guessed he'd never know them now. He'd never know her true feelings…
But as he slept that night, he heard her mourns, he heard her cries and begs to Kami for him to live…and he knew now…he knew deep down inside, he wouldn't die alone and unloved, he would die knowing the most amazing woman in the world, loved him…