Everybody Loves Hiei

Chapter 2

Standard disclaimers apply

A/N Yeah, I didn't know how the results would come up if I posted this, but being a lover of reviews, I wanted to give it a shot. Plus, I can never turn down a request. My goal was to get some laughs, and if you did, let me know. I may have some more serious spots, in case anyone wants to see some love action. But as with all my fics, humor seems to poke it's little head. I have an idea on how I will end it, but I could very well change my mind. So let's see how things go. To the fan fiction!

Intro

Hiei, half dead in his bed (futon, whatever), stirred, rubbed his ruby-red eyes, stretched, and awoke. Getting up to the sound of an alarm clock isn't always fun. In fact, it kind of sucks. But breaking it in half with heat vision was fun, nonetheless. (He has heat vision?) Grinning a casual evil smirk, he made way to his closet. At least, while he stayed at Genkai's it was his closet. Hiei had made sure everyone was out cold before he came. They were always so...weird around him when he did. So, he came when they couldn't witness it and get some peace.

His hand had just barely reached the knob, and he had just completed the turn, when out of the closet popped Yusuke.

Normally, this wouldn't be so surprising.

No, seriously, it wouldn't.

But this time he was wearing a black bikini. A woman's black bikini.

"OH MY GOD! IT BURNS!" Hiei shouted, covering his eyes, and walking backwards, away from the loon.

"Now Hiei," Yusuke stated calmly, scooping Hiei's hands in his own, "I know, knowing you and all your 'pride', gives you dominance issues, so I've decided you can be on top if you want."

"What the hell kind of rubbish are you yammering about!" Hiei muttered, still trying to back away, fearing for his life.

Suddenly, Kurama barged through the door in the same bikini as Yusuke, but was equally as creepy.

"Ah! You stole my idea!" Kurama sobbed, running out of the room crying. Yusuke used his will power to hold back a smug grin.

Hiei twitched a bit.

"Hiei-saaaaaaan!" a familiar voice rang out, entering the room. Yukina, holding a platter with tea and chocolate chip cookies on it, stepped inside, only to be scarred forever.

"Yukina?" Hiei mumbled, just as confused as she was. ...or was she?

Yukina ripped off her kimono revealing a kung-fu uniform and a black belt.

"What the F-ck are you doing to Hiei!" she shouted, skull bashing him.

"Yukina–I–" Yusuke mumbled, as Yukina high kicked him out the window, which was unfortunately second story.

"Hey thanks." Hiei smiled uncertainly, looking at his twin. Yukina's glare darted to him, but quickly faded into a seductive smile. She ripped off the kung-fu uniform, revealing the black spandex that was so high in demand. (See chapter one)

"Umm...Yukina...?" Hiei asked, creeping towards the door. Yukina licked her upper lip, and blocked his way out.

"Maybe it's time we had a little...talk..." Hiei suggested, shrugging nervously with a gigantic sweat drop.

"I don't wanna hear any talk unless we communicating with your penis! Now do me!"

"Well isn't this awkward?" came Botan's voice as she flew through the (thanks to Yusuke) already open window on her oar.

"What do you want?" Yukina hissed, as if she were protecting her prey.

"I've come for Hiei. Koenma wants him." Unfortunately, that didn't come out the way she wanted it.

"Koenma wants him, huh?" Yukina snicked evilly. "Well Koenma can eat me, cause Koenma can't have him."

"Yukina, have you taken your medication this morning, cause I think you're suffering from some major issues." Hiei whispered, half sarcastically half not.

"Yeah, I'd say so, considering, HE'S YOUR BROTHER!" Botan screamed.

"...What?" Yukina gasped, putting her hands to her mouth. "Can it be?" Hiei tilted his head a little, still too afraid to care Botan spilled the beans.

"Now do you see?" Botan asked, growling.

"...yes...it makes me...WANT HIM MORE!" Yukina shouted, lunging at Hiei, prepared to glomp.

"You scare people, Yukina! And I'm taking Hiei with me! But first–" Botan ripped off the black spandex Yukina was wearing (which for some unknown reason to this authoress, she was wearing a clown suit underneath) and tried to shove it on Hiei.

"What...the...HELL BoTAn!" Hiei shouted, as she pushed his frame down, and pulled the outfit up. "Is this for Koenma, too? Cause you can tell him to shove off!"

"No–this is for me!" Botan grinned, enjoying every minute.

"..." Hiei ignored that. "In any case, it ain't gonna fit!"

"Like hell! You two are twins, you should be able to wear her outfits!"

"WHY WOULD I WANT TO?"

"To please me, Snookums!"

That, surprisingly enough, didn't come from Botan, but instead, Keiko!

"What the hell?" Hiei groaned. See? This what he meant by weird.

A/N I guarantee this is the creepiest thing you will ever read. Ever. I hope someone can prove me wrong, but I wouldn't doubt it if it was. Drop a review and tell me if you laughed. More to come, so be patient.